––––––––
I had no idea what Alyse meant when she said on the way home that she would take care of the farewell ceremony. She could have described it in detail and I still wouldn’t have heard her. I was too busy trying to fight my way through the torrent of unwanted visions and screams that assaulted me.
The fact that no one else in the car seemed unnerved by the pleas for help told me that I was the only one who heard them. I don’t know how I knew, maybe it was instinct or a part of my newly discovered magic, but I did know that the visions and screams were warnings of what lay ahead in the future. I was getting a glimpse of the deaths that would take place if the vampires weren’t stopped. If my father wasn’t stopped.
The last thought lingered in my mind. My father. I was still trying to accept the fact that he was alive and not at all like the man I thought he would be. The man I hoped he was. I had spent my entire life pining over the loss of my parents. Daydreaming of the kind of people they were, whether they were overly protective and strict or free-spirited and adventurous. I had hoped for the latter. But never once did I think I was the spawn of mystical creatures. A fairy and a vampire. The truth both fascinated and repulsed me. It was unsettling to have my feelings spread so widely.
The car slowed to a stop and it took me a minute to realize that we were already at my house. I looked out the window to the home that had been my sanctuary. The one place I knew I would always be protected. And loved. Aunt Meg had always done her best to make me feel like I was the most important person in the world. Thinking of her made my heart clench painfully.
The car doors opened and everyone but me got out. I stayed glued to the seat, my gaze locked on the front door of the house. I wanted so desperately for my aunt to open it and come rushing out, demanding to know where I had been all night.
When I saw Nolan carrying a limp form in his arms, up the steps of the porch, I came crashing back to reality. Aunt Meg would never again be waiting for me when I got home. The door I was sitting next to opened and I glanced up and saw Alyse looking at me with sympathy. I could tell that she was trying hard to hold in her own tears. Her lips quivered and her hand shook when she held it out to me. “Come on, Kaia. Let’s get you inside” she said, her voice trembled.
I didn’t say a word as I allowed her to help me from the car and inside the house. She led me over to the couch and I sat down. I’m not sure how long I sat there, staring into the empty space in front of me. I was in shock. My mind was a total blank. At that moment, I didn’t see, hear or feel anything. I had no desire to move or talk. I was lost with no inkling of how to return or if I even wanted to. Minutes, hours or even days could have passed without me knowing.
It wasn’t until I felt a warm hand brush against my cheek that I slowly began to find my way back to my body and the pain that awaited me once I regained my senses. I blinked several times and locked eyes with Nolan as he stared down at me. Deep stress lines creased his forehead. I took a quick glance around my surroundings and saw that I was no longer on the couch. I was now on the bed in my bedroom. No light shined through the windows, alerting me that it was still dark outside. I pushed myself up into a sitting position and lowered my head to avoid looking at Nolan. “Where is Aunt Meg?”
He hesitated for a moment before answering. “She’s in her room. We wanted to wait for you to come around before doing the farewell ceremony” he paused, no doubt realizing I really had no idea what that was. “It’s how we pay our respects and dispose of our dead” he clarified.
Silence fell over us for several minutes before he spoke again. He leaned closer and lifted my chin with his finger so that I would look at him. He stared into my eyes intently, like he was searching for something. I’m not sure if he found what he was looking for, but a sigh of relief escaped his lips and the tension on his face eased. “I was afraid I’d lost you, Kaia. Seeing you so void of life had me worried you’d never come back.”
“What do you mean?” I asked and took a good long look at him. It was to be expected that he would be tired and upset after everything we had been through over the last couple of hours, but the look on his face was way more than that. He looked devastated. Broken. Like he had lost a piece of his soul.
“Kaia, you’ve been in some kind of trance for the last twenty-six hours, just staring into space” he paused and swallowed hard. “When we realized you were out of it, I carried you up here and have been watching over you ever since. Are you alright? Are you still...”
“The same?” I said, cutting him off and finishing his sentence before he had a chance to.
He nodded.
I thought about it for a minute then shook my head. “No” I said in a flat tone. “I will never be the same as I was before.”
It was hard not to notice the sadness that crumpled his face. But I knew my words were true and there was no reason to hide the truth from him. An image of me biting into Caleb’s neck flashed in my mind and I felt nothing at all about what I’d done. There was no sorrow or regret. Only emptiness and anger.
It was impossible to learn everything I’d learned about myself and my family, and to witness the atrocities I’d seen without it changing me. I felt like I had aged a century in the span of a day. My childhood was gone. I no longer had the luxury of being a teenager whose biggest problems in life was what to wear to school or finding a date to prom.
My problems were much more imposing than that. I had to find a way to come to terms with my true identity and learn how to control my magic or whatever it was that lived inside me, as well as my hunger for blood. And last but not least, I had to find a way to stop my father and save my friends. It was a burden I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to carry but I had no choice in the matter.
Nolan’s silence told me that he didn’t know what to say. A part of me felt sorry for him because it wasn’t often that he was at a loss for words. It was evident from the look on his face that he understood the girl he had spent the last fifty years of his life caring for and protecting was gone. The innocence he had tried so hard for me keep had been violently ripped away in the blink of an eye. The evils of the world had touched me and it was now up to me how I responded to it.
I breathed in deeply and prepared myself for what I knew was going to be the most difficult thing in the world for me to do. I had to say goodbye to my aunt. I scooted to the edge of the bed then stood up. I turned to Nolan and said, “I’ll meet you in Aunt Meg’s room in a few minutes.” Then I went into the bathroom and shut the door.
When I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I saw for the first time just how much I had changed. My face was pretty much the same, only slightly thinner. My hair was now blindingly white and my eyes –while still silver, were so bright that they looked fake. The most noticeable change was the translucent tone of my skin. Each and every one of the faint blue veins beneath my skin were now visible to the eye.
I opened my mouth to see the fangs I felt scraping against my lip. The sight of them reminded me of what I would have to feed on for the rest of my life. The thought sickened me but also caused my heart to beat wildly. The thought of blood excited me more than I wanted to admit. I pushed away from the mirror and climbed in the shower.
*****
The farewell ceremony wasn’t much different from a human wake...until the end. I was mostly numb the entire time, just staring at Aunt Meg while the memory of our time in the kitchen yesterday replayed in my mind. The way she had allowed me to lay my head in her lap while she ran her hand down my hair was something I knew I would cherish forever.
Her body was laid on the bed. The room was lit up by hundreds of candles. We each paid our respects and said our goodbyes then Nolan retrieved a small leather satchel from Aunt Meg’s dresser and sprinkled a fine white powder over her body. It was at that point that I understood the difference between a fairy funeral and a human one.
Aunt Meg’s body slowly began to disappear right before my eyes and so did the powder that was sprinkled on top of her. At any other time, seeing something like that would have shocked me but after everything I had been through, nothing shocked me anymore. Once every trace of her body was gone, I walked out of the room feeling completely hollow inside.
I knew Nolan, Alyse and Mandy were right behind me but I didn’t let that stop me from continuing with my plan. I went to my room and grabbed my gym bag from the closet and began shoving clothes from my dresser inside it.
“Kaia, what are you doing?” Alyse asked as she and Nolan entered the room.
I spared a quick glance in their direction then continued filling my bag. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m packing.” I dropped the bag on the bed and went into the bathroom to retrieve a few things.
When I came back out, Nolan was standing on the far side of the room near the window that faced his house. He picked something up from my desk and turned around to face me. He locked eyes with me for a moment then looked down at the leather bag in his hands and the attached card.
“What is that?” I asked as I threw my hairbrush in the gym bag.
It took him a few seconds to respond. “It’s a card from Meg and the bag that your mother gave her to give to you when she thought you were ready to have it.”
My hands stilled. I stared at the bag in his hands. The leather looked old. I caught sight of my name written in my aunt’s handwriting on the outside of the white envelope. Mixed emotions swirled inside me at the thought of reading her letter. What was it going to say? What was in the bag from my mother?
I took several shaky steps toward Nolan. He handed the bag and envelope to me, then placed his hand gently on my shoulder for a moment. “I know what you’re thinking, Kaia, but you can’t go. You’re not ready to face Drycus right now.” He paused then continued, “We’ll give you some privacy” he said and looked down at the contents in my hands.
I didn’t acknowledge what he said, there was no reason to really. My mind was made up and I wasn’t going to let him stop me. I sat down on the side of the bed that faced the window and waited for him and Alyse to leave. When I heard the door ease shut behind me, I opened Aunt Meg’s letter and read it silently to myself:
My Dearest Kaia, words cannot express how sorry I am that I’m not there with you right now. I know that you’re hurting and probably feel abandoned and lost but please don’t let my death deter you from your destiny. I always knew I would leave you one day, although I had hoped for more time with you, I do not regret my decision to face Drycus. You needed to see for yourself the brutality that he is capable of... that you are capable of if you allow yourself to become like him. Always remember that you have a choice, Kaia. I know the war that battles inside you, the confusion over whether you are good like your mother or evil like your father, but the truth is both goodness and evil live inside you. Only you can decide the path you want to take and it isn’t going to be easy. Decisions you make will have consequences. Trust me, I know. A long time ago I made a decision that has haunted me for over half a century. When you asked me to tell you about your mother, I left out the part about how it was my fault that she had suffered her entire life without a mother. After having a disturbing vision, I ran to your grandmother and warned her that her unborn child would be responsible for the destruction of our world and the end of our existence. It was because of my vision that our Queen abandoned her daughter and left her vulnerable to an attack from Drycus. Izola thought she was doing what was best for her people, instead, she had unknowingly sentenced them all to death. Her daughter...your mother... grew into an amazingly beautiful woman with a heart of gold despite knowing that she was unwanted. Once Drycus learned of her existence, he captured her and used compulsion to make her do things that ultimately led to your birth. You see, the vision I had when your grandmother was pregnant with your mother was never about her...it was about you. Celeste was just the vessel responsible for bringing you into the world. You’re the one who has the power to destroy us all. Or you can choose to fight your dark side and become the Queen that Nolan and Alyse need you to be. I know you still have a lot of questions and I hope you find the answers you need to make the right decision. I love you, Kaia. The bag contains things that your mother wanted you to have. I never opened it so I don’t know what’s inside but hopefully you will learn a little about her from the items she gave you. There is one more thing you need to know, when you were younger there was a place near the lake that you visited regularly. I recently figured out why you were so drawn to that area. Your grandmother had secret portals all over the human world that were used for travel centuries before she banned passage into this world. No one knew their location but your grandmother. I think your secret place near the lake is one of those portals. When you’re ready, go there to find your way home. I will always be with you. Love, Meglana
I stared at the paper in my shaky hands as my aunts words repeated over and over in my mind. Even before I was born, before my mother was born, Aunt Meg had a vision that I would be the reason for their world collapsing. How was I supposed to fight against a prophecy that was foretold over a hundred years before my birth?
I laid the letter on the bed and opened the leather bag and looked inside it hoping to find something that would make my task easier. But all I found was a soft yellow baby blanket, a large blue sapphire pendant and chain, a small leather-bound book and another envelope. My hand trembled as I rubbed it over the letters of my name written in a very elegant style. My mother’s handwriting.
I instinctively looked to my wrist expecting to see my charm bracelet but it was no longer there. It occurred to me then that I had left it back at Darian’s house. The loss of it made me sad but it also freed me of all the spells that had been placed on me. I gently opened my mother’s letter and read what it said:
My darling Kaia, it is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye to you. Your time with me has come to an end and I have to let you go. It is no longer safe for you here in Shohala Falls. In the human world, you will learn things. You will grow and thrive. You will have a chance to live and be happy. That is my gift to you...freedom. Freedom from the evil that has consumed our world. Live your life, my daughter. Love those around you, cherish what you have and one day I will see you again...even if only in my dreams. Your mother, Celeste
My eyes stung with tears as I reread her letter several times and an image of a young woman with white hair and beautiful fair skin flashed in my mind. It was the first time ever that I remembered what my mother looked like. That memory was soon followed by another and another. I saw her looking down at me in her arms. I was barely more than a baby. Her smile lit up her face as she rubbed her thumb gently over my cheek. She looked so happy.
My body began to shake. A torrent of memories that had been locked away for so long suddenly flooded my mind. I saw my grandmother, who even though I knew was centuries old, only looked like she was in her fifties. The castle from my dream the other night, along with the rolling hills that surrounded it flashed in my mind. The need to be there...to go home...hit me hard.
My mother had done what she thought was best by sending me away but now it was time for me to return to where I truly belonged. I folded the letters from my aunt and mother and tucked them in my gym bag, along with the sapphire pendant, book and blanket that I now remembered my mother wrapping around me the night she handed me over to Meg.
I stood in the middle of the room and looked around, mentally saying goodbye to the human life I had been living. With my gym bag in hand, I walked out of the room. Once downstairs, I saw Nolan sitting on the couch with his head lowered and his hands clasped together in front of him, his elbows leaned heavily on his knees. I heard Alyse and Mandy moving around in the kitchen.
Standing at the bottom of the stairs, I stared at Nolan. How was it possible that I ever saw him as a boy when he was clearly so much more than that? Even when we were younger I always sensed that he was older and wiser than me. I had always assumed his hard exterior was just a part of who he was, now I knew it was his way of masking the emotional wounds he carried around with him from the battles he’d fought before coming into my life. He truly was a warrior in every sense of the word.
When I was searching through his memories, I saw the battles he fought against my father and the other vampires in Shohala Falls. He was so young - just a little boy, but he had been responsible for leading my grandmother’s army in fights that often left many of his friends dead. With each loss his heart grew colder, his actions more ruthless. By the time he brought me and the others to this world, he was terrified that he had lost all the goodness he had been born with. He worried that he would never know how to love.
Having me in his life is what changed how he felt about himself. Watching me grow and learn from my mistakes taught him that he could do the same. It showed him that he didn’t have to be the same man he was back then. Knowing that I loved him had slowly softened his heart as the years ticked by. As I looked at him now my heart filled with so much love.
So much had changed between us. My dream of learning that he loved me had finally come true, even if the truth hadn’t come from his mouth. I should have felt good about discovering his feelings for me, instead I unexpectedly felt burdened. I didn’t want to be responsible for the anguish I knew he was going to suffer when the vision of my death came true.
I now remembered everything I said and saw so many years ago. And even though my heart ached with the knowledge that I wasn’t going to get my happy ending with Nolan, I was willing to give it up if it meant defeating my father and saving the ones I loved. The fate of my birthplace, Shohala Falls, and any remaining Lenoi depended on me. I knew what I had to do.
Nolan stood from the couch and started toward me. His eyes fell to the gym bag in my hand and he instantly tensed. “Kaia” he said my name and shook his head slowly. “Where do you think you’re going? We can’t run away from this. Now that you’ve made a connection with Drycus he’ll always find us no matter where we go.”
I stared at him defiantly. “I’m not running anywhere. I’m going home.”
“You are home, Kaia.”
“No, I’m not. Our home is in Shohala Falls. Or have you forgotten where we came from?”
“I haven’t forgotten anything, Kaia. But going back there isn’t an option. Drycus is waiting for you and I can’t let you walk right into his hands. Even if that means sacrificing your human friends.” He paused and looked down at the floor before speaking again. “I’m sorry about Sara and the others. But the truth is Kaia, they are probably already dead.”
“Don’t say that!”
“He’s right, Kaia” Alyse said as she entered the room and stood beside Nolan. Mandy sat down quietly on the couch, her eyes trained on me. She hadn’t said one word since we rescued her from my father.
I took a second to think and I knew they were probably right. Maybe my friends were dead. But then again, maybe they weren’t. Maybe they were waiting for me to go get them. It was that small chance that they were still alive that forced me to stick to my decision.
It was time for me to embrace my lineage and assert the power I knew I had even though I hated to do so. I stood straight with my head held high and looked at my friends. My voice was calm and unusually authoritative as I spoke. “You two can choose to go with me and help me or you can stay here and continue living a lie, pretending to be human. But you have no say in what I do anymore. I am a princess. The granddaughter of Queen Izola and the daughter of Princess Celeste. And I am choosing to go back and save my friends and claim my place as the future Queen.”
The shock on Alyse and Nolan was unmistakable. They both stared at me like I had lost my mind, but it did nothing to deter me. I had spent many years of my life being an emotionally unstable, whiny, somewhat bratty child and I didn’t want to be that person anymore. I couldn’t be that person anymore. Too much depended on me growing up and becoming the strong woman I needed to be.
Nolan reached out and took my hand in his then knelt down on one knee in front of me. He looked up at me and I knew then that the argument was over. The look in his eyes told me that he would do whatever I asked of him even if he didn’t think we would succeed. “Your Highness, wherever you lead, I will follow.”
Those few simple words from his mouth brought fresh tears to my eyes. Even though I wasn’t fond of my new title, I was happy to have him by my side. “Thank you” I whispered.
The words had barely left my mouth when Alyse threw her arm around my shoulder, knocking my hand from Nolan’s grasp. She rolled her eyes at Nolan then smiled at me. “And of course I will go with you too. Just don’t expect me to get down on one knee like the big bad warrior here. I think we are all friendly enough that the proper etiquette of interacting with a royal can take a back seat for a while. Don’t you?” she asked and raised her brows in question.
A small chuckle escaped my mouth as I nodded. “Yes. Let’s just keep the ‘Your Highness’ stuff on ice for a while. We’re friends. I’m no better than either of you. And I’d really like it if you didn’t treat me any differently.”
Nolan stood and reclaimed my hand. He shot a sideways glance to Alyse and she grabbed Mandy’s hand and walked outside to give us some privacy. The kissing noises she made under her breath as they stood on the front porch with the door open were loud enough for us to hear.
After a few seconds of just staring at me, Nolan let out a heavy breath and finally spoke. “Kaia...I think we should talk about what happened at Darian’s.”
The memory of biting into Caleb’s neck flashed in my mind. The reminder of his black blood filling my mouth brought back the horribly sick feeling I had felt after swallowing it. Even though I no longer felt sick, the thought made me want to gag. “I’d really rather not talk about that if you don’t mind.” I paused, “I’m not proud of what I did, but I can’t change it. It happened. I killed Caleb and the truth is I’m not even sorry.”
Nolan tensed as he stared at me. “I was talking about what happened between us. The kiss...” he said uncomfortably. “It shouldn’t have happened and I’m sorry. It seemed like a good idea at the time. And it was the only way I could think of to calm you.” He paused like he was struggling to find the right words to say. The torment in his eyes was almost unbearable to look at.
It was then that I realized he wasn’t aware I had invaded his mind and saw his memories and felt his feelings. He was still trying to hide his love for me. My first instinct was to tell him that I already knew the truth, but then I really thought about it and decided against it. Acknowledging his feelings and giving in to our desire for each other would only make his future without me more difficult. I already knew my ending and it didn’t include him.
As hard as it was for me to do, I ignored the pain in my heart and nodded in agreement. “You’re right, it shouldn’t have happened. And I’m sure it never will again. We’re friends, Nolan, and we can never be anything more than that.” I did my best to keep my voice from cracking as I repeated back to him the same words he said to me so long ago.
The hurt that flashed across his face was hard to miss. But he covered it up quickly by replacing it with a hard, focused expression. “It’s good to know where we stand with each other” he said and released my hand so that it fell to my side. A few quiet minutes passed before he spoke again. “So what are we going to do about Mandy? We still don’t know what she is or if she’s dangerous.”
I looked out the open doorway to see Mandy sitting on the top step of the porch, staring out into the night. I understood Nolan’s concern about her, the unknown always frightened people. I wasn’t sure what she was either, but I knew that I was connected to her. Bringing her back from the dead had bonded us together. She was a part of me now and I sensed the need to protect her, no matter what. I now knew the feelings of fear I had felt earlier before finding her had nothing to do with me. They were her feelings...reaching out to me after Darian captured her.
“Mandy’s life here is over just like ours. She’s no longer human. She can never go home and put her parents in danger. So she’s coming with us.”
“And where exactly are we going?” Nolan asked and pointed to the bag still in my other hand. “We can’t go back to Shohala Falls. We don’t know where the portals are.”
I took a small photo of Aunt Meg from the wall by the front door and shoved it in my bag. “You’ll see when we get there” I said and walked outside into the cool night air.
Standing beside Alyse on the porch, I looked over my shoulder at Nolan as he followed behind me. “Don’t forget your bow. You’re going to need it. Our journey to save the world and defeat my father starts now” I said and jumped from the porch with my destination clear in mind even if the outcome of our quest was anything but clear.
To be continued...
Thank you for reading “Bound by Secrets”.
If you would like to follow Kaia on her journey be sure to read “Bound by Truth” the second book in the series.