I stared at the emptiness, the lack in front of my eyes. The shock had climbed up through my stomach and grabbed hold of my throat. After it had spread out into the rest of my body, I felt cold. I ran my hands up my arms but didn’t move away, trying to fix everything in my mind. My eyes stayed bound to the sight before them, transfixed almost, until a crawling sense of dirtiness started to move into me. I knew then that I was no longer learning anything. Just looking. So that I’d have to believe it. I felt small and scared, like I used to as a child, listening to the silence from downstairs that told me my father had finished arguing with my mother. That he was on his way up.
I raised my head from the woman but the sight of her stayed with me. Just as it had in the cafe, another image had burst into my mind, burst into the most private quarters there like storm troopers before I could bar the door. Andy was pulling me away and I let him, shivering, waiting for the image to fade. I wanted to ask Andy what he knew. I took three steps and stopped. The disgust and the shock were vast, but they were already being pushed out by something else. Relief. Relief was flooding in. The strange, awful relief that certainty brings. Even as I’d shouted at Andy over the phone I knew that my theory about Josephine Thomas was no more than a guess. I knew how I’d have sounded: Mike didn’t do it! There’s a maniac out there! I wouldn’t sound like that now.
The relief deepened even as I tried not to feel it. Mike wasn’t involved in this. He had not killed his wife. Anybody. I wanted to see him. Not to look at him, to try and read him. I wanted to take him home. Two days had past since he’d lost Ally and he’d been alone during that time. I was his friend, I hadn’t been there for him. The fact amazed me. I looked round for Andy, wanting to say: let’s find out who’s doing this. But once again Andy was striding away from me, back around to the other side of the lorry. I wanted us both to look at the woman, to compare notes, force each other to see things. I was frustrated, but again I followed him.
‘’Ello ‘ello ‘ello.’
Ignoring the sparks showering down towards him, Andy strode right up to the front of the wrecked car and bent down to the pale, terrified face peering out from inside it. I watched as the sparks died. Above Andy one of the firemen lowered his torch and flicked his visor. He didn’t look happy.
‘How many times do I have to tell you?’ he spat. ‘You can speak to that boy when we get him out of there!’
‘You all right, sonny?’ Andy said. He didn’t even glance at the fireman or acknowledge that he’d spoken. He reached in through the narrow gap and stroked the kid’s face. It stopped the fireman, who was beginning to make his way down to us. ‘You OK?’ Andy went on. The fireman relaxed further. ‘You happy there with all your mates, are you? Nice and comfy all squashed in like that?’
‘Get away from the vehicle. This second.’
‘Now then.’ I could see Andy smiling. ‘These brave fire fighters above you are trying to get you out of here. They have, however, confidentially informed me that the odds are less than good. The actions they’re taking might, instead of releasing you, just cause the truck you ploughed into to shift. If, or rather when, that happens, you’re pretty certain to end up looking a lot like your mates here. Or the lorry driver. He’s dead as well, or didn’t you know? Were they trying to keep that from you? Oops. Somebody’s dad, he was. All of which should make you feel very, very sorry, you naughty little boy. Speeding. Tut, tut. You were speeding, weren’t you?’
The kid’s face was only inches from Andy’s. He used what space he had to nod. Andy shook his head.
‘Oh dear. That’s three points, that is. And in a stolen car. Yes?’ Another nod. ‘Where did you nick it from?’
The kid hesitated for a second but Andy didn’t need to ask him again. ‘Lewisham,’ he managed to say. ‘The High Road. Wasn’t even locked, keys in it.’
‘I see. Thank you. Now, under normal circumstances I’d be very happy to arrest you for this. But what I’m more concerned about is the lady in the boot.’ Andy gripped hold of the boy’s cheeks, his voice getting louder. ‘The naked, formerly pregnant lady someone took a butcher’s knife to. Now what have you got to tell me about her, eh? Come on, now. I don’t want to wait until you’re a piece of minced topside like your mates in there, so what have you got to say? What?! I asked you a fucking question…’
Andy screamed at the shaking face peering out of the debris as two firemen pulled him backwards. Andy asked him why he’d done it, what he’d done with the baby. The kid didn’t understand, he had no idea what Andy was talking about. It wasn’t him, I could see that. He’d just nicked the wrong car. It had been left with the keys in for someone like him to come along. The kid’s eyes were wide. Here was more information he couldn’t deal with. I kept my eyes on the kid while one of the firemen got in front of Andy and butted him back with huge, gloved hands.
Andy dodged the guy and made a break for the car but I caught his arm and spun him round, signalling to the fireman that I had him. I pushed Andy back ten, fifteen feet, succeeding in calming him down, and then I turned back to the fireman. His face was setting into anger. He took a step towards us, about to give Andy more grief but instead he stopped. We all did. We turned towards the car. Towards the deep, metallic lurch that was beginning to fill the tunnel. That was getting louder. A voice behind me said, ‘Oh, shit.’ I searched for the kid’s eyes among the wreckage. They were shaking. The huge, bellyache of a creak increased in volume, again and again, seeming to go on for ever. I gave up trying to hold onto Andy and we both stared at the car. The kid’s eyes and face were shaking and then his body began to shake too. He was screaming, in a frenzy, bucking his body again and again, trying to break out of the tiny space he was trapped inside. Whether or not he caused it I don’t know but the door arch above him began to buckle. The crowd let out a grunt like a rugby scrum. Next to me the fireman had begun to run. As he sprinted forward he called out, ‘Stay still. Don’t move. Do not move!’ but the boy only intensified his struggling.
I managed to close my eyes in time, but I couldn’t shut out the sound that ended the boy’s screams.