Half a Virgin Piña Colada

For those who don’t drink alcohol, but still have a fat ass.

SERVES 1

Well here’s to sobriety! Three cheers for you. You don’t have to be a life-ruiner or a party-ruiner because there’s always this delicious option. All of the alcoholics at the party will have a BIG LESBIAN crush on you as they beg for a sip. It’s that good! Bonus: Use a straw and you can suck it through your gap-teeth!

WHAT YA NEED

½ banana

1 cup fresh pineapple chunks

1 cup canned coconut milk (full-fat, babes)

¼ cup heavy cream

¼ cup sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 cup crushed ice

Pineapple slice for garnish

MAKE IT

First things first, grab that banana. Peel it, eat half, and save the other half for the drink.

• Add the banana half and the remaining ingredients to your blender and pulse on high until smooth and creamy. Pour into glass of choice and garnish with a fresh pineapple wedge. Aloha, beyotches!

Healthy Beyotches Note: Add 2 scoops of whey protein to make this colada a meal replacement bevy, action-packed with good fats, potassium, and vitamin C!