I panicked when I didn’t see Lauren on set. Denise told me Lauren wasn’t feeling well and was getting checked out by a doctor and that I shouldn’t worry. She would be back tomorrow, but they would improvise for tonight’s date.
“Tell us how your date went last night.” Denise was asking me the questions off camera.
As if things weren’t fucked up enough, my one-on-one date tonight was with Alix. I needed to clear the air with Lauren first, but I wouldn’t get that chance. Alix was here for me, because of me, and wanted to be with me. Tonight’s date was going to be a mess because I was so confused, and I couldn’t do anything about it except sit back and try to keep an open mind.
“My date last night with Lyanna was a lot of fun. We had a delicious dinner and a great conversation.” Denise motioned for me to continue, but I wasn’t in the mood to embellish. I wanted to cross my arms and scowl for the rest of the day. “She’s very ambitious and nice. We talked about family and food.”
“Savannah, you’re going to have to try harder. This is coming across as flat,” Denise said.
“I’m sorry, but the magic wasn’t there. I know you want me to say we felt a spark last night, but we didn’t.” At least not during that date. I definitely had one when Lauren visited. “I had high expectations because I felt I had something special with Lyanna this whole time, but the one-on-one date disappointed me.”
“All right, everyone. Let’s take a quick break,” Denise said.
She was frustrated, and with good reason. I needed to be professional. I had signed up for this. I walked from the interview room and found a quiet place away from people on the patio. I needed to clear my head and redirect my energies into my upcoming date. I smiled when I thought of Alix. They were wonderful, and I knew the date would be perfect. When we had been poolside this afternoon, the contestants were asking me what I liked to do, what the perfect date was, except Alix. They just sat back and smiled. Something amazing was going to happen, and I hated that I wasn’t one hundred percent in. I needed time.
Mandee found me on the patio. “Denise is looking for you.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.” This had been an emotionally draining day, and I still had to be spot-on for at least another eight hours. I wanted to crawl upstairs and hide under my blankets until I felt stronger.
Instead of leaving, she sat next to me. “I can tell you’re having an off day. I’m sorry you can’t postpone it.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Your makeup has never been harder to apply, and I haven’t seen you smile at all. Did you have a bad date? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
Given that this was probably the most Mandee had spoken to me, I decided to keep the conversation going. I needed to talk, just not about what had happened last night. “The date was fine. Not spectacular, but not bad. I just didn’t sleep well, and I woke up crabby. The demands of the show must be starting to get to me.”
“You’re doing better than most.”
“Oh?”
“Usually someone has a breakdown before it starts.” She looked at me wide-eyed. “Not that you’re having a breakdown. I just meant that usually the flame needs a few days to herself because everything becomes overwhelming. Trust me. You’ve held it together longer than most.”
“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or not.” I sat up and gave a deep sigh. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
Mandee pulled me up and walked me back to the makeup chair. It took only a few minutes to touch up my face and hair. I squared my shoulders and marched into the interview room, prepared with canned answers and a smile.
“Are you ready to jump back in?” Denise’s words weren’t bitter. I think she understood that this was wearing on me.
“I am, and I apologize about losing it. It’s just been pretty stressful as we get deeper into the season.” That was partially true. The rest of the interview went smoothly. I smiled and nodded and said all the right things, and when it was over, Mandee marched me into the other room to find Alix to start our date.
“I’m so excited. Are you ready?” Alix looked amazing. They were wearing black trousers, a white button-down shirt with the first two buttons undone, and loafers. It was a classic look that could be taken as formal or casual, depending on the activity. When Buzzy had showed up with short evening dresses, I wasn’t pleased. I felt cranky, bloated, and emotionally unwell, with no desire to go out. Standing in front of Alix and feeding off their excitement, I had a change of heart. They deserved my attention, even though my heart was swirling in a different direction.
“I’m looking forward to whatever you have planned.”
They raised their eyebrows and grabbed my hand. “I promise you that it’s a lot better than just dinner. I can’t believe Lyanna blew her first one-on-one with a boring meal. The whole house gave her a hard time.”
I bit my tongue to keep from laughing. “Maybe she was stressed. It can’t be easy trying to find the perfect thing to do.” They had to plan a romantic date with the help of the show’s event planner because they weren’t allowed access to the internet. It had to be tough not being able to do it themselves.
“When you have perfection on your arm, anything and everything is perfect,” they said.
A part of me wanted to tease them for sucking up to me, but I believed them. Alix was here for me, and I wasn’t here for them. Guilt pricked my heart. “Thank you. That was sweet. Can you give me a hint of what we’re doing?” They opened the limo door for me and slid in beside me. I didn’t mind their closeness. They smelled like wood sage and sea salt, my favorite Jo Malone cologne. I’d mentioned it was my favorite during a group date, and somehow Alix got their hands on it. I smiled.
“I know you have a journal and that you like to read when you have downtime. I decided to go with something a little different to start our date. How do you feel about Ernest Hemingway?”
“Oh, he’s one of my favorite American authors. He used to live down here, right?” I knew the answer. There was only so many things you could do in the Florida Keys that weren’t water-related, and visiting his home was one of them.
“Yes, he did. I wanted to inspire you to write in your journal by taking you to his house,” they said.
“That sounds perfect.”
“I told you. If you are with perfection, then life is perfect.”
They leaned over and gently kissed me. Their touch was organic and soft, and I hated every slow second of it. A vision of Lauren flashed in my mind, and as much as I tried to be present for the kiss, I just wasn’t. “Is this okay?” Alix asked after pulling back.
“It is. I’m sorry. I’m having a rough day, and it’s not about you or this wonderful date.” I told myself to stop talking. “I need to get out of my head and have a good time.”
“Whatever you want, you let me know. We can just go to the beach and grab some chairs and watch the sunset in total silence.”
I touched their arm. “No. Let’s see Hemingway’s house. It sounds like fun. We can do the beach later.” Alix held my hand and rubbed the side of my fingers with their thumb. It was a nice, calming feeling, and I decided to throw everything I had into the date to be fair to both of us. Lauren was a crush, unavailable. We had little in common, and she was out of my league. Alix was down-to-earth and fun and flirty. They always made me feel like I was somebody special. By the time we reached our first stop, I was relaxed and had convinced myself that I had nothing with Lauren and should focus on why I was on Sparks in the first place. I wanted to find love and prove to the world that dating shows could be real.
“Hello there, buddy.” Alix reached down to pet a cat that greeted us at the door. “Are you going to give us the tour?” The cat meowed and flopped over on its back for belly rubs.
A woman stood in the doorway. “I see Bernard has greeted you. He loves attention. Hello. I’m Marion Smith, and I’ll be your tour guide this evening.”
Alix and I introduced ourselves, even though she knew who we were and why we were there, because the show had rented the house for the afternoon.
“How many cats are here?” I asked. Once I looked around, I saw several of them in the garden and in the windows.
“Fifty-four at the moment. Are you both Hemingway fans or cat fans?”
“I’m both,” I said. I loved The Old Man and the Sea but didn’t want to say that for fear Marion would quiz me on a book I’d read over ten years ago. The moral of the story had stayed with me, but the details were fuzzy.
“Me, too,” Alix said.
“Hemingway loved cats, as you can tell. He loved the absolute emotional honesty of them.” Marion air-quoted his words. Hand in hand, Alix and I followed her around the house, asking questions and petting the cats who wanted attention.
“They are so beautiful and friendly,” I said. Being around them made me want to have at least two. They could entertain each other while I worked.
“Most of them are, but some run and hide,” she said.
By the end of the tour, I was relaxed and ready to start my date with Alix, even though we had technically already been on it for an hour and a half. We said our good-byes to Marion and the cats and crawled back into the limo.
“Are you ready for dinner? Or would you like to hang out at the beach?” The attention Alix gave me was sincere.
“Can we do both?”
They kissed my hand. “Of course, we can. We can even get dinner to go if you’d like.”
“I think dinner inside would be nice and free of sand. Let’s keep the date like you planned it.” They looked down at my mouth and back up to my eyes. I could tell Alix wanted to kiss me again.
“Well, how about off the sand and in a controlled environment?” Alix shrugged. The restaurant, Latitudes, was part of a gorgeous resort that I would never be able to afford in any other circumstance. Alix had a large, private outdoor tent pitched on the beach near the restaurant, filled with candles and flowers and as romantic as it could be. Three solid walls were up for privacy, but the front that faced the ocean was wide open. I walked in, delighted the air was cool. “This is amazing, Alix.” I touched their face and kissed them softly. “Thank you. It’s exactly what I need today.”
“I hope you’re having a good time.”
I nodded. “I am.”
They pulled out the chair and waited for me to get situated before sitting across from me. A waiter appeared with a wine list that Alix and I reviewed and decided on Rudd Sauvignon Blanc 2019.
“The food here is great, according to all the reviews. I hope you like seafood, but even if you don’t, we have a ton of options. I’ve only ever seen you eat fruit and cheese and crackers,” they said.
I wanted to laugh about the food restrictions I was on because of my predetermined wardrobe. “I’ll eat anything. I don’t have a lot of seafood because I live in Arizona, but I do enjoy it.”
“Oh, I can’t wait for you to visit Portland with me. Tons of fresh seafood, and just so you know, I’m an awesome cook.”
“Do you fish?”
They nodded. “My brother and I have a boat.”
“You two are very close, aren’t you?”
“He’s my best friend.”
“That’s beautiful. Be still my heart,” I said and even threw in a flirtatious wink. “Are you close with your parents?”
Our conversation was smooth and easy, and for a few minutes of my night, I didn’t think about Lauren or the cameras or saying the right thing. After dinner, Mandee did a touch-up, and I brushed my teeth. Alix was waiting on the beach, near a small bonfire and a double chaise with cushions. It looked like a stretched-out hammock for two.
“This is cozy,” I said.
“We even have blankets if the evening gets chilly.”
Alix handed me a thin blanket, and I covered my legs. Since my dress was short, I needed it more for discretion than warmth. I didn’t need my crotch on national television. They carefully crawled onto the chaise and put their head next to mine. It was sweet. The light from the fire was too bright to see the stars directly above, but we looked anyway. “How are you with astrology?”
“I could write a book on it,” they said.
I laughed. “Let’s pretend we just saw a shooting star. What would your wish be?”
“My wish is right here next to me,” they said.
I rolled onto my side to look at Alix. They gently played with my hair, and when their dark blue eyes met mine, I knew we were going to kiss. It was soft, and when it heated up, I didn’t stop it.