Swedish Nutrition Bars

Eat up bitch. These Swedish delights will have you looking like a regulation hottie, or high school wrestler, in no time.

MAKES 8 BARS

Finally, the unanswered question the whole world has been waiting on—WTF are Swedish Nutrition Bars? Remember, first you bloat, then you drop ten pounds like that. It explains it all on the label.

WHAT YA NEED

¼ cup rolled oats

½ cup protein powder

2 tablespoons collagen powder

1 cup raw cashews

10 large pitted dates

¼ cup peanut or almond butter

2 tablespoons honey

Pinch sea salt

Whole cashews or peanuts for topping (optional)

Hemp seeds for topping (optional)

SPECIAL EQUIPMENT

Food processor

MAKE IT

• Dump your rolled oats into the food processor and pulse on low to make oat flour. Add the protein powder and collagen and blend for 30 seconds. Then slowly pulse in the cashews, dates, peanut butter, honey, and salt. Pulse on high until all the ingredients have socialized nicely. Your mix should be thick and resemble a chunky nut butter. Spread evenly in an 8x8-inch glass baking dish and pack down tightly so it’s about ⅓ inch thick.

• Top with extra cashews or peanuts, maybe even hemp seeds for extra protein. Refrigerate until firm, 3 to 4 hours. Cut into bar size and enjoy cold, fresh out of the fridge.

FETCH FACTS

Jonathan would not have sat at the Varsity Jocks table in high school. He had to have a private soccer coach, who also appeared in the movie, to teach him how to score a goal on camera. It took him twenty tries to get it right! Jonathan also didn’t understand why swim practice couldn’t be held in the auditorium. Gawd Jonathan, you’re so stupid!