In Justin’s bed, Jess wrestled with sleep. She tossed and turned for an hour yanking the sheet over her head then kicking the comforter to the floor, until the boredom threatened to swallow her whole. Eyeing the cardboard boxes which surrounded Justin’s quarters made her believe he was prepared to disappear at a moment’s notice. However, the bitter truth was he’d been in New Orleans forever and perhaps only waiting for her.
She flopped across the bed and unfolded the top of the container closest to her. The contents smelled of dust and stale tobacco. Inside, there were several leather bound books, and a wooden box. Jess felt a surge of culpability as she reached for the smallest of the books. The leather was soft and buttery in her hands. The twinge of shame was fleeting, quickly replaced by exhilaration as she flipped the book open to find the black pages of an antique photo album.
The sepia pictures reminded her of those she had taken at carnivals in booths filled with old west and burlesque costumes. At first, she thought that was exactly what she’d found, but the smell of the binding and damaged edges of the photos lent them authenticity. Rory and Justin stood on the bow of a riverboat, the name “Mississippi Belle” proudly displayed above their heads.
Jess giggled covering her mouth to stifle the sound. What were they wearing? Their straight-legged pants appeared to be suede, and their button-up shirts were white and covered by fitted vests. Cowboy hats were perched atop their heads hindering their ability to embrace for the photo.
The next three pictures were of Justin posed with different women. They were alluring women full of a sexuality Jess wasn’t sure she owned. They perched on his lap at card tables where men dressed like Justin gathered around him. His eyes were not the eyes of her Justin, they were lack-luster and melancholy, as they studied his cards, or gazed at the camera. Jess frowned, aggrieved by his blatant misery.
She started to close the album, but another photo caught her eye. She flipped back to the page and removed the discolored photograph. Someone had captured Justin and a petite brunette leaning over the hull of the boat. The girl’s loveliness stole Jess’ breath and induced a jealousy which seized her heart. There was something in the way he looked at her, his hand on her waist, his eyes aglow. Resentment churned in her belly. Had he loved this woman? She slammed the book shut and stuffed it back in its case.
She fished inside the cardboard and pulled out the wooden box. It was adorned with burnt etchings, which she traced with her fingertip. It was feasible that knowledge of Justin’s world, before her, would be more than she could handle, yet she was driven to explore his past. She lifted the lid, and fought the indignity which crawled from her gut to leave a bitter taste in her mouth.
Inside, tucked into the velvet lining, hid a tiny ring and a wrinkled piece of parchment. The ring was white gold, and intricately laced filigree. The diamond set into the delicate band was round and dainty. Jess felt her heart break as she rolled the ring between her fingers haunted by the features of the girl in the picture. Whoever she was, Justin had treasured her. She pulled the parchment from its hiding place and spread it across her leg.
The penmanship was refined and brimmed with the courage it had taken to write the note. A tear escaped Jess’ lids and landed on the aged paper.
J,
I never promised forever.
I’ll always love you.
Liz
“Are you snooping?” Jess heard Rory’s voice and slammed the cover. She crammed the case back into its spot, and tried to quiet her heart as it trumpeted inside her chest. She was a child who had been caught prying in her mother’s closet.
“Maybe a little.” Her eyes failed to hide her embarrassment and letting them meet the angel’s stare was impossible.
“He would hate that.” Rory sat on the bed next to her the mattress failing to dimple under his weight. His grin did nothing to soothe her.
“I know.” She swallowed hard and wiped the corners of her eyes.
“Stop that.” Rory offered her his hand. “Let’s go for a walk.”
When she didn’t move, he picked her up and sat her on her feet. She was mortified, unable to form an argument in her mind and left without the ability to force words from her lips.
Rory seemed incapable of allowing silence and filled it with chatter, giving her time to recover. “Did you know the Choctaw Indians came here to trade goods on the Pontchartrain?”
Jess shook her head.
“All the farmers and businessmen came to the Quarter to do business, then in the early 1700’s things took off, and people built markets and shops for the traders who frequented this area. A lot of these buildings have been around that long.” He pointed to a building beaming at the structure as though it were a child he adored.
“And you? Have you been here that long?” She teased finding her voice.
He smiled and bowed dramatically. “Why yes ma’am. At least, that long.”
When they reached the river, they walked the levee and watched boats cross the Mississippi. Barges pulled by tiny tugboats drifted along in the murky waters below. Rory wrapped his arms around her protectively. Jess’ embarrassment was dissolved in the thought that falling in love with Justin had given her not just him but his loyal brother, who had no problem doting on her.
“You’re an intriguing girl.” She felt his cheek glide across her hair and knew he was smiling.
“Intriguing? Is that a compliment?” she wondered aloud.
He ignored her. “Did you find anything interesting while you were snooping?”
Jess rolled her eyes aware she had not gotten away with her indiscretion. Rory didn’t have to remind her, she was ashamed, but then again she didn’t regret it. “Just pictures.”
“What pictures?” He turned her loose, prodding her to continue along the river.
“From a riverboat.”
They dawdled on the embankment until Jess made herself comfortable on the edge where she could observe the busy waterway. Rory followed suit, his face becoming animated in the afternoon sun. He twisted his mouth and wrinkled his nose as a twinkle broke in his tawny eyes.
“I loved the riverboat. Those were great times.”
“I get the feeling you haven’t had many bad times, but Justin didn’t look all that happy.” She dug her finger in the sand sketching a ragged heart.
“He was…sometimes.” Rory pitched a stone into the water, and it created ripples which dematerialized in the enormous expanse of the Mississippi River.
“What was it like? What was he like?” Jess couldn’t stop thinking about the girl, and the look on his face. How he’d appeared so detached in all the other photos, but in that one, he’d seemed jubilant.
“Well.” Rory’s eyes dulled and Jess was sure she’d lost him to a memory he wouldn’t share, but then he spoke again. “We’d grown sick of hanging out in the Quarter. Even then, you could bore of the monotony, but Justin had a friend who hired us to work on the Belle.” Rory’s face was bathed in sunlight and a girl slowed her jog to watch him as she passed.
Just like Justin, he was oblivious to the fascination of the humans surrounding him. He pitched another rock into the water. “Back then, the boats brought supplies up and down the river to ports in St. Louis and Memphis. At first, we actually worked, but this was during the Old West when outlaws and bootleggers had control of everything.”
Jess considered that God had permanently glued the smile to Rory’s lips. She adored his intensely southern accent. It conjured up romantic notions of the past and a curiosity she couldn’t quench. She speculated that perhaps his words had sounded significantly different, before he’d been molded by the world, which was the City of New Orleans.
“We ran liquor and guns for them, and spent most of our time organizing poker games for whoever stumbled onto the boat. I think Justin thought he was Jesse James.”
He glanced at her smirk and she snickered, the inside joke of Justin’s ego and delusions, the first she’d shared with Rory without needing words. “It’s hard to imagine. I mean…I know you were there, but you have no idea how it blows my mind.” Jess’ imagination conjured vivid pictures of Justin dealing cards, smug and full of himself. Yes, she could fathom he fancied himself a gunslinger.
“Let me get this straight. It’s not hard to imagine angels…but the span of our existence blows you away?” he mocked.
“You know, it’s not nice to make fun.” Jess smiled as she conducted an experiment on the angel. She stroked the silky skin on his cheek with her fingertip and waited for his reaction. He didn’t flinch. Justin couldn’t stand when she studied their differences, but Rory seemed utterly unaffected.
“He won’t let me touch his face.”
She wasn’t really talking to Rory, but he answered looking at her thoughtfully. “Yeah, he’s complicated, isn’t he?”
“Why…what happened to him, Rory?”
Rory’s smile evaporated and Jess was aware he suffered emotions Justin didn’t know. She was reminded they were one yet entirely separate beings. The concept was more than she would ever fully grasp.
“He was bitter for a long time. He hated that he’d allowed himself to slip from God’s favor…he pretends otherwise, but he still wrestles with it. Back then, he had no perception of humans, if you think he’s empathetic now, you’d have hated him then. He didn’t care about the problems of man at all… to him they were ungrateful leeches…he didn’t spend a whole lot of energy seeing things from man’s perspective.”
She grappled with the concept that Justin had actually matured and that the angel she knew was an upgrade of the one who’d first been banished from Heaven. She’d seen through him though; he’d been injured by her pain from day one. He may have wanted to be heartless, but somewhere along the way, humanity had crept in and made him sympathetic.
Rory was still talking forcing Jess’ thoughts from her relationship with Justin, back to his brother’s memories. “He didn’t care if people were good or bad, because in his mind, they were all beneath him. The company he kept was sometimes the worst of the worst, but you have to remember, he couldn’t see the difference in one human or another.” Rory brushed imaginary dust from his jeans, as though the vision of his brother had stained him. “The war he’s waged on humanity has been going on for centuries. He’s much better now though. Trust me.”
Jess mulled it over aiming to make sense of how little she knew of Justin. In a million years, she couldn’t reconcile his past with the Justin she knew. The story of the angel he’d been didn’t change anything, she loved him and all his screwed up thoughts on mankind. “So, who were these people? You couldn’t steer him in the right direction?”
Rory chuckled. “Have you tried to make him understand anything? Have you ever tried to get him to do something he didn’t want to do? I’m his brother, his counterpart. We are perhaps closer than you could ever imagine, but I don’t work miracles.”
Jess’ eyebrows rose.
“Okay, maybe I do, but even God couldn’t force him to comply.”
Jess didn’t know how to respond. Yes, she had been butting heads with Justin since they’d met, and she could identify with Rory on this point.
“Let’s just say, evil comes in all forms. He may pretend he doesn’t understand you, but he has had his own battles with faith.”
Jess shook her head unable to grasp things from Rory’s perspective. “What about the girl?”
Surprise painted Rory’s expression, but he was able to conceal it quickly. Jess knew he didn’t need her to say what she’d found. She watched his jaw harden and heard his teeth grind. His eyes were narrow slits when he looked at her again. She felt like he’d never forgive her for the betrayal of his brother’s privacy.
“You have to talk to him about her. I care about you Jess, but my loyalty lies with Justin.” His face was peaceful despite the truthful sting of his words.
He grabbed her hand and helped her to her feet. The strain between them was inconceivably uncomfortable, and she wished she hadn’t pressed him for information.
He read her, gifted with the ability to see her waver between disgrace and curiosity. “It’s okay, Cher. But, I can’t give you those details. If you want to know, you have to ask him.”
Jess followed him back to the apartment, inside questioning everything she knew about herself and Justin. He probably knew already what she’d done. She hoped in a way he did so she could ask him about the girl. She hadn’t allowed herself to dwell on his past. When Vi suggested he was concerned about her virtue, she’d pushed aside all thoughts of who he may have loved before her. Her head was down, and her eyes focused on the pavement until they reached the gate and entered the courtyard.