HE KNEELED DOWN NEAR THE CREEK and looked closely into the still water trapped in a pool among the rocks. He fancied himself an Indian tracker and guide. Pointing at the fresh hoof print, he said—as though someone stood over his left shoulder—“It went this way.” He lifted his rifle in his right hand above his head in a triumphant gesture, and he smiled as he stood.
One heavy boot came down hard over the hoof print, splashing droplets of water onto the rocks, obscuring those droplets that still marked the deer’s passing. He ignored the icy water that soaked the leg of his pants from mid-calf down and seeped into his boot, wetting his sock.
His black eyes scanned the woods for movement. Most hunters would look for the deer’s shape or color for identity, but Llewellyn knew better. He always knew better. He had the instincts of the ancients. To see movement, become still. So, as his head turned, it would stop at intervals and wait. Nothing. He searched the ground for more tracks, looked for broken twigs, scuffed leaves. He listened intently and continuously.
When he heard something snap, he looked up slowly, waited. The deer stepped again, and Lew caught the movement to the far left of his peripheral vision.
As the deer looked away, Lew shouldered his rifle and waited. When the deer turned back to face him, he squeezed the trigger. The recoil pushed his shoulder back, cushioned by the muscles in his arm. The deer collapsed almost exactly where it had stood.
“Painless,” Lew said.
His sport here was to track and kill, just as he imagined himself doing when at work. He had often told his friends that the corporate world was every bit as barbaric as two Neanderthal tribes competing over a hunting territory. It wasn’t the land, he’d told them, it was the food on the land that they fought for. Then, much later, it distorted into only land, then religion or form of government and on and on. It no longer mattered why mankind hunted, fought or killed. Even though he could subsist on much less than he had, getting more had become essential, had become a measure of his merit. To battle was innate, nothing more.
The job done, he rustled through November’s fallen leaves. He scratched his three-day beard with his fingernails. Took pride in noticing the increasingly stronger odor of the deer as he approached its still figure, crumpled unnaturally on the ground. The early morning sun speckled the dry leaves, firing the colors more brilliantly with its touch. The deer’s fur, too, was specked in sunlight, producing patches of light and dark brown like a spotted carpet.
Lew unsnapped his hunting knife and withdrew it from its sheath. He stood over the deer, knowing with visceral certainty that it was dead and not merely wounded.
He kneeled beside the fallen deer and grabbed the soft flesh of its belly with his left hand, stretching it enough to let the knife’s silver blade penetrate. With a quick jerk, he began to split its gut open. Several more jerks of the knife and blood spilled easily onto the leaves, trickling to the knees of his jeans. He scooped out the entrails then wiped the knife’s blade alternately along the deer’s fur and along his thigh until it was nearly clean. Lew grabbed the doe’s thighs and, with a great strength, threw them, causing her body to flip over. Before it could bounce back, Lew gripped the fur and skin along her back and, pulling up, shifted the weight of her carcass.
He removed a short piece of rope from his pocket. At each end he tied a loop, then knotted the middle around the doe’s hind legs. Finding a branch thick enough and strong enough to bear the deer’s weight, Lew slipped it through the two loops, brought it to his back, along his waist and, gripping it tightly, white-knuckled, began to drag the deer back the way he’d come.
“The Wolf has killed again,” he said, wanting the words to be made physical through waves of sound. His nickname had been Wolf for as long as he could remember. He didn’t know where the name had come from, his father perhaps, or kids at school. It was just who he was. Even his facial features were wolf-like.
The woods seemed quiet. The only sounds were the deer sliding through fallen leaves, and his own footfalls, heavy and sure. He crossed the now-sparkling stream; sunlight pushed through the open treetops. Resting for only a moment, he pulled harder, walked faster, up the hillside he had recently climbed down while tracking the doe. One foot slipped when he neared the top and he slid to his knees. “Fuck,” he said, “almost there, too.”
The deer weighed nearly a hundred and fifty pounds dressed. His momentum was lost, so for the final few yards, Lew turned around and faced the deer. Placing the branch in the crook of his arms he dug his heels into the soft topsoil and pulled, using all his strength and weight. He moved up the steep grade slowly but evenly. Once on level ground, he pulled the carcass another forty feet or so to a small field and rested there.
He sat, catching his breath after the effort of the uphill drag. The warm sun reduced the chill in the air to a memory. Still, his wet foot was becoming uncomfortable now that his mind was off the hunt. Lew looked up into the cloudless sea of sky, thankful for the sun’s appearance after several days of overcast skies and drizzling, off-and-on rain. He patted his wet pant leg, forced his fingers through his thick black hair and scratched his beard again. It was at the length where it began to itch.
Heaving to his feet, Lew started across the field, knowing that once he got to its edge and entered the woods again, it was all down hill to the cabin. As he crossed the field, he tried to soak up as much sun as he could, letting it bathe him in heat and light.
He would be the first one back. Of the three of them, he was the best hunter and tracker. Joe probably wouldn’t even get a deer at all. And Gary would take longer, but he’d try harder, too. Gary seldom gave up at anything; never had, as far as Lew knew. He gave of himself pretty freely, doing volunteer legal work for the poor as well as occasional food-line duties at his church. But he lacked one thing that Lew possessed: the killer instinct.
At the base of the hillside sat the log cabin. It belonged to Gary’s family, had been part of the family history for many years. His great grandfather had built it originally. Several years ago Gary had converted it from a two-room shed to a spacious three-bedroom hunting cabin. Once Gary got his law degree, he saved his money and had most of the cabin done himself. One of his uncles, Uncle George, helped with time and labor, since he lived much closer to the retreat than Gary did. Now the cabin had a large living room, separate kitchen and two full baths. The cabin had been put in all three of their names so that each could feel free to use it as his own.
Lew couldn’t relate to such things. Besides, the fact was that Lew’s job took up a hell of a lot more time than Gary’s, much of it necessary social time, hobnobbing with clients.
Lew dragged the deer carcass to the side of the cabin where an old elm spread its large branches outward and upward. The three men had already rigged the small pulley system that had been chained to one branch for years. Lew removed the makeshift singletree he had used to drag the deer, slipped the two looped ends of the rope over a hook on the line that ran through the pulley system. He hoisted the deer easily and smoothly into the air so the blood could drain. They would skin and butcher it later.
Lew spit on the ground and wiped the sweat that had beaded on his forehead with the back of his hand. Before week’s end, he thought, there’d be another one hanging there. Lew stood a few minutes looking at the deer as it twirled slowly from side to side, intermittently exposing the open, gutted area. He admired his work and looked forward to finishing the job. Each time he ate venison in the next year, he’d remember the hunt.
Inside the cabin, he stripped down and showered, then cleaned his rifle and knife meticulously. He built a small fire to keep the dampness from building up.
For a moment, he thought of going back out, but decided to wait for the other two instead. From his small suitcase, Lew removed some work folders, jobs he was still either working on or pitching. The Saunders & James Agency was making a lot of money off him, and he knew it. That’s why they paid him six figures, plus a percent of sales.
By late afternoon, Joe showed up empty-handed. “Nice deer,” he said to Lew.
“Thanks.”
“Somebody forget to tell you it’s no longer doe season?”
“You know me.”
Joe let it slide, adding nothing to his comment. After cleaning up, he joined Lew in the kitchen to fix some “pasta almond ding,” as they called it.—a sort of mix between Italian and Chinese. Joe did the bulk of the mixing and cooking, while Lew chopped, grated, and set the table. Gary still hadn’t shown up, so while Joe put the final touches— the wine and almonds—on dinner, Lew stepped onto the porch and yelled a few times. “Gar-ry! Gar—ry!” He listened for a moment.
Just as he put his hands to his cheeks again, he heard Gary’s reply.
“Up here!”
Lew poked his head inside and yelled at Joe, “Gary’s on his way down. I’m going up to help. He sounds whipped.”
“Hurry,” Joe yelled back as Lew put on his coat to go into the cool evening air. Lew sailed off the porch and ran into the woods yelling for Gary to make some noise. Fifty feet inside the woods, he stopped dead. Gary’s voice came from Lew’s left, so he jogged up hill in that direction. His footing was sure, and his breathing controlled. He loved to push himself, so he sped up. Ducking under branches and grabbing trees with his hands, he used his arms to propel himself up the wooded hillside. Suddenly, beyond a small grove of pines, where he had to dip below branches and swing his arms over his head to get through, he almost ran into Gary. He pulled up, breathing in great gulps of air, and rested his hands on his knees.
“Christ, you didn’t have to fly up the hill.” Gary stood holding a thick branch in his hands. He was breathing heavily, too. Sweat had soaked the brim of his cap and his coat was tied around his waist. He also sported a three-day beard, but it was not as thick as Lew’s. His light brown hair gave it a thinner look. Gary’s aristocratic nose and round glasses made him look studious, not the hunting type.
“Wanted to run,” Lew said, panting.
“Doesn’t surprise me.”
“Holy shit.” Lew had just noticed the huge buck Gary had been dragging. “Where the hell you get him?”
“Two hills over.”
“You’re gonna be mighty sore tomorrow.”
“I know. You want to just help me the rest of the way?”
“Sure. One sec.”
“You’re not so young any more, Lew.”
“I’ll out run, out work and out fight you any day of the world,” Lew said angrily.
“Hey, just kidding. You get too hot, too fast.”
“Fuck you. It gains respect.”
“People avoid you is all,” Gary said.
“Haul your own kill, then.” Lew wheeled around to walk away.
“What’s with you, Lew? I was kidding.”
“You’re jealous, so you criticize inside a joke. You’re afraid that you’re getting old.”
“Maybe I am, Lew,” Gary said to Lew’s departing back, watching him head back down the hill alone. He shook his head, wiped his brow and began to pull the deer himself.
Lew jogged down the hill, leaves rustling loudly.
In a little while, Joe showed up to help Gary with the buck.
“You didn’t have to,” Gary said.
“He’s just being himself.” Joe took the deer from Gary. “You rest,” he said.
“I was kidding about his age and the shape he was in,” Gary confessed.
“Well, when he came back, I asked him what happened. He said he was teaching you a lesson.”
“He did. But not the one he thinks.”
“That’s always how it is,” Joe said. “I’ve learned that with my own kids.”
“You think Wolf ’s one of those guys who just can’t handle growing old?” Gary said.
“He’s had a rough couple of years. Let’s go easy on him.”
***
At the cabin, Joe climbed onto the elm’s branch and hand-tied a second rope at the same height as the one holding Wolf ’s doe. He angled the hooked end next to the other one, and Gary transferred the doe onto it. They hoisted the buck next to the doe.
Joe climbed down and helped Gary finish up. “That thing’s huge. I’ve never seen such a big buck.”
“Probably old and tough as hell,” Gary said, looking at it. He sighed. “Sausage meat.”
“What is it?”
“I think I’m getting tired of hunting. I don’t enjoy it so much anymore. I find, well…I get a little uneasy killing anymore.”
“I’ve been that way,” Joe admitted.
“I sort of thought so.” He smiled at Joe. “I think we do this for Wolf most of the time. Then he treats us like shit…” Gary put his hand on Joe’s shoulder. “…kind of like our wives treat us.”
Joe laughed as the two of them stepped onto the porch. “Must be why we like it.”
Inside the cabin, Lew asked, “You two bonding out there? I heard laughter.”
“Somebody has to do it,” Gary said.
Joe flashed Gary a ‘don’t-start-anything’ look.
Gary lifted his palms up and pitched his own look back at Joe that telegraphed, ‘I didn’t say anything wrong’.
“Well, I’m glad it’s you two. You make such a nice couple.” Lew seemed as though he’d forgotten the quick argument he’d had with Gary, but they all knew how volatile Lew could be and how quickly the atmosphere could change. “Sit down, sit down,” Lew said.
“Looks great, Wolf,” Gary said while walking past the table to the sink. He had put down his gun, knife, and coat on the chair next to the front door.
Lew and Joe sat down at the table and began to eat. Gary cleaned up first, washing thoroughly, then sat down to a heaping dinner. He grabbed a roll from a basket in the middle of the table. No one spoke; they just ate, until Joe said he missed his girls.
“Call ’em,” Lew suggested.
“Oh, I will. Later.”
Lew got up from the table. “Nice kids you have.”
“Thank you,” Joe said.
“Not like mine.”
“What’s wrong with your son, Wolf? He always seems well behaved to me,” Gary said.
“His stepfather’s a jerk. Lies to him about me all the time.”
Joe grabbed his own dishes along with Gary’s and took them to the sink. He stood next to Lew, who leaned against the counter. “What’s he say about you?” Joe asked.
“Tells him I’m money-hungry, that that’s all that matters to me. Tells him I was unfaithful to Julie, that I was never home when he was first born, wouldn’t even hold him.”
“It’s all pretty much true, isn’t it?” Gary said.
“Fuck you, asshole.”
“Come on, you two. There’s no need to get upset,” Joe said.
Gary pushed from the table and began to walk into the living room where a warm fire crackled and snapped in the fireplace. “I’m not upset.”
“You don’t have to nail Wolf for past mistakes, do you?”
“He just never faces himself. Never looks in the mirror. I get sick of it sometimes.” Gary turned around before sitting in a lounge chair, and said, “Wolf, face up, you did those things. You still do. That’s who you are. If you don’t like the truth, change it. That’s my advice.” Gary sat easily into the cushioned chair.
Lew stepped away from the sink, and stalked into the living room. “Your advice? Who asked for it? Who the fuck cares?” Lew stopped in front of Gary. “You have no room to talk, big mouth.”
“Hey, you two, cut it out,” Joe said, trying to sound authoritative.
Lew lifted his palm towards Joe to quiet him. “Who asked for your advice?” He drilled the question at Gary.
“No one asked for it. And no one cares,” Gary said. “It was free. Maybe if you’ d listen, your life wouldn’t be so fucked up.” Gary turned his head away.
Fury flared in Lew’s eyes, then gave way to a blankness, as though he wasn’t really there, only the anger. He grabbed Gary’s shirt and yanked him out of his chair.
“You don’t want to do this,” Gary said, trying to push away.
Lew pulled him around and shoved him. Gary stumbled backwards, caught his balance. He lunged forward after Lew.
“Wolf, Gary, break it up!” Joe charged over and grabbed Lew’s arm. “You’ re supposed to be friends.”
Lew pulled loose and swung at Gary who immediately swung back, connecting solidly.
Lew performed a perfect take-down on Gary, switched behind him and pulled his wrist behind his back. With one hand on Gary’s head and one on the lifted wrist, Lew pushed Gary’s face to the floor.
“Wolf, for Christ’s sake, grow up.” Joe stood over them both, knowing enough not to move, nor provoke any more violence between the two of them.
“Me? Tell him to grow up.”
“Both of you.” Joe shook his head. “Is this what it’s come to? The competition between you two? Neither of you man enough to let go of it?” Joe’s disgust with their actions, like a disapproving mother, somehow calmed Lew. His eyes cleared first, then he relaxed his grip on Gary’s head.
“It’s not worth it,” Lew said, not wanting to completely give up on his anger. He let go of Gary’s wrist.
Gary rolled onto his back and Lew leaned back on his haunches. “I was trying to help,” Gary said, looking up at Lew.
Lew looked up at Joe for a reaction. “Well, you didn’t,” Lew finally said.
“It never helps to be rude,” Joe said. He was the peacemaker, always had been. When the three of them were in high school, Joe was the only person who seemed able to get through to Lew, and that wasn’t a consistent thing, either. “Can we try to keep calm now?”
“My intentions weren’t bad,” Gary said.
“I know, just poorly delivered,” Joe said.
Lew gritted his teeth and headed for the door. “I’m going out for a minute.”
“Good, cool down,” Gary said.
Joe kicked Gary’s shoulder. “Lay off.”
Lew ignored them both and went outside without a coat.
Joe helped Gary to his feet. “Your life hasn’t been so perfect, either, you know? It may be more so now, but I remember a time…”
Gary smiled. “ I know, but I’ve worked hard to change things. Wolf doesn’t even try to face-up.”
“In his own time.”
“I don’t want to see him destroy himself before that.”
“Neither do I. But for now he needs friends. He just got divorced two months ago; already Julie has remarried and taken his son away. Now, Julie and her new husband are moving out of state. Maybe Wolf hasn’t been the best father in the world, but he loves his son, and is watching him get pulled away physically, watching as his mind is being influenced.”
“I didn’t know they were moving.”
“I just found out.”
Gary put his hand on Joe’s shoulder and pulled him around so he could put his arm around his neck like the close friends they were. “You’re right. I’ll try to be easy on him. Try to get him to look at the positive side.”
“Tactfully,” Joe said.
Gary laughed. “Tactfully.”
When Lew came back inside, Gary and Joe were sitting in the two lounge chairs perpendicular to the fire. They each held a glass of wine and were talking quietly.
“Getting nasty out there?” Gary asked.
“Cold and damp.”
“The deer going to be okay?”
“Absolutely. We can butcher in the morning.”
“There’s wine,” Joe said.
“Thanks.” Lew got a goblet, poured wine into it, and sat in the corner of the sofa. He slipped his boots off and pulled his feet up, stretching his legs along the cushions. He leaned his head back and looked at the ceiling.
“This is the life.”
“You said it,” Gary said.
Joe sighed and pushed out of his chair. “I’m going to call the girls.”
“Say hello for me,” Lew said.
“Me, too,” Gary chimed in.
Joe left the room and Gary and Lew sat quietly. Lew stopped looking at the ceiling and took a long drink from his wine, then stared into the goblet as if he were looking for the surface to clear and the future to open up.
Gary leaned forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees. A small wind picked up outside and the door snapped, like someone had just pushed on it. “Look, Wolf, I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I had no right butting in.”
Lew looked over at Gary, whose face glowed orange in the fire’s reflection. “I have tried to face up to my past. You don’t know.”
“You’re right, I don’t.”
“Maybe my mistake was in getting married in the first place. In trying to be what everyone else is, what my parents are, what you and Joe have become. It’s not me. I’m different. That doesn’t mean I don’t love my son.
“I know it doesn’t, and I’m sorry. I wish I could help.”
“Stop Julie from taking him away. You’ re a lawyer. You can do that.”
“I’m a criminal lawyer. But I can ask around, see what I can find out for you. I doubt there’s much you can do, though.”
Lew breathed deeply, but didn’t respond. He leaned his head back.
“So, what’s up at work?” Gary asked.
“I just closed a big deal with Pizza Hut. They’re on the move again, sold out to some foreign company who wants to pump money into them. We’re going to play down the pizza part and bump up their image as a more general family restaurant. Show people ordering all kinds of foods except pizza, then have someone chime in at the end, ‘So, where’s the pizza?’ They’re going to expand their menu, too. We’ve got a lot of ideas.”
“Anything hard-hitting? Your usual stuff?”
“Not at first. These people can’t handle it. I’ll have to build them up to that kind of campaign.” Lew turned and sat forward in his seat. His work interested him. His voice got more excited. “I want to push them right up the middle, between the fast-food spots—which is sort of where they are now—and the bar-type restaurants that are crowded and loud. This will bring them into a new market, and I’m banking on the fact that people will see them as new too, give them another try.”
“Sounds like a good plan.”
“It is. And it’ll work, too. Of course, there’s still a lot to do. And it’s more complicated than what I just told you.”
“I’m sure it is. But you’ re really good at what you do.”
“Thanks.”
Joe walked back into the room, smiling, happy to have touched base with home. “Your turn, Gary.”
“In a minute.”
Lew looked up and matched Joe’s smile. “What is it?”
“Stephanie was just singing to me. It’s great. She still can’t say her ‘L’s, has trouble with ‘T’s, mumbles through areas where the words still make no sense to her. It’s beautiful. Every few words, she says, ‘Daddy’. All the while Melanie’s in the background trying to coach her. Susan, laughing out loud at the two of them.”
Lew put his feet back on the sofa and leaned into the cushions. “The Suze,” he said.
“What’s that?” Joe said.
Gary said, “That’s what Wolf and I always called Susan, like she was in charge. Frankly, buddy, I never really understood what you saw in her. But it seems to work.”
“I knew the moment I saw her,” Joe said. “ A lot of people have said that to me, that they couldn’t figure us out, you know? You weren’t the only ones.”
“I know your parents weren’t crazy about her.”
“Nor my sister.”
“So, what is it about her?” Gary said.
“You wouldn’t understand. There are just things she does…”
Lew lifted his arm. “I don’t want to know,” he said, and they all laughed.
“It’s just something you know,” Joe said. “It’s not tangible. Like I had lost her in a past life and she’s finally returned to me. Like a missing child almost.”
“You’re weird,” Gary said, “…that past life stuff.”
“I believe it,” Lew said. “ I know I’ve been a hunter before, maybe even been a real wolf. Sometimes I feel alone out there. I miss my pack.”
“Wolves protect their pack, they mate for life, don’t they?” Gary said. “So how’s that fit in?”
“I don’t know. You know, I wanted to stay married to Julie. It’s not like I didn’t want to. It’s just that the hunt always took me away.”
“What about all the philandering? That’s not exactly food-gathering, not if you mate for life,” Gary said.
“Let’s not get started again,” Joe said.
“No, it’s okay,” Lew said. “The hunt has changed. Today, it includes corporate buyouts, hob-nobbing, lying and cheating, even sex. My affairs were never pick-ups in bars, you know. I fucked the ad-manager to get a job. If the ad manager was a man, I’d try to get him laid. As much as everyone says that that’s not how it is these days, it still goes on.”
“It wouldn’t work with me,” Joe said.
“No, it wouldn’t. With you, I’d go golfing, or better, to the opera. You love that, and you probably haven’t been there for a while.” Lew was confident in what he said, knew exactly what he’d do, almost instinctively. “But sex would work with Gary,” he said, indicating he knew something that Joe didn’t.
“Don’t bet on it,” Gary said.
“I would bet on it. Your marriage is not the best. I’ve paid attention.” Lew finished his wine and set the goblet next to the sofa leg.
“We have our problems, but I love my wife.”
“See,” Lew said.
“What?”
“Nothing.” Lew looked over at Joe, whose face looked as though he were lost.
“What about since Matthew was born? How’s it been?”
“She’s been fine.” Gary looked over at Joe for help, but Joe sat still and said nothing. “My wife takes good care of Matthew. She’s a good mother and wife.”
Lew smiled. “You know you haven’t even said her name yet. It’s always, my wife or she. Have you noticed, Joe?”
“Now that you mention it, I do.”
“You guys aren’t very close,” Lew said. I sense that your sex life has been affected because of the trial separation a while back, and if I paid someone to approach you, you’d accept her advances, not knowing where it came from. I’d nab you the next day and manipulate you through a combination of pleasure and guilt. I’d get the account. Guaranteed.”
“I hope you’ re wrong,” Joe said.
“I seldom am.” Lew leaned his head back as though he’d already won. In a moment of vanity, he said, “I am Wolf, the hunter. At your expense, I feed my family.”