Abby looked down at her plate one more time. It was simple: boiled carrots with honey and raisins, chicken roasted to a golden brown and sliced squash that had been lightly fried. Plain as the meal was, she had made it. There had been some trial and error. When frying the slices of squash, she had stood too close to the stove and burnt the sleeves of her blouse. Half the carrots she had to throw out and then scrub the burnt pan. Still, she felt an enormous amount of pride for the little plate, and even more pride at the delicious smell and the clean kitchen behind her. Esther had instructed her to wash each dish when she was done before moving on to the next task.
“Dishes are like an avalanche,” she had told Abby. “If you don’t put a stop to them at one dish, they keep growing and growing.”
Abby nestled herself into her chair and inhaled the steam. Then she bowed her head and gave a prayer of thanks. Thanks for Esther, thanks for the beautiful soft blue fabric that would become her curtains. Then she gave thanks that Joseph was coming. Now that her little house was clean, organized, and pretty, she felt confident that she could keep it up and impress her brother. She was excited to have his company. Joseph was gone so much that any visit seemed like Christmas, and the fact that he was traveling all the way to Tall Pine was touching.
After finishing her dinner, Abby washed her plate and cup, dried them, and put them up in their proper places. Sleep was sounding very good. Abby went to lock the front door when she thought of Will. It was Saturday night; he should be in the schoolhouse. And, he had hinted several times about her visiting him there in return for his visits to her class the past few days. But she couldn’t imagine simply waltzing in. What would she say?
Hi, I think you are mighty handsome and a fine figure of a man.
No, she definitely needed an excuse or a reason before walking in.
An idea popped into her head. Esther had left some cookies for her. Will would most definitely want one, and it would be a good reason to see what he was really up to. So, wrapping up some of the cookies, Abby donned her shawl and walked the few yards to the schoolhouse.
Will was pacing back and forth, his hair disheveled and the top few buttons of his shirt were opened. Abby felt herself blush even though he had not yet noticed her. Was this a good idea? Will was obviously not interested in her. He was saving his heart for Esther, and who wouldn’t? She was perfect!
Still, he had flirted with her, although Abby imagined he could just as easily have been trying to be friendly. She was obviously not Will’s type. Certainly not a pastor’s type. Abby took a step back. She may like Will, but she had her pride. By bringing him cookies she certainly did not want to appear as if she were trying to inveigle him into emotions he did not have. She had just about decided to leave when Will’s sermon caught her attention.
“And so, if you do not repent, you shall be cast off, and that means God will withhold all His blessings from you. Remember that God is just, and does not look upon your sins as lightly as you do. Only through repentance can you escape His wrath.” Will altered his voice with every other word, loud then soft, firm then gentle, testing what tone sounded better. Abby frowned as he continued on about wrath and justice. Soon she found herself walking up the steps and into the classroom. She had heard only a few of Will’s sermons and they were all like this… harsh. She seldom saw people who looked like they actually enjoyed the sermons, save the young women who batted their eyelashes at Will, especially Rachel the big-bosomed blond who fanned herself suggestively.
Abby frowned. She had not been properly introduced to Rachel, but she was not sure if she exactly wanted to be.
The wood floor creaked, and Will’s head shot up.
“Oh, it’s you,” he laughed nervously. “You scared me.”
Abby shrugged guiltily. “Sorry. I heard you from the house and wanted to see if you were hungry for some cookies.” She handed a cookie to him, which he took gladly.
“Well, this must be the night for exchanging gifts,” he grinned, setting down the cookie for a brief moment while he disappeared behind the desk, bending down to uncover a basket.
“What do you mean?” Abby asked intrigued. She gasped with delight when Will held up a beautiful orange kitten.
“I was hoping you would still be up. I didn’t want to wake you before I left.” He handed her the green-eyed kitten, which Abby held up to her face as she stroked the soft fur.
“My cat back at home had three kittens. I’ve given two away and I thought this girl would help with the rat problem.” He grinned at Abby’s obvious delight.
“Will, I don’t know what to say other than this is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me,” she said. She did mean it. The little miracle in her arms was not just a rat hunter but a companion to remedy her loneliness and proof, like Esther’s rolls, that someone had thought of her.
Will blushed and looked away. “Ahh, it’s nothing really.” He cleared his throat and walked back over to the cookie and bit into it. “So you heard me talking?” he asked with his mouth full.
Abby nodded, letting the cat play with the tips of her shawl and seating herself. “Do you like preaching sermons?” she asked.
Will nodded, barely swallowing before taking another bite. “I do, but sometimes the people of Tall Pine are hard to preach to.” He sighed, sitting down on Abby’s desk.
“How so?” Abby asked, genuinely curious. She had noticed it was hard to get close to these people. They were nice, and polite, but reserved.
“Life in Colorado is hard, and the people are always working. They never stop to, well, contemplate God or their purpose in life. Work is good and hard work is better, but too much leaves little room for God. Then I have to deal with the drinkers, the gamblers, all who find a way to justify what they are doing.”
“And you think talking about wrath and being cast off is the way to get to them?” Abby asked with the slightest lift of her eyebrow.
Will cocked his head with a frown. “That’s the only way to get to them, Miss Abigail. What else is going to motivate them to stay on the right path?”
Abby shifted uneasily. She wasn’t one to tell another how to do their job. On the other hand, she also was not one to keep her opinions silent.
“Well, since you asked… Why would a person want to obey a God who they don’t love? I like to think that people are motivated more out of love and not fear or obligation.” She smiled and started playing with her kitten. “To me, God is someone who I can turn to, someone who loves me so much that He sacrificed His only Son for me. I go to Him with all my thoughts and problems. I love Him, and because I love Him, I try to keep His commandments.” Abby glanced up at Will who was looking at her with an oddly stern expression full of pensive confusion. Abby laughed lightly. “Didn’t think a girl like me could be deep and religious, did you?”
The stern face cracked with a hint of a smile. “No, I didn’t to be honest.” He was quiet for several seconds. “You think one could really love God, like with a tender love as you would a father?” he asked in a deep murmer.
Abby opened her mouth not knowing what to reply. It was a surprising question for a pastor to ask. “I truly believe so. He loves us. Don’t you think it’s ungrateful not to love Him?”
“But, how can you?” Will stopped, reddening slightly. He began again slowly, “Some people might have a hard time with loving a God who they may not really know and don’t know how to get to know.” He ran a hand through his hair with a long sigh, “Or maybe they picture him all stern-like.”
Abby stood up, nuzzling the kitten under her chin. “Well, that is one facet of God, I believe. He has to be full of justice and wrath sometimes, but He knows the perfect time and the perfect amount to be so. There is also the kind, healing, loving side to Him, and with that, there is no end.” She walked over, taking the cloth in which she had wrapped the cookies. “Good night Will, I will see you tomorrow for church.” Then she whisked away, leaving Will with a furrowed brow.
Will sat on the desk for several minutes, periodically glancing at his scribbled sermon. Abby’s words had unsettled him with her talking about loving God and all. Will believed in God, trusted Him, wanted to serve Him, but he couldn’t say if he had a tender love towards Him. Of course, what was tenderness? According to his own father, tenderness and sweetness were traits of weakness. Will couldn’t ever remember when his father had placed a loving hand on his head, embraced him, or even complimented him. Not that he judged his father for that. His father was a good man. With Will, two little girls, and no wife, his father had built a home, and cared for his family with the sweat of his brow. Will would be proud to say he was a man like his father, good, even if not tender, nor loving. So was it truly necessary to love God? Wasn’t it enough to just follow Him and obey?
Will stood up suddenly. Abby seemed to truly love God as one would a father. Abby… she was full of surprises. When Will had first seen her it was obvious she was from a well-to-do family, and she was beautiful…there was no doubt about that. True, she was not Esther, who he’d pined after for some time now. Abby though was infectious, her laugh, her humor, her energy—she was hard not to think about. Will had dubbed her as silly and shallow, the kind of girl who would never look at a Colorado pastor or anyone for that matter below her station. Still, he found her very lovely, which was partially why he had avoided her. Yet, seeing her teach, and then hearing her beliefs about a tender God with whom she had a relationship, he realized there was more to her than what he had imagined.
He smiled, remembering how her face had lit up when he had given her the kitten. She had truly been pleased, and Will had felt, well, pleased as well, albeit embarrassed. He had not expected such a thanks, and seeing her glance at him with her rosy cheeks and her soft hair framing her face, he hadn’t known how to respond. Will looked back again at his sermon and in one swift movement crumpled it up and returned to his Bible. He had no idea what he would say tomorrow, but it would be short and simple and, hopefully, it would be tender.
/
The congregation of Tall Pine’s churchgoers sat in silence as Pastor Will finished his sermon. Usually his sermons were like sour grapes; upon tasting them you wished you hadn’t. At least that is what Esther thought most Sundays. But this Sunday was, well, edifying.
“Come all ye who labor and are heavy laden,” Will quoted from St. Matthew, “and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart and ye shall find rest in your souls.” He closed the Bible and looked at the congregation feeling very, very nervous. He’d never preached like this before. He always had a formula: sin, repentance, and judgment, repeat. Last night, however, he had stayed up contemplating Abby’s words. Then he had prayed, wanting to know what the people needed to hear. In front of him there was no written sermon, only the Bible. He glanced up looking at Abby’s encouraging smile. Odd, since he usually looked at Esther for encouragement.
“Brothers and sisters, how do we come unto Christ? How do we get to know Him as our Savior?”
The congregation all seemed to lean forward as if each one had this question in their hearts. Esther glanced at Abby who looked especially pretty in her creamy dress that hung loosely and didn’t have the usual mountains of petticoats. Abby was beaming proudly at Will and occasionally glancing around as if to make sure others were noticing how good Will’s sermon was.
“Well, I am not one to say that I am an expert, but from experience I have discovered that when I try to be more like Christ, when I try to be meek, humble, and to ease my brothers’ and my sisters’ burdens, that is when I feel closest to Christ. And, that’s when I feel Him ease my burden—not by taking it away, but by making me stronger,” Will breathed out, studying the faces of the congregation; he felt an overwhelming love for them. He suddenly realized that all this time he’d been looking for their mistakes, their sins, and so, of course, he had found them.
Trying to give a sermon that would help them and ease their struggles had opened up a new venue in his heart. These were good people, albeit imperfect. They struggled, but did not he? Had he not imposed his father’s characteristics on a perfect and loving God? Had not a part of him lived in fear and bitterness toward God instead of recognizing it came from his own distant relationship with his father? He was as imperfect, if not more so, than those he preached to.
“We will now close with a congregational hymn,” he suddenly announced. His gaze landed on Eliza, the only pianist in Tall Pine, who stood up and walked over to the play the schoolroom piano. Did Kyle Lampton just wink at her?
Everyone sang “How Firm a Foundation,” and after the closing benediction a few of the women scurried out to set the long wooden tables with pies, hams, rolls, and salads. Esther whispered to Michael to go fetch Abby’s curtains while she went and helped the other women.
“Should I tell her that we had a very small dinner because you were working on the curtains?” Michael grumbled. Esther lifted his chin with her hand.
“Hey, we had a great midnight snack, didn’t we?” she smiled.
Michael rolled his eyes. “I did. You wouldn’t eat any of it.”
Michael stomped dramatically out to the wagon. Esther smiled to herself. Poor boy, he needed to get in bed early and catch up on some sleep. He was in a sour mood and had good reason to be, considering he had stayed up late the past two nights. Telling herself that she would make a good dinner for him tonight and put him to bed early, Esther walked over to the table hardly even noticing the large stallion and the rider who had stopped right by her wagon. She spared them a quick glance before moving on. One did not see new residents in Tall Pine very often; it must be a visiting relative.
Joseph looked over at what he guessed was the schoolhouse. It looked like a typical Sunday picnic going on, but with breathtaking mountains in the background instead of the lush cattle fields of Texas. He hoped his sister was among the crowd and that he wouldn’t have to ask where to find her.
He slid down off of Sampson and began to tie him off right next to a brightly-colored gypsy-looking wagon when he noticed a young boy of six or seven staring up at him. Joseph blinked and the boy blinked back. Joseph smiled and the boy smiled back.
“Can I help you, boy?” Joseph asked, not knowing what to make of the blue eyes that were locked on him.
“You are really tall,” the boy stated, looking at Joseph’s belt buckle and then at the braided leather he had around his wrist.
“Yes, I am. You are tall, too,” he returned the compliment. The boy nodded, taking a hesitant step closer. Sampson whined and Joseph placed a hand on his back to steady him.
“My dad is tall,” the boy said looking at Joseph with a questioning expression. “Where did you get that buckle?” he asked.
Joseph smiled and looked down at the turquoise and silver buckle. “Texas—an old Indian made it for me for saving his life. I kept him from being hung when he was falsely accused of murder.”
The boy’s eyes grew wide. “What’s that?” he pointed to the braided leather. Joseph looked down at his wrist and then held it out to the boy so he could touch it, which he did almost reverently.
“This I got from some Indians, too. Their reservation needed some help, and so I helped and got this in return. It is supposed to protect me,” he explained.
“You know Indians?” the boy whispered with a grin bigger than his face.
Joseph laughed. “I sure do.”
“My dad is from Texas, and he knows Indians.” The boy was now on his toes almost bouncing with excitement. “But you already know that,” Michael grinned.
Joseph frowned and scanned the crowd up ahead. He probably should take this boy back to his father. “Is your dad here, kid?” Joseph asked, stepping away from Sampson. The boy followed Joseph, keeping up with his long stride. Joseph noticed the boy had a satchel on his shoulder containing some blue fabric.
“No, I have never seen my dad,” the boy explained, “but that’s okay now.” He smiled as if in explanation.
Joseph nodded, not sure what the boy meant. He guessed that this poor kid’s dad was dead, but as to why it was okay now, he had no idea.
“What’s your name, boy?” Joseph finally asked as they neared the schoolhouse.
“Michael. What’s yours?”
“Joseph.”
“Joseph,” Michael said slowly, tasting the name on his tongue. “Okay, I like it. Joseph is a good name,” he said decidedly.
Joseph laughed and instinctively tousled the kid’s hair. His hand drew away quickly. This was someone’s kid. He didn’t have the right to do that, but Michael seemed thrilled by the action and began skipping by his side.
“Listen kid—Michael—” Joseph corrected himself. “I am looking for a young woman around here.”
Michael’s face fell, looking panic-stricken. “Are you married? Does your wife live here?” he asked quickly.
Joseph was taken aback and slowed his pace. “What? No, I’m not married. I’m looking for my sister. Abigail Silver is her name.”
“Oh, you mean Teacher,” Michael nodded, the tension in his face relaxing.
“Yeah, the teacher—is she around here?”
Michael nodded. “She’s in the schoolhouse talking to Pastor Will. I’m going there myself to give her these curtains that my mom made.” Michael glanced sideways at Joseph. “My mom can do a lot you know. She can sew, clean, garden, and she is a mighty fine cook, too.”
“Well then, you are a lucky boy,” Joseph said half-heartedly as he walked past the crowd of people. An uncomfortable tingle began to crawl along Joseph’s forearms. His mere height and bulk tended to draw attention, but not like this. Every eye was on him. Several girls giggled when he walked by. Out of politeness Joseph withheld an eye roll. He noticed and appreciated a pretty woman, but every time he saw one, he reminded himself that a Texas Ranger did well not to fall in love.
His father was full proof of that.
Michael led him four steps into the small but clean schoolhouse. His sister looked mighty thin, but seemed very animated as she talked to the broad-shouldered man before her. Joseph scowled, not sure if he liked the way Abby was looking at this man, nor how the man was looking at her.
Calm yourself Joe. Abby was a full-grown woman now and it was perfectly fine for her to talk to young men. Just because he intended to be a hermit did not mean she should.
“Hey Teacher, look what I brought!” Michael exclaimed. Joseph thought that he was referring to the satchel until he realized that Michael had grabbed hold of his forearm with one of his little hands and was pointing at him with the other. Abby looked up and squealed in delight, rushing forward. She threw her arms around his neck, her feet lifting up from the ground as he embraced her.
“Joseph, I didn’t expect to see you so soon! What a wonderful surprise.”
“I believe riding here on Sampson was quicker than waiting for trains and coaches,” he grinned, setting her down. My, she was thin, and she looked… different. Every time he saw Abby she was so dressed up that most of the time she resembled a doll. Now, with her hair loosely pulled back and her simple blouse and skirt, she looked, well, more womanly.
“You must be exhausted poor man. Lucky for you my little house has two small beds and a water pump with a copper bath, although sometimes the pipe gets clogged and I was wondering if you could—”
“Are you already asking me for favors, little sister?” Joseph laughed, although that was one of the reasons he did decide to visit her. He figured she would need someone to fix things around the house and school.
“Well,” Abby said with her hands behind her back and giving him a teasing grin, “it depends on how long you are staying.”
“Two weeks… three at the most,” Joseph informed her. He may have a few months break, but he wasn’t going to spend it all in Colorado.
“Two weeks,” Michael suddenly squeaked, dropping the bag of curtains. “But that is not enough time!” he wailed.
Abby tilted her head and brushed back a curl from Michael’s face. “What do you mean, Michael?”
Michael didn’t answer; instead he rushed outside without a word.
“I wonder what that was about?” Abby frowned, looking after Michael. A light cough behind her made her remember Will.
“Oh, Will,” she turned and waved a hand proudly at Joseph. “This is my older brother, and Joseph this is Pastor Will.”
The two men shook hands. Joseph’s grip tightened a bit and Will withheld a flinch.
“Pleased to meet you, Joseph. I know it will be nice for Miss Abigail to have some family around,” Will said politely. He wasn’t used to being around men bigger than him, not that it mattered, especially since Joseph was a brother and not some suitor of Abby’s. Not that a suitor would be bad either, Will thought with confused emotion.
“Well, it will be nice to be around and fix some things.” Joseph looked around the schoolhouse. “Looks like this place could use some mending too, huh?”
Will followed his gaze, scanning the loose boards, the broken potbelly stove, and other things.
“I was going to get to those,” Will told him, suddenly feeling territorial. “So you don’t need to bother yourself with it. I am in charge of the schoolhouse, so I oversee the things that need to be done,” Will explained firmly.
Joseph smiled. “Oh, it won’t be a bother,” he calmly assured Will. “I have a lot of experience when it comes to fixing things.”
Abby was about to interrupt when Michael saved the situation by rushing through the entrance and practically running into Abby.
“I brought her.” He looked at Joseph while catching his breath.
“Who did you bring, kid?” Joseph asked with a crooked grin. He was starting to like this boy.
“My mom, of course,” Michael pointed to the entrance. Joseph looked over to see a woman walk up the steps, and he felt his blood grow warm.
Never had he seen such an exquisite woman. She was clad in an emerald green dress showing off a long neck and delicate collarbone. She was slender but strong. Rosy lips spread into an effortless smile and glossy hair was done up softly with loose curls falling down her back. She was beautiful, and more than that, she looked kind, wise, and capable and everything that Joseph never knew he always wanted.
Instinctively Joseph found himself straightening his posture.
“Esther, are these the curtains?” Abby asked, pulling out a blue calico from the fallen satchel. “I’m surprised you got them done so quickly!” she exclaimed, kissing Esther on the cheek. Joseph smiled. The woman had done something kind for his little sister, another bonus.
Michael was pulling on his mother’s sleeve and pointing at Joseph. “Mom, Mom, it’s him. Look!” Michael drew her attention to Joseph. When their eyes met, Joseph smiled gently.
“Hello,” he finally said, his voice deeper than it had ever been. His smile widened. Now it was time for this Esther to do what every single woman did upon meeting him: gape, blush, and giggle… but Esther did none of those. She didn’t even bat an eyelash, nor smile shyly. Instead she nodded politely and said in an even voice, “Pleased to meet you. You must be Joseph Silver. Abigail’s brother?”
“Ahh yes, yes I am, I’ve come to visit her. You are, well, I mean, I heard Abby call you Esther.”
“Esther Callen,” she announced her name articulately. “This is my son Michael who you have already met.”
Joseph nodded. He was not sensing any interest from this woman other than sheer politeness. He slightly flexed his arms, hoping she’d notice, but she’d already turned to Will.
“Will, that was a wonderful sermon, one I’m sure many people needed to hear.” Esther smiled genuinely. Joseph fought the urge to growl. He suddenly had an ardent dislike towards this pastor.
“Is Mr. Callen around?” Joseph blurted out.
Esther looked over at him with one shake of the head. “No, he is not,” she said. Michael grinned at Joseph encouragingly.
“I don’t have a father, not yet anyway; we are still waiting for him,” he announced loudly. Esther turned slightly pink at this and hushed her son with a kiss on the top of his head. “We’d better go. Abby, let me know how the curtains work out and if they need to be hemmed or not.” She looked briefly at Joseph.” It was nice to meet you, Mr. Silver,” she said before turning Michael’s shoulders toward the door. Joseph gaped after her. She had called him Mr. Silver. Mr. Silver for crying out loud.
“Michael?” Abby interjected suddenly. “Don’t forget to do your homework. Remember, you are going to tell the class why you want to grow up and be a veterinarian.”
Michael looked at Joseph. “I don’t want to be a veterinarian anymore. I want to be a cowboy.”
Joseph gave a half smile. “I’m a Texas Ranger, kid.”
Michael looked at him with wonder. “That’s what I mean. I want to be a Texas Ranger.”
At this Esther laughed but then picked up the boy in one sweep and settled him on her hip. Will and Joseph lifted their brows in surprise; for being such a slender thing, she had some strength.
My, she would be good on a ranch, Joseph thought, suddenly picturing her helping him deliver a baby calf or going out for an evening ride, along with other more intimate scenes. Joseph blinked hard. What am I thinking? And on a Sunday!
“I really do need to go. I will see you later,” Esther then turned and walked down the steps carrying a protesting Michael. Joseph felt the left muscle in his jaw twitch. He was not going to let her go without knowing when he could see her again. So with no explanation to Abby he hurried out of the schoolhouse and after Esther.
“Miss Esther,” he called out after her.
She turned, surprised. “Mr. Silver, what is it?”
“Please, call me Joseph. After all, you’re a good friend to my sister, and that practically makes us friends.” Then, without asking, he suddenly took Michael from her grip. She began to protest but Michael pulled away from her and wrapped both arms and legs around Joseph with a grin the size of the Grand Canyon. “This is a big boy; I don’t want you hurting yourself.” He meant to be helpful, but the slight arch in Esther’s eyebrow made him wonder if he had offended her. She seemed uncomfortable with the situation and gave Joseph a stare that he’d only seen when he had played with a heifer’s calf. He’d gone home bloody and bruised that day. Should he put Michael down? But, then he would not have an excuse to follow her. No, he would hold Michael. He wanted to see this woman again whether she liked it or not, and hopefully, she liked it.
“Very well,” Esther said with a smile, although Joseph detected ice in her voice. The two walked side by side to her wagon.
“If I may ask, why is your wagon painted like a gypsy cart?”
“It is a gypsy cart!” Michael said proudly. “Mom and I painted it. Do you like it?”
“I love it.” Joseph bounced Michael, making the boy laugh. “Where I come from the people paint with bright colors. My own home has multi-colored walls stenciled with flowers and murals. I like bright colors.” He gazed over at Esther who looked ahead with a periodic glance at Michael. “So, Miss Esther, do you take Michael to school every day?”
“Yes, yes I do.”
“Pick him up?”
This time she looked at Joseph with her eyebrows knitted together in confusion as if he were some strange animal she had never seen before.
“Yes, I take him and I fetch him every day. I am his mother.”
“Oh, well that’s good.” Joseph looked ahead, suppressing a smile. He would make sure he saw her every day, twice a day with some luck. He would ask Abby all about her, and maybe she could give some insight as to why this lovely woman was showing him no interest at all.
When they reached the cart, Joseph lifted Michael into the seat. Esther had begun to hitch up the horse, but Joseph walked over and placed a hand on hers to stop her. To his surprise she recoiled sharply at his touch.
“Oh, Miss, I am so sorry. I meant only to stop you so I could—”
“No, no, its fine.” Esther laughed nervously, tucking a strand of loose hair behind her ear. “You merely surprised me, that’s all.” Esther gripped the side of her dress to keep from trembling.
“I was just going to say I will hitch the horse for you.”
She nodded with an agreeable smile. “Umm, thank you, Mr.—”
He looked at her sharply.
Esther smiled and nodded an apology. “I mean Joseph. Thank you, Joseph.”
When the horse was hitched, Esther walked over to the right side to pull herself up. Joseph came and stood by her and held out his hand to help her up. Esther looked at it quietly; his hand could easily crush her own. A tingle went down her spine; she did not want to take it, but she also did not want to be rude. So with a deep breath and a plastered on smile, she took his hand. To her surprise it was warm and gentle, his other hand he placed on her lower back as he supported her weight and helped her into the driver’s seat. As soon as she was settled Esther pulled her hand away, hoping that her eagerness to escape his touch was not too obvious.
Esther relaxed once her body was free of his touch. “Thank you again, Joseph. It was a pleasure to meet you.”
“Likewise Miss Esther,” he turned his gaze to Michael. “Well Michael, I guess I will see you tomorrow.”
Michael nodded eagerly, “See you tomorrow as well Mr. Joseph,” he said, trying to imitate a Texan accent. Then with a farewell nod Esther snapped the reins and led the horse away from Joseph without a glance behind her.
Michael was a chatterbox the whole way home. He told her about Joseph’s belt buckle, his Indian bracelet, the way he talked, walked, how tall he was. Michael even rehearsed his and Joseph’s entire conversation. Esther listened not bothering to reply. Michael simply was infatuated with a man who he had deemed heroic. This was natural for children. Finally, as their home came into view Michael said, “He will be a good dad, don’t you think Mom?”
“Wait…what?” Esther dropped the reins.
“I said that he will be a good dad. He is everything that you said my dad would be.”
Esther bit her lip. She knew it had been a bad idea to talk about a future father who was entirely fictional. Here she had built up false hope in Michael, not thinking any harm would come of it, at least not for a while. How was she supposed to know that a Texas Ranger fitting her exact imaginative description would ride into town?
I shall never marry, Esther recited as she had countless times before.
The thought brought her comfort. Yet it had made Michael so happy to feel that God was preparing a father for him, and she hadn’t had the heart to tell him that his momma was too—damaged was the wrong word—but what was the right word? Through faith and prayer she felt stronger and happier than ever, but there were too many scars, too many fears, and a distinct lack of trust and respect for men.
“Michael listen, we don’t even know Joseph. He may not be your father, so you cannot go around telling people that he is, alright?’
Michael pouted but finally nodded, muttering, “I know he is, though.”
Esther sighed. “How could you possibly know that?” she asked, feeling more discouraged than annoyed.
“Because when I saw him I felt warm, happy, and peaceful—and didn’t you say that is how God speaks to us?”
Esther bit her lip again. It felt as if all her mothering and well-intentioned words of comfort were being used against her today.
“Sometimes it is easy to confuse emotions with what the Holy Spirit is saying to us.”
Michael frowned. “I don’t know what that means,” he said angrily. Esther breathed out a short laugh. Michael always got mad when his young mind did not understand things.
“Listen, love, let’s not worry about it tonight. Come help me with dinner and we can start a new book, then take a bath and head off to bed with some hot cocoa,” she suggested.
That was enough to change Michael’s mood, but Esther remained unsettled. She would have to tell Michael one day that she had no intention on marrying. Besides, what man could truly love Michael as she did?