Everyone Grab Some images RubBURGERS

Even Coach Carr and Trang Pak need to be safe with their meat!

SERVES 4 (MAKES EIGHT 2-OUNCE SLIDERS)

Fighting over a man is so 2004. I mean, that’s just like the rules of feminism. Instead try talking about more important sh*t while devouring these amazing BBQ sliders. Like actual human being conversation.

WHAT YA NEED

FOR THE BURGERS

1 pound organic ground beef, at least 15 percent fat (remember, fat = flavor)

1 tablespoon minced shallot

1 clove garlic, minced

1 tablespoon whole-grain mustard

1 tablespoon ketchup

1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

1 teaspoon sea salt

1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

Sliced American cheese

Slider buns

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BURGER TOPPING OPTIONS

Sliced sweet onion

Sliced tomato

Iceberg lettuce

Sliced bread & butter pickles

Condom-ments of your liking

MAKE IT

Whether you grab a rubber or a burger in this moment could very well be life changing. So choose wisely.

• Start by preheating your grill, you’re going to want two heat zones: hot and super-F-ing hot. Comprende? Next, in a large bowl, mix the ground beef, shallot, garlic, mustard, ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, salt, and pepper. Get in there with your bare hands and make sure the ground beef is well incorporated with the seasonings… “no glove no love” does not apply here, so just go for it! Mix well, but don’t play with the meat too much or it will just get mushy. Grab a palm-size handful and mold an approximately 1½ inch patty. Continue this process ’til you have about 8 patties.

• While the grill is still getting hot, prep your toppings so they are ready when the burgers come hot off the grill. Place the patties on the direct heat or “super hot zone” and cook for about 3 minutes. Flip and cook for an additional 2 minutes on the other side. Lastly, move patties to indirect heat zone, top with the cheese, and close grill lid and let the cheese melt, about 2 minutes.

• Toasting your buns is always a good idea, and you can do this by opening them up and throwing them, cut sides down, on the indirect heat zone for 1 to 2 minutes. Hook up your burger as you wish and dig in!

FETCH FACTS

Plastics and jocks can’t be friends, can they? Lindsay Lohan became, like, such good friends with Kaylen Christensen, who is the younger sister of Hayden Christensen, also known as Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars franchise. She plays one of the female jocks and can be seen wearing a blue shirt and a high ponytail during Ms. Norbury’s lecture to all of the girls in the gymnasium.

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