Well, beautiful FOAMs, I have finally finished my chemotherapy. And it is only now that I can really admit that there were times when I could only dream of this day.
It wasn’t that my chemotherapy was so difficult: I know there would have been many people who had much tougher times. Not that it took so long: because 5 months in the big scheme of my wonderful life isn’t that long. And it wasn’t even that I suffered all that much: it was unpleasant and pesky, but not true suffering like many others may have experienced.
No, the real joy of finishing is that I now have some feeling of myself back. The chemotherapy dominated my life so much over the past 5 months that I never felt I was really me.
My life was divided into three AnneMaries: chemo week, which meant hospital for three days, vomiting, nausea and tiredness and a generally weakened disposition. Then came nearly there but not quite week, when I could start to eat and keep food in, I could go on slow morning walks, but the bone marrow needle supplement meant my bones and joints ached and I had flu symptoms. Finally my good week arrived and I could drink and eat (fortunately, the mouth ulcers haven’t come back recently) and I could run, do weights and climb the steps and even stay up after the News at night!!!
From October 2003 onwards I can be AnneMarie again. And I so look forward to now living all those dreams I have, of playing again with all you wonderful people, of being able to spend time with Pete, Vanesa, Ben and his gorgeous girls, Kylie, Maddie and Ella, of being fit and healthy and sporty again. And, most of all, thinking about the exciting future that beckons … not the next treatment!
Most importantly of all at this time, I want to give heartfelt thanks to all of you for your wonderful support. I am truly humbled and blessed that you all have, in your uniquely individual ways, made me feel loved and cared for. I have two recurring thoughts about the support of the Fab FOAMs:
The first is the story of ‘Footprints’. You know the one? Where the man who is dying looks back over his life and says to God that he felt let down by God. He told God that God had promised to walk with him in his life, but as he looked back at the footprints in the sands of his life, he noticed during the difficult times there was only one pair of footprints. ‘Why, God, did you abandon me?’ he asked. ‘I did not abandon you. Rather, during the difficult times, I carried you, and that’s why there is only one set of footprints.’
So many of you helped me at times when I felt I was trudging uphill on a sandy mountain. It may have been a hug or cuddle, phone call, a note, an SMS text or an email, home-cooked meals, a visit with muffins or rich chocolates, a scarf to knit, flowers after each chemo, massages, offers to stay or host a lunch for me, even a lucky fairy garden to wish in.
Things that may have seemed insignificant to you, but came at just the moment for me—when I need a lift.
The other thought is of Mark Twain’s book and the Mike and the Mechanics song. I feel like Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer—attending their own funeral in their LIVING YEARS. I have had but a glimpse of people’s care and affection during my journey thus far with breast cancer. Mostly we have to wait until we die to know that people actually really cared about us. How blessed am I to have been given this special gift in my ‘living years’. Thank you, dear friends.
I now have a three-week recovery period and then have radiation treatment each day from the end of October until mid-December. However, it is not as intrusive as chemo, and although it creates tiredness, I am told by others it is a breeze compared to chemo.
By Christmas I will be celebrating like an angel and my New Year’s resolution will be a simple thank you for the past and being able to give back in the future! Every day for me has always been a special moment to enjoy. Now I know the truth of this, I intend to not only enjoy each day for the rest of my long and disgraceful life, but to be truly grateful!!!
Thank you again FAB FOAMs for getting me through chemo …
Smile
AM