Chapter Seven

 

She felt light as a flower’s seed floating on the summer air. Gwen had spent the last few hours dancing and meeting lords and ladies from all parts of Scotland. Calum introduced her as Lady Gwendolyn MacGregor, careful not to focus too long on her family’s situation. He never once made her feel inferior, and she had not been received that way.

The night was magical.

But like all things, an end was in sight.

The last of the guests had left the hall and now only Gwen and Calum remained. She twirled in a circle and laughed with her head tossed back.

“You are so beautiful,” Calum said capturing her waist and drawing her near. “Did you enjoy your evening, Lady Gwendolyn?”

“I did, my lord.” Enjoy was too mild a description at that moment. “I have never had a night such as this.”

Calum’s hands encircled her waist. Servants entered the hall to clear away the debris, but Gwen did not care who saw. She let him pull her forward into an embrace.

“It is time to retire for the evening.” He stepped back and held out his arm. “Come, let me walk you to your chamber.”

She was so very pleased the evening had not ended earlier. The time they spent together had washed away any awkwardness from the intensity in the garden. Calum appeared relaxed and in grand humour, almost boyish. She was more charmed by each passing second.

His warm, strong hand covered hers as they made their way upstairs toward the bedchambers. Her door was first. and her heartbeat picked up as they approached. Oh, how she wanted to invite him in. Just the thought of touching him and feeling the glorious weight of his body on hers would be the perfect end to the night.

Her breath was shaky as he turned her, lifting her chin with his finger. “This has been the most joyous night of my life, Gwen.”

She wanted to tell him it was hers too, but her words would not come. Something shifted between them. Perhaps it was the soft light from the sconces on the wall, or perhaps it was residual energy from earlier. But either way, the air around them changed, and she was stirred to her core.

Without another word, Calum cupped her face and leaned in to brush his lips across hers. Her body tingled, and she could scarce draw breath. Restraining herself from giving in to the intensity he inspired in her grew near impossible.

“I want you.”

“Please—”

Pushing her up against the door, Calum deepened the kiss. His hands buried in her hair, he pressed his hard body against hers. Gwen grabbed the fabric at his hips and pulled him towards her. His knee found its way between her thighs and pushed her to new heights as he reached for her leg and hoisted it up and around his waist.

Sweet Brigit, would he take her there in the hallway? She would let him take her anywhere. His hard manhood pressed against her belly. She had never longed to be stroked deep and hard by a man so much in all her years. Her other lovers had never made her feel this way.

As much as she could in her awkward position, Gwen rocked against him, enticing him to further both their excitement. She was certain she could find her release just from their movement.

“Gwen, we must stop.”

“No.”

Calum leaned back to gaze at her. His eyes were afire with need, and the vein in his neck ticked wildly, mirroring the pounding in her body. “I want you more than I’ve wanted any other woman. But we must stop else I risk your virtue, and I will not do that.”

Gwen relaxed her grip on his hips and let her leg lower her foot back to the floor. They came to it. She had to tell him. As intoxicating as these feelings were, there was a falsehood overshadowing them. “Calum, I need to tell you something.”

“I know I have already taken far too many liberties with you, but I can’t seem to help myself. I lose my wits when you are near, and all I can think about it is touching you.” He leaned down to smell her hair then ran his tongue along her neck. “Tasting you.”

She shivered and tried regaining some focus, She wanted to just blurt out the words. She should. He deserved a full explanation and if there was any slight chance of them remaining friends, or more, she had to come clean. Right now. “I feel the same way, but there are some things you must know about me.”

His brow furrowed. “What things? Gwen, there is nothing about your past that we cannot overcome. I know about your family’s situation and I do not care.”

“What are you saying?”

“I am saying, I wish to approach my brother about you. I cannot live another day without knowing you will be mine forever.”

An invisible knife twisted in her heart. Her words would crush him. For a brief moment, she considered not telling him. But it was fleeting. He deserved better than that. “Calum, please come inside, we should sit and talk.”

“If that is your wish.”

“’Tis.”

They entered her chamber and sat across from one another near the hearth. A fire had been lit earlier to ward off the evening chill and the embers now burned low. The battle inside her raged.

“Calum…my lord. I have not told you everything about me.”

“What else could there be? I do not take issue with your beliefs.” He sat back and waved his hand toward the window. “After this evening, I admit, I am more intrigued than ever.”

“There is more. So much more.” She drew a deep breath. “When I first came to Chattan Castle, I was a lady who had just suffered a great demotion in status. I was angry, hurt, and embarrassed.”

Gwen recalled those early days. She had not been fit to be around. How her lady and the laird had ever put up with her was a testament to their goodness. Not hers.

“I was young and, excluding my family, I wanted little to do with my former life, and that included religious beliefs. When I met some of the older servants and learned of their practices, I would not rest until I absorbed everything I could.”

“Gwen, I understand, but I do not see why you feel so compelled to tell me this now. I truly understand.”

Gwen raised her hand. “You are a good man, with beliefs on certain things that differ from mine. You should hold your judgement until I am finished.”

“Very well.”

She wrung her hands. She had never regretted any choices she had made in the past, and truth be told, she did not regret them now. But she did fret over his disappointment. He was Christian, and pre-marital relations were strictly forbidden.

“I am not a virgin.”

Calum blinked several times. He opened his mouth and closed it again. His eyes were wide and his mouth set in a straight line.

The minutes ticked by and he said nothing. Gwen waited for his reaction. She needed him to do or say something to end the unbearable silence. “Did you hear what I said?”

“Aye,” he whispered.

“Do you want to ask me why? And how?”

“Why? How?”

“As I said, I rebelled when I first came to Chattan Castle. Within a year, I had shed my former beliefs entirely. Some of the servants believe very differently about physical relations between men and women. The more I practiced the art, the more I realized how their beliefs made far more sense to me.”

Calum stood then. “How many men have you lain with?” His voice was cold, hard.

“The number is not relevant.”

“How many?”

She cast her gaze downward. Here it was. The final admission and reason she would lose him forever. Everything about him in that moment signified he would never understand—just as she suspected.

Squaring her shoulders, she gazed back up at him. She would not be ashamed for what she had done. “I have been with three men, Calum.”

“And were you ever forced? Or did you seek out these men to which you gave yourself so willingly.”

“Calum, no. It was not like that.”

He stood. “Do not address me so informally.”

His words stabbed her. She looked up into his eyes and hated the coldness there. Every part of her wanted to wipe the anger and hurt away.

“My lord, I do not expect you to understand, but I felt you deserved to know.”

“Deserved to know what? That you will lay with any man who gives you any attention? You told me in the beginning you were not a loose woman, and I believed you!”

A sob escaped from her lips. “’Twas not like that with them, and ’twas not like that with you.”

“It was like nothing with us. Did you play me for a fool the entire time? Were you hoping to elevate your social status? Did you put some sort of potion in my drink?”

Gwen stood then too. Men! They were all alike! Could never see past their own base needs and wishes. “I did not have to tell you any of this, but you assured me there was nothing in my past we could not overcome. Those were your words, my lord, not mine!”

“I should have known better than to think a lowly servant was capable of a higher understanding of right and wrong. You never deserved the title you had. You gambled with my affections and you cheated your way into my life. You are just like your uncle.”

Fire burned in her belly. Whether he spewed his hateful words out of hurt or no, she would not stand there for one more moment and listen to it.

“You are a narrow-minded beast of a man for allowing me to believe you were capable of looking outside your closed-off, self-centered world! You assured me you would understand. And what do you do instead? Throw insults at me before I can even finish what I felt compelled to share with you. Not because I had to. You would have never known had I not offered this information freely.”

“Aye, you seem far too willing to offer yourself freely. I cannot be associated with a whore. And to think, I introduced you to fine and pious ladies this evening. I pray they are not tainted by the experience.”

Something snapped inside her. She stepped toward him and looked up into his eyes, ready to tear him down inch by inch. “’Tis I who am tainted by the experience and the association with you. I have never been more offended by a person in my life as you have offended me here this evening.

“You should leave before I say to hell with the law of three and wish real harm upon you. I never pursued you. You pursued me! The entire time, it was you who pushed to make this happen. Not me.”

Calum’s face went pale. His jaw dropped as he stared at her. Did he see the truth in her words? She had not pursued him, it was the other way around, and if he could not see the truth of it then be done with him.

“I want you to leave my chamber now, Lord MacIntosh. Please, do not return and do not attempt to address me in any way ever again.”

“Very well, if that is your wish.” Pain flashed across his features before being masked. “I regret my lack of gentlemanly behaviour, however considering the circumstances, I believe they were warranted,”

Gwen pushed him towards the door. “Get out!”

Calum left her chamber, slamming the door as he did so. She shook with anger, humiliation, and despair. She paced the chamber, flexing her hands and trying to make sense of how such a beautiful evening could have turned so very ugly.

Not that she had not anticipated a reaction from him, just not that reaction. She had never been made to feel so inferior in her life and had not thought he was capable of such cruelty.

She flung open the shutters and stared out into the night. The moonlight cast a glow upon the loch, it’s lonely presence mirroring her aching heart.

Though she had shared her body with those three men in the past, she had never shared her heart before now. The ache there was almost unbearable. How would she ever recover?