Sarah finished emptying the dishwasher and grabbed the towel to wipe down the counter as she thought back over the past several weeks. Her sessions with Monica were going well; she felt grateful for the many insights she’d gained and changes she’d gone through. She was starting to feel like herself again. She’d been able to meet with Robert and could tell that he was making changes too. He’d actually started his own therapy. She would never have believed it, but it was true. She wasn’t quite ready to meet Sam yet, but she knew they would get there.
Lizzy came in dressed in her pajamas, interrupting Sarah’s thoughts.
“All ready for bed?” Sarah asked.
“Yep.”
“Brush your teeth?”
“Yep.”
“Good girl. Okay, go hop into bed and I’ll come tuck you in as soon as I’m done here.”
“Okay.” Lizzy started to leave, but then she turned back to Sarah. “Mommy?”
“Yeah?”
“Why did Daddy leave?”
Sarah froze for half a second, then knelt down in front of Lizzy. “It’s kind of a complicated adult thing,” she said. “But you miss him, don’t you?”
Lizzy nodded, her eyes reddening slightly.
“I know.” Sarah swept her up in a hug. “Tell you what. I’ll call him tomorrow and find out when he’s coming to see you, okay?”
Lizzy nodded again. “Okay.”
Sarah tousled Lizzy’s hair. “Now, into bed with you. I’ll be there in a minute.”
Lizzy left and Sarah leaned against the counter, her heart aching. She hated to see Lizzy suffer. She wished there was something she could do to make it easier.
Lizzy was already curled up in bed, hugging a stuffed animal, when Sarah walked in. Sarah saw immediately that she was crying, though she wasn’t making a sound, and she lay down behind Lizzy and wrapped her arms around her.
“Sweetie, what’s wrong?”
Lizzy rolled over to look at her. “He left because of me, didn’t he?”
Sarah shook her head. “No. It wasn’t because of you.”
Lizzy frowned. “Yeah it was. I did something wrong.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. It isn’t about you. It’s about Mommy and Daddy together being wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, it’s hard to explain.” How could she explain this in a way Lizzy would understand? Was that even possible? She considered what Lizzy might be needing right now. Sarah knew the important thing was for her to not blame herself, to not think she was the reason Robert left. What would help her get that?
An idea came to her. “Let me tell you a story.” She pulled Lizzy in and hugged her close as she began.
“Long ago in a faraway land there was a princess who loved animals. She had two cats who would curl up in her lap and purr, and a dog who would sleep with her at night, and a horse who would take her on long rides through the kingdom. One day she was riding through the kingdom and she heard a blue bird singing. His song was so beautiful that the princess took him home and put him next to her window in a beautiful golden cage. And she was very happy. But then the bird stopped singing, and there wasn’t anything the princess could say or do to get him to sing again. Then one night there was a terrible storm. The wind was howling and it blew open the windows and started blowing all over her room. The princess was so scared that she hid under the covers and snuggled up with her dog until she fell asleep. When she woke up the storm had stopped, but her room was a mess. There was stuff everywhere. And then she saw that the golden cage was tipped over and the blue bird was gone. The princess was really sad. She thought he’d left because he didn’t love her. But then one morning when she was waking up she heard a bird singing outside her window. She jumped up and ran to the window and guess what?”
“It was her blue bird?” Lizzy said eagerly.
“It was. And when he finished singing he flew away again. But every morning he would come back and sing for her.”
“So he still loved her?”
Sarah nodded. “He did. He just needed to be outside flying around. He wasn’t meant to live in a cage.”
“And Daddy didn’t leave because of me?”
“Not at all. He loves you very much and he will always be your daddy.”
Lizzy lay quietly for a moment before looking up at Sarah. “Mommy, can we get a dog?”
Sarah smiled. “You’ve been wanting a dog for a long time, haven’t you?”
“Yeah!” Lizzy sat up and bounced up and down. “Can we get one?”
“You know . . . I think that might be a good idea. Why don’t we talk about it some more tomorrow?”
“Okay!” Lizzy threw her arms around Sarah, then snuggled under the covers. Sarah crawled out of the bed, leaned over, and kissed Lizzy on the forehead.
“Good night, sweetie.”
“Night, Mommy.”
Sarah turned out the light and started to close the door.
“Mommy?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, honey. Sleep tight.” Sarah felt a rush of love and relief as she closed the door. She smiled as she thought about how quickly Lizzy had let go of her fear and moved on to the idea of getting a dog. All she’d needed was a little reassurance.
That’s all I need too. A little reassurance. And confidence. Like I said to Monica: it’s time to create my own happy ending. I don’t have to answer to Robert anymore. We can get a dog. I can take a writing class. And I think I’ll try that jazz class.
Plans continued to percolate in Sarah’s head, and she grew increasingly excited. She would talk to Robert about selling the house and getting something smaller. She’d always wanted something in the older part of town. Something with character and high-quality craftsmanship. A cozy cottage or a bungalow, maybe. And she would go back to work. It was time. It had been long enough.
Sarah leaned back on her desk and looked out at the sea of faces in her classroom as she discussed the use of symbolism. Some of her students were attentive and engaged. Others seemed bored and indifferent. She didn’t take it personally. English was a required subject for all four years of high school, but she knew it wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea. She’d accepted long ago that her job was about encouraging those kids who enjoyed it or knew it was their passion and maybe inspiring some of the others along the way.
“So, think about the symbolism as you read those chapters tonight, and we’ll talk about it more in class tomorrow,” she said, wrapping up the day’s lesson. She stood up and began to walk around her desk, and the volume in the room went up several notches as her students started packing up to leave. “Oh, and don’t forget that I need your short stories by Wednesday if you want to be entered in the state writing contest!” she called out over the noise.
She’d barely finished her sentence when the bell rang and her students rushed to leave. Sarah made her way over to one of her quieter students. “Amanda. Could I talk to you for a second?”
Amanda followed her back to her desk. “Yes?” she asked, looking a little worried.
“I just wanted to check in about the writing contest. I thought you were going to enter.”
Amanda was looking down slightly, avoiding eye contact. “I-I don’t know,” she stammered. “I really don’t think I have a chance.”
“I wouldn’t have encouraged you to enter if I didn’t think you had a chance. You’re one of the best writers I’ve had in all of my years of teaching.”
Amanda looked up at Sarah, her eyes wide. “Really?”
“Really. You have a distinctive voice; your characterization is rich and your dialogue authentic. So I’d really like you to seriously think about it, okay?”
Amanda’s face brightened. “Okay.” She was almost out the door when she stopped and leaned back into the room. “Mrs. Jenkins . . .”
Sarah looked up. “Yes?”
“It’s good to have you back.”
Sarah smiled. “Thanks, Amanda. It’s good to be back.”
Amanda walked out of the room, and Sarah sat down at her desk. Little did she know. Yes, it was good to be back. And she didn’t only mean at school—
“Hallelujah . . .” Maggie sang out, bouncing through the door.
Sarah looked up and smiled. “Hey there.”
“You’re a sight for sore eyes! It’s been dreadful around here without you.”
“Yeah, I was feeling terribly guilty leaving you here all by yourself.”
“Well, you should!” Maggie said. “You think you were suicidal. I was about ready to ask for your shrink’s phone number.”
Sarah smiled and shook her head.
Maggie dropped the comedy act and became more serious. “Teasing aside, how is it being back?”
“Okay,” Sarah said tentatively—and then, more confidently, “Good, actually.”
“Well, you look great. More relaxed or something.”
Sarah smiled. “Yeah, something like that.”
“They posted the summer school list,” Maggie said, her tone more animated again. “I see you’re abandoning me!”
Sarah scrunched up her face and lifted her shoulders slightly. “Sorry. I want time to hang out with Lizzy and hopefully get moved before school starts up again. And I want to get back to doing some writing, so—I joined a summer writing group.”
“That sounds great,” Maggie said. “It’s about time you did some writing! What have I been telling you forever?”
“I know. I should have listened to you a long time ago.”
“You remember that the next time I give you some advice!”
Sarah smiled. “I will. And if I don’t, I’m sure you’ll remind me!”
“You know it!” Maggie glanced at the clock. “Well, duty calls.” She reached out to give Sarah a hug. “It’s great to have you back.”
“Thanks,” Sarah said, returning the hug. “It feels good to be back.”
Maggie started for the door.
“Hey, Mags?” Sarah called out to her.
Maggie swung around to face her. “Yeah?”
“Thanks again. For everything.”
Maggie cocked her head, raised her eyebrows, and bowed slightly. “Cheer-bully at your service.”
Sarah laughed. “Don’t think I need the bully part anymore.”
Maggie smiled. “You know, I think you’re right.”
Sarah watched her leave and a wave of gratitude flowed over her. She was very lucky to have Maggie in her life. And Kate. They had been so amazing to her through everything. She vowed to try to be the best friend she could be to both of them.
She looked down at the stack of papers on her desk and continued reading. Grading was always a mixed bag. It could be a tedious task at times, but then the occasional exciting breakthrough or piece of writing by a student would make it all worthwhile. This paper was one of those times. The student had struggled with structure all year, but this time it had clicked.
Grade: A. Great job, Michael.
Sarah began to sign off on the top of the paper—Mrs. Jenk—then paused, looking at her signature. No. It’s time for a change. She scratched it out and re-wrote, “Ms. Reynolds.”