Page numbers listed correspond to the print edition of this book. You can use your device’s search function to locate particular terms in the text.
abandonment, rage of, 97–98
abandonment panic, 230, 231
abstract thought, healing tool, 25–26
adaptation, brains, 181–83
agoraphobia, 48
Alcoholics Anonymous, 40, 55
Ali, Muhammad, 168
alphas
accepting vulnerability, 165–66
aspirational, 145–47, 152, 153, 156, 158
being alone, 167
brains and minds of, 148–51
confidence, 159–60
failure and, 161
goals and plans, 163–64
keeping own council, 161–62
natural, 145–48, 152, 161
power of words, 164–65
pseudoalphas, 145, 147, 148, 152, 159–60, 163, 165
rage against the machine, 171–76
regulating emotions, 162–63
relationships, 166–67
shift, 158–67
silverback gorilla, 141
social status schema, 141–44
taking responsibility, 160–61
therapy, 168–69
wiring shaping leaders, 149
see also social status schema
Amis, Martin, 34
amygdala
arousal, 190
building inhibitory circuits, 113–17
early learning, 8
executive center, 19–20
fear, 12–14, 20, 36
fear circuitry, 113–14
memory, 70, 72–74
patients with borderline personality disorder, 226
stress, 184–88
trauma, 200–201
anaclitic depression, 91, 92
Angelou, Maya, 22
anger, Machine Gun Kelly exercise, 169–71
animals, danger, 13–14
anterior cingulate cortex, 207, 224–26, 228, 230, 233–35
anxiety, 182–83
plasticity in psychotherapy, 192–94
see also stress
anxiety bias, 12–14
Aristotle, 169
arousal, learning and, 188–92
artifacts, human prehistory, 4
attachment
borderline personality disorder (BPD) as trauma, 223–25
building inhibitory circuits, 113–17
description of, 103–5
plasticity, 108–10
in psychotherapy, 110–13
schema, 105–7
secure, 102–3
see also secure attachment
Aurelius, Marcus, 202
Baldwin, James, 171
Balzac, Honoré de, 230
Bateson, Gregory, 41
Beck, Aaron, 12
bed nucleus of the stria terminalis (BNST), 191
beliefs, paranormal, 46–49
Bennis, Warren, 138, 163
betas
aspirational alphas, 145–47, 152, 153, 156, 158
beware, 177
biology of, 174
brains and minds of, 148–51
help becoming an alpha, 156–58
natural, 145–47, 152
rage, 172
social status schema, 141–44
wiring shaping followers, 151
see also alphas; social status schema
biochemistry, depression, 53
biofeedback, 201, 205
Boorstin, Daniel, 35
borderline personality disorder (BPD), 73
abandonment panic, 230, 231
brain of clients with, 225–27
early attachment trauma, 223–25
lacking a safe place, 230–32
self-disgust, 233–35
social brain of, 228–29
Bowlby, John, 105
brain
activity in half second, 5–7
adaptation, 181–83
alphas and betas, 148–51
apoptosis, 91
client with borderline personality disorder, 225–27
definition, 51
early learning in development, 5–7
hanging with the primitive, 35–36
holding beliefs, 34–35
minds and, 52–53
task specialization, 65
using minds to change, 28–32
see also social brain
Breton, André, 223
Broca’s area, 14
Bronze Age superstition, 46
Buddha, 58, 60–62, 64, 164, 252, 253, 255, 256
Buddhist, 15, 45, 62
Butler, Samuel, 205
Campbell, Joseph, 247
Casals, Pablo, 85
Charcot, Jean-Martin, 5, 206
childhood/children
attachment, 106–7
early trauma, 218–20
primacy of early learning, 7–9
secure attachment and narratives, 242–43
social conditioning, 119–20
stories and learning, 23–24
Christensen, Clayton, 36
Churchill, Winston, 160, 161
Coelho, Paulo, 162, 181, 261
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, 7, 67, 209
complex posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), 220–23
abandonment panic, 230, 231
borderline personality disorder (BPD), 223–25
complex PTSD, 220–23
lacking a safe place, 230–32
self-disgust, 233–35
very early stress, 219–20
see also borderline personality disorder (BPD); posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Confucius, 27
conscious experience, 27–28
conversion disorder, 131
Cook, James, 161
core shame, 96
appropriate vs., 121–24
bad dog!, 119–20
common consequences of, 122–23
eye gaze, 128–30
freeze response, 10–11, 118
learning, 10–12
origin of, 120–21
in psychotherapy, 125–28
self-esteem vs., 124–25
Sundays at nudist camp, 131–35
cortex, building inhibitory circuits, 113–17
cortical release sign, 116
cortisol, 185–87
countertransference, 41–42, 154, 231
Crime and Punishment (Dostoyevsky), 95
Cruise, Tom, 246, 247
culture, narratives, 237–38
Dalai Lama, 52
Darwin, Charles, 88
Davis, Sammy Jr., 76
DeFoe, Daniel, 136
Delille, Jacques, 219
depression, 39, 45, 66, 69, 87, 99, 101, 258
anaclitic, 91, 92
anxiety and, 28, 38, 46, 75, 81, 119, 188, 194, 203
biochemistry of, 53
borderline personality disorder, 229
illusion, 15
long-term synaptic depression, 191
maternal, 220, 222
shame, 122, 125
social status, 144, 151
descending inhibition, 114, 115
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), 73
distortions
illusions, 15–16
relationships, 6–7
dogs, social status, 139–40
domestic violence, 131, 134
dopamine, 203, 229
Dostoyevsky, Fyodor, 95, 158
dreams, head-stuck, 76–81
Dunn, Irina, 152
eating, unconscious, 53–56
Einstein, Albert, 25
Ellington, Duke, 144
emotional regulation, narratives, 240–41
endorphins, 48, 97, 98, 191
epigenetics, neuroscience, 32–33
evolution, human mind, 3–4
explicit memory, 69, 71
definition, 70
see also memory
eye gaze, core shame, 128–30
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprogramming (EMDR), 206–7, 208, 209
experiencing EMDR, 209–16
facial expression, 19, 128, 184, 195, 228, 235
family
loyalties within, 41–44
secure attachment and narratives of, 242–43
Faulkner, William, 68
fear, 182–83
amygdala, 12–14, 20, 36
bearing witness, 56–58
circuitry in amygdala, 113–14
getting back on the horse, 255–57
stress and trauma, 202
A Few Good Men (movie), 246
fight-or-flight response
amygdala, 184–85
criticism triggering, 127
direct eye gaze activating, 130
endorphins, 97
neurobiology of, 198
neurochemistry of, 203–4
relationships, 116
threat triggering, 20, 113, 171, 182–83, 222
Fisher, Helen, 94
Foster, Jodie, 125
freeze response, 10–11, 118
Freud, Sigmund, 5, 7, 30, 39, 46, 68, 93, 118, 131, 196, 206
Gaines, Ernest, 207
Galileo Galilei, 56
Gamble, Jessa, 53
Gandhi, Mahatma, 131
Garvey, Marcus, 159
generalized anxiety disorder, 48
genetics, neuroscience, 32–33
genotype, 33
Gere, Richard, 246, 247
Gibran, Khalil, 225
Gide, André, 197
glucocorticoids, 183, 185, 187, 190, 204
Goodman, Gerald, 99
Gordimer, Nadine, 220
grasp reflex, 115–16
groupthink, 15
half second, brain activity, 5–7
HALT, self-awareness, 55
Hampton, Lionel, 69
head-stuck dreams, 76–81
healing. See tools for healing
helicopter parents, 117
hero’s journey
key aspects of, 248–49
narratives, 246–47, 249–51
hippocampus
arousal, 190
cortisol effects, 187
memory, 70, 72–74
patients with borderline personality disorder, 226
stress, 184–88
Hoffman, Philip Seymour, 233
Horowitz, Vladimir, 165
Hugo, Victor, 90, 102, 128
human apoptosis, programmed self-destruction, 90–93
human brain
abstract thinking and imagination, 25–26
hemispheric and interpersonal integration, 239–40
see brain
human mind, evolutionary history, 3–4
humans, differences between rats and, 50–52
Huxley, Aldous, 188
identity, narratives, 237–38
ignorance, striving for, 27–28
imagination, 25–26
implicit memory
conscious awareness, 74–76
definition, 70, 71
shame, 95
see also memory
inhibitory circuits, from cortex to amygdala, 113–17
instincts
amygdala, 72
anger and rage, 168
behavior, 86–88, 99, 139
id, 118
imagination, 26
maternal and paternal, 89
natural alphas, 145
primitive, xiv, 10, 171
social behavior, 137
insula, 233, 234, 235
James, William, 20, 156, 184
Jobs, Steve, 141
Jung, Carl, 249
Kaufman, Gershen, 10
Kerouac, Jack, 74
Kingsolver, Barbara, 72
Kipling, Rudyard, 239
language
abstract thinking and imagination, 25–26
healing tool, 22–24
reflexive social language (RSL), 58–60
self-destruction, 93
suppression under stress, 12–14
Lao Tzu, 24, 87, 148
learning
arousal and, 188–92
core shame, 10–12
cortisol effects, 187
inverted-U curve, 189
primacy of early, 7–9
self-awareness, 58–60
long-term potentiation (LTP), 190, 191
long-term synaptic depression (LTD), 191
loyalties
invisible, 40–41
power of family, 41–44
Machine Gun Kelly, exercise, 169–71, 174
marriage, 61, 89, 120, 131, 172–73, 244, 258
meditation, 58, 77–80, 112
memory, 28
amygdala vs. hippocampus, 72–74
complexity of, 69–71
conscious awareness, 74–76
cortisol effects, 187
emotional regulation, 240–41
explicit, 69, 70, 71
head-stuck dreams, 76–81
implicit, 70, 71, 74–76
Niagara Falls, 253–55
plasticity of, 81–82
reconsolidation of, 207–9
remembering and neural reintegration, 205–7
semantic, 71
unconscious networks of, 68–69
Menninger, Karl, 113
Milgram, Stanley, 119
Miller, Arthur, 97
mind
alphas and betas, 148–51
bearing witness, 56–58
becoming the CEO of yourself, 64–67
brains and, 52–53
definition, 51
eating into unconsciousness, 53–56
expanding self–awareness, 58–60
what would Buddha do, 60–62
mindfulness, 62–64
mirror neurons, 29, 30
Monroe, Marilyn, 228
Munro, Alice, 240
Murdock, Alice, 105
narratives
capacity to be, 243–46
co-construction of, 18, 25
culture and identity, 237–38
emotional regulation, 240–41
healing tool, 18, 22–24
hemispheric and interpersonal integration, 239–40
hero’s journey, 246–51
secure attachment and integrated, 242–43
social brains, 236–37
natural selection, 27, 63, 88, 103, 139, 156
nature-nurture debate, 33
Nehru, Jawaharlal, 62
neural processing, half second, 5–7
neurobiology, 131, 198, 199, 225
neurochemistry, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), 202–5
neuroplasticity, healing tool, 18, 20–22
neuroscience
anterior cingulate cortices, 234
apoptosis, 91
bed nucleus of the stria terminalis (BNST), 191
cortical release sign, 116
cortisol, 185, 186, 187
descending inhibition, 114, 115
genetics and epigenetics, 32–33
insula, 234
mirror neurons, 29, 30
neurochemistry of PTSD, 203–4
neuroplasticity, 21
orienting reflex, 208, 209
patients with borderline personality disorder, 226
Niagara Falls, memory of, 253–55
Nicholson, Jack, 247
Nietzsche, Friedrich, 18
Nightingale, Florence, 195
nonpresenting problem
clients avoiding, 35–36
diving below the surface, 36–39
invisible loyalties, 40–41
paranormal beliefs, 46–49
penis be gone!, 41–44
spirituality, 44–46
norepinephrine, 185, 190, 203, 220, 229
nudist camp, core shame, 131–35
nurturance, social brain, 87–89
obsessive-compulsive disorder, 39, 171
O’Neill, Eugene, 7
orbital and medial prefrontal cortex (OMPFC), 70, 193
orienting reflex, 207–9
Ortega y Gasset, José, 15
Orwell, George, 253
ostracism, 94
pain and suffering
Buddha, 60–62, 252–53
getting back on the horse that threw you, 255–57
memory of Niagara Falls, 253–55
what’s wrong with me?, 258–61
panic attacks, 48
paranormal beliefs, 46–49
parent-child interaction, early learning, 10–12
parietal cortex, 26, 226, 229
Parks, Van Dyke, 81
pathological spirituality, 44, 45
Perth, Candace, 28
phenotype, 33
plasticity
attachment, 108–10
memory, 81–82
in psychotherapy, 192–94
Popper, Karl, 50
posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), 39, 74, 144, 197
complex PTSD, 220–23
neurochemistry of, 202–5
trauma, 199–201
see also complex trauma
Pound, Ezra, 5
prefrontal cortex, inhibitory circuits, 113–17
presenting problems, 38. See also nonpresenting problem
Pretty Woman (movie), 246
primates, social brain, 85–87
projection, thoughts and feelings, 30–31
Proust, Marcel, 252
pseudoalphas, 145, 147, 148, 152, 159–60, 163, 165. See also social status schema
psychological stress
anxiety bias, 12–14
core shame, 10–12
evolutionary strategies resulting in, 5–16
half second, 5–7
illusion, 15–16
language suppression, 12–14
primacy of early learning, 7–9
psychotherapy
attachment in, 110–13
core shame in, 125–28
expressing the unexpressed, 14
finite and infinite, 261–62
illusions, 16
learning adaptation, 183–84
narratives, 237, 250
need for, 31–32
plasticity in, 192–94
relationship-based learning, 17–18
social status in, 154–55
rage, abandonment, 97–98
rage against the machine, 171–76
Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, 62
rats, differences between humans and, 50–52
Reeve, Christopher, 246
reflexive social language (RSL), 58–60
Reich, Wilhelm, 39
religion, spirituality, 44–46
Roberts, Julia, 247
Rogers, Carl, 17, 44, 111
Rogers, Will, 121
Roosevelt, Franklin D., 216
Rowling, J. K., 46
Rukeyser, Muriel, 237
Rushdie, Salman, 236, 242
safety, attachment, 102–3
Sagan, Carl, 103
Salk, Jonas, 3, 31
Sapolsky, Robert, 186
Sarton, May, 167
schizophrenia, 41
Schubert, Franz, 166
secure attachment, 109–13, 149, 235
childhood, 222, 224
children, 193
infants and childhood, 104–5, 109–10
from insecure to, 113, 116
integrated narratives, 242–43
narratives and, 23
power of, 102–3
psychotherapy, 110–12
relationships, 18
see also attachment
self, becoming CEO of, 64–67
self-awareness
expanding, 58–60
self-disgust, 233–35
self-esteem vs. core shame, 124–25
self-consciousness, 28, 78
self-deception, 15
self-esteem vs. core shame, 124–25
self-expression, turning self-harm into, 99–101
self-harm, 38, 97–98, 99
self-reflective capacity, healing tool, 24–25
Seneca, 209
serotonin, 53, 203, 228–29
shame
core, 10–12
early programming, 95
see also core shame
Shapiro, Francine, 209
Shaw, George Bernard, 44, 258
social behavior, 137–38
social brain
adaptation, 17, 27–28
borderline personality disorder (BPD), 228–29
healing, 18–20
human apoptosis, 90–93
invisible loyalties, 40–41
jury dismissed, 94–97
nurturance and survival, 87–89
primates, 85–87
rage of abandonment, 97–98
self-expression, 99–101
suicidal gestures, 97–98
see also brain
social status schema, 136–37
alphas, 138, 141–44, 145–48, 152, 161
alpha wiring shaping leaders, 149
betas, 138, 141–44, 145–47, 152
beta wiring shaping followers, 151
brains and minds of alphas and betas, 148–51
changing, 152–53
definition, 139
four schema, 144–48
knowing your place and doing your job, 137–38
pseudoalphas, 145, 147, 148, 152, 159–60, 163, 165
in psychotherapy, 154–55
why we have, 138–41
see also alphas; betas
social synapse, 19
Socrates, 243
Sophocles, 199
spirituality, healthy and unhealthy, 44–46
Spitz, René, 91, 92
Steinem, Gloria, 124
Stockholm syndrome, 171
storytelling, 164, 236–37, 239
healing tool, 22–24
strawberry and tigers, 61, 62
see also narratives
stress
amygdala, hippocampus and, 184–88
learning and arousal, 188–92
physiological changes, 183
plasticity in psychotherapy, 192–94
sympathetic arousal, 183
trauma and, 195–97
see also trauma
suffering. see pain and suffering
suicide, 92, 97–98, 100–101, 126, 203
superego, 66, 93
superorganisms, 86
survival
human brain, 181–83
social brain, 87–89
Taylor, James, 120
therapy
alphas, 168–69
diving below the surface, 36–39
eating into unconsciousness, 53–56
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprogramming (EMDR), 206–7, 209–16
hanging with primitive brain, 35–36
Machine Gun Kelly exercise, 169–71, 174
potential success of, 17–18
striving for ignorance, 27–28
Sundays at nudist camp, 131–35
using minds to change brains, 28–32
see also tools for healing
Thoreau, Henry David, 108, 154, 192
Tillich, Paul, 110
tools for healing
abstract thought and imagination, 25–26
language, storytelling and narratives, 22–24
neuroplasticity, 20–22
self-reflective capacity, 24–25
social brain, 18–20
transference, 6, 41, 70, 75, 127, 128, 154, 227
transmuting internalizations, 113
transubstantiation, 47
trauma
definitions, 199
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprogramming (EMDR), 206–7, 209–16
gift of, 216–17
neurobiological consequences of, 198
neurochemistry of PTSD, 202–5
orienting reflex and reconsolidation of memory, 207–9
posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), 199–201
remembering and neural reintegration, 205–7
stress and, 195–97
surpassing the stimulus barrier, 197–99
taking the EMDR plunge, 209–16
see also complex trauma
Twain, Mark, 118
U2, 262
unconsciousness, eating into, 53–56
van der Kolk, Bessel, 223
Weil, Simone, 40
wisdom, 20, 39, 216, 238, 249
witness, bearing, 56–58
World War II, 253, 256
yoga, 76, 112, 205
Zen Buddhists, 15