‘It was you. Billy, it was you. It’s not the Lindauer, Islington even. Josephine Thomas, Ally, this Denton girl. It was you!’
Even though it was Andy who was speaking the words seemed to be coming from my own brain. They ricocheted round my head. I moved the phone away from my face as if it was radioactive. I stared at it. The airport was rushing round me in a swirl of noise.
‘Billy? Are you still there? Where the hell are you, anyway? Billy! You need to get here, get here right now!’
The phone was calling out to me like a sick bird. I turned away from it. I couldn’t take it in. Me? This had all happened because of me. At the same time as knowing that it couldn’t possibly be true, I knew that it was true. The words, outside my flat. Ally. Josephine Thomas. Now this girl. Another voice was coming at me. Not out of my phone, out of the clamour.
‘You came,’ it said. ‘Oh, thank you. You know I said I didn’t mind? I was lying. I’ve just spent the last eleven hours hoping you’d be here, imagining you being here, and here you are. Oh, honey.’
Sharon was standing right in front of me. A trolley of luggage was by her side. I just stared at her. I couldn’t speak. Me. It was me. It was all about me. I couldn’t, I refused to believe it. And Sharon. I couldn’t take her in either. I knew it was her but my mind had crashed. I was supposed to see her walking through the gate, her eyes searching the barrier. I thought she’d be in her leather jacket, the one I’d seen her off in, the fitted rust-coloured jacket that hugged her like a second skin. She was in Pakistani dress, a salwar kameez. Her green eyes flickered from the recesses of her headscarf. She was smiling, a little confused. Scared even. A canyon was cut right into my heart.
‘What do you think?’ Sharon did a quick turn to the side, trying to keep the puzzlement off her face. ‘Classy, huh? Practical too. Thought I’d surprise you and I obviously have! You look, I don’t know what you look. Well?’
I couldn’t move. Sharon didn’t know whether to kiss me, shake my hand, anything.
‘Rucker? Are you still there? Rucker?’
I hit ‘end’ on the phone, as if by doing so I could not only shut it off but snuff out what Andy had told me. I shoved the phone into my pocket. I tried to draw myself together from the fragments I’d just been blown into. Sharon’s eyes drew back, hardening as she prepared herself.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’ I swallowed. ‘You look lovely. Really lovely. That suits you.’
‘Thank you. Thanks. It’s handy too.’ I’d done enough to push back the doubt on Sharon’s face and though she still seemed a little wary she also seemed relieved. She was studying me, weighing me up, taking deep breaths.
‘Are you sure you’re all right?’ I nodded again. ‘OK then. So, did you miss me?’
‘If you knew how much. I’ve just been telling myself not to crowd you, to be cool. But I don’t want to be.’
‘Then don’t.’
Sharon put her arms round me and I held her, melting into her, not melting enough, wanting to dissolve into her body.
‘Listen.’ Sharon took a deep breath as she moved back, staring into me. ‘I have to ask you something. And you have to be honest with me.’
‘OK.’
‘Really honest.’ She closed her eyes and paused. Her face grew serious, determined. ‘I was going to wait, play it easy for a while too, but I can’t either. I can’t even wait till we’re home. I messed you around once and I’m not going to do it again. I need to know what it was all about for you. Us getting back together. I’m going to tell you now that I love you. And I always have. But was it just nostalgia for you? Or do you want to carry on?’
‘Sharon…’
‘Not just carry on, actually. What, what I really need to know is if you love me. God, that sounds stupid. You told me that you did but you’ve had time to think, really think. I need to know. So please tell me and don’t worry if you’re not sure. I can manage on my own.’
‘I love you,’ I said. ‘I want you to move in with me. Or me with you, I don’t care. I’ve been thinking about that.’
‘Good. For a second, when I saw you, I was worried. I want you to know that I’ll never hurt you again. I know I did and…’
‘That’s in the past. We’ve done that. I believe you.’
‘Good, because it’s true.’ A smile was born on Sharon’s face, one that just kept growing. Tears balanced in her eyes. ‘So. You don’t mind, then?’
‘Mind?’
‘Oh, some detective you are.’ Sharon moved forward again and took my hand. ‘I didn’t want to tell you on the phone. I wanted to see you, and to decide what I’d do if you didn’t want to be with me. It’s why I came back, why I didn’t go back for the last two weeks. If it was just me, you know?’
Sharon moved my hand so that it was sitting on top of her belly. There was a little belly. Or was there – when do women get bellies? Sharon was leaving a gap for me but I didn’t know what to say. She nodded.
‘Don’t worry, it was a bit of a surprise to me too! We only slipped one night. That first night. Remember? How about that, Mr Super Sperm?’
I still couldn’t speak. Sharon’s eyes were reaching out to mine like a toddler’s arms.
From my pocket my phone began to ring again.