Several hours later, Rick sat in a chair in Kevin’s hospital room and watched him sleep. Exhaustion hit him like a brick, and he felt all of his energy drain away. Forty-eight hours without sleep, forty-eight hours of riding an emotional roller coaster, forty-eight hours of being pushed to his limits had taken their toll. Instead of going home, he went to the hospital at the end of the grueling night to check on Kevin and Jeffrey.
He checked on Jeffrey first. Jeffrey was listed in critical but stable condition. His prognosis was good. He had a concussion and several broken ribs, but his lungs had not been punctured. The impact broke his low back, however. But, thankfully, his spinal cord wasn’t severed in the accident. Surgery to replace a shattered vertebra was scheduled for later that morning. With time and after a lot of therapy, he would eventually recover. He would have a story to tell his grandkids one day. At least he would live to tell the tale.
Rick checked in with the ICU nurse before he peeked inside Jeffrey’s room. Caroline and Edward Sullivan sat inside, and he talked to them for a few minutes before he left again. They told him that Maddie had gone for coffee and would be back later. It wasn’t until Caroline said her name that the nearly unbearable need to be with her came over him again, and the sorrow of losing her threatened to pull him under and mire him in a bog of grief.
He told them that he was going to sit with Kevin and would see them later. They nodded their heads silently then turned their attention back to their son, who began to moan softly before he became quiet again. He began to float in and out of consciousness about an hour ago. The nurse came in and checked his IV drip before she made a few adjustments. After a small smile to everyone, she left again.
Kevin was in a private room on the fifth floor, and Kevin checked with the nurse’s station before he walked down the hall to Kevin’s room. Kevin managed to escape with a mild concussion and a few broken ribs. They would be painful, but they would heal fairly quickly. It would take longer to heal emotionally. Rick knew that the psychological pain of being the driver in the accident that critically injured his brother and killed two others would take a lot longer to heal.
It didn’t matter that the driver of the car was at fault for the accident and not Kevin. There was nothing that Kevin could have done to avoid the impact. But feeling guilt and pain and accepting misdirected blame didn’t always make sense. Rick knew that Kevin had a rough road ahead of him and would need support, too.
He must have drifted off for a few minutes because when he looked over at Kevin again, Kevin was wide awake and watching him. A sad smile rested on his bruised and swollen face. Rick smiled wryly then sat up in his chair and leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees.
“How is he?” Kevin’s voice was weak and full of sorrow. His eyes watered up and tears rolled down his face.
“He’ll make it.”
“How bad...how bad is he?” His voice broke. “Tell me the truth, Rick. The doctors wouldn’t tell me anything last night. Mom didn’t say anything, either.”
“They probably didn’t know last night, Kevin. They had to work on him for several hours.”
“Oh, God!” Kevin swallowed several times, and his tears flowed freely. He raised his hands to his face and wiped his cheeks. “How bad is he? Tell me the truth.”
“He has a broken back.” Kevin moaned at that bit of news. “He won’t be paralyzed, Kevin. He has some broken bones. Kevin, stop that. You’re pulling off your bandages and your IV.” He reached out and pulled Kevin’s arms down. He had to hold his arms down until Kevin stopped fighting and calmed down again. “Kevin, listen to me. Listen to me! He’s hurt, and I won’t lie to you. He has a long road ahead of him. But he’s alive, and he’s going to stay that way. He’ll recover. He’ll recover.”
“No thanks to me! Why do I do that, Rick? Why do I always end up hurting the people that mean the most to me? What’s the matter with me?” More tears pooled in Kevin’s eyes until they spilled over.
“It’s not your fault, Kevin. The accident wasn’t your fault. Listen to me, ok? You didn’t do anything to hurt Jeff. Sometimes accidents happen. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. It’s not your fault. Ok? Are you going to freak out on me again? Do I need to call the nurse in to give you a sedative?” Kevin took several shallow breaths then shook his head.
“No. Give me a tissue, will you?” Rick released Kevin’s arms then reached around him for the tissue box that sat on the overbed table next to a water pitcher and a plastic cup. After he handed Kevin the box, he sat back down and waited.
“Thank you,” Kevin said after wiping away the tears and blowing his nose. “I’m sorry, Rick. I’m so sorry for everything. I was wrong about you and Maddie. I was wrong about you, period. I won’t blame you if you hate me. Take a swing at me. Go ahead.”
“Kevin, I’m not going to hit you, and I don’t hate you. What is it with you Sullivans? You’re all so melodramatic.” He smiled at Kevin and shook his head. “Kevin, you did what you did. I’m sure that you had your reasons at the time. You know what? I don’t care what your reasons are. They don’t matter to me anymore. The petty things don’t matter anymore. I missed you. I don’t know what I did to piss you off, but I’m sorry for whatever it was. I’m just glad that you’ll be ok and that Jeffrey will be ok. I also don’t care about how you feel about Maddie and me. I plan on fighting for her. I plan on marrying her if she’ll take me back.”
Kevin nodded his head silently and pushed the button on the bed so that he could sit up. The sudden pain caused him to grimace and lower the level a little bit.
“Clarissa and I are getting divorced,” he finally said with a frown. Rick didn’t say anything but nodded his head. Rick didn’t need an explanation. It had been inevitable from the start as much as Rick had hoped that Kevin and Clarissa would somehow find happiness. “I need to tell you what happened.”
“You don’t owe me an explanation, Kev.”
“Yes, I do. I need to tell you. When Clarissa and I got together, I was flying high. I had just signed with the Penguins. Life was good, you know. You had just left for Basic. I thought that you were a fool for turning down the NFL. I really did. You turned down millions in order to serve, and I didn’t get it. I get it now, but I didn’t back then. What can I say? I was stupid and full of my own hype. Clarissa came to me with some story about how you had pushed her around and was angry all of the time. She said that you started doing steroids and that she was afraid of you. She said she finally broke up with you because you hit her.”
“What? I never hit her. I never laid a hand on her, and I can guarantee you that I never used steroids. Even if I had wanted to, which I didn’t, I would have been tested and kicked off the team and out of NROTC. I would have lost my scholarship, and I wasn’t risking my education for sports.”
“Rick, listen. You know as well as I do that blind eyes can be turned when we’re talking about star athletes, especially back then. Things are changing now, but back then was back then. Anyway, we started hanging out after you left. I didn’t believe her at first, but eventually I did. I’m sorry for thinking what I thought.”
“I began to think that I was somehow better than you, and I blamed you for causing Clarissa pain. I fell for it because I wanted Clarissa. The more we hung out, the more I wanted her. A part of me was always jealous that she was your girlfriend. One night we got drunk, and, well, you get the picture. She got pregnant, and we got married. I never told my family about the reason we got married. I’m sorry, man. I’m sorry.”
“She told me that she had a miscarriage while I was on a road trip a few weeks after we were married. Then after we were married a few years, I wanted to try to have children again. She told me that she didn’t want any yet. Then one day, she told me that she couldn’t have children. She said that the miscarriage happened because of scar tissue problems, and she wouldn’t be able to carry a baby to term.”
“But that was a lie, too. I found out last winter when I went through some old papers that she had an abortion, not a miscarriage. While I was gone, she also had her tubes tied. She aborted my baby. When I confronted her about it, she said that she didn’t want children and had never wanted them. That’s when I knew for certain that she had lied about you, too. I had my doubts before then. Some things didn’t add up. I should have listened to my gut years ago. It’s my fault. Can you forgive me? Can you forgive me for doubting you and for trying to break you and Maddie up?”
Rick had been watching Kevin face while he told his story. Sorrow and defeat were in Kevin’s eyes. It pained him that his best friend, the man who was more like a brother to him than a friend when they were growing up, believed those lies and had never talked to Rick about Clarissa’s claims. But as he watched Kevin, he realized something else, too. As much as it hurt, he was the one who had come out the better for the ordeal.
Kevin was suffering. He was lost in his own version of hell that began years ago. Maybe with the truth finally out, they could heal their friendship. Maybe with the truth finally out, Kevin would begin to heal, too. There was nothing worse than being filled with self-doubt, guilt, and shame.
Maybe now they would also be able to approach their relationship as two adults who shared a common bond. There were several, in fact, if you counted Maddie as one of them. Hopefully, Kevin would become his brother-in-law. He still needed to talk to Maddie, and he had a feeling that she would put him through the wringer before she took him back. Nobody liked to have their love thrown back in their face, and that was exactly how it would look to her. For all of Maddie’s easy going ways, she was still a Sullivan and had that damn Sullivan pride.
He realized that he hadn’t answered Kevin when Kevin’s look of defeat increased, and he turned his head away. When Rick told him that he was forgiven, Kevin took a ragged breath and turned his head back again. There was a glimmer of hope in his eyes when he looked at Rick before he glanced suddenly at the door. Rick turned to find out what Kevin was looking at and saw Maddie standing there with tears in her eyes. She looked at Kevin then at him before she turned around and walked out.
“You better go talk to her,” Kevin said as Rick began to leave his chair. Rick quickly squeezed Kevin’s arm then went into the hall. Instead of going down the hall to the elevators, she walked into the family lounge/waiting room area at the other end of the hall. He followed her inside and saw her looking out the window when he walked in and closed the door. No one else was there. It wasn’t visiting hours, yet.
“Maddie,” he said softly from behind her. He wanted to put his hands on her shoulders. He wanted to turn her around and pull her into his arms. He knew that she was crying by the way her shoulders shook. She sniffled and wiped her face with a tissue before she turned around to look at him. “Maddie,” he said her name once again.
She slapped him hard across the face then began to cry once again. The sting of his cheek was nothing compared to seeing her in pain, though. There was no resistance in her when he pulled her into his arms and held her as her body shook against his. He held her tightly until she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him back. Each shudder reverberated through him. He held her until she was calm once again. She stepped out of his arms, eventually, and he reluctantly let her go. Her eyes were red from crying, and he could see that she hadn’t slept the night before. She had been at the hospital holding vigil along with her parents.
“Jeff?” he asked her.
“They’re prepping him for surgery now. I thought that I would come up and see how Kevin was doing. I didn’t know that you were still here.” She looked at him sadly, and his heart broke over again at the sorrow in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to slap you or to eavesdrop.” He reached out to brush a strand of hair from her face, but dropped his hand before he could touch her.
“How much did you hear?”
“Just the last part when Kevin asked you to forgive him for doubting you and for breaking us up. You broke up with me because of Kevin, because it was what Kevin wanted? What about what I wanted? What about what you wanted?” She shook her head then wiped the tissue under her nose before she walked across the room. “It was what you wanted, wasn’t it? I was just another complication in your life. We had a good time, but when it became serious, when I told you that I loved you then it was time to end it and move on.”
“I’m sorry. I guess I’m not cut out to be one of those women who can treat sex as just having a good time. I’m old fashioned. It means something to me. I’m sorry. I won’t be bothering you again. I’m glad that you and Kevin have made up. I want to thank you, also, for saving Jeffrey’s life. I always knew that you were a wonderful man.”
She began to walk to the door, but he stopped her by beating her to it. He stood in front of the door so that she couldn’t leave, and she frowned and wiped her nose once again. “Maddie,” he began and reached out for her arms. She backed away. “Maddie, you may have known it. I didn’t. You deserve so much more than what I can give you. You deserve a man who can provide for you in ways that I can’t. You deserve someone who can make you happy. If you married me, you would have to keep working. You would have to live at the lake instead of in a big house on the hill. You would have to deal with my struggles. I couldn’t do that to you. You deserve someone who can give you all of those things that I can’t, and that’s why I broke up with you.”
“I know that I’m not the most romantic man in the world,” he continued. “I’ll forget to give you flowers on Valentine’s Day. I would rather take you fishing or for a bike ride than to take you to the theatre or the ballet. But, I can tell you that you will never find a man who loves you more than I love you. You’ll never find another man who is overcome with sheer wonder whenever he sees your beautiful smile.”
She was silent for a moment while she digested what he said. He couldn’t figure out what she was thinking, but he knew that he was prepared to beg if he had to do it. A life without her was something that he wasn’t strong enough to face.
“What do you want me to say to that, Rick? Are you trying to give me reasons why I should walk out that door and never see you again or are you trying to give me reasons to stay? Make up your mind! We can’t keep doing this.” She wiped her nose and glared at him. “Where do you get off telling me what I want or deserve? I don’t give a damn about having a house on the hill or going to the ballet. And for your information, I happen to like what I do. If I have to continue to work as a teacher to pay the bills, then I’ll be happy to do it.”
“I want to be happy, Rick,” she yelled at him before she lowered her voice. It was still very evident that she was angry. “Yes, I do! But it’s not your job to make me happy. I choose to be happy. What I want and deserve is a man who will love me for me, who will stand by me, and be there to share my burdens just I will share his. I don’t need a knight in shining armor, and I don’t want one.”
“What is it with men? You’re all a bunch of macho idiots who think that women only want someone to take care of them and will be crushed if they don’t get flowers. I can buy my own damn flowers. And who says that you’re not romantic? For your information, I happen to think that you’re very romantic. I love you, Rick Davidson, and now you say that you love me, too. So, what of it? Do you want a relationship? If you’re in, then you need to be in all the way.” She let out an angry huff. “Right here, right now tell me what you want. Are you in this relationship or are you out?”
She stood before him, a bundle of righteous indignation, and she never looked more beautiful to him. Her arms were crossed in front of her, and she tapped her foot in agitation. Her blue eyes were bright and sparkled with hope and anger.
“Well?”
When she said that, he laughed and walked over to her. She didn’t move away and waited for him. “Maddie Sullivan, I love you, and I’m in. I’m definitely all in. I want to ask you to marry me, but this really isn’t the time or the place, is it?”
“Probably not. But when you are ready to ask, my answer will be ‘yes.’ You have nothing to worry about there.” She put her arms around his neck and pulled him close. He felt like he had finally come home. Maddie was his home, and he wrapped his arms around her to hold her tight. There was a smile on her face when she pulled away. “I love you, Rick Davidson.”
“I love you, too, Maddie Sullivan. I love you, too.”