“You look so beautiful. Are you ready for tonight?” Lauren asked.
I reached out and smiled when she grabbed my hands. We were alone in my room, so I knew the gesture was sincere. “I’m more nervous than anything.”
“You’ll be fine, I promise. I’ll pull you into the information room before we get started and ask you a few simple questions, like ‘do you have an idea of the contestants you want to keep?’ and things like that. Very direct and to the point. Then you’ll spend a few hours talking with them, and I’ll announce that it’s time for the ceremony.”
“I’ve got this.” I knew to save my answers for the cameras. I caught myself from frowning when she let go of my hands. She touched my cheek. I almost leaned into her hand but stopped myself.
“You got a lot of sun today. It’s a good thing we have indoor activities coming up so you can heal,” she said.
I touched my other cheek. My entire face felt like it was on fire. “No matter how much sunscreen Mandee puts on me, I seem to get burned. It’s like she thinks it’s my fault.”
“Even with a sunburn, you look amazing. Don’t let her berate you. How’s Buzzy? Are you working through your differences okay?”
“I haven’t seen them lately.”
“You ready to head down?” She took a step toward the door. Tonight she wore a red, full-length, sleeveless dress with a slit that showed off only a tiny bit of her sexy legs. The collar rested right below her neck. I had never seen the soft swell of her breasts in any piece of clothing. Even the tankini the other night was modest. Maybe my dress was too much, but the way she looked at me told me otherwise.
“Are we still on for tonight? I can’t wait to work off all the carbs I ate at the barbecue.” I needed to qualify my question. If I made it as simple as wanting to see her, she might bail.
“Depends on how fast the ceremony goes. Sometimes they can last for hours. If you drag it out to four in the morning, then no. But tomorrow is a blackout day, which means everyone gets the day off. You, me, the crew,” Lauren said.
“A day off sounds heavenly. What are you going to do?”
“Relax. Maybe watch a movie. Sleep in. Not wear makeup. Eat junk food. Scroll on my phone.”
“Stop teasing me. I’m totally jealous. What am I going to do here in this big mansion all by myself without any of that? What’s scrolling? Is that what you do on a cell phone? I’ve forgotten how. I don’t even know what’s going on in the world. Plus, I’ll be all alone in the kitchen, which means lots of sugar and no supervision.” I sighed playfully and pouted.
“Maybe I can arrange it so we can see a movie.”
“Oh, is the new Victoria Crib movie out yet? I’d check on my phone, but I don’t have one,” I said.
“I don’t think it’s out yet. I’m good, but not that good.” At my pout, she sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thank you.” I wanted to tease her about doughnuts in the morning and the fun we could have tomorrow, but I had a ceremony tonight, and I needed to remember that somebody was going home who maybe didn’t want to. We were still early in the process, but I didn’t feel any strong emotions for the contestants yet. Several made my heart speed up, but I hadn’t had enough alone time with them. Group dates and cocktail parties were tough.
“Are you ready?”
“Let’s do this.”
After the five-minute ride to the mansion and Mandee double-checking that every hair was in place and my makeup hadn’t smudged, Lauren and I slipped into the information room.
“Big night, right?”
I held my hand over my heart. “Very big night.”
“Are you nervous or scared?”
I liked the way Lauren gave me her total attention. It mesmerized and unnerved me at the same time. She was still professional, but I detected something a little more personal in the way she looked at me now than she did on day one. “Both. I hate the thought of sending somebody home early who could be the perfect person for me. It’s a risk I have to take. I have to trust my instincts and my heart.”
She nodded and smiled. “Do you know who is going home tonight, or do you have an idea?”
“I know who I want to stay, but I don’t know for sure who I want to go home,” I said and shrugged. “That’s why tonight is so important. I need to talk to several contestants privately to get a better feel for where they are in the process and about their feelings for me.”
“Well, let’s get you to the cocktail party that sounds like it’s already in full swing,” she said.
I could hear murmurs and laughter from the great room. “I’m ready.”
I knew who was in the clear: Alix, Ophelia, Emma, Lyanna, Kaisley, and Charlotte. That left Frankie and Ava. I felt so hot and cold about Frankie. Sometimes she was disrespectful, and other times she was hilarious. She struck me as a hot mess, but also that person who people enjoyed being around at parties, just not real life. Ava, the other person in the bottom two, was fine. Nothing was wrong with her. I just didn’t feel flutters in my stomach when we spent time together.
“Hi, everyone,” I said when I walked into the room. It felt incredible to have eight people smile and raise their glasses to me. “This is a big night for all of us. I’d like to spend the time with a lot of one-on-one moments. Ava, I’ll begin with you. Would you like to go for a walk?”
“Of course.” She gracefully put down her drink and followed me outside. We could go only a few places to have complete privacy. I didn’t want to make out, but I wanted to ask some questions and couldn’t do that with other contestants milling about. Tonight, Ava wore a dark green, strapless jumpsuit with bell-bottom legs. With her long, straight hair, she looked like a woman on an album cover that I remember seeing in my mother’s vinyl collection. What was her name? Was it Cher? No. Cher was too iconic not to know immediately.
“Crystal Gayle!” I yelled and snapped my fingers.
“What?” she asked as she flipped her long hair back and sat beside me on a small bench hidden in an alcove of hedges.
I blushed and pressed my lips together, silently scolding myself for my outburst. “Oh, your look reminds me of a singer from the seventies. My mom always played her music, and I memorized all the album covers. She had long, beautiful hair like yours.” Ava stared blankly at me. “What kind of music do you listen to?”
“I don’t have time to listen to music. I work quite a bit.”
“So, wait. When you’re driving to work, what do you do?” I couldn’t imagine not cranking up the volume and singing to whatever was playing through the speakers.
She shrugged. “I usually listen to podcasts, or I talk on the phone.”
Nope, but I played along. “I catch up with my mother on the way home some nights.”
“Does she live far away?”
“She’s about a four-hour drive for me. Somewhat close, but not close enough to pop in without an announcement first. Tell me about your family. Siblings, parents, nieces, and nephews?”
Ava was from a large family—two older brothers and two younger sisters. She was the only one without kids and wasn’t sure how she felt about them. She was always babysitting her nieces and nephews, so having a child of her own wasn’t high on her list. I respected that preference.
“What do you do for fun in New Hampshire?” I hope I got that right. Didn’t I already ask her this question? “Do you ski, ice-skate, sled with the kids?”
She had a sweet laugh. “Yes. We’re an outdoorsy family. We have a cabin up in the woods with a pond, and it gets cold enough so we can skate on it. My brothers ice-fish, and my sisters and I cross-country ski.”
“How’s the wildlife? As terrifying as I think?”
She nodded. “Worse.”
I playfully gasped. “Bears? Elk? I hear moose are pretty mean.”
“They’re terrifying and huge. Black bears are common, too, but they usually leave us alone since we never go out by ourselves,” Ava said.
We had a decent conversation, and I got a better background on Ava and what life with her would be like. She wasn’t completely out, but I still didn’t get the warm fuzzies. I also wasn’t a fan of cold weather. “Thank you for spending time with me. I should probably head back inside and talk to a few more people.”
“Can I give you a hug?” she asked.
“Definitely,” I said. It was quick, and instead of walking with me back inside, she raced ahead. I couldn’t disguise my confused expression. I even looked behind me to see if anything was chasing us or if somebody had sneaked up on us. Nope. Just me and four camera people. I walked into the room and found Frankie with Lyanna, sitting on a couch, drinking and laughing. She was wearing a black suit that fit her well. The T-shirt underneath boasted the Captain Marvel logo. Her black velvet loafers were under the coffee table, and her legs were stretched out, showing her bare feet. She was too comfortable in front of me, the other contestants, and the camera.
“Hi, ladies. Frankie, can I have a moment, please?” I felt rude bypassing the other contestants, but I wanted to get through this first ceremony. I was a bundle of nerves.
“Sure.”
Frankie slipped on her loafers and followed me to the pool area. I knew people could see us from the window, but I didn’t care. “Tell me about the rest of your day.”
She took my hand, which was awkward because she didn’t ask, and we were too far apart. One of us was going to have to scoot over, but it wasn’t going to be me. She got the hint and slid so our hands rested on the bench.
“Well, we won the basketball game, but I was never told what we actually won,” she said.
I didn’t take the bait. I couldn’t flirt with Frankie. She wasn’t the one, and I didn’t have the heart to string her along. “I guess next time we’ll have to figure that out ahead of time.”
“Okay, okay. I can do that,” she said. She smirked at me, and even though she was very attractive and made me laugh, I knew that any sort of relationship would be all about her and about me only when I complained I wasn’t getting enough attention. It was an unfair assumption, but I wasn’t invested enough in Frankie to see if I was wrong. Frankie would be going home at the end of the night.
“Let’s see if I remember correctly. You’re from Kansas City, you like lake life with your friends, and you have a dog named Boomer. He’s a big dog, right?” I remember one night we were chatting about pets, and Frankie and Kaisley were the only ones who had dogs. The rest either had cats or were petless.
“Yeah. He’s part bloodhound and part Labrador retriever. He’s my boy. I miss him.”
“Who’s watching him while you’re here?” I couldn’t imagine he was easy to pass off to people who weren’t used to large dogs. Judging from the way she described him, he filled the entire couch when he napped. Not to mention the drool factor.
“The team. Everyone gets him for a week. He’s kind of the mascot anyway. I take him to all the practices and games,” she said.
“Aww. That’s so sweet. Does he have a team jersey?”
She laughed. “He actually does. He’s number one.”
“Why the name Boomer?”
She looked at me as though she couldn’t believe I’d just asked that question. I smiled and blinked at her.
“Have you ever heard a bloodhound bay? It’s booming. It’s so loud.”
As interesting as this conversation was, I knew I had to steer it back to relationships. Denise would need plenty of material to work with. “Has it been a problem with dating? Having a large dog?” It was a stupid question but a valid one.
“Yes. Some people can’t handle him. He’s too big, and he takes up a lot of space,” she said. She stirred the whiskey in her glass with a tiny red straw. “But I won’t date somebody who doesn’t love him or is afraid of him. How are you with dogs?”
“I love animals. I always had dogs growing up. I don’t have one now because I work long hours, and it would be selfish to get one and keep it locked up in the house all day.” The size of Boomer was a deal-breaker for me, but I knew Frankie was out, and it didn’t make sense to bring the issue up now.
“You could take one to work, right? You own your own business,” she said.
“Yes, but it’s in a strip mall that has zero grass. Trust me, I’ve thought this through.” Why did I keep having that conversation? It was time to move on. “Thank you for spending time with me. We should get back inside and see what we’re missing.”
“Good idea. Thanks for inviting me. It’s nice to get away from all the energy of the other contestants.”
After another hour of getting whisked away by contestants who were going to survive the candle ceremony, I asked for Lauren, who was by my side in less than a minute.
“I’m going to steal Savannah for a few minutes. When we come back, we’ll start the candle ceremony in the great hall,” she said.
My energy ramped up when I saw her. It was hard not to stare. I followed her into the information room, ready to get this night over with. My anxiety was at a full ten.
“Are you ready?” At my nod, Lauren continued. “I’m going to ask you about each contestant, and when I’m done, I’ll leave you alone with your thoughts. Just take a quiet stroll around the room. Pick up photos and look at them. Denise will have production play a snip of what you said about each person, so we need a little time between each photo you pick up. Does that make sense?”
My mouth was dry and my stomach unsettled. This was the part I hated, then and now. “It does.”
“Let’s have a seat, and I’ll name each contestant, and you just tell me something good or bad about them.” She leaned forward and whispered, “It’s better if you say good things.”
Lauren’s subtle perfume was floral and sweet. As an olfactory person who had a business based on smells, I really enjoyed it. Cologne and perfume candles were making a comeback. And a lot of perfumers were inventing creative ways to get their scent out there in candles, car air fresheners, room sprays, and even oils. I would kill for a business opportunity like that.
“Savannah?”
Lauren’s soft voice kicked me out of my daydream. “Yes?”
She pointed to the chair in front of her. “Would you like to sit down?”
I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I got lost in a thought.” I sat and carefully crossed my ankles. Lauren’s gaze dropped to my legs for a moment. A tiny burst of energy exploded inside me because she’d looked and wasn’t even shy about it. We slowly went through each contestant until I said nice things about them all. She left when I picked up each frame and stared at each person for a few moments. I was done and out of the room in ten minutes, only to be accosted by Mandee, who primped me in record time.
“That was fast. Are you ready?” Lauren asked.
I took a deep breath and nodded. She handed me one of my own candles, and I almost wept for joy. “So, I’m supposed to say ‘I feel a spark with you. Do you feel it, too?’ and if they respond, I light their candle with my flame. Is that correct?”
“Yes. It’s terrible, but production likes consistency throughout the seasons.”
I looked at her. “It’s awful.”
“I completely agree.”
“I still have to say it?”
“My hands are tied, but you can make it sound good. You’re a natural in front of the camera. You won’t make it sound cheesy.”
She gave me a quick wink and left. I did exactly what they wanted, with some direction from Denise. By the time I was to meet everyone in the great hall, I was exhausted. Mandee took care of the shine and added body to my limp hair. It was almost eleven when I lit my candle and stood in front of the sparkettes. They were quiet.
“Welcome to the first official ceremony,” Lauren said.
She was greeted with nervous smiles. Somebody dropped their candle, and we had to reset. Denise changed the arrangement of the contestants and adjusted them so the camera could capture their reactions better. I was getting tired of standing around.
Lauren softly touched my lower back, and I stiffened at the unexpected contact.
“Whenever you’re ready, Savannah,” Lauren said. She tapped my back with her finger and slid to the side of the room.
I took a deep breath and addressed the room. “I want to thank you all for taking time out of your lives to see if we can find a connection. I know it was a big sacrifice, and I appreciate it. I’ve been in your shoes, and I understand it’s not easy.” I called the first contestant forward. “Alix.” They put their hand on their heart and approached. “I feel a spark with you. Do you feel it, too?”
They nodded and held their candle against mine. We had to be very still because camera person number four was focusing on the flame being lit. It was a hard task, given we were both incredibly nervous and shaking. The wicks were the perfect length to spark when lit, but then they settled immediately. I was so proud. “Light my fire,” they whispered. I tried to stifle my giggle when they hugged me.
“So cheesy,” I whispered and watched as they walked over to the designated area next to Lauren, where sparkettes were to stand after receiving a flame.
“Let’s cut for a minute and get wardrobe and makeup in here,” Denise announced.
That meant I was shiny and sweaty. I followed Mandee to a private room, where the temperature was at least ten degrees cooler. It felt wonderful in there.
“Have a seat. Let’s take a look at you.” She blotted my upper lip and my temples and applied more powder.
“That bad?”
She pursed her lips and shrugged. “Not really. The camera picks up everything. Plus, it’s hot under the lights. We might have to do this after each contestant.”
That’s why Lauren had told me it could take up to four hours. I sighed. As predicted, we had to stop after every contestant was selected. When it got down to Frankie and Ava, I tried to look like I was struggling with the decision.
“This is your last flame for the night,” Lauren said from her spot beside the sparkettes.
I felt the entire room hold their breath as they waited for me to decide. “This is a hard choice. I like you both for different reasons. I hope you know that I have to do this for me.”
“Ava.” Frankie hung her head but nodded at us. I focused on Ava. “Ava, I feel a spark with you. Do you feel it, too?” I sounded so ridiculous, but Lauren was right. What else could one say with a candle?
“Thank you, yes.” She put her candle against mine until the wick sparked and a flame appeared on hers.
Lauren smiled at Ava after she stood on the mark with the other sparkettes who received flames. “Frankie, I’m sorry, but please say your good-byes.”
I stood and anxiously waited for Frankie to work her way over to me. When she did, I reached for her hands and gave her fingers a supportive squeeze. “I hope you find somebody who can appreciate your humor and your charms.”
“Good luck,” she said and walked away with a chorus of “bye, Frankie,” “talk soon,” and “take care” trailing her out the door.
I didn’t feel bad or sad about my decision. Frankie wasn’t for me, but hopefully the right person would snatch her up. Kaisley handed me a glass of champagne, and we toasted with the others as the cameras swirled around us. I was so ready to be off my feet. When the glasses were empty, I excused myself for the evening and wearily crawled into the limo to take me back. Thankfully, no cameras were filming me. Nobody wanted to see me rub my sore feet or shake my hair loose.
It was after two in the morning. I decided to swim a few laps because I missed exercising, and I still hoped Lauren would drop by. With the crew having the day off, I honestly didn’t know if anybody was in the house with me. I still closed the bedroom door to change. I pulled out a two-piece sports bikini to show that I was serious about staying in shape in case Lauren made it. If she didn’t, this was still the best one to swim laps in and not lose either piece. I went out to the pool, and Lauren scared the shit out of me.
“I wasn’t sure if we were still on or not,” she said.
I was so worked up about the possibility of her being there, I wasn’t prepared to actually see her. She was lying in a lounge chair staring up at the stars.
“I’ve been looking forward to it—um…to a good swim all day. Splashing around in a pool while stationary doesn’t give me what I need.” I cringed at how obviously excited I was to see her. “What did you think about tonight?” I sat on the lounge next to her and stared up at the night sky too.
“You did a good job. And Frankie was the best choice.”
“It wasn’t tough. She’s nice, but we’re just in different places. I’m too old to party, and I think she’s a long way from retiring from it. She’s not my forever person.” I noticed Lauren had covered the cameras with paper cups again.
“This is the easy part. Before feelings get in the way,” Lauren said.
Had anyone offered to talk to Katie on her journey? At the time, the host was Michael Coors, and he was as douchey as could be. I didn’t think he was in television anymore. He was the epitome of cis white entitled men who sexualized women. He was never inappropriate with me, but several lawsuits followed him after the first two seasons of the show. His reputation took quite the hit, and I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to hire him again. Katie had to do this on her own, and I felt a tinge of something that could be empathy. But she was fully in charge of her shitty words, so the feeling passed quickly.
“You’ve been with the show for three seasons, right?”
Lauren turned to face me. “Yes. Why do you ask?” It was hard to see her in the dark, but the soft glow of a nearby solar light gave me just enough light to make out her features. She looked relaxed and beautiful.
I had a mini crush on Lauren. She was way out of my league, so the tiny fantasy of us was too far-fetched for me to believe in. I was a small-business owner who had never been to any red carpet event and drove a car that limped along. I wasn’t a catch. I was just someone who had evoked sympathy when she was dumped in front of millions of viewers. Television was going to make me out to be somebody I wasn’t. Jane had told me not to worry about it so much. She said I was worthy of anything good that came out of this show, even if it meant being single at the end of it. I would have enough money to keep my business alive, and more people would know I was available. That meant more app dating.
“Ugh.”
“What?” Lauren asked.
“Sorry. I was just thinking about something. So, the last two flames, what were they like?”
“They were both really sweet. One was a captain of a cruise ship, and the other was a marketing director,” she said.
“Did they both find love?” I asked.
“The captain did. The marketing director did at first, but she didn’t find her forever person. I like how you said that. Forever person.”
“I’m thirty-two, and I feel like if I don’t find my forever person soon, I’m not going to have one. I’m not just saying that to make you feel sorry for me. I have a good life. I have a best friend, a house, and a business I love.”
“Savannah, that’s why you’re here. To find your forever person. We have a good mix of personalities that are still compatible with yours. I know you have frontrunners, and that makes me happy. But as we both know, first impressions are important, yet they aren’t everything.” She stood and unbuttoned her shirt as I sat and watched her. “Are you going to join me?”
You mean quit staring at you? I jumped up and dropped my robe onto the lounge chair. “Yes. Let’s get some laps in before sunrise. Words I never thought I’d say.” She was wearing a full bathing suit with a sleeveless rash-guard shirt. “You know, I don’t think you have to worry about the sun shining.” I pointed to her shirt.
“It’s my safety blanket,” she said and dived into the water.
For somebody who didn’t have a pool, she was extremely graceful in the water. I quickly slid in and gritted my teeth when the coolness hit my back. Lauren surfaced almost at the other end of the pool. “What are you? Part seal? Dolphin? Wait. Mermaid?”
Her hearty laughter echoed.
I swam over to her. “That’s your secret, right? Single because you’re a mermaid and you haven’t been able to trust anybody with that information. I mean, I get it. People would want to keep you in a lab if the truth came out.” Her smile warmed every part of me. It made me want to entertain her, but I didn’t want to push.
“I swam in college.”
“Now you tell me? After you’ve seen me nearly drown a few times? I’m the world’s worst swimmer, just so you know.”
“I promise to just do laps and not make it a race,” she said.
“Did you swim all four years?”
“Yes.”
“That explains the discipline around junk food,” I said.
“Except doughnuts.”
“The perfect food.”
We swam quietly up and down the length of the pool several times until I couldn’t feel my arms and had to surrender. We were slipping into the sweet spot right before dawn when the world was quiet. I’d never felt so alive.
“I’ll come over later, if you want. I managed to get my hands on a copy of the movie you wanted to see,” Lauren said.
“That would be great!” I sounded too excited about seeing her again, so I quickly added, “I miss television and movies.”
She shook a finger at me. “Sorry, kitten. Only the movie.”
My eyes widened at her term of endearment. So did hers.
“Obviously, I’m sleep deprived.” She gathered her things quickly after slipping into her shorts. “I’ll see you later.”
She was gone before I had a chance to say good-bye.