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“You’re an amputee?” Kali stared at the prosthetic where Derek’s leg should be.
“I thought you said you got a letter?”
“I did ... it didn’t go into detail. It said you were injured but not ...” Kali shook her head, guilt flowing over her. “I guess they expected we would be in contact once you returned to the country. It said you were alive. It said where you’d be recovering and how to contact you and your commanding officer.”
The unspoken words hung between them. She never contacted. She never tried. Even when he came that day to the graveyard, she never asked. She knew he was alive, was thankful he was alive, but beyond that, she hadn’t allowed herself to care.
Tears brimmed as she blinked them away. “I’m sorry. I had no idea.”
Derek’s voice was soft. “It’s in the past. I made my choices. You made yours.”
Kali stared at him, trying to imagine what it would have been like: that first morning waking up and realizing his leg was gone, the days after, adjusting physically and mentally to the loss. The pain. She’d nursed amputees before. Knew about the phantom pain, phantom itches. The loss of a limb too often equating to the loss of one’s self. “I’m so sorry.”
“It could have been worse. And like I said, it’s in the past.”
Kali let out a rough laugh. “Every thing’s in the past.” She gestured between them. “That doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. That doesn’t erase it.”
That slight smile again, the one that used to make her melt. “But maybe we could erase it. Try to start fresh.”
Kali pulled her gaze away. “How often are you wanting to see Theo?”
“As often as you’ll let me. I don’t want to be a weekend or holiday father. I want to be in his life. A consistent part of his life. But I understand that will take time.”
Kali glanced back at him before returning her gaze to the park. “It will. And at first you can only see him with me there. Maybe for a while.”
“That makes sense.”
“You’re a stranger.”
“I know.” Derek paused long enough that Kali turned to him. “Did you tell him about me? Does he know?”
“Last night.”
“And before?”
“He never asked, so I never told.”
“Never—?”
“He’s only been speaking for a couple of months.”
Derek’s face paled. “Is he? Is something?”
“He’s brilliant. He just ... when Mom died it was very traumatic for him. She died while holding him. He was trapped in her arms for hours. It was right around the time he started to speak. He stopped that day. The first time he spoke again, was at daycare shortly after, and there was an explosion.”
“Oh, God. Kali.”
“It’s okay. Or, better.” She smiled. “He’s doing really well now. Lincoln actually—”
“Lincoln. The man you live with?”
“Yes. He was the first person Theo spoke to, and the second.”
“And you two are—?”
“Figuring things out.” Kali stood. “You can see Theo today. I’ll assess how that goes, and then we can figure out when next, what next.”
Derek stood. “Okay.”
“I was thinking the playground on the Common. It’s his favourite, but ...” She glanced to his leg.
“The playground is great.”
Kali nodded, her whole body on edge, her hands tensed. She flipped out her cane and turned toward Mrs. Martin’s. “All right, then. You ready to meet your son?”
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DEREK STOOD ON THE sidewalk as Kali knocked on Mrs. Martin’s door. Rather than rush out toward her like he usually would, Theo stood behind Mrs. Martin, his head peeking out around her legs.
“Hi, sweetie.”
Theo glanced to Kali, his brow furrowed.
“Did he—? How was—?” Kali looked to Mrs. Martin.
“He was pretty quiet today. Contemplative.” Mrs. Martin reached behind herself to rub her hand on Theo’s head. “It’s not every day a young man gets to meet his father for the first time.”
Kali smiled and reached a hand out to Theo. “You ready?”
His mouth scrunched to the side, his gaze past Kali as he took her hand.
“Thanks so much.” Kali turned from Mrs. Martin to see Derek, an equally tentative smile on his face.
Theo tugged on Kali’s hand. “Where’s Grampie?”
“Oh,” Kali smiled, “he’s on his walk.”
Theo looked to the ground, his little legs trailing behind as Kali walked toward Derek.
“This is your father. Your Daddy.”
Theo kept his head down. Derek crouched with obvious effort. “Hey, buddy. It’s great to finally meet you.”
No response.
“I’ve wanted to meet you since the first day I found out your Mommy was pregnant.”
Silence.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. I wish I could have.”
Kali let go of Theo’s hand and rubbed her palm against the back of his neck.
“Wouldn’t you like to say hello?”
Theo shook his head, gaze still down.
“Maybe you’d like to see this?” Derek lifted his pant leg, revealing the prosthesis attached below his knee.
Theo’s eyes widened and he looked from the prosthetic to Kali and back to the leg again. “Where’d it go?”
“I had an accident.”
Theo’s eyes stayed wide. He looked to Derek’s face. “It hurt?”
“It did. A lot. It doesn’t hurt so much anymore.”
Theo’s lips pressed tight together.
“Do you want to touch it?”
Theo looked to Kali, uncertainty swimming in his eyes.
“You can if you want to.”
He reached out, barely grazing the prosthetic, then pulled his hand back. “This why you no here? Not like a real daddy?”
Derek’s brow furrowed. “It’s part of the reason. Part of why it took me so long to come back. Also part of why I did come back.”
Derek stood. “Your mom suggested we go to the park. Would you like that?”
Theo gave a tentative nod, then reached for Kali’s hand. They walked in silence the first few minutes. When they stopped to wait for a crossing light, Derek spoke. “Did you know Grampie is my daddy?”
Theo tugged on Kali’s hand and looked up at her.
“That’s right.”
“Yep. He’s my daddy, and I’m yours. Kind of neat, right?”
Another tug. “Where’s your daddy?”
“Oh,” Kali smiled, “I never met my daddy. Not that I remember, anyway. I wasn’t lucky like you.”
Theo gave a slight nod and looked to Derek as the light turned. They continued in silence.
The park was near empty. Surprising for a Sunday afternoon. Only one other family with two kids played on the climbers. One other family ... Not that Kali, Derek, and Theo were a family. Not really. Not anymore. Kali swallowed. “I’m going to sit over here,” she said to Theo. “A little tired today. I bet your daddy will push you on a swing or play on the slide with you though.”
“Definitely,” said Derek, his voice nervously eager.
Theo stood a moment, with furrowed brow. He walked to the swing and climbed on. Within minutes he was laughing, that out-loud laugh that still made Kali’s flesh tingle. She couldn’t see Derek’s face, but Theo’s was smiling. Happy. At ease. Derek must have suggested something, because Theo nodded and let the swing slow to a stop. Within moments, the two were off running to the slide.
Almost an hour later, after a couple of water breaks, Kali stood and waved them over. “It’s time to go.”
Theo shook his head vehemently.
“Yes. Time for lunch.”
He stomped.
“Listen to your mother.”
Kali glanced to Derek, not liking the intrusion, then back to Theo. “Take my hand.”
Her hand wrapped around Theo’s as she looked to Derek. “I should get your number so we can arrange another time.”
“I can come by tomorrow after work. Take you two to dinner.”
A wave of tension and uncertainty flowed through Kali. “How about I take your number. We don’t want to rush things.”
“Yeah. Okay. Of course. I’ll walk you home, then.”
“No need.” Kali stiffened. She didn’t want Lincoln seeing the three of them together. It was silly. Stupid. But ... she knew they’d look like a family. She felt it herself, to a degree. It was comfortable, standing here with Derek, seeing her son laugh and play with him, even with all the years passed, all the anger and hurt, the three of them together felt like family.
“Okay.” Derek nodded, obviously hurt. “Hand me your phone then. I’ll put my number in.”
Kali did. The number saved, Derek crouched down to Theo. “It was great playing with you today. I had so much fun.”
Theo smiled.
“Maybe we can do it again sometime?”
A nod.
“Great.” Derek rubbed his hand on Theo’s shoulder then stood. “Thanks, Kal. Really. I know this couldn’t have been easy for you.”
Kali’s jaw twitched. “It’s not about me.”
“I know. Still.” His hand was on her shoulder now, the first time they’d touched in years, and all the previous touches seemed to flood her. “Thank you.”
She nodded and stepped out of his reach. “I’ll call you. Soon.”
She turned, holding onto Theo with one hand, the cane with the other. It felt like cheating, the way her mind travelled so easily back to her life with Derek, the way, despite it all, she wanted to smile at him, erase the past. But the past couldn’t be erased, and she had a future now ... or at least the chance of one, with a man who’d shown up time and again. A man who deserved her trust, her love. She was scared to give it, but she wanted to.
After her lies, Kali only hoped Lincoln would still want her. She walked faster, the cane tap, tapping in front of her with an efficiency she’d only gained in the past few weeks. If Lincoln was home, she wanted to be there with him, let him know she meant the words she’d said, that Derek being back didn’t change anything—not between them. She wanted to step into his arms, apologize for her distance the past weeks, know he wasn’t about to walk away.