Ben drove around the back roads of town all night long, trying to figure out where the hell he kept going wrong.
His intentions were good, right?
The baby should have both parents. He liked Karly. A lot. More than he thought he could like a woman. She seemed to like him. When she didn’t want to kill him, at least. But wasn’t that a normal relationship?
She seemed hung up on this “love” thing.
He could easily lie to her. Tell her he loved her. Promise to love her forever.
But he’d never be able to live with himself while telling those lies. He didn’t believe in love. It was one of those mythological stories people passed around to make themselves feel better.
That didn’t mean he couldn’t respect her. Take care of her. Be there for her.
Why did she insist on him saying he loved her?
He was quite certain she didn’t love him. She hadn’t said it even once. Not even in the midst of an orgasm, which is when most women professed it to him.
More proof that it didn’t exist.
How many women had he known for a few hours before they were screaming their love for him?
Mothers were supposed to “love” their children, yet his had abandoned him. Karly’s had put her in danger. Foster parents were supposed to be guided by “love” when they agreed to take kids in when their own “loving” parents turned out to be not-so-loving. If “love” was what he was shown as a kid, he wanted no part of it for himself or his child.
No. He would protect, honor, care for his child. And Karly, if she’d let him.
Apparently he had to up the romance ante.
This was a challenge he could win.
He raced downtown to pick up some flowery greeting cards as soon as the store opened for the day.
“Well it’s about time you start romancing the girl, Ben Knight.” Miss Molly, never one to hold back her opinion, smiled as she scolded him.
“I’m a mere man, Miss Molly. But I’m doing my best to rise above it.”
Miss Molly’s eye twinkled and her cheeks shook as she chuckled.
“Oh, I have no doubt you’ll help her to see that you own her heart. Go get some of that candy over there. You’re on a time limit. When is the baby due?”
“Mid-May.”
“Three more months.” Miss Molly’s hands shook as she started grabbing candles and body lotions from the side of the checkout counter. “Better throw in some of these things, too.”
“If you say so, Miss Molly.”
Miss Molly packaged up the gifts and followed Ben out the door.
“You’re a good match, Ben Knight. Don’t let her tell you otherwise.”
Ben lifted the tiny woman’s hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss.
“If this doesn’t work, I’ll be back for you, Miss Molly.”
“Oh, you.” She pretended to swat his arm with her other hand, laughing. “You run along now before you get yourself into trouble. You can’t handle this.”
He winked and blew a kiss in her direction.
She shook her head and smiled.
Ben dragged his ass to Tiana’s diner for her strongest cup of coffee. He sat in a corner booth, facing away from the entrance so he’d hopefully be undisturbed. As he allowed the caffeine to do its job, he carefully read through each of the cards he had purchased. He selected the sappiest one and added his words. He didn’t bother with an apology or any talk of the future. He decided he’d send a card every day with one thing he adored about Karly.
If this didn’t work, he’d chop off his own balls and coat them in chocolate for her.
***
“Ava, you don’t understand. He sent a teddy bear today. A teddy bear!” Karly screeched into the phone.
“That’s so sweet!” Ava gushed.
“No. It’s not. It’s pathetic. What’s the deal?”
“I can’t believe you, Karly. This is every woman’s dream. To be wooed like this? Amazing. What does the card say today?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“Yes I do. He already told you he loves your eyes when you smile. He said he loves the way your jaw juts up in the air when you’re mad. He loves the way your pulse feels against his fingers. He loves the cat-like way you move—”
“Did you memorize every single one?”
“You have to tell me what he said today!”
“No.”
“Fine. I’m coming over while you’re at work and rummaging through your stuff.”
“I’d believe that if I thought for a second you’d ditch work.”
Ava sighed into the phone.
“Please tell me? If you don’t I’ll tell you all about what Cole did for me last night.”
“Okay, okay! I’ll tell you. He said he loves how my velvety softness caresses his steel manhood.”
“He did not!”
Karly laughed. “Told you you didn’t want to know.”
“Oh my goodness,” Ava fought to catch her breath. “I think he snuck into an old romance novel from the 90s.”
“Or something,” Karly said.
Though she was embarrassed on behalf of Ben, her velvety softness begged to caress his steel manhood.
“Are you going to accept his proposal yet?”
“Um, no.”
“Come on, Karly. It’s just a date. You love the theatre. Let him take you.”
“I’m not driving all the way to Manhattan with him. Now if he’d like to give me the tickets and you and I could go, then maybe I’d accept.”
“We could have a double date! How fun would that be?”
Karly laughed. “You live life as if it’s one big romantic comedy. Okay, so you got your happily-ever-after. I don’t plan on ever having one.”
“Karly… he cares so much for you. I can tell. And I think you’re kidding yourself when you keep telling me that you’re not into him.”
Karly released a deep breath, biting down on the words she wanted to spew.
“We had a one night stand. I got pregnant. Sure, he’s turning on the charm, but I know guys like him. I’m the female version of guys like him, for crying out loud. We don’t commit. Being forced into a corner because of something like a baby is suicide. Or homicide. Depends on who snaps first, I guess.”
“But he’s being so romantic.”
“You’re a dreamer. I’m not.”
“At least admit that you’re glad he’s stepping up to the plate for the baby.”
Karly sighed again. “Yeah, okay. I’m glad. He’s a great guy. I’m sure he’ll be an awesome father.”
“And you guys will fall in love and live happily-ever-after.”
“I think I’m going to feed you the poisoned apple myself.”
They said their goodbyes and Karly was left alone with her thoughts.
And some bad cramps.
She didn’t love him. She couldn’t love him. And he most certainly couldn’t love her.
Right?
She shouldn’t speak about Ben with Ava. Ava filled her head with impossible thoughts, making her question the way she felt.
Okay, so maybe she had a crush on the guy. And maybe he had treated her better than anyone ever had in her entire life. And maybe the idea of waking up to him every day intrigued her in a way that surprised her. And maybe she respected his work ethic, the fact that he took care of his mother even though she had abandoned him to a crappy life, and his loyalty to his friends.
That didn’t mean she loved him.
She craved him. She desired him.
He would never love her.
He had never formed the kind of bonds growing up that would enable him to love another the way she would want to be loved.
The way she never realized she needed to be loved.
Oh, phewy. None of this made sense.
Karly developed a sudden craving for a chocolate banana milkshake with whipped cream and a cherry, and since she had none of the ingredients, she was going to have to get dressed and head out to pick one up.
Even though she had been refusing to answer Ben’s texts since their last fight, he continued to update her every day regarding his schedule so she’d know how best to reach him if she needed him. She considered punishing him by making him leave the big meeting he had today to indulge her cravings, but the idea only made her laugh. She knew he’d oblige, but that would be cruel.
She didn’t bother with hair and make-up, but she did put on a fresh pair of khaki maternity pants and a flowing red top with a scooped neck that she loved. She had learned to embrace pregnancy fashion to the point that she thought maybe she’d actually miss these clothes.
She wouldn’t mind being able to shave her legs, though.
With the giant thirty-two week belly, she couldn’t see her feet, never mind reach her legs with a razor.
Thank goodness for beauticians.
Karly sang along to the radio as she drove into town, dodging slush puddles. March in New Hampshire was living up to its reputation as “mud season,” but this year, Karly didn’t mind. Her baby would be born along with the other animals of spring, and she couldn’t wait to spend a summer snuggling with the little thing.
Tears gathered in her eyes at the realization that she had never been happier in her life.
She hadn’t planned the pregnancy, hadn’t been thrilled for the first several months, but now she looked forward to sharing a life with a little human who was her own creation.
And if that little human was anything like Ben, she wouldn’t mind a bit.
Karly hit the brakes just in time to skid to a stop at the stop sign she had almost blown through.
She loved the guy.
She hadn’t recognized it, but like a lightning bolt to the heart, there it was.
Shit. Shit. Double shit.
That complicated things immensely.
How could she love him alongside their baby when he wasn’t willing or able to love her in return?
How painful would it be to watch him with their child being happy and carefree, while longing for a life they couldn’t possibly build together?
A sudden gush made her think she had peed her pants. She had heard about this happening to pregnant women, but usually toward the end of the pregnancy or when they were doing something like jumping or sneezing.
She was just driving. And mourning the loss of something she didn’t have and hadn’t wanted.
She reached for the napkins in her glove compartment and cried out at the sudden pain in her gut. She straightened and looked down.
Blood oozed onto her pants.
Bright red blood.
The kind of blood you never wish to see when you’re thirty-two weeks pregnant.
Panic set in, but she kept driving. She’d drive herself to the hospital to be checked out.
Using the voice command on her phone, she called Ben.
He picked up on the second ring.
“So you changed your mind about going to the city with me?”
His cheerful voice quartered her heart.
“I’m bleeding.”
“Did you cut yourself? Are you okay?”
“No. The baby.”
“Where are you right now?”
“I’m driving to the hospital. Ben, I don’t know why this is happening.”
“You shouldn’t be driving. Hang up the phone and I’ll call the EMTs. No, stay on the line. Fuck! Give me that phone. Not you, Karly. Karly, you pull over and stay on the line. I’m calling Jenkins. He’ll get you to the hospital safely and I’ll meet you there.”
Her shoulders shook with unreleased sobs.
She was going to lose this baby.
She screwed up.
She did something wrong.
She had wished it away, and now that she wanted it more than anything, she would lose the opportunity to prove that she could be a mother.
“Karly, are you there?”
She made a guttural sound into the phone.
“Jenkins is in his car. Where are you?”
“I’m,” her voice hitched. “I’m almost at the hospital.”
“Please pull over. You shouldn’t be driving.”
“I’ve got to get there. Oh my god, what did I do?”
“Karly, you didn’t do anything. Focus. The doctors will help you.”
Sirens blared behind her as she pulled into the parking lot. She stopped right in front of the ambulance bay and shifted the car into Park as the phone fell from her hand.
“Karly! Karly are you there?”
Ben’s voice rose from the floor, but nothing registered correctly as the door opened and Officer Jenkins pulled her out, shouting at the hospital workers to bring a stretcher.
“You’re gonna be all right, Karly. They’ll take good care of you.”
She focused on the kind eyes of Officer Jenkins as they wheeled her into the stark white halls of the ER. As she drifted off, she thought she saw her baby reaching for her.