Chapter 5: A Long, Faintly Sweet Day

“...Or so His Royal Highness suggested. Er... What do you think, Nia?”

I was sitting at the table across from Nia in her house, which was gradually getting emptied out as she prepared to move to her new home.

Calling her Nia when we’re not somewhere we need to act is a bit embarrassing.

The suggestion, of course, was the one that the third prince had suggested in our earlier talk, where we would get the marriage settled on paper first and then have our ceremony or debut or whatever after Sylvario had been conquered—when their royal family couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

It seemed that Nia got the gist of what I meant without me having to explain it.

“I see, so he’s telling us to put our best effort into conquering Sylvario if we want to have our wedding ceremony as we’d like,” Nia reasoned. “And seeing as how it’s one of his top priorities, he’s implying that he’ll pay us back in full for our contribution.”

Whoops, the smile on her face is a similar temperature to that of a certain prince. You really can’t judge a book by her cover... Though seeing as she grew up in a complicated, neglectful situation, that’s to be expected.

I’d passed over everything I’d learned about the way Nia, or rather, Princess Sonia, had been raised over to His Royal Highness back when he was denouncing Sylvario. And, of course, Prince Alphonse understood how she felt in that situation, and for what purpose she’d stealthily left records of it all. So when we found Princess Nia alive and she volunteered to assist us in conquering the Kingdom of Sylvario, His Royal Highness decided to accept her as an advisor with full knowledge of the risks.

This meant that for the cost of Nia giving us all the information she had, we’d have to go forward with our plans to seize Sylvario. There was a possibility that a less trustworthy person might accept all of that information before turning around and saying they had no idea how long the seizure would take. Which is why Prince Alphonse’s way of wording things was to show that we were sincere, and we were actually going to do it.

But he was also telling us to work for our reward too.

“That’s the gist of it. But even saying that, it was just a suggestion, not an order. Speeding up our invasion comes with its own risks, of course. It seems he’s not going to force the matter through.”

She didn’t seem angry, per se, but she was kind of letting off... Murderous vibes? So I made an attempt at smoothing things over. Her bloodlust was probably not directed at His Royal Highness, but towards Sylvario, just like me. Or at least I wanted to think that. I just wanted to be doubly sure.

It seemed that my words had more impact than I’d expected, because Nia sighed, murderous vibes lessening quite a bit.

“I see, that’s probably true. His Royal Highness probably has a number of strategies to reach checkmate. He must have just been suggesting the one that would have the most merit for us.”

I was going to keep the fact that I was slightly, or no, VERY happy at the fact that she’d said the words “for us” my little secret. I mean, from her point of view, being able to live without worrying about Sylvario finding her was a big benefit for her, so that was probably what she meant. I knew her very well.

Wait...I’d just gotten through a conversation with His Royal Highness where he’d relentlessly suggested that I didn’t know her well at all. But forgetting all that, it was true that Prince Alphonse had a few different plans swimming around his head, only some of which he’d shared with me.

Some of those plans involved the province of Stonegaze, which I was going to be made lord of. But only His Royal Highness knew which one of those plans he’d be going through with... Or if he’d be going with multiple.

“I believe that’s the case. While the conquering of a country could span ten years or so, he shouldn’t consider that span as a private individual.”

The war we’d just gotten through could’ve been thought of as just a squabble, so it had only taken a few months, but it was common for cross-national wars to take years. Looking back at history, there’d been wars that spanned nearly a century, so ten years was obviously possible.

But if it did take ten years, Nia would be 27. That was an incredibly late age for a noblewoman to marry. I mean, since she was technically a commoner now, we could use that as an excuse, and it didn’t really matter to me at all. But what about her? That was something we’d have to have a proper talk about.

“To be quite honest, I don’t see it taking as long as ten years,” Nia said, her quite sharp judgment meaning I might’ve been worrying over nothing.

“That’s quite the claim. Would you say that His Royal Highness’s preparations will influence it?”

“Yes. I believe that in two or three years, Sylvario’s management of their resources will begin to fail gradually. When that happens, it’s likely they simply wouldn’t be capable of fighting that way for so long.”

“I see you’ve thought it through,” I said, unable to do anything but smile wryly and agree as she spoke without a bit of hesitation.

From the treaties our nations had signed after the incident, the war had officially ended, and we’d been given the right to do as we wished with some tariffs, and... His Royal Highness was putting them to good use.

For example, he’d lowered the tariffs on goods coming Brigandia’s way in one region, which was leading Sylvarian nobles and merchants to increase how much food and other necessities they sold us. The war had taken a toll on Sylvario’s product distribution system, not to mention the increased costs of hiring guards and things to keep the shipments safe while public safety and order deteriorated. It wasn’t strange to imagine that they’d decide to just sell everything to Brigandia, which they’d profit off of, but the fact that that wouldn’t be the end of the story was the scary part.

“Are the high profit margin products like luxury foodstuffs still going towards Sylvario’s capital, while the everyday products are flowing towards Brigandia, where they profit less yet get quicker returns?” Nia asked.

“That is exactly what’s happening. Which is why the people working at Sylvario’s royal palace haven’t caught on yet. Though if I was to speak more precisely, Sir Eisendarque and his compatriots probably have,” I nodded.

Sylvario’s Knight Commander Sir Eisendarque, who’d helped us investigate when we’d arrived at their palace, had apparently completely given up on the royal family. I mean yeah, of course he would after seeing what they’d pulled...

Anyway, he was currently gathering up all of the nobles in the nation who had any common sense. Considering his personal virtues, he’d probably have enough backing to pull a successful coup d’état in a few years. And one of the many reasons why Prince Alphonse was so damn scary was because he was already thinking about how to get those nobles with common sense on our side.

“They probably won’t tell the royals anything about the situation. They would still have enough goods in circulation that they wouldn’t let the citizens starve, after all,” I continued.

Not only did we have a scheming demon on our side, but we also had His Royal Highness Prince Artur, the god of supply and demand. Sir Eisendarque was following his advice, keeping things at a precise level where the citizens wouldn’t starve, yet the military wouldn’t be able to stockpile food.

Even if you included Sir Eisendarque’s efforts, Prince Artur was really something.

The royal siblings could probably take over the entire continent if they wanted, though they also probably didn’t have enough of a desire to expand our borders.

As I was sitting there spooking myself, Nia was clearly relieved.

“I see, thank goodness... While I might resent the royal family for various reasons, I don’t have anything against the citizens... Though I gather that all of that isn’t just for humanitarian reasons.”

“Ah, yes. His Royal Highness said that he was focusing on how our actions would impact future governance after our conquest.”

The relief on her face only lasted an instant before a smile like Prince Alphonse’s returned. The way I straightened up and spoke more stiffly was, sadly, a conditioned reflex by now.

Yes, His Royal Highness wasn’t doing it out of the kindness of his heart. Between an occupied people weak and vulnerable from starvation and a safe, satisfied, and emotionally stable people, it was obvious which one would be easier to govern. What’s more, things would be absolutely perfect if we used bards to spread exactly who was to thank for them not starving.

He really is a demon.

“If everything goes as planned, then Sylvario’s strength will have decreased dramatically in two years, and we would be able to get everything settled in five.”

And there’s someone right in front of me who’s able to understand that demon’s plans.

After saying that, Nia fell silent, thinking for a moment. “But if that happened, there wouldn’t be any need for my help... It feels as if His Royal Highness is asking me for my permission,” she said, giving me a wonderful smile. One that made my spine tingle.

Damn. She really is the best.

Though maybe my thinking that way was a bit problematic.

“You’re probably correct. So... Judging from the look on your face, I don’t even need to ask what you’d like to do.”

Even without her saying anything, I was absolutely sure of what she was thinking at that exact moment. She gave me a nod, that wonderful smile still on her face, but...

“While that does get me determined... It’s a bit of a pity that I can’t do anything at the present,” she said, reining in the black aura that had been radiating off of her and forcing a smile. I felt the exact same way, so I could only nod.

“Unfortunately, there’s only so much I can tell you as things are now, and we can’t use our troops. But that’s exactly why His Royal Highness asked if we would get married on paper first.”

After all, Nia was still publicly just the daughter of a baronet, nearly a commoner. Everything I’d just told her was very barely acceptable, so I couldn’t go into any more detail on what His Royal Highness would be doing. But even saying that, issues would arise if Nia and her servants went about acting on their own, so they were stuck in a position where they couldn’t do anything at all.

Though Laura and Tom seemed to be gathering intelligence bit by bit on their own... And it seemed that they were quite used to it. Whatever the case behind those two was, there wouldn’t be any problems, since they were absolutely loyal to Nia and weren’t hostile to the Kingdom of Brigandia. They seemed to have some conflicting thoughts about me, though, but all I could do was hope that they’d warm up to me later. We had time, after all... Though it was only enough time that we’d be out of it by the time we noticed anything.

“So you don’t have any problems with getting married in three months, once we’ve got all of our ducks in a row?” I asked.

“Yes, that’s completely fine with me. If anything, I’m thankful for the consideration you’re showing me,” Nia replied with a smile, which I stared at.

She’s beautiful. Wait, that’s not the point here!

My instincts were telling me that she wasn’t lying or dodging the issue. But that in itself made me a bit depressed. She was too understanding. Lies were one thing, but dodging the issue was completely different. That meant that she wasn’t suppressing any emotional troubles.

So basically, her habit of giving up on everything was still kicking, which made it hard for me to be happy about things going so smoothly.

Nia suddenly turned her face away.

Oh, damn. I was staring at her too much as I thought... Her face is red. I hope she isn’t angry.

“I apologize, I got caught up in thought there. Anyway, regarding how we’re planning things... Even if we were to put off a big ceremony until later, it being a noble marriage means that we can’t avoid having a ceremony at the temple. I’d like to have a dress prepared for you for then.”

“Ah, no, I apologize for being rude. The dress, yes? I’m sorry to have to ask, but I would need your help with that,” Nia responded, looking really sorry for it.

I mean, we’d be having the ceremony in front of God, so I didn’t want to make God think we were making light of them by cheaping out on the dress. It’d be a problem if it didn’t go well and Nia didn’t get their backing.

Saying that, though... Like I mentioned before, God really did exist, and would smite anyone who broke any vows they made in the church.

That divine retribution could come in many different forms: one person might be struck by lightning, while another who used to be healthy might be suddenly stricken by a serious illness and be taken out, suffering until they finally died. While only some people had their life instantly ended, most people got there eventually.

Making a vow in the church essentially meant putting your life on the line, which was why there was great meaning in vows. And since nobles had so much power and responsibility, they needed to make their marriage vows to God, and the restrictions those vows came with were why it counted as a personal reference. As she was using her marriage to me for that reason, the way she would be treated would differ greatly between before and after we married.

On a related note, while commoners weren’t required to make vows like that, most rich merchants and the like would. It was pretty obvious when you considered their wealth; they’d want to do everything possible to avoid getting tricked by someone trying to get their hands on it.

Anyway, if we were going to make our vows in front of God, then we had to have a dress and the like prepared for that purpose alone—which meant I needed to show how dependable I was.

“Then let’s make plans to go to the tailor. My next day off is in two days. Is that too soon for you?” I asked.

“Ah, that’s fine. I don’t have anything scheduled for then... Do I?” Nia turned towards Laura, who gave her a quiet nod as an answer.

Was it just my imagination, or was Laura putting more pressure on me than usual? I mean, I understood why. I could tell how important Nia was to her from how she acted normally, and here was her precious princess getting married. Of course she’d be conflicted, especially with me being the groom.

I had lots of blood on my hands, and with the way my life was, I could die at any time, so Laura probably couldn’t welcome the idea. But with the world as it was, I hoped she’d give in eventually. I also hoped she’d allow me to try to get closer to Nia too.

“And after that... Would you like to take a walk around the capital and maybe get a bite to eat somewhere?” I said, taking the opportunity to invite her out.

Good job, Ark. You didn’t stutter! But damn, I tried to be casual, but I can feel my face burning. My eyes are looking everywhere... Calm down. Calm down, Ark!

As my eyes darted around, I got a glimpse of Nia... Looking completely shocked.

Cute. Wait, no! She was cute, but that wasn’t the point!

Did I surprise her by asking so suddenly? I really hope she didn’t think I was being a bother...

“U-U-Um, Sir Ark. Do you mean...”

Seems like she got what I meant. Or maybe I should’ve said in this case, she realized it. I wanted to believe that the red spreading across her cheeks wasn’t out of disgust. I was probably fine.

“Yes. Um. I’m... Inviting you on a date.”

I said it. I said it! Should I regret this?

I was painfully embarrassed, but I was pretty sure glossing it over would be bad. I might’ve been a beginner at romance, but my gut was telling me that I shouldn’t try to dodge this. My gut was completely unreliable at the moment, but this was a battle of sorts.

Which was why I was pretty sure I’d end up glaring at Nia if I stared straight at her, so I hoped she’d give me a break on the eyes-going-everywhere thing.

Ah, dammit, what am I doing? I’m too old for this!

As I glanced in her direction, she was flushed to her ears, and looking down. Judging from the air about her, she didn’t...seem to be angry...? I wanted to believe that she was bashful or embarrassed too. That’d be nice...

As I tried to feel her out, waiting for her to answer me, she just stared down in silence. It could have lasted mere seconds, or a few minutes.

“Um... Er, absolutely, I’d love to go out with you...”

She finally answered, smiling with a blush on her face. The shy, happy way she did it shot right through my heart, and I nearly collapsed right there.

◆◆◆◆

Two days later.

“I-I’m sorry for making you wait...”

“Oh, no, I just got here...”

We were standing outside of Nia’s house, trapped into exchanging awkward clichés.

We were doing this at Nia’s request. Apparently, according to the novels she read, a date meant meeting up somewhere, and meeting up somewhere meant saying those words.

Though I had zero romantic experience to speak of, even I knew that kind of thing only happened in fiction.

I mean, first off, I didn’t think “outside of her house” really counted as meeting somewhere, but... Laura had vetoed Nia and I meeting somewhere out in town, so there was nothing else we could do. And for once, I agreed with the maid.

Anyway, we compromised by meeting up outside Nia’s house. Nia seemed to get the vibes she wanted, so it all worked out.

First of all, when nobles and royals traveled anywhere, they generally had a carriage come right to their front door, so “meeting up” wasn’t something that was done. And, as you might guess... I came here on foot instead of by carriage.

This was another request of Nia’s: she wanted to go on a date like a commoner.

This all started with Holiday in the Royal Capital—a romance novel that had recently become popular—and was about a princess disguising herself as a commoner so she could go on a date about town. Nia, of course, had apparently read it.

Incidentally, I had not, but I knew the summary. That’s why my date plan wasn’t going to follow the plot. In the first place, the capital in the book was a fictional place with a fictional layout, so there was no way we could ever follow it exactly, and Nia understood that. So all we needed to do today was enjoy our date, but...

“Um... Let’s get going... Then...?”

“Y-Yes! Let’s!”

When I suggested that, she nodded, but.

Um. How is this going to work?

The two of us were frozen in place, with both of us unable to take that first step.

After all, knights aside, normal nobles or royals always traveled in carriages when they went out, so the idea of walking somewhere together just wasn’t done. The only time you’d do something like that would be if you were escorting someone on a walk through a castle or estate or something, the act of which would stick out like a sore thumb out in town.

Which meant...

Uh, how do commoner couples walk together?

My brain only got that far before the word “couple” sent me into an internal panic.

Yes. With this act, we’d be considered a couple.

So what do I do? I have no idea. I can’t just start walking by myself and leave Nia behind. That means...

“Um, Nia. Would you...like to hold hands?”

“Huh?! Ah, um, y-yes...”

I stuttered while holding my hand out, and she took it.

Oh, damn, her hand is soft! Is this really a human hand?! I mean I know it is, but it doesn’t feel anything like the hands I’m used to. My hands are all bumpy, and my skin is thick... Huh? Wait.

“I’m sorry. My hand isn’t hurting you, is it?”

“Huh? N-No, not at all. If anything, it feels strong and reliable...”

Ah, dammit. I’m about to ascend.

Nia shot me back a confused look at my sudden question. Cute! And her answer came with a little bashful smile. CUTE!!! My heart wasn’t going to be able to stand up to her repeated adorable-attacks. Shit.

“Why are you suddenly looking like you’re about to pass out in front of our house, Lord McGuine?”

While I was trying to keep myself down on earth, Laura shot in some biting jabs—just as I imagined she would—while looking as if someone had just shoved sugared ginger chunks into her mouth. It was then I finally realized that we hadn’t taken a single step from where we met outside of the front door of Nia’s house.

“So what is it? You don’t know any good date spots since you have no experience, so you’re trying to waste time here before finally being like, ‘ahh, damn, we don’t have time to do anything but go to the tailor and get a meal anymore!’” the maid continued, sounding as if she was disgusted with me, or picking a fight.

“A-A-Absolutely not!” I cried, out of reflex. I mean, I needed to deny it, to keep my honor as a man!

Or so I thought...

“So you do have a plan?” Nia asked curiously.

I froze. What should I do? To be completely honest, I didn’t have a plan. But I didn’t want to admit I had no experience dating! That’d be embarrassing!

But no, wait, Nia might feel a little conflicted if I had lots of experience.

Nonono, of course she wouldn’t get jealous! Snap out of it, Ark!

No, nonono, wait, we still have a slim chance here. Don’t just jump to the worst possibility! That’s too sad!

No. Look at the reality here. Am I really that good a catch?

Start thinking like you are, for Nia’s sake!

I thought all that in the span of half a second. Even I could admit I was getting desperate.

“I’m sorry. I lied. I have no experience,” I said, bowing my head as I did.

Thinking on it a bit more, no matter how much I boasted here, Nia would absolutely figure out I wasn’t used to going on dates eventually. She was smart. There was no way she wouldn’t. Which meant that it’d hurt me less to be honest and admit it right now. Or at least I hoped it’d hurt less...

As I tried to make excuses for myself, in front of me... Nia smiled, looking relieved.

“I see... Hee hee, I’m sorry. But that actually makes me a tad relieved.”

Her voice was steeped with bashfulness. She looked shy. And her cheeks were bright red.

The vicious triple-whammy almost knocked me to my knees.

What did she mean by that? How am I supposed to take that? Would it be okay for me to get my hopes up? No. Of course not. Calm down, Ark. Be cool.

“Then if you’re relieved, let’s get going,” I said, expression gentlemanly as I tried to talk myself down.

But I’d forgotten one thing.

“Yes, let’s!” Nia said with a smile as she squeezed my hand.

Yes.

We were still holding hands.

I seriously thought my heart was going to stop. I nearly expired right there, but I managed to hold on.

And so, feeling like I’d lost half my stamina, Nia and I began our date... Just the thought of it made me woozy, but get used to it already, Ark!

But even saying that, we already had our first destination planned, so it should be okay to be a bit giddy, right? No. Wrong.

“Whoops. Are you okay, Nia?”

“Ah, yes! Thank you!”

We headed onto the main street from where Nia lived in the commoner district in order to get to the tailor, which was located near the noble district. Since we were in the capital, the main street was incredibly crowded, and overflowing with people. It wasn’t so bad that we couldn’t walk, but it was still hard to walk through. A man had nearly run straight into Nia, but I tugged her hand to pull her out of the way before he could.

I checked in with her to see if she was all right. “That guy was probably fine,” I said, “but there are pickpockets about. We need to be careful not to bump into anyone. I’m on the lookout, so we should be safe from all but the most skilled of them.”

“Ah, I see. We’ll have to be careful! Wait...have you caught them before?” Nia asked.

“Yes. Back when I first joined the knights, I went out on patrol here. I arrested a ton of them, so the pickpockets here probably hate me.”

It sounded like I was just bragging about it, but it was the truth. The intuition that His Royal Highness Prince Alphonse trusted was as effective here on the city streets as it was on the battlefield. Once, on the day of a festival, the number of pickpockets I caught got somewhere into the double digits. After that, they ended up keeping a low profile for a while.

“But if you’re that famous, wouldn’t that mean the pickpockets would stay away from you?”

“While I’d like to say that you’re right, not all of them know my face. Some might even know me, but still want to catch me off guard,” I told her, glancing over and meeting the eyes of a thirty-something man. He immediately turned away and scurried off somewhere.

If I remembered right, he was one of the pickpockets I’d caught. He had the devil’s own luck if he was still alive now.

In Brigandia, pickpockets were punished by getting their hands branded, before being whipped. Said whipping was intensely painful; in many cases the criminal had died of shock from the immense pain.

I, by the way, had experienced just how painful it was in my own training against torture.

Anyway, since caught pickpockets had a brand on a highly visible part of their hand, they usually quit pickpocketing and figured out another way to survive, but... It looked like some kept on with it. Those who got caught a second time got another brand and whipping, while a third time resulted in execution—by then, it was assumed that they wouldn’t ever change their ways. Apparently that man had avoided that. From the look in his eyes, he hadn’t picked up a respectable job, so he was probably still pickpocketing.

“Hopefully, I’d be the only one they resented, but... Nia. Just to be safe, always take Laura or Tom with you when you go out,” I warned her.

“All right. I’m in a different position than I was before, so I understand,” Nia said, nodding.

The guy probably wouldn’t remember Nia’s face from the glance he got, but I wanted her to be on guard for the worst-case scenario. Laura and Tom would probably accompany her happily, and I couldn’t see any pickpockets pulling anything around them.

It was all well and good if criminals wanted to resent me, but I would not let them make a move on the people around me. Should I send a message to some of the pickpockets I recognized?

In the midst of my dark thoughts, Nia and I arrived at the fountain plaza. The road crossed in all directions here, so it was even more packed than before. Plus, some street performers were taking advantage of the foot traffic, adding to the bustle.

“Nia, let’s make sure we don’t get separated,” I said, gripping her hand a little bit harder and tugging her towards me slightly.

“Okay!” she replied cheerfully, a bright smile on her face.

That smile completely wiped out the bloodthirsty thoughts I had just a moment before, piercing straight through my heart. But I couldn’t let my guard down here.

“Not only is it busy here, but people are distracted by the performers. That means there’ll be more pickpockets out.”

“I-I see... And that’s why you’ve been looking around so much?”

“Yes. My glaring makes it harder for them to succeed... But just to let you know, I’m definitely not looking at other women, okay?” I said before clamming up.

I might’ve only known the plot to Holiday in the Royal Capital, but there was one line even I knew. And it apparently came up at a time like this. I glanced at Nia, who was giving me an expectant look. She probably wanted me to say it.

C’mon, Ark, a man needs to be courageous!

“I no longer have eyes for anyone but you.”

Gahhh! That was so humiliating! How the hell did the male lead in the book say that?! I mean, I managed to say it, but!

But was it really okay for a guy like me to say stuff like that?

“Then look at only me forevermore. Would you gift me your gaze?” Nia replied, cheeks flushed.

It looked like she was satisfied, but I didn’t have more than 1% of my brain to think calmly on that. We’d just done that humiliating exchange right in the middle of the city. My face was like a tomato, and I couldn’t stop the weird sweat dripping off of my body. I wanted nothing more than to run away as fast as my legs could carry me, but I couldn’t leave Nia alone. I guessed this is what people meant when they said they were stuck between a rock and a hard place.

But while my brain was short-circuiting, Nia looked thrilled, so my embarrassment was probably worth it. I wanted to get to the point where I could think that way. Couldn’t right now, though.

“Ah, Sir Ark, look!”

Nia tugged at my hand as I stood there at the end of my rope, using her free hand to point towards the market stalls. A few of them were selling snacks and drinks, which people bought to either enjoy while they watched the performers or take a break near the fountain.

“Is there a scene in that book where they bought and ate food from a stall?” I asked, managing to turn my head towards her.

“Yes, there is! I’ve been dreaming of trying one of those hot dog things...” she replied with a bashful smile.

Cute.

Ark, no, that’s not the point. Though she is cute.

Hot dogs, by the way, were long, thin pork sausages sandwiched between long, thin pieces of bread. They were something the baron’s daughter—the one that seduced the first prince—conjured from her childish mind, and that came into vogue; it also appeared in Holiday in the Royal Capital. A lot of the things that woman created appeared in the book, actually, which briefly led to rumors that she was the author. I was pretty sure that couldn’t be true, though.

Why this dish was called a “hot dog” was a mystery. Apparently even the baron’s daughter didn’t know why she named them that. It really made you wonder what the hell she was on about, but that was all over and done with.

But anyway, once she got sent off to the boonies a few years ago, she could no longer hold on to the monopoly she had maintained in selling the hot dogs, so you could see a couple stands around town nowadays. With all the trouble the woman caused, I found I felt a little conflicted every time I ate one of the things, despite how yummy they were... But Nia probably didn’t know that much about it, so I’d keep my mouth shut.

“Then let’s go to that stand there. From what I’ve heard, they sell the best ones.”

“Really? Then let’s!”

Nia’s bright smile healed me as the two of us headed over to the hot dog stall.

But.

I hadn’t known.

The heroine and male lead of Holiday in the Royal Capital shared one hot dog. In just a few moments, I was to be subjected to an even deeper humiliation than when I’d recited those lines from the book to her.

“Here! Sorry to keep ya waiting!” the dude running the stall said cheerfully, holding our hot dog out towards us... One that was twice as long as the ones I was familiar with. I thought I could be excused for the confusion I displayed when I took it from him.

“W-Wait, why is it so long?” I asked.

“You don’t know, man? This is our special ‘Holiday in the Royal Capital’ hot dog!” bragged the hot dog man.

“Special? Because it’s this long?”

I gave the hot dog another look. I was able to hold it myself, but it’d be far too big for Nia. She’d struggle to eat it alone in a lot of ways, at the very least.

“I thought the novel was more popular with women than men. Why is it this long, then?”

“You just don’t get it, sir. It’s because it’s popular with women that it’s so long!”

“Huh?”

I thought my confusion was appropriate for the situation; no matter how I thought about it, it just didn’t make any sense. But it turned out that the reason I didn’t understand was because I was lacking in experience.

“A woman can’t hold it, so her boyfriend’s gotta hold it and feed it to her!”

“I see... Wait, huh?!”

I’d reflexively nodded before screeching. Dammit, I felt my face heating up again.

“Did you happen to know about this, Nia?” I asked, turning back to look at her... And she shook her head, beet red.