2
A Life for a Life
I
A husband and wife sat in the sunlight. He sat on the bed and held her hands in his. She sat back on the pillows, eyes bright and cheerful as always. He was a big, burly man with thick black eyebrows and a forked black beard.
Where he was large and bulky, she was small and graceful, and her face was always in motion, now smiling, now blinking, now pouting thoughtfully, now glancing back and forth with a curious gaze. Her hair was long and very dark and her eyes were very blue.
“I’m so sad!” she exclaimed cheerfully. Her voice was as bright as a bubbling stream, and those who heard it felt refreshed.
“Aha. And what makes her sad, my little wife, eh?” He tried to smile, but there was an undercurrent of sorrow in his deep voice. He had a thick Russian accent.
“All the stories seem to be going out of the world. Drying up!” She held up her hands, fingers spread, and shrugged, as if to indicate a mysterious vanishment. “No one listens to them, or tells them anymore. They just watch TV My Daddy calls it the ‘Boob tube.’ I don’t know if that’s because of shows like Baywatch or if only boobies watch it. Except sometimes mothers read books to their children to sleep.” She sighed and suddenly looked very sleepy herself. Her eyelids drooped. Like a light going out, all the animation seemed to leave her face.
He leaned forward, his face blank with fear, and touched her forehead with the back of his hand. “Wendy?” he whispered.
Wendy’s eyes opened. “Tell me a story,” she said.
“I am not good with the stories, my wife. I only know the one of my father, and that one I told to you long ago, when we were engaged. The night on the lake, you remember, eh?”
She sighed and snuggled down into the pillows more deeply. “I said I’d marry you because you were the only man I ever met who was in a fairy tale story. It was such a good idea! I’m so glad I thought of it.”
“You thought? It was I who asked you, my wife.”
“Yes, well, and a long time you were getting around to it, too!” She laughed in delight, and then said, “Tell it to me again!”
“Well. Father lived in the Caucasus mountains and hated the Russian government men with a deep hatred . . .”
“No, no, no! That’s not right! It starts with, ‘I am Var Varovitch,’ which means Raven the son of Raven in your language. ‘This is the story of how I came by this name.’ “
“Hah! Who is telling this story, you or I? Now be quiet and let me talk to you. I am Var Varovitch. In your language I am called Raven, the son of Raven. This is the story of how I came by this name.”
“Almost right,” she allowed. “The next part goes, ‘My father had climbed throughout all the mountains, in places even the goats did not go, and such was his fame as a trapper and trails man, that. . .’”
“Quiet, now. When the government people wanted a guide, they came to my father and offered him their paper rubles, which were worthless, for they had no gold to back them, and a government order from the Georgia S.S.R. apparat, which was also worthless, but which had the guns and soldiers from the Tbilisi garrison to back it. For himself, he had no fear. But for me, he had fear. For I had taken my mother’s life when I came into this world, and there were no doctors to save her, for she was Georgian, not Russian, and had no friends in the capital to have a doctor assigned by the government. And I was but a babe in the crib at this time, and had never seen the green grass, since I was born in the winter, and the spring had not yet come.”
“I love that part.”
“Quiet. Father feared they might burn the village if he refused to take the expedition up the slopes of Mount Kazbek. He knew the place where they wished to go, even though it was not the place shown on any of their maps. But he asked them why they could not wait till spring. Did they not recall how the Russian winter had destroyed the invasion of Hitler’s armies less than a handful of years ago? But no, they must go to the spot where it said on their maps. The scientist there in charge of the expedition said they must go, since the glory of the Soviet peoples commanded it, and only a traitor would cause delay.
“Well, father said he could not leave his little baby with no mother, since he had only the milk to drink of wild she-wolves father caught in the snow. . .”
“That’s you! I bet you were cute. But you forgot a part. ‘The winter was so bitter that the cows gave ice, and the bird song froze in the air, and it was not until spring thawed the notes free, that all the birdsong sprang up over the green earth . . . ‘ “
“No, that is from different story. So, now. The expedition had been traveling for many days, blinded by snow, on short rations . . .”
“Wait. The government scientist made your father take you with him. You were bundled up on his back in a wrapper of wolfskin.”
“Yes, that too.”
“And you forgot about the part where they all laughed at him for carrying a bow and arrows when they had guns, and then later their guns froze.”
“That part is coming. Where was I? There was nothing in the sky but one black vulture, and all about them ice crags and chasms of the mountains. Father pointed at the black vulture . . .”
“You forgot something.”
“Yes, yes. The-stupid-scientist-thought-they-were-lost-and-the-soldier- threatened-to-kill-father. okay? okay! Listen: Father pointed at the black vulture and said they need but follow the bird to find what, in the midst of the empty mountains, that bird found to eat.
“He led them to where there was a naked man chained to the mountain, a man so tall that he was taller than the steeple of a church. He was chained with chains of black iron, and frost clung to his chains, and red icicles spread like a fan from the great wound in his side, all down along the bloodstained cliff where he was chained. His face was calm and grave, like the face of the statue of a king; but all full of suffering, like the face of a saint in an icon.
“ ‘What do you see?’ asked my father. For he knew the Russian men were not like those of us from Georgia, and cannot see what is right before their faces.
“ ‘I see ice,’ said one soldier.
“ ‘I see rock,’ said another soldier.
“ ‘What do you hear?’ asked my father.
“ ‘I hear nothing but the wind,’ said one soldier.
“ ‘I hear your brat squalling!’ said another soldier.
“But the scientist looked up, and said, ‘I hear a great deep voice, asking us to shoot the vulture which torments him.’
“But the soldier’s guns had frozen and could not shoot the great black vulture.”
Wendy chimed in happily, “But your father shot him with the bow!”
Raven nodded. “Just so. Down and down the great bird plunged, and the great voice told my father that, even though the bird would live again as soon as the sun came up, for that day, the torture had been stopped. And because he had done this thing, he could ask for any wisdom in the world.”
Wendy said, “But the scientist made him ask . . .”
“Yes, yes. The scientist made my father talk to the titan. ‘The Americans have a bomb which they have made from splitting the atom. This is a fire too dangerous for mortals to control, unless it is the Supreme Soviet.’ This is what the scientist made him say.”
“And about the rockets.”
“Yes. ‘The Americans have taken the German rocket scientists from Peenamünde. And they will learn a secret of the fires of heaven, which is how to launch a great missile, greater than the V-I and V-2 rockets. We must launch a satellite before the Americans, to show the glory of Soviet science to the world. Our great leader Stalin has commanded this thing.’ “
Raven paused. “You are not too tired for this story? It is almost time when time is up.” He looked at his watch and frowned.
“What happened next?”
“The giant looked down at Father with wise and sad eyes, and said, ‘Son of the mountains, I will tell these men who have enslaved you all you ask of me. And yet in my heart I hate all slavery, for man was not created to be a servant. You know this is true. Creatures made for servitude, cattle and sheep, who crawl with their faces forever in the ground, they do not yearn for liberty; only mankind. I will tell you a secret thing unknown to all others, upon your promise never to tell anyone, not even your own son. For there is a way out of these mountains, across to the other side, past all the patrols, over the walls and past the guard posts, into the lands of freedom to the west. I will tell you this way if you will promise instantly to take it and go.’
“ ‘What must I give you in return, eldest grandfather?’ asked my father.
“ ‘To be free, you must give up all fear. Neither you nor your son shall ever know fear again. To begin life anew, you must give up your old name. You may call yourself Raven, for he is a wise bird, and he knows the boundaries between life and death; and if any ask you how you climbed down the impassable mountains or escaped past the guards and fences, you may tell them you flew as a Raven.’
“And that is all my father told me of how we came to this country when I was a boy, and I never learned the truth of it, though I know he would not tell a child the names of those who had helped smuggle him out, and that only secrecy would keep the way open for others. All he would say is that he flew like a Raven away from a land filled with death and corpses.”
II
Raven was silent a moment and took his wife’s hands in his. “And then I came and fell in love with you, my beautiful strange little Wendy.”
“Do you want to hear my story again? The one I told you when you proposed? It all about flying, too. I used to have dreams about flying, and I wondered why I could never remember how to do it when I woke up. Then, when I was nine years old, I was home, sick from school, and I was playing with one of my mother’s cats, Simples, and suddenly I remembered. You just stand on one foot, both at the same time, so that each foot thinks the other one is on the ground. I flew up out the window and over my school down the street, and I stopped to rest on top of the flagpole. But the funny thing was, no one could see me, no matter how I shouted. I remember I wished I had brought something to drop on the kids playing in the playground. Not even my Nanny, when I went past the window of the kitchen on the way back, could see me. I went down to tell my Nanny what I had done, but she just fed me chicken soup and told me to go back to bed. After I got better, I tried it again. But I could never get it to do it again. Once in college, in a gym class, I started to get a floaty feeling, which might have been the same thing. But no one ever believed me. They tried to tell me I made it up, even though I remembered all clearly. Why do people do that? Just because they never heard about something like that before, they pretend it never happened to me, just because it never happened to them! Adults just forget the good part about being a kid. Why? Why not be a kid and a grown-up at the same time and just take the best of both halves? Kids aren’t afraid of dying. They’re not afraid of anything. Except monsters. And adults aren’t afraid of those. See?”
“Yes, my dear. I see,” said Raven, nodding.
“I was just thinking about that time when I was flying over the playground at school. Because I had a dream about it last night. I followed the road the school bus took so I wouldn’t get lost (that actually happened), but on the way back (I dreamed this part), I saw a pony standing on a cloud in midair, eating the cloud-fluff, like it was grass. You know how horses eat. The funny thing was, I think I’ve really seen horses like that before, at my window when I was falling asleep.”
Raven straightened up. “You never said this part before.”
“Maybe I just remembered. But the other part was a dream. I think. Listen. He was a white color, like starlight, and his eyes were stars. I asked the pony, how come I had never seen him before? And he said he and his kind were made of star-stuff and were banished in the sunlight just like the night sky is banished. ‘You have seen me a million times,’ he said, ‘but when each day you enter the waking world, the mist of Everness makes our friendship fade like a dream, and I cannot follow you. But there is a house to the East. . .’”
III
At that moment, the nurse came in to give Wendy her medications, and Wendy would not speak about a dream or tell a secret story in front of a stranger. The nurse also gently reminded Raven that visiting hours were over, and that the other patients in the terminally ill ward might be disturbed, even if the door was shut, by his voice.
Wendy was made sleepy by the medicines. “I remember all sorts of weird things that I forgot from before,” she said. “And such funny dreams!”
Raven leaned forward to kiss her goodbye, but whispered, “I will sneak back in tonight by the loose window I found. They cannot keep me from you, my little one . . .”
“Don’t be sad,” she said softly back. “I can feel I might be going to a better place. I can see it in my mind sometimes, when I’m half asleep, like a light filled up with warmth. If I can stand it, you should be able to, you big man, you. And stop worrying! You’ll make me worry if you do.”
And Raven fiercely hugged her, afraid to take his face away from her cheek since he was ashamed to let her see his sudden tears.
IV
That night, by secret means, Raven came back into the hospital. There was commotion and business at the intensive care unit, nurses running, and so no one was about when he crept up to his wife’s room, hunched over in a long white coat he had stolen earlier from a laundry. Beneath the coat he held a red rose in a clear plastic cone he had bought from a man on the corner.
He thought how he hated the smells of disinfectant, the glare of the neon lighting on the soundproofing of the ceiling. It was not homey. It was not home. It was not where a man’s wife should lie dying, away from her home so that her husband had to sneak in like a thief to see her.
Because he was walking softly, in the way his father had taught him, so as to make no noise at all, Raven heard a strange, thin voice, eerie, chilling, cold and bitter, speaking in his wife’s room.
“—Even if you know not your heritage, nor the prophecy, I know. The fairy blood, even if commingled and halved, runs in you. You are not as other women. Haven’t you discovered that they cannot see nor hear me?”
Then, Wendy’s voice, sounding calm and strong: “Go away! You are an evil creature. I want nothing to do with you.”
“Eight nights I have come to offer you your life. This is the ninth and last.”
“I don’t care to hear it again. Go away.”
“I am a necromancer. I can restore your life to you. You will be well and healthy, and sing and dance beneath the sun. You will grow old in due time and will bear many children.”
“Go away. It would be just the same as murder. I wouldn’t kill someone even if I were on a lifeboat.”
“The only price is this: the balance of the uncaring universe requires that a life pay for your life. You will never know on whom this doom will fall. It will be no kin nor friend of yours. It will be a stranger. If you, who are fated to die, shall be brought by my magic to live, then another, who is fated to live, shall die.”
“If you’re so great, why don’t you step into the light, where I can see you?”
“I am not for you to look at.”
Raven clutched at the doorframe, his mind a whirl of strange thoughts. Who was visiting his wife? And . . .?
To let her live again . . .
He blinked back sudden tears of confused hope, then anger. He knew he did not believe any of this; this was some lunatic conversation!
Softly, the thought crept into his mind: and what did he care anyway if some stranger died?
Raven thrust open the door.
Inside was only his wife, sound asleep, in a darkened room. No one else. The windows were closed. There were no other exits. The room was quiet and still.
Raven crossed carefully to the bed, wondering, if, for some absurd reason, she were feigning sleep.
Gently, he touched her cheek, but she did not wake.
Raven thought back on what his life had been before he met this most wonderful of women. Empty. He remembered how often he had been sunk in gloom, how often he had been sick with loneliness, and how poorly he had fared with other women. He was always a foreigner, always a stranger. Until he had met this delightful creature (he could almost believe her half a fairy) who made even a stranger like himself warmly welcome, and gave him a home.
“Wake, my Wendy,” he said softly. “I have brought you a rose.”
But she did not wake up. He put the rose on her chest and folded her hands over it, so she would find it when she woke.
He looked at her lying there, hands crossed over the flower . . .
Then, sudden horror made him dash the rose from her hands. Wendy was pale and was not moving. He touched her forehead but could not tell if she were warm. By the bedside was a buzzer to call the nurse. Raven pushed it with his thumb, again and again, calling out in a loud, hoarse voice.
On the bed, Wendy stirred and opened her eyes. “What a racket!”
Outside came the sound of footsteps coming and confused voices, as of sick people, calling out complaints and questions.
“Now you’ve done it!” Wendy said brightly, smiling. “Better hide in the closet! Shoo!”
Laughing with relief, Raven jumped into the little closet and closed the door to a crack. Through that crack, as the minutes went by, he watched with a sense of embarrassment and guilt as nurses and night interns rushed into the room.
Many minutes went by, while his wife played dumb and asked simple- minded questions, smiling at the intern’s confusion. Raven watched his wife. She was lovely, smiling, cheerful. . .
He was stabbed by the memory of how she had looked for that single moment when she had the flower on her motionless bosom.
He whispered to himself, “Devil or fairy or whatever you are! If she would not agree, I will. Kill whomever you needs must kill. I want my wife to live.”
Raven’s nape hairs prickled. A sudden certainty that he was being watched made him fear to turn or move.