16

Lucia

I leaned against the door trying to figure out where I had gone wrong in my life to deserve such a mess. My heart was in turmoil and my brain, well, that was definitely not functioning properly. After running into Jacob in the hall, I had to retreat to my office in an effort to calm my beating heart, hating the fact that he had that kind of effect on me even though we hadn’t seen each other nor conversed in a number of weeks. I’d been good so far at avoiding him but I hadn’t realized how miserable I had been about not seeing him until now, missing him way more than I should.

Pushing away from the door, I walked over to my chair and sat down, looking sadly at my calendar. On it were a number of red marks, signifying all of the players who had not shown up for their appointments. I didn’t know if the word had gotten out that Greg had put down stipulations on which players had to see me or not, but the only people I had seen lately were some of the other support staff, including the office personnel who worked with me every day. Not a single player.

With a groan I laid my head on the desk and fought the urge to scream. This was not how my job was supposed to go! I wanted to help athletes, not be shunned by them! I wanted them to trust me, not laugh at me. Why had I thought that I could make a difference in this predominantly man-driven world? How did I ever think they were going to take me seriously? Without their coach believing in me or what I could provide for them, it was pointless, and as soon as my father found out about this boycott of sorts, it was going to be over. So why keep going? Cara’s offer kept flitting around in my mind, tempting me, calling to me.

Picking my head up off the desk, I leaned back in my chair and spun it around to look out the window, tapping my fingers against the arms of the chair. Perhaps it was time to call it quits, to move on, and maybe now was the perfect time to take Cara up on her offer. It wasn’t like anyone was going to miss me here anyway. Jacob’s stone-cold expression and inability to say anything worthwhile told me all I needed to know. I had been stupid to let my guard down, to think I could find a good guy in a player. He was no different than the rest of them. I had put my faith in a man who couldn’t give me what I needed—but to be fair it was my own fault. I’d gotten my hopes up too soon, too fast, and all because of one night, some mind-blowing sex, and a few knee-knocking words whispered into my ear.

“The team looks good, don’t they?”

I nodded as I watched the offense on the field from the sidelines. One of the perks of being the owner’s daughter was that I had a permanent field pass for any home game (not to mention access to the owner’s private box, of course), and another pass for all the away games if I chose to travel with the team to cheer them on. And on many occasions I had flown with my father to the away games, my love of the sport just as intense as his. But tonight was just a pre-season home game, and my father and I had walked down to the field as the fourth quarter drew closer to the end, our guys up by a touchdown.

Together we stood near the end zone, my father watching his investments closely as they trotted on and off the field, looking for any signs of injuries or any setbacks that might make the season a rough one. So far, everyone looked great; most of the starters were on the bench with the exception of the quarterback. I had waited with bated breath to see Jacob trot out on the field and show off his skill set, but Greg had only put him in to cover one play when Danny Miller, the star, needed a breather.

“I think you have a good one, Dad, two actually,” I finally said as we watched Danny take a knee for the final play. The win was ours.

My dad grinned and walked over to Greg to congratulate him on the win as I looked over to try and find Jacob amongst the celebrating players. He was nowhere in sight, and I frowned, wondering where he had gotten off to so quickly. We needed to talk so badly; I was tired of this helpless feeling, but perhaps this wasn’t the right time. Yet, if not now, when?

We were both adults, and we really should be able to be civil to one another, perhaps grown-up enough to sit down at a table (one with dinner, I thought hopefully) and discuss whatever it was that was between us. It wasn’t a relationship, I knew that—I wasn’t that bloody naive—but it was far more than just a one-night stand as well. I wasn’t blind to the fact that I craved Jacob, and maybe he was feeling the same way. I shook my head. Was I really contemplating a casual relationship with a player? Was I that desperate? No, that wasn’t it. I’d just had a taste of something, and I wanted more… a lot more. And I was beginning to realize I was willing to do anything for it. For him.

God, I was a goner.

Greg and my father strolled back over towards me and I gave the coach the best smile I could muster, given the circumstances of our previous meeting. “Good game, Greg.”

“Thank you, Lucia,” he replied, very aware that he was standing next to the man who held his job in his hands. I felt like if my dad hadn’t been there, he would have persisted with his animosity. It was funny to see him pretend to like me, when I knew he couldn’t care less. He nodded to both of us, made his excuses and left in the direction of the locker room, following a long line of players hurrying off the field, leaving my father and me standing on the sideline.

“How about I take my favorite daughter out for a meal?” my father asked, putting his hands in his pockets. He was wearing what I called his casual clothes, a pair of jeans and a golf shirt that had the team’s emblem on the left side, his reading glasses hanging around his neck. We had made him get them a few years ago, Merry complaining that he was squinting too much. He had balked at the idea, but in the end, Merry always won out.

“I’m your only daughter,” I said with a smile. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m really tired, Dad. Rain check?” I finally said, not really wanting to have any company right then. I just wanted to go home, get into my pajamas, and bury my sorrows in my favorite ice cream.

“Of course, honey,” he replied, returning my smile, though the frown line crossing his forehead never disappeared. “You go on home and rest.”

I gave him a quick hug and decided to do just that. Remembering I had left a file in my office that I wanted to take home to dictate, I took a quick detour through the facility. The hallway was dark as I walked to my office; the place was quiet now that the game was over. But there was still a hum of activity coming from the locker room and training rooms that echoed down the corridors. Coaches and players would be in there, cooling down, going over the game and tending to any injuries before everyone could go home for the night. The actual season was a vicious cycle of extremely busy weekends as they prepped for the games, the culmination of the hard work by everyone seen on Sundays and of course Monday nights, when thousands of people in the stadium and millions worldwide enjoyed a good game of football.

“Doc.”

I closed my eyes briefly as I let his voice register in my head. That low voice which had sent vibrations through my entire body not so long ago. My heart beat loudly in my ears. No, not now! I couldn’t do this right now, I wasn’t prepared.

“Lucia?”

Against my better judgment I turned around and faced Jacob, who was mere feet away, still dressed in his uniform, a serious look on his face. “Are you following me?” I asked, my voice hollow. He shook his head, gripping his helmet in his hands. “I’m not, I swear it.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. “Then why are you here?”

He ran a hand through his hair roughly. “Hell, I don’t know, Doc. I really don’t know. I can’t keep away from you anymore. You’re like a fucking magnet…” he trailed off and took a step forward, as if proving his statement.

I swallowed hard as I heard the indecision in his voice, as if he was torn between the team and being with me. I didn’t want that. I didn’t need that, and I didn’t need him. Did I? I wished that I could stop lying to myself.

“One night wasn’t enough, Lucia. I need to have you again,” he continued, his voice getting louder with each word. What if someone overheard us? What if we were caught together like this, unable to explain anything at all?

“I can’t do this,” I finally said, panic rising in my throat. Against everything I had ever said or done, I was actually starting to believe I needed him… my body surely did. I was buzzing with electricity with him being so close. I could reach out and touch him… feel him under my fingers again. And oh, how I wanted to. He was saying all the right things, acting like a normal human being, though perhaps he would say anything to have what he wanted. He had charm by the bucket load, and surely I would end up being just another notch on his bedpost again?

I was so fucking torn, I felt like I was being ripped in two. As I stared into his pleading eyes—eyes that told me he would have me right here in the corridor if I let him—I nearly gave in. But it was the taboo nature of our relationship that was messing everything up; my career and reputation depended on me not going against the rules. It was too important. I’d worked far too hard to let it all go to waste for a man. I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t fail.

“Let’s go talk, or…” he said, taking another step forward. Sweat and spice wrapped around me like a cloud. He smelled so good.

“I’m sorry,” I said, almost as a whisper.

“No wait, Luce,” he started as I turned around and started to jog away in the direction of the entrance, hoping he wouldn’t follow because I wasn’t sure if I could say no and turn him away again. I wasn’t strong enough for that. Screw the file. I couldn’t deal with Jacob Maddox tonight.