“Kenzie, are you sure you want to do this? Go back into the prison? Go back to your family now?” Myles stabbed his fingers through his hair and pinched his lips together.
“I’m sure. This is the only way to get the proof that we need that JB is behind this entire thing.” Her hands were steady, her eyes unwavering.
Myles growled at nothing in particular and glared at a spot on the wall of the bus depot just over her left shoulder. Passengers from the Greyhound that had just exited continued filing by them. “But what if this goes higher than JB? What if…well, what if there are more people involved?” He ignored the fist in his stomach that told him just how bad things were about to get. She would hate him when he explained that this whole thing went so much deeper—or in this case higher—than Kenzie thought. But the stone face of the woman before him reminded him that she would not be easily persuaded to see the reality. If he was going to protect her from Mac, she’d have to know the truth. He had held off talking with her, but it was too late to wait any longer.
She grabbed his hand and held it tightly between both of hers. “Myles, who do you think is involved in this? How could it go any higher than JB? We both agreed that his motive for this must be money. Who else could profit from skimming funds from the education reform budget?”
Myles shrugged. When had he become a coward? A real man would stand up and tell her the truth, tell her that the man she loved more than any other in this world had offered her up as a sacrifice, just to pad his wallet and win an election.
She squeezed his fingers again and looked pleadingly into his eyes. The gray storm there sucked the breath from his lungs and he gasped. She suspected something was amiss—she had to. But the truth could kill her.
“Kenz, I don’t—I don’t want to be the one to tell you this.” He cupped her sun-warmed cheek with his free hand and gazed into her face. This might be his last chance to ever kiss her, so he bent low and pressed his lips firmly to hers. He tried to convey every uncertainty and each certainty through the current that passed between them.
She was pliant in his arms, but he knew that was about to change. He hated this thought so much that he couldn’t even enjoy the taste of grape jelly from their breakfast on her lips and the smell of earth and forest clinging to her hair.
Kenzie pulled away and took two deep breaths, her eyes never leaving his. “Tell me what’s going on. Tell me now.”
“Mac…”
“What about Mac? He’s going to understand everything. He’ll be on our side.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think he’ll understand,” she said.
A muscle in Myles’s jaw jumped. “I don’t think he’ll be on our side.”
“What?” Kenzie physically jumped back, putting at least two feet of space between them.
Myles grabbed at her hand and clung to it, willing her to understand the words that he was trying to formulate. He tried to pray for the right words, but his thoughts refused to form coherently.
“Kenz, JB is working with Mac. He always has been. Mac is in on the whole thing. I’d bet anything that he knew about JB’s plans to have you k—”
“No!”
“Don’t you see? I misunderstood Ryker on the phone. I thought he was saying that Mac didn’t expect you to be alive because he expected the perpetrators to get rid of you. But he was saying that Mac expected you to die, that he knew the plan was to take you out of the picture.”
“Stop it! Stop it! How dare you say such awful things about Mac!” Tears sprang to her eyes and she tugged violently on her hand, trying to remove it from his grasp. Myles looked around at the other bus passengers waiting on benches just outside the small terminal. Many glared reproachfully at him as he clung to her hand. They were going to have to finish this fast, or the police would be called.
“I’m not making this up. This is true. With your death he gets a boost in the governor’s race, which we both know he needs. Claudia Suarez isn’t making things up or playing games with those TV spots she’s campaigning with. Mac needs the pity votes. And with you gone there’s no one to immediately look too closely at the money that should be going into the education reform, money that he approved, and that he has to know isn’t reaching your classroom.”
“But there are auditors and people like that who check the budget. They’d notice.”
“They should have already noticed. It’s been in the budget for two years. Those auditors are hired by the governor’s office.”
“Well, maybe they just missed it.”
Myles groaned and wanted to jab his fingers into his hair and pull it out by the roots. But then he would have to let go of Kenzie’s hand, and he couldn’t afford to lose their only connection.
“The auditors haven’t found it yet because they’re being convinced not to find it. If I had to guess, I’d say that Mac is paying them off with some of the money skimmed from the budget, and still making out quite well.”
“There! You just said you’re guessing! You don’t really know what’s going on.”
“Kenzie! Listen to me!” He raised his voice more than he planned, and took a few breaths to calm down. “Kenz, I’m not guessing here. I’m sure that Mac is part of this. All of it. Everything. Including the plot to have you kidnapped and killed. My supervisor confirmed it.”
Kenzie’s lip quivered momentarily, and Myles let hope bubble inside him. Hope that she would see his point. Hope that she would be persuaded by the truth. Hope that he hadn’t lost her heart.
Seeing his opening, he dove deeper. “Haven’t you wondered why we haven’t been more ardently pursued? We’ve barely been noticed by the cops, even when they found the car. We only saw the one article about you in the paper. Why hasn’t Mac been tracking us? Don’t you think this has been a little too easy?”
But like a child wielding a pin at a balloon, she popped his hope. “You’re wrong. How could you even try to pin this on Mac? Maybe you’re just jealous of how much he loves me and how much he means to me. Whatever your reason, it doesn’t matter.” Her eyes were cold as ice, and she yanked her hand hard, dislodging it from his grip.
“Is it so hard for you to imagine that he could fail you, that he might not be as perfect as you always thought?” Myles pleaded.
She flipped her red hair over her shoulder and gave him a glare that would freeze boiling water. “I hate you for trying to pin this on Mac just because you’re jealous of my relationship with him. I will never forgive you for this.”
Catching her hand one last time, he pulled her close enough to slip a tiny sheet of paper into her pocket, giving her a way to reach him if she ever changed her mind. He had no real hope. Just ridiculous optimism. A shimmering pool materialized in the corner of her eye just before she turned around and took off down the sidewalk at a dead run.
He sank to the curb, his legs no longer able to hold him. Forgetting every member of their audience, he let tears freely fall into his open hands.
Every moment until Kenzie laid her eyes on their precious faces felt like a whirlwind that would never stop. Running until her side ached so much that she could not go on. Flagging down a passing policeman. The ride to the station. Relentless questions.
“How did you escape?”
“Are you all right?”
“Do you need to go to the hospital?”
“How should we get in contact with your family?”
“Where is the man who did this?”
She could only offer terse answers to the kind-faced policewoman squatting in front of her in the lobby of the station. And oh, how she wanted to answer, to scream the answer to the last question. How dare Myles end it all like this? How could he take everything that they had been through together and throw it away because of his jealousy?
He’s at the bus depot! He’s just a few miles away! He’ll get away! He’ll go back to his life as an FBI agent. He’ll forget about me and everything we shared.
In that moment of realization, her heart shut down and with it her mind. She could answer no more questions, could only hug her arms tightly around her middle. But even the soft cotton of the plaid man’s shirt she wore reminded her of Myles, of the look of pride on his face when he emerged from the secondhand store with her new wardrobe. Of the way he teasingly tossed her the baseball cap still on her head.
Her stomach ached, and for a moment she thought she would be sick right there on the cold tile floor of the police station, with five officers surrounding her. Head spinning, she excused herself and rushed toward the door marked Women.
Inside the first stall she leaned her forehead against the cool, green metal of the partition, closed her eyes and took several long breaths.
“This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening,” she chanted. “Myles isn’t crazy. He didn’t just tell me that my grandpa tried to have me killed. He didn’t just let me run off alone. It’s a dream. This is all just a terrible, terrible dream.” As if speaking aloud would somehow make it true, she repeated the last sentence over and over.
It wasn’t until she recognized that her shoulders were shaking violently that she realized that tears streamed down her face and sobs interrupted her breathing.
“Oh, God, I can’t make any sense out of any of this! Why is this happening to me?” she wailed, anger, frustration and pain erupting from deep in her chest.
“Ms. Thorn, are you okay?” asked the policewoman, who had questioned her in the lobby. The voice sounded near the entrance to the bathroom, and the door groaned as she likely leaned on it.
“Fine. I just need a few moments, please,” Kenzie whispered, barely able to hold her emotions in check long enough to respond coherently.
The door creaked closed and Kenzie slid to the floor. Images from another bathroom scene flashed before her eyes. The disgusting sink. The brown cockroach. Myles holding her to his chest. Their lips pressed together. The pure euphoria of being so protected, cared for so well.
Eyes and throat burning, she hugged her knees to her chest and rocked back and forth on the hard tile. She tried to pray again, but her mind was numb, shut down and overwhelmed with the grief of Myles’s betrayal. The minutes sped by before she could finally form a coherent thought. That’s when she knew that she really just needed to see Mac, to be held in his arms.
Pushing off from the cold floor and walking out of the stall was easier than she thought it would be. So was washing her face in the sink and walking back into the lobby. With the image of Mac’s face in her mind’s eye, she moved forward with purpose.
And then she didn’t have to imagine him anymore. His strong face, tender with concern, was before her. His sturdy arms wrapped around her. She rested her cheek against his shoulder, only to look into the loving face of Nana. Every gray hair in place, but bottom lip quivering slightly, she put her cool hand on Kenzie’s other cheek.
“Honey? Is it really you?”
“I missed you both so much.” Kenzie sighed into the cocoon of Mac’s arms.
But even though it was the truth, something in the pit of her stomach clenched.
“Nate, I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“I want you to say that you’re keeping an eye on her. I want you to say that you’re not giving up on this assignment.”
“Fine. I’m not giving up on this assignment. Kenzie Thorn is.”
“Borden.” The steel in Nate Andersen’s voice rose to the surface. Myles had learned long before not to cross his direct supervisor, the special agent in charge of the Portland office. Nate was a man of impeccable morals, tough as nails and smarter than any other man Myles had met in the Bureau. That was why he had been promoted so quickly through the ranks, being in charge of the Portland office when he was just over thirty years old. “Tell me what happened with Thorn. Why didn’t you bring her to the safe house in the first place?”
“I told you when I called in days ago. It got complicated.”
“Complicated,” Andersen said. He meant unacceptable.
Myles shot his hand through his hair and grumbled under his breath. “There was the mountain lion attack. And then she was so set on going with me that I was afraid that she’d blow the whole thing if I left her alone. As long as she was with me, I figured I had it under control.”
Andersen cleared his throat. “Is she with you now?”
“No.” Although Nate could not see him through the phone line, Myles hung his head in appropriate shame. He continued staring at his feet as he walked back and forth on the plush carpet of the hotel room. His current living situation was a far cry from the cabin, the Evergreen Motel and the Jewel. In fact, it was nicer than his apartment in Portland. But it was a temporary fix. A place for him to clear his mind and figure out his next move.
Which was why he’d called his supervisor in the first place. But the guilt over losing Kenzie’s confidence and her heart killed his will to continue. He would rather sit on the floor at the foot of the king-size bed and think about wild auburn hair and stormy-gray eyes than think about the futility of trying to get back into her good graces.
“Myles! Snap out of it!” Nate’s voice ripped him from his wandering thoughts. “It’s my job to see you succeed on this assignment. I believe that you can do that. And I’m going to help you.”
“What are you thinking?”
“We need to get proof. We need a wire tap on Mac’s personal and business phones. But we need some evidence against him before we can even get that.”
Myles frowned. “What about the budget numbers? If we can get the budget sheet from Kenzie’s desk at the prison, then I think I know what judge will give us a warrant to tap Mac’s phones.”
Myles could almost hear Nate’s smile, which matched his own. “Claudia Suarez,” they said at the same time.
“Can you lend me a hand with getting the budget from Kenzie’s desk?” Myles asked.
“As a matter of fact, I can. The prison was looking to replace Kenzie fast. They were interviewing teachers two days after her kidnapping. As usual, I was on top of it and got a new agent set up in the position. She already has the budget in hand, given to her by Ryker on the first day of work. I’m going to fax over the warrant to request paperwork right now along with the budget. Get it filled out and ready to submit first thing in the morning.”
“Will do.”
“Oh, and Myles?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Figure out what you’re going to do about your feelings for Kenzie. Then do it.”
“Feelings?” He should have known he could not hide his affection for Kenzie, especially from Nate.
“I’m not stupid. Just make up your mind and do it. The same way you went after law school and Quantico.”
“I will.”
“Good man.”
“But I doubt Kenzie will be at the governor’s mansion. They’ll want to keep her out of the spotlight for a while.”
“Then it’s a good thing you work for the FBI,” Andersen said, not hiding his sarcasm. “I’ll make a call in the morning and get back to you.”
“Thank you.”
“Get some sleep, Borden. You’re going to need it to nail the governor.”
Myles hung up the phone and began pacing again. He loved being right, and he was about to get the proof that he needed that Mac was crooked, that he was the man behind the entire plot to kidnap and kill Kenzie. He knew that proving he was right would not return him to Kenzie’s good graces. Likely it would only drive the wedge between them even deeper. But even if the truth hurt her, destroyed their relationship, at least it would keep her safe. She would be safe. Curled up on a fluffy couch, her hair spilled over the white fabric. Tucked beneath a green-and-gray quilt. Sleeping soundly. Safely.
As Myles sank to the floor and rested his face in his palms, his thoughts consumed him. He cared more that the truth would keep Kenzie safe than that it meant successfully completing his assignment. He cared more about Kenzie’s feelings of loss than he did about his own personal victory.
This had all started out as a job. A simple undercover assignment. The same as any other. Get in. Get the job done right. Get out. For years that routine had given him a purpose. He felt that God had called him to serve in this way. But he’d never let another assignment reach him so deeply. He’d kept them all at arm’s length, believing that he needed the emotional distance to do his duty.
So why did he now feel like he could never do his job again—without his most recent assignment close by his side?
He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when it happened, but with her wild, red hair and spitfire attitude to match, Kenzie had snuck into his heart. She consumed his waking thoughts, and without her, his life felt a little emptier. The way it had felt right after his mom’s parents had died—only worse than then. And he’d only known Kenzie for a couple weeks.
Oh, he was definitely in over his head.
God, he prayed silently, his head resting in the palms of his hands, I’m in love with this woman. I can’t imagine my life without her. But even if our relationship never recovers, even if it’s not Your plan for us to be together, please protect her. Protect her heart from the ache that is coming, from the pain that is about to land in her lap.
But if it might be possible, please help her to see that I’m doing what I have to do to see that the truth comes to light. Please help her to see how much I care for her, how much I want to be with her, how much I want to protect her and keep her safe. Just let her love me the way that I love her.
And there they were, all of his feelings freely admitted to God and to himself. He left them in God’s hands. Left God to figure out how He would work everything out. It wasn’t his to worry about anymore. He knew these things in his heart, deep in his gut. But even as he filled out the paperwork that came through the fax machine, his mind worried about what would happen, what would come of his feelings for Kenzie Thorn.
Late that night, when he finally crawled into the big, soft bed, he dreamed dreams of red hair and gray eyes and soft pink lips. And even in his dreams he feared that he had lost his chance to be with the woman he loved.