As viewers of the Discovery Channel know, meerkats’ cuteness masks deep and tortured souls. And their homes, which initially appear to be rodent hippie communes, are in fact totalitarian states ruled by cruel alpha meerkat despots. These despots attack at their whim, after which there is no repair or forgiveness—if subordinates refuse to cooperate or otherwise retaliate, the despot will attack again. The best a victim can do is stay out of the aggressor’s way.
Unlike meerkats, macaques and almost all primates follow aggression with reconciliation. In fact, friendly interactions between recent combatants are more likely than friendly interactions between two random macaques.
Humans, it seems, can choose to be meerkats or macaques—we can forgive or we can hold a grudge. One thing is clear: Forgiveness is good for you. The short-term effects of failing to immediately forgive the driver that cuts you off include increased blood pressure, heart rate, and galvanic skin response, the last implying that you get mad or scared … or sexually aroused (the increased ability of electricity to course through your skin prepares you for action of all sorts). Even after the short-term effects of anger have dissipated, forgiveness lowers your blood pressure and heart rate and is associated with a range of benefits including fewer medications, less alcohol use, better sleep, and even decreased lower-back pain. And people who forgive have better relationships: They accommodate, sacrifice, and cooperate, leading to lower divorce rates.
But it’s difficult to punk the system: Forgiveness works best if you do it organically, rather than from feelings of obligation or in search of its health benefits. In other words, in order to reap the rewards of saying “That’s OK,” you have to mean it.