You Go, Glenn (Hot) Coco

This hot cocoa is flawless!

SERVES 1

This drink is richer than Gretchen Wieners’s dad. You will want to cash in your four candy-grams for four mugs of this amazing chocolate goodness. Do you want to add whipped cream… of course you do, you slut.

WHAT YA NEED

1 cup milk

2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

1 to 2 tablespoons sugar (to taste)

Pinch kosher salt

¼ teaspoon vanilla extract (use the real shizz, not imitation)

MAKE IT

Maybe you aced your algebra exam, maybe you automatically became head of the Student Activities Committee, or maybe you just woke up feeling like the F-ing rock star you are and wanted to Treat Yo Self. Well, you go Glenn (hot) Coco, you G-O!!

• Whisk together 2 tablespoons of the milk, the cocoa powder, sugar, and salt in a small saucepan over low heat. Slowly, with some swag, stir in the rest of the milk, whisking gently until it is just hot enough to simmer. Remember, burnt milk sucks so don’t get too carried away. Once the milk’s bubbling a little bit, not burning, add the vanilla and serve.

Note: Milk can come from any animal you prefer, or nuts, or another botanical source like a coconut. (In case ya didn’t know, coconuts are part of the drupe seed family and, botanically speaking, not a nut.) And by nut milk, I mean milk made from almonds, cashews, or macadamias, you filthy whores.

FETCH FACTS

David Reale, also known as Glenn Coco, got more than four candy canes when he snuck onto set. Director Mark Waters recognized him from passing over him during casting for another part and cast him as Glenn Coco as consolation.