Sassy
The tunnel stretched endlessly into the darkness, the damp stone walls closing in around us as we trudged forward. Jango Fett meowed impatiently on my shoulder, his fur bristling and his ass backfiring as he started shooting fire bullets the louder the mad cackles echoed all around us. If I lit a match, the whole tunnel would blow.
"Hush now and stop breaking wind for Goddess’s sake," I murmured, giving his head a gentle scratch, as I wrinkled my nose. Boba Fett and Fat Bastard prowled ahead, their eyes glowing in the dim light as they scouted the path.
When we finally emerged from that wretched tunnel, the forest loomed before us. Massive pine trees rose into the night sky, their branches intertwining to block out the stars. The air was thick with the scent of sap and moss and decay.
Jango Fett purred against my neck, nuzzling my hair. I took a deep breath, steeling my nerves. We were close now—I could feel it. The evil that had been stalking us for so long was near.
But we were ready. My magic simmered under my skin, crackling with power. The cats' fur stood on end as they sensed it too, their own magic bonding with mine. We would face this threat together. We would destroy it, once and for all.
No more hiding in the shadows. No more waiting in fear of what might come in the long, dark night. The end was here. We could handle this, keep Holli and her friends safe, and get my best friend back.
I clenched my fist, summoning a ball of blue fire that cast a flickering glow over the forest. Somewhere in the distance, a shriek of rage split the air. The cats growled in response, baring their teeth as they peered into the gloom.
The battle was about to begin.
* * *
I reached into my bag and grasped the silky scrap of fabric nestled within—the second pair of Zelda's lace panties Fat Bastard had swiped. They glowed with her magical signature, the perfect catalyst for a location spell. As I chanted the incantation, the panties began to glow blue.
In the darkness of the night, where whispers weave their spells,
I seek to find the one I've lost, my dearest friend to tell.
With a token of her essence, a piece of cloth I hold,
A garment close, from days gone by, imbued with memories untold.
Panties of my cherished friend, lend me now your might,
Lead me through the shadows, to where Zelda's heart alights.
By the power of the moon above, and the earth that lies below,
Let the bonds of our friendship, guide me where to go.
Silver threads and hidden paths, the fates will intertwine,
Through the panty's energy, a beacon I shall find.
Winds of change, please carry me, as I chant this incantation,
Unveil the hidden presence, of my friend's location.
Zeldam amica mea, inveniam te,
Per vestimenta tua, te revelabo.
In terra et caelo, viam monstrabo.
With these words, I summon thee, the powers that may be,
Guide me to my cherished friend, united we shall be.
A tug in my gut told me which direction to go. I started forward, picking my way between the trees with the cats flanking me. The glow intensified until it was nearly blinding. And then, in a burst of violet light, they appeared.
Zelda, Baba Yaga, Scroogess—even the Evil Snowman and Elf. Their eyes glowed red with dark magic, filled with hatred and madness. My heart clenched at the sight of them. How had it come to this? Once, we were friends, sisters in magic. Now, we were mortal enemies.
An icy blast of power erupted from the Snowman, shards of ice whizzing through the air. I threw up a hasty shield, deflecting them away. But it was only the first blow.
A barrage of spells came at us from all sides, the very air seeming to crackle with magic. It was all I could do to shield myself and the cats, desperately trying to find an opening to launch a counterattack.
"Surrender, Sassy!" Zelda shrieked, flinging a fireball that nearly singed my hair. "Join us, or perish!"
"Never!" I shot back. My magic swelled within me, fueled by anger and betrayal. How dare they? I would never join their twisted cause.
The battle had begun in earnest, magic and chaos reigning in the forest. There would be no surrender tonight. Only victory or death. The fate of Christmas itself hung in the balance.
* * *
I summoned a blast of magical fire and hurled it at Zelda. She cackled with glee, dodging my attack.
Blast it, she was fast. And strong—stronger than I remembered. Whatever dark magic had corrupted her and the others, it had amplified their powers to dangerous levels.
Another icy blast came from the Snowman, nearly encasing me in a block of ice. I shook it off just in time to deflect a curse from Scroogess, sending it ricocheting into a nearby tree. The tree shrieked, branches flailing, as the curse began to rot it from within.
This was bad. Very bad. We were outmatched and outgunned. If I didn't do something quickly, we would be overrun.
I took a deep breath and called out with my magic, summoning help from our allies. "Holli! Cristof! Abbi! Gracie! Dane! Jack! We need you!"
Moments later, the air shimmered as my friends appeared on the battlefield, eyes glowing with power. Relief flooded me at the sight of them. Together, we might just stand a chance.
Holli hurled a blast of starlight at the Snowman, melting him into a puddle. Cristof cast a shield to deflect Scroogess's spells. Abbi and Gracie flanked Zelda, attacking from both sides to distract her.
Dane and Jack had the evil elf cornered. From the corner of my eye, I watched Dane shift into a magnificent 8-foot deer. His fur a deep shade of brown with accents of whit on his legs, chest, and antlers. He aimed those impressive with multiple points at the evil elf’s heart barely missing and piercing his shoulder instead. Jack simultaneously attacking with sharp ice daggers that caught the evil elf. The little shit was fast.
The tide of battle was turning. But Zelda and the others still had tricks up their sleeves. This was far from over. The fate of Christmas would be decided tonight, for better or for worse. Darkness or light. There could be no middle ground.
I summoned a blast of fire, sending it hurtling toward Baba Yaga. She cackled, deflecting it back at me with a wave of her gnarled staff. I dove out of the way just in time, the heat of the flames scorching my arm.
Baba Yaga hurled another curse, this one in a language I didn't recognize. It hit the ground at my feet, sinking into the earth. The ground began to shake and split, a chasm opening beneath me. I scrambled away, grabbing onto a tree root to avoid falling into the abyss below.
"You cannot win, little witchling," Baba Yaga sneered. "Darkness will prevail."
"Not if I have anything to say about it. Who the fuck are you calling a witchling, you old hag?" I shot back.
Zelda let out a piercing shriek, blasting Abbi and Gracie away from her. They tumbled across the ground, dazed. Rage rose in me at the sight of them hurt. I would make Zelda pay for that.
I flew at Zelda, tackling her to the ground. We grappled, clawing and kicking, spells forgotten for the moment. I punched her in the nose, feeling the satisfying crunch of breaking bone. She howled, shoving me off of her and scrambling away. Blood streamed from her nose, her eyes blazing with fury.
"You'll pay for that, you miserable little -"
Her words were cut off as a blast of starlight hit her in the chest, sending her tumbling head over heels. Holli floated down beside me, eyes glowing. "Looked like you could use some help," she said with a grin.
I laughed, the sound edged with hysteria. "You have no idea."
The battle was far from over. But with my friends at my side, maybe we stood a chance after all.
* * *
We crashed through the forest, the sounds of Zelda's furious screams chasing us. My heart pounded as we ran, barely daring to look back. Branches whipped at our faces and clothes, tearing angry red marks into our skin.
"We can't keep running forever," Cristof panted. "We need to make a stand."
"And end up like Jack?" I shot him a furious look.
Jack stumbled, clutching at his side. Blood seeped between his fingers where one of Baba Yaga's spells had hit him. We couldn't afford to lose anyone else.
"Sassy's right," Dane said. "We need to regroup and come up with a plan."
I glanced over my shoulder, just in time to see a blast of purple magic explode against a tree behind us. "There!" Zelda shrieked. "I've found you!"
Panic rose in my chest. We were outmatched and outgunned, with no way out. But I couldn't give up. I had to find a way to defeat them, to bring my friends back from the darkness that had claimed them.
Somehow, I had to win.
Zelda had been my best friend for as long as I could remember. We grew up together, learned magic together, got into trouble together. How had it come to this? What had changed her so completely that she wanted me dead?
I didn't understand. None of it made sense. The Zelda I knew would never have become so evil, so cruel and vindictive. She had always been mischievous, but never truly malicious.
Baba Yaga and Scroogess too had once been our friends and allies. Now they were little more than mindless minions, corrupted by the same dark magic that had changed my best friend.
We were meant to stand against evil, not become it. I didn't know how to defeat them without destroying them completely. But I couldn't do that. I had to find a way to save them, to bring them back from the darkness that had stolen them away.
Even if it was the last thing I did, I would get my friends back.
* * *
I turned to the others, determination settling over me. "We need help."
Holli's eyes widened. "You can't mean—"
"Yes," I said. "It's time to call in the big guns. We're outmatched here, and if we want to defeat them without destroying them completely, we need reinforcements."
"But they swore never to interfere," Cristof argued.
"This has gone too far for that now," I said. "Zelda and the others are too powerful, their magic corrupted and amplified by the dark forces they've allied with. If we don't stop them here and now, they'll destroy Christmas itself."
No one could argue with that. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, reaching out with my magic.
A moment later, a crack of thunder shook the forest, followed by a flash of blinding light. When I opened my eyes again, four new figures stood before us.
"You called?" the tallest of them asked, his eyes glowing beneath the hood of his crimson cloak.
I nodded, relief flooding through me. "We need your help."
The figures exchanged a glance, then the cloaked man turned back to me, a wry smile on his face. "Well, it seems Christmas is in trouble again. What else is new?"
The familiar crackle of magic filled the air as the four powerful figures joined our group. Though they rarely interfered directly, their magical presence was unmistakable. A surge of hope flowed through me—with their help, we actually stood a chance.
Thunder rumbled in the distance, dark clouds gathering overhead. The air itself seemed to thicken with tension and the metallic tang of impending violence.
This was it. The final showdown was about to begin.
Zelda and the others had gone too far, and now the most powerful beings in our world had come to make sure they paid the price for their actions.
No matter what it took, I would get my friends back tonight. The alternative was simply unthinkable. Christmas depended on our victory here, and failure was not an option.