• T = If you can see your toes while standing, enter zero. If not, enter the inches of reduced belt size needed to restore podiatric vision.
• HH = Percentage of scalp showing through hair.
• HB = Percentage of body below neck showing through hair.
• M = Go to a park. Smile at ten mothers. How many smile back? Subtract from this the number of children who cry.
• O+ = How many of the following do you have or have you had: a gym membership, a cat or dog, silk boxer shorts, a motorcycle, shoes that cost more than 100 bucks, sex in the past month, massage oil and/or bubble bath.
• O- = How many of the following do you have: snake or rat, underwear with holes, a videogame machine, Velcro shoes, a condom past its expiration date, any personalized or joke beer paraphernalia, your mother’s phone number on speed dial.
• SS = Your shoe size.
• X = Subtract five if you actually solved this equation.
INTERPRETATION OF RESULTS
| 90–100 | Filet mignon |
| 70–89 | Porterhouse |
| 40–69 | Sirloin |
| 10–39 | Ground round |
| 0–9 | Jerky |
Windows 2000 already contains features such as the human discipline component, where the PC can send an electric shock through the keyboard if the human does something that does not please Windows.
—Widely misattributed to Bill Gates
