My first date night was with Lyanna. I had thought I got to choose the order, but Denise didn’t want me to play favorites. It didn’t matter, because Lyanna was in my top four. I was looking forward to seeing what she came up with, which made the evening even more disappointing. She didn’t go all out like I thought she would. She picked a private dinner prepared by Scooter Wilmes, a James Beard award-winning chef located about twenty minutes from the mansion. During the limo drive, we went back and forth about how good the other person looked. She was stunning, and apparently, so was I.
The show had rented out a small restaurant overlooking the ocean. We had to move the romantic dinner indoors because the waves were too loud, and the wind kept blowing out the candles. They were on the table and meant for a romantic vibe, but the dying flames accurately represented how the night was going
“This is the most delicious beef Wellington I’ve ever tasted,” Lyanna said.
She took another bite and moaned her approval. While it was tasty, I’d had better. This was too salty, and the pastry wasn’t crisp and light. But the mashed potatoes served with it were incredible. I missed carbs.
“Who does the cooking at the house?” I asked her, thinking the contestants had a chef.
“We take turns. I fix salads and a protein. So many people at the house are vegan or vegetarians. It’s nice to be with somebody who isn’t afraid to eat meat. That’s what makes this night special,” she said.
Did she just use me for an indulgent meal? “I don’t eat a lot of red meat, but every once in a while, I crave a steak or a burger. Do you like to cook?”
“Not really. I did the cooking for my siblings, so it was more of a chore than a delight. But I love to eat. Know that going in,” she said.
“I love it, too.” I really tried to move the conversation. We toasted to finding the right person, which ten different cameras captured, and spent the rest of our night talking about college and how much we’d changed since. Lyanna was two years younger and, as a sales rep, had a lifestyle well beyond what I had back home or could offer another person. As nice as she was, I knew after the date that she wasn’t the one either. Hopefully we could at least salvage a friendship after the show.
“Do you want to go back to your place for a bit?” she asked.
It was only ten and I was done. I felt lethargic, because of the food, and bored. I bowed out as graciously as I could. “This was such a nice dinner, but after spending the afternoon with everyone and having a date, I’m exhausted.”
“I’m so glad you said that. I’m tired, too. We don’t get a lot of sleep at the mansion.”
The limo ride back was comfortably quiet. It didn’t become awkward until the limo pulled through the gate to my house and parked. “I had a very nice evening with you, Lyanna. It was good to get to know you better.”
She hugged me and kissed my cheek. “Have a great night, Savannah. Don’t stay up too late.”
The date didn’t seem to affect her either. Maybe that was a good thing. I didn’t want people to fall for me if I would only have to break their hearts in a matter of weeks or days. Lyanna and I seemed to be on the same page.
I kicked my heels off and hung up the dress. After a meal of fatty food, I wanted a swim whether Lauren showed up or not. I changed and headed down to the pool.
“How was dinner?” Lauren asked.
I yelped and threw my towel down. “Why are you forever scaring me?”
Her laugh was charismatic and washed away the fear that had settled in my chest. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re not.”
“You’re so fun to scare.” She sat up and kicked off her shoes. “Are you ready?”
“I’m in a food coma, but yes. Just make sure I stay afloat.” I dove in after her and matched her strokes in the water. Her tip about breathing helped, and I wasn’t as winded after ten laps.
“You stayed right with me the whole time. That’s impressive.”
She was wearing a bathing suit and a rash guard again.
“Why do you always wear a shirt when we swim? Isn’t it cumbersome in the water?” I looked down at my modest bathing suit with a scoop neck that landed right at my collarbone.
“I’d rather not talk about it. I hope you don’t mind.”
“Oh, my gosh. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. I was just curious, and sometimes I say dumb things when I’m nervous.” Fuck. Now she knew I was not only nervous around her, but I was an insensitive jerk, too. She pulled herself out of the water and flipped around so that she was sitting with her legs dangling next to me.
“One day I’ll talk about it, but not today,” she said. Her voice was quiet, and the sadness in her words made my chest constrict.
“So, do you want to hear about my date?”
“Sure. How was it?”
I hopped up next to her and squeezed the excess water from my braid before tossing it behind me. “I felt like I was with a friend. I’d thought we had chemistry, but we don’t. We have almost nothing in common.” I grimaced. “Honestly, the date she chose was kind of lame. Dinner? With all the resources available, she picks dinner? All I do here is eat and hide from the sun.”
“Let’s start with the positive.”
“She looked beautiful, and the food was decent. I prefer Josef with an ef’s cooking over Scooter’s, but at least I got to eat a potato.”
“How was the conversation?”
I watched as she wrung the water out of her shirt. It still clung to her, even though she pulled it away from her. I didn’t know why she was covering up, but I found her so incredibly sexy whether she sat next to me soaking wet under the stars or wore an elegant evening gown with full makeup and styling.
“Hello? Earth to Savannah? What are you thinking about?”
Obviously, I wasn’t thinking, or I would have pulled a canned answer out of my repertoire of boring things to say. I blamed my exhaustion. “How nice your lips are and how you’re so beautiful regardless of what you’re wearing.”
She leaned away from me and quickly stood.
“Fuck,” I whispered. Way to fuck everything up. “Wait, Lauren. I meant that in the nicest way possible.”
“It’s probably best if I go. It’s been a long day for both of us.”
I stood with my hands on my hips and stared at her. I refused to apologize for being honest. “You’re always telling me how beautiful or nice I look, and nothing’s wrong with me telling you the same thing. How is it different?”
She walked over to me. “It’s different, and you know it.”
I swallowed hard. Confrontational Lauren was hot and frightening. Her light eyes flashed with anger, but I saw something else. She was scared. “How is it different?” My voice was low, and I bit my bottom lip to keep from saying another stupid thing. She shook her head and turned. I repeated myself. “How is it different?”
She ran her fingers through her wet hair and stopped. “This can’t happen, Savannah.”
“I knew it. You feel it, too.”
She held her hands up and walked backward. “You are the star of this show, and you’re looking for a relationship with contestants who have been screened and are perfect for you. I have nothing to do with it. This is not a thing.” She motioned her finger between us.
“That’s not true. Something’s here, and I want to explore it.”
She huffed and made a noise of disbelief. “There’s nothing between us. You need to focus on the six people who are here for you. I’m not one of the six.”
Her words were crushing, but she was right. I was here to do a show, and she wasn’t a part of it the way I wanted her to be. I held my hands up. “Okay.”
“Okay, what?”
I shrugged like I didn’t care. “I’ll stay focused on the people who are here for me. You aren’t here for me. You’re here for a career.”
She shook her head. “Don’t be like that.”
I took a deep breath. “You’re right. I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
“I’m going now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I watched her gather her sandals and car keys and disappear into the darkness. I heard the low throttle of her car starting and driving off until the night was silent again. I sat on the lounge chair and dropped my head into my hands. What had I just done? We weren’t even halfway through the season, and I’d just fucked everything up.