Chapter 3 Why People Support You and Why They Resist 51

The problem occurs when I have a stake in their actions. Then I need to ask myself, “Why is that a problem? Who am I to say what they ought to be doing? Who is to say that I am the enlightened one?”

RM: How do you support a client’s resistance?

PB: I exaggerate. I love the edge. If people are fearful, I reframe their fear in life and death terms. If people are having trouble influencing others, I say, “What if there is no way in the world they will ever go along with you?” Somehow in the extreme people can let go of their caution, their judgment, their ambivalence. I think extreme language dramatizes choice. And I make light of what first seems heavy. I might say, “So, what’s the problem? You’re going to die anyway. Why don’t you just decide what position you want to be in when it happens?”

RM: You’ve said that you love the phrase, “What you see is what you get.” How come?

PB: It makes me responsible for the universe and it puts my life back in my hands. It forces me to question my view of events and gives me an enormous amount of choice over how I experience the world. I like this idea. Someday I hope to experience it.

RM: Any words for those people who think all this is garbage and want to overcome resistance?

PB: I’d say, “Do you want to win or do you want to work things out? Maybe you’re reading the wrong book. Maybe you should read You Are What You Eat.”