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As usual. Papa doesn’t adjust to “new” well. He was ready to deal with Kai’s love and her child. On some level, he knew his angry stance would soften once he saw them. What he didn’t expect was Cobain, and he will swear that I never warned him.
I love Papa, but he lies. I’ve been sending signals for days that Cobain was important to me. Not to the group or the mission, but to me. I even sent an adorable picture of Cobain with Robin. How obvious did I need to be?
However, Papa refused to hear me because he didn’t want the truth. When he gets focused on something—like our safe return—he drowns out all unhelpful distractions.
Well, that distraction remains with Papa while I’m forced to find Kai and send him to keep the peace.
Down a long dark hallway, I find the bedroom where Kai kneels between Mama and Anika.
“Papa and Cobain need you,” I tell him.
Getting my point—or seeing the panic in my eyes—Kai quickly leaves but promises to return soon. Sunny almost follows him out of the room and stares at the doorway long after he leaves.
I can’t comfort her, though, because I’m too busy caring for my frazzled mother.
“Your hair,” Mama coos, holding me against her. “You’re so beautiful.”
I soak in my mother’s affection. We’ve only been apart for several weeks, yet I’d forgotten how small she feels in my arms. When her gaze finds mine, I’m struck with tremendous guilt.
Mama is trapped so far out of her element because Kai and I decided to visit the United States. She doesn’t do well away from home, and Papa can’t hide his tension. For a week, she’s known we were in trouble, but he probably kept the details from her. Now she’s away from home, scared, and surrounded by enemies. This kind of danger is why Mama and Papa left the United States long before I was born.
As a child, I hadn’t realized anything was wrong with my parents. They took such good care of me, and I spent most of my time away from outsiders.
Then at fifteen, I came to understand how my mother would never be normal. Something shattered in her when she was a child, and nothing healed right. No amount of love and security could fix her. She would always be fragile and innocent in ways I would outgrow.
Frightened now, Mama holds me and whispers Papa’s name. I stroke her back, searching for the words to reassure her.
“Do you like Kai’s hair?” I ask.
“Kai’s hair is blond too,” she says, holding me tighter. “Why?”
“To fool the bad guys.”
“You’re smart like your papa.”
Mama notices Anika and Sunny again. The child interests her, but she doesn’t know how to react to Kai’s woman. Sunny still stares at the door, waiting for him to return.
“I cut Anika’s hair,” I say, wiggling free of my mother’s grip and crawling to the child. “And Sunny’s too.”
Anika suddenly realizes her mother’s unhappy, and Kai isn’t around. Now wearing a pout, she’ll probably cry soon. If she does, Mama will fall apart and then Sunny. There’s no way I can deal with them crying when I’m already stressed about what Papa might do to Cobain.
Except as the only non-emotionally damaged person in the room, I have no choice but to take charge.
“Let’s get off the floor,” I say and stand. “Anika, can you show my mama videos on your tablet?”
The girl stops pouting and frowns. “Mama?”
“This is my mama,” I say, tugging my mother upright and hugging her. “This is Kai’s mama.”
Not understanding, a grinning Anika hugs her mother. “Mama.”
“Okay, how about we call my mother, Mama Mia,” I say, corralling them toward the bed, “and we call your mother, Mama.”
Though I smile at the Mama Mia reference, none of them gets it. Anika stands by the bed, unsure about my mom.
“Can you say ‘Mama Mia’?” I ask Anika.
She yells out the words and then waits to see if Sunny will react positively.
“Where’s Duck?” Sunny asks in barely more than a whisper.
The child eyes her mother, uneasy about the mood in the room.
Feeling the three of them inching closer to meltdowns, I suggest, “Mama Mia can look at Duck while Anika looks at the snow globe.”
The next few minutes are full of tension since Anika doesn’t want to give her toys to a stranger, and Mama gets overly focused on the door where Sunny stares. Normally, I could remain calm, but I feel myself losing control. I wish the three of them would take a break from their drama, so I could help Cobain.
Except they’re not normal. One day, Anika might be. She’s still young enough to forget the insane bile taught to her by the cult. Sunny might also get past much of her programming and abuse. There are times where her reactions are so normal that I can forget where she spent a large part of her life.
But my sweet mama will never be okay.
And neither will Papa, who is outside with another man incapable of shedding his past. They’re temperamental creatures that react violently when agitated.
I should be outside, keeping them from killing each other. I’m the one who can distract Papa, and Cobain cares for me while I’m not so sure he does Kai. So, why am I in this room?
Because I’m a woman, meaning I should know how to soothe other women. Yet Kai’s the one with that talent. I shouldn’t be here. I need to be with my father and lover, ensuring neither does something horrible that can’t be undone.
“It’s okay,” Sunny says, patting my hand.
I’m so startled by her touch that I pull away and frown at her. Her gaze lowers, submissive under the weight of a stronger person’s anger.
“You’re worried about Cobain,” she whispers, chin against her chest, showing weakness, so I won’t lash out.
Surprising Sunny, I hug her. “Yes, I am. He has no one to care about him.”
Sunny adjusts to the situation and hugs me like Kai taught her to do when someone’s upset. I feel Mama stroking my head, and Anika says, “hug” and gives me Duck so I’ll feel better.
“I want to go home,” I whisper. “I want to stand on the beach with the people I love.”
Mama suddenly gets up and digs through her suitcase. She returns with her case filled with a dozen little snow globes. Anika gasps with delight and pulls on Sunny’s shirt.
“Mama, look,” she whispers, using her words more and more easily.
My mother hands us each a snow globe and then shakes her own. “It makes the world prettier.”
We all shake ours and watch the snow float. Though only a minor distraction from my worried heart, it’s one I truly needed.
If my broken mother can concentrate on the small beauties in life, I hope the men outside can do the same. At the very least, my brother might act as their snow globe, distracting Papa and Cobain.
