Chapter Thirteen

A Human Octopus

MY EYES FLUTTERED open. I focused on the room looming around me. All white. Machines beeping. A nurse held my wrist, taking my pulse. Tubes were inserted into my appendages. I realized I was a human octopus. I checked the window.

Rain.

“I heard Máurso intervened,” a white-haired man said to the nurse in purple scrubs.

“I know that’s right,” a young nurse replied. “He was behind the boy after the accident and caught Zid’dra, and, well, sent that motherfracker packing.”

“I blame the Còngréhassa,” the man said. “Leaving the boy almost defenseless.”

“Heads will roll, Doctor,” the nurse said. “He’s a Delomary. The Bane of the Gloom.”

I choked.

“Welcome back, hon.” The pretty Black nurse smiled. Her smile lit up the room. “We’ve been worried about you.”

I tried to talk. My mouth didn’t work.

“It’s okay. You just rest. I’ll get you some water.”

She patted my hand and exited with the white-haired doctor. I closed my eyes.

Heavy footsteps echoed in the hall. My brain whirred and rattled slowly. I wrestled to reengage my brain. Who was outside? I flipped through images in my mind, trying to place the footsteps with a face. A hand touched mine. Strong, yet tender. I opened my eyes.

Austin towered over me. He peered at me through his thick black glasses. My heart soared on seeing his ridiculous glasses. He tucked his hair behind his ears.

“Eli,” he said. Eo echàlluno. I exhaled. He held my hand. I closed my eyes. I was with Dad at the club house. The server handed him the beer with spit in it. I grabbed it before he could drink it. I set it down and told him: “Dad, you don’t have to drink that. Just relax, will you?” And then I was in the desert. The river ran backward. Austin’s car emerged from the river and ended up back on the highway. Austin’s face appeared in the open driver’s side window. He honked. “Get in, love.” I reached for the passenger door, and he grinned. “Austin, there was a car wash— I wanted to go in and come out clean, but I’m not dirty, it turns out.” I cried…

I woke up. The sun set long ago; the overhead lights burned brightly. I panicked. Where was Austin? Was I dreaming? Oh no. Where was I? Mom peered around the open door. “Elijah? Are you awake?”

I nodded. A surge of happiness rushed through my body.

“What happened, Mom?”

“You had an accident when you were running. You were pushed over an unused news rack and hit your head hard on the curb.”

I touched my head.

“They put you in a coma. To reduce brain swelling.”

“That’s scary, Mom.”

“You also broke some ribs and your left arm. In two places. And your right leg.”

“So, you’re saying I lost the race.”

Mom laughed. She squeezed my arm.

“You’re ridiculous, darling.” Tears ran down her face.

“Fuck, Mom, I was so close.”

“Language.”

“Puxhàredo!”

“LANGUAGE!”

“Um, Mom, if I broke my body, why do I feel awesome?”

“Morphine, sweetie.”

“Gotcha,” I said. “Can we keep some at home?”

“No, way,” she said. “I love you, Elijah.” She added, “I was so worried. Everyone was worried. Thank God you’re safe. Maybe close your eyes again.”

“Mom, I had a dream about Dad. I told him to ease up.”

“Close your eyes, darling.”

I agreed and fell asleep. No dreams. I woke up. Weak sunlight spilled in the window.

Austin read to me from The Cat Who Played Post Office, the hardcover version we bought together at Books and Things on San Fernando Boulevard after Chinese New Year. The city had a parade. A blur of red and gold. Dragons with furry eyelashes. The beating of drums. Firecrackers. We had been holding hands. I loved the Lunar New Year. Families come together from all over the world to eat, drink, and be together. Family. I loved my family. I closed my eyes as he continued reading with his perfect King’s English.

He stopped reading.

My eyes opened. “Don’t stop, please.”

Austin cheered, “Oi, mate, you’re awake.” He came over, holding Little Ocho in his hands. “I was so worried, mate. Ocho needs his papa!” I grinned and chuckled. My side burned. The morphine masked my broken ribs.

“Austin, I am sorry.”

He peered at me through his glasses.

“Eli, it’s okay.”

“Austin, I mean…”

He squeezed my hand. “Eli, I promised I’d never leave your side. I’d always be with you. And I am always going to be with you.”

Fat tears burst from my eyes.

“It’s okay to cry, Eli. You know that? To make mistakes. We’re still boys.”

“The only two gay boys in the world.”

“Not really. But you are my Eli, and I love you.”

“Austin, I was stupid. I’m sorry.”

He held my hand, and I fell asleep.

My eyes drifted open slowly. I spotted Barn standing by the windows. Austin held my hand. “Eli, were you doing all those things to prove to me that loving you was worth it?”

I shot a look at Barn. He rolled his eyes.

“No, I mean. Well, maybe.”

“Eli,” Austin said, squeezing my hand tighter, “you are one daft cow, you know that? That brain of yours. Destes cavananjas retoreisa rien tro bien. I think you need a new brain. You don’t need to win gold for me to love you.”

“My brains do work okay,” I repeated the phrase to Austin. “I…uh…”

“You two should just be together, already,” Barn said, turned to face me, then leaned against the windowsill.

“Do you want to be with me, mate?”

I watched him. My stomach was sour.

“What if I…?”

“Well, you dumped me twice,” Austin said, “but we can leave that in the past. Do you love me?”

I concentrated on his beautiful face. He wiggled an eyebrow.

I laughed. “I love you so much it hurts.”

Austin beamed. “Yeah, more than Little Ocho?”

“Hush.”

He howled.

“Do you promise to not turn your back on Ol’ Kangy again?”

“I do.”

“Swear?”

“Pinkie promise!” Barn said. “So it’s a binding covenant, mates.”

We interlocked our pinkies.

“I think you’ve learned the errors of your ways, Eli.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes, life is better with Kangy. Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“And you know Kangy is tired of seeing his Eli doing all these bleedin’ extracurriculars. Can we just chill a little?”

I glanced at my arm hanging beside me in a sling. My leg in a cast.

“Yes, I think I can do that.”

“Kangy and Eli, together forever? I scrawled it on a tree.”

“Yes, Kangy.”

“Don’t forget me!” Barn interjected. “I want to spend time with my best mates too, yeah?”

“You’re too short, mate!”

“Shut it, Lostin!”

We all laughed. Until my ribs hurt. And then my eyes were heavy.

I woke up hearing a terrific crash, glass shattering, and a deep voice cursing. My eyes flew open.

Máurso stood at the foot of the bed, a frown stitched on his face.

“I tried to open the door and sneak in, but I forget my own strength, laddie.”

A cat hopped on his shoulder. Another jumped onto the bed.

A nurse walked in and glanced at the smoldering door.

“We can’t have this mess, sir.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Máurso grumbled. “I’m a god, you know.” He snapped a finger. The wall flew back into place, the shards of glass rearranged themselves in the window that looked out into the hallway. The flames and smoke vanished.

“Wow, cool, Your Eminence,” I said.

“Aye, well if you can’t fix your mess, what kinda god are you?”

Máurso sat in a chair, but it crumpled under his weight, and he fell to the floor. He cursed up a storm before summoning a chair made of concrete; he took a seat and reached for his cats. He hauled one onto his lap. Another climbed up the leg of his track pants.

“Well, looks like you didn’t win the marathon.”

I gulped. “Were you hoping I would?”

“No, laddie,” Máurso said, reaching for a cat who had appeared out of thin air and was now climbing his dreads. “I want you to focus on Sem Xen Ou! You are becoming a valiant Coaugelo. You have destroyed many monsters and shown great teamwork.”

“I don’t think I’ll be doing any fighting any time soon,” I squeaked. “Am I out of the Dáu Xhà?”

“Don’t be daft!” Máurso roared, leaning down to rub the back of a black cat who had slithered from under my bed. “Ach, you Delomarys and your incessant need to be number one. You get better. You always have a place with me at the Dáu Xhà.”

“Really?”

“Aye,” Máurso said. “And I’m a god, so you better believe that’s a command!”

“Okay, Dáumo.” I paused. “Um, is it true? Zid’dra was at the marathon?”

Máurso leaned down to pet the black cat at his feet. “Aye,” he said. “Seems he was preoccupied with you. Hurting you.”

“Yeah.”

“But you’re alive,” Máurso said. “He’s one twisted, monster.” Máurso said, “He likes to play games. Mind games. Say one thing, mean another. You need to stay away from the darkness.”

“I know.”

“Anyway, he won’t be bothering you.”

“Really?”

“I got him in a headlock, then pretended he was a discus and I was back on Morra Êímpagońena at the Collosseo, and I spun around and around and sent that devil flying. He’ll be ricocheting off the tops of mountains all over the planet for a while.”

“Thanks, Dáumo.”

“Well…” Máurso wasn’t into thank-yous and emotions. He stood. His cats scurried up his body, sitting on his shoulder. “You take it easy, lad. And come see me when you’re better.”

“For sure!”

In the blink of an eye, Máurso and his cats disappeared.

*

I SPENT MY seventeenth birthday in the hospital. How awesome was that? No, it wasn’t great at all. Trust me. Nurses coming and going in and out of my room all night long to check on me, waking me abruptly every time I finally would drift off, so I couldn’t really get a good night sleep. Other times, I woke up, panicking, heart racing, body drenched in sweat, struggling to breathe. The darkness still had its clutches on me. Along with my newly broken bones. Perfect way to usher in seventeen.

Mom, the aunts and uncles and Barn and Stylo and Tory came to celebrate. Tory brought me a cake shaped like a penis—colored pink.

“I heard you came out,” she said, walking in with the cake. “I mean, I’m not surprised.”

“You’re not?”

“Um, no. Your teddy bears, all those damn scented candles you used to hoard.”

We laughed. Barn hugged me and wished me a happy birthday.

*

MOM STAYED WHEN the others left. The nurses said visiting hours were over, but Mom reminded the nurses that our name was outside the front door. Great-Great-Grandpa had donated money to build the hospital.

The darkness settled around me, like a blanket slowly smothering me. My heart raced. I thought I was calm, but I guess I wasn’t. The darkness stalked me during the day now. Mom held my hand. I was better for a moment. I opened my mouth to talk; only I stammered. I was trying so hard to force my tongue to work, I needed to break free from the darkness and talk to Mom. Mom could help me. I knew she could.

“Honey, is something wrong?”

I kept stammering.

“Do I need to call the nurse?”

I shook my head.

“Mom…I need…um…um.”

“Pee-pee? Poo-poo?”

I laughed, which made her smile. “MOM!!!” We looked at each other. “Mom, I need your help.” I can’t believe that laughing made it easier to talk.

“What’s going on, Elijah?”

“There’s this darkness that hurts me. I can’t sleep, Mom. I can’t relax. I’m scared all the time.

“I wish you had told me sooner.”

I contemplated the tubes sticking out of me. I was a human octopus.

“The Octopus of Death.” That’s what everyone jokingly called our family and our corporation.

My family. Puxhàredo. Not perfect, but my family. My octopus.

“Elijah,” Mom said, “this isn’t the end of the world.”

I looked at her. “What do you mean?”

“There’s a solution to everything, darling.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“We’ll get rid of the darkness and get you better.”

“You think?”

“I know.”

“Mom, you look so relaxed right now.”

“I feel more relaxed. Happy almost.”

“Wow, I never thought I’d hear you say that word.”

“I feel like I have a new lease on life. With you. With Tory. Things are going to be better. I know it. And I’ve learned a lot in our support group. I can help you.

“I was talking with Arnulfo and Stylo, and, well, Arnulfo has his own practice and works with queer youth. I’d like for you to see him one-on-one. I think seeing someone who went through coming out and being gay will really help you.”

“I thought you said I was better.”

“Honey, you are better, but I think you need more help. A lot has happened to you these past few years. I have a suspicion the darkness is part of that trauma.”

“Trauma?”

“Yes, darling. I didn’t recognize it before, but I do now. You need some help.”

“Am I like Tory?”

“Too much pressure.” Mom grimaced. “From me. I’m sorry. This is my fault and I’m going to fix it.”

“What about the support group?”

“I think you will get better with one-on-one help with a therapist without me in the room.”

I couldn’t believe this. I had never thought about that. I felt a sliver of light in the darkness.

“You’re going to be okay, Eli,” she said, squeezing my hand.

“Mom, I’m worried…”

“You don’t have to be.”

“Yeah?”

“I think talking to a gay therapist will help you navigate through all the feelings you’ve had that have made you stuck.”

“Stuck?”

“You’re stuck, Elijah,” she said, “between being your old self and your new self. And then you fell in love with Austin while navigating a big transition. That was a lot to bite off.”

“I hate myself.”

“No,” she whispered, “I love you. You are strong and brave and kind and love so deeply.” Then she added, “I know what it’s like to be sixteen. I was once.”

“One thousand years ago?”

“Behave yourself!”

“Okay, Mom.”

“You have a choice, Elijah”

“I do?”

“You always have choices.”

“What do you mean?”

“We both have always had choices, even though I made you think you didn’t, and that’s my fault. You have a say in your life.”

She held my hand for a while. I closed my eyes. Then I thought about Austin.

“I really worry that I’ll mess things up with Austin.”

Mom shook her head. “No, way,” she said. “Don’t be negative. You can fix this.”

“How do I do that?”

“By being there for him,” she said. “Being a boyfriend means you stick together no matter what. You talk to each other about problems, feelings. You work together to navigate life. I didn’t do that with your father. I was part of the problem too. Elijah, you should know that. Sure, Dad walked out. But maybe I left him no choice.”

“Mom!” I screamed, “Mom!” Why was she saying this?

“No, Elijah. Our marriage was complicated. We’re very different people. I think a part of me was drawn to your father because of how my parents reacted to me marrying him. He was no one like they wanted me to marry. I felt rebellious. But then, it turned out that marrying him hurt me not my parents. And that’s the thing, Elijah. Love is a gift, not a weapon or something to be used to hurt others. I’ve learned that.”

My body ached. The machines whirred and beeped.

“I’ve been talking to someone, you know.”

“A therapist?”

“Joyce, the family therapist. She’s helped me see what I did wrong.”

“Wow, Mom… Wait, are you okay?”

“Sure,” she said. “I’m fine. Look, what I’m saying is that love is work. You have to work on being a good boyfriend. You can’t just run away when the going gets tough.”

I stared at the blanket. “I did do that. Like Dad.”

“Who knows, but Elijah you were going through a lot.”

“Too much pressure?” I shook my head.

“Yes,” Mom said. “And now it’s time for you to just relax. Summer is starting early for you. You’ll be in the hospital another two weeks, and you can’t go back to school before summer ends.”

“My classwork…”

“You’ll do it at home. I’ve set everything up.”

I leaned back against the pillows, closing my eyes.

“We’re going to get through this together, darling. We’ll sort out this darkness business and get you on the right path. I’m here for you, okay?”

I leaned back. Mom was going to help me. Mom was going to help me get better.

“Mom,” I said after a while, “I heard there was a commotion at the Còngréhassa. Do you know what happened?”

Mom pursed her lips. “Yes. I flew to London and called for a Cáuro.”

“A quorum?”

“Of all the heads of the families,” she said. “And I read them the riot act. The Estàntus. You almost died. It was because of them! You shouldn’t have had to make the decision you did. And I heard how they were going to penalize you for studying with Máurso,” Mom said. “Well, I used my political capital thanks to my allies and friends and half the Estàntus resigned. There are going to be elections now. No more of the same people running the show for ages. The Alliance has calcified. We desperately need change. So, we can meet the demands of the future. The coven is stronger. We have to be prepared.”

“Um, Mom?

“Yes, darling?”

“Are you saying you fired some Estàntus?”

Mom chuckled. “You look tired; get some sleep.”

I closed my eyes. Mom went to bat for me. That made me happy.