Usually Dan liked being quiet. Usually he was fine being in his own head, but as he drove Erin home from the Thanksgiving meal, he was finding her silence a bit too much to bear. What he’d hoped would be a fun, enjoyable time for Erin at the Texas Cattleman’s Club Thanksgiving feast, had turned out to be nothing of the kind.
Erin wasn’t happy. He’d disappointed her and unintentionally hurt her in the process. Dan hated that. He’d never been so damn outright conflicted about a woman. He cared for Erin, a great deal, but he couldn’t give her what she wanted. The delight he’d seen in her eyes at Will’s unique and spontaneous way of proposing to Amberley, how lovingly she’d bounced and cuddled baby Faye in her arms, how she absorbed all talk of weddings and a hope-filled future, was like a mental slap to his face, telling him to wake up.
As he headed for her home, he gave Erin a glance just as she turned to him with those big gorgeous aqua eyes. Her smile though was sort of sad, or was he reading too much into all of this?
He pulled up to the cottage and parked the car. Erin was already getting out and he rushed around the hood to offer his hand. “Thanks,” she said sweetly.
Her hand slipped into his and joy instantly filled his heart. The profound feeling overwhelmed him for a moment and he inhaled sharp and deep. He wasn’t ready to let her go, they had another month together. She meant something to him. Something important and he didn’t know what to do about it. He wasn’t good with commitment and that wasn’t about to change. This time of year especially firmed up his feelings on the subject. His mother’s walking out on her family right before Christmas and all that had transpired after that, sealed the deal for him.
Erin wasn’t a damsel in distress and he certainly wasn’t Prince Charming in any way, shape or form. He didn’t buy into the happily-ever-after scenario. He’d been scarred, for life.
He took her arm and walked her to the door. She turned her back to him and put the key in the lock. When she spun around, something flashed in her eyes and he was struck by momentary fear. Of her leaving. Of her staying.
Man, was he screwed up.
“Erin,” he began.
“Shush,” she said, her two fingers covering his lips. “Dan, don’t say anything.”
And then on tiptoes, she replaced her fingers with her mouth. The kiss startled him, heated him and made him want.
“Just come inside,” she whispered.
Dan was hopeless to deny her anything, to deny himself more time with this amazing woman. “Sure thing, sweetness,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her until she was breathless. Taking her hand, he led her straight into the bedroom.
Where neither one of them had to say anything more. Where moans and whimpers would be their only forms of communication.
* * *
Monday morning, Erin clocked herself at jogging four and a half miles and entered her cottage somewhat exhausted and sweating. She headed for a nice warm shower, reminding herself that November was coming to a quick close. Over the weekend, Erin did some Black Friday shopping with Chelsea. What she didn’t find at the stores, she found online over the past few days and took advantage of free shipping from sites that desperately wanted her business. She’d taken long morning runs around the Flying E and spent most of her nights with Dan. He wasn’t the same man she’d met at the Dark Horse Saloon. He was more cautious in what he said, more polite and much more determined to keep them from growing closer, to keep a divide between them. The gap was growing larger every day, but the nights were flaming hot. She couldn’t quite merge the two in her mind. Obviously, Dan could. He’d showed his passion in every kiss, every touch, every way he made love to her, but then morning would roll around and he’d go back to being aloof and distant, while still being kind and generous.
It was that kindness and generosity that gave her a bit of hope, but was she fooling herself? Was she seeking out something, anything to cling to so she wouldn’t have to do what her head was telling her to do? Break it off. Say goodbye. Sooner, rather than later.
But it wasn’t only about Dan. She’d promised Will she’d stay through the holidays and she didn’t want to miss being with Faye for her first Christmas. The Everetts, who were away for a few weeks, had made sure she knew she could stay as long as she liked in the guest cottage. Besides she didn’t have anyone to go home to in Seattle. Her friends, the people she cared about were here.
Her phone rang just as she was drying off. She wrapped herself in the towel and picked up on the fourth ring. “I was beginning to think you weren’t home,” Dan said, his deep voice making her bones melt.
“Nope, just finishing up a shower after a long run.”
“Need some help?”
“I think I got this, Hunt,” she said. Dan was an expert at drying her up and then making her wet again. “What’s up?”
“Remember when I mentioned the possibility of Brentley Jamison being Maverick?”
“Yes,” she said, sobering up. “The guy was a congressman’s son, right?”
“I’m sorry to say he’s not our guy.”
“And how do you know for sure?”
“The police contacted Congressman Jamison and found out his son, Brentley, has been in a drug rehab in California for more than six months.”
“But couldn’t he still do some damage using a computer or something?”
“Guess not. He’s pretty bad off. He doesn’t have use of a computer and only approved visitors can see him. He’s not our guy, Erin.”
“Have you told Chelsea?”
“Yeah. She’s disappointed. I guess I shouldn’t have mentioned it without something more concrete to go on.”
“Chelsea knows you’re only trying to help her.”
“Thanks for saying that.”
“It’s true. Chelsea knows you have her back. She appreciates everything you’ve been trying to do to find the pervert.”
“It’s frustrating.”
“Yeah, life can be like that sometimes.”
“So what are you doing tonight?”
“Tonight? I have a hot date with a handsome guy and his two girls.”
Dan paused for a moment. “Oh yeah, that’s right. You’re having dinner with Will.”
“And Amberley and Faye,” she added.
“Have a good time.”
“It should be fun. I miss that little munchkin. And, Dan, thanks for keeping me in the loop with the investigation.”
“Sure thing.”
She was about to ask him to come over afterward, but held back. She didn’t want to seem needy or desperate. Not even the suggestive banter at the beginning of the conversation meant he’d subject her to a late night booty call. That was Dan, being decent and kind. And why she was so much in love with him.
“I’ll see you tomorrow night, sweetness. I’ll bring dinner.”
“Can you bring Lucky too? I miss him.”
“Babies and dogs, a guy could get jealous.”
If only.
Just minutes later the phone rang again. Erin looked at the screen and then blinked a few times, before picking up. “Hello, Mrs. Lawrence.”
“How are you, Erin?”
“I’m doing well.”
“That’s good to hear. I’m afraid there’s a situation that involves your upcoming job. I know this is very last-minute but we’re in a bit of a predicament.”
“What is it?” Her heart began to pound. Was she going to lose her job, before she’d even been given a chance? A myriad of emotions ran through her body, the most being panic that she could face unemployment again. A terrible prospect. But if she did, she could stay on in Texas and find work here.
“I’m afraid that the musical director you’re replacing went into labor last night, seven weeks early.”
“Oh my goodness.” This, she didn’t expect. “How is she doing?”
“Jody had a baby boy at four this morning. Baby and mom are fine, thankfully, although the baby will need expert care to catch him up to speed. He’s a tiny one, but he’s doing well under the circumstances as I understand.”
“That’s a relief,” she said, glad for mother and baby. How scary that must’ve been for the family. But Erin was smart enough to know what was coming next and her stomach began to ache.
“As you might expect, this puts us in a precarious spot. We have no one here to head our winter spectacular and the kids are so looking forward to it. Jody has had them working on the songs and the parents are making costumes. So my question to you is this, would you possibly consider moving up your hire date to first thing next week? That would give you a full week to work with the kids before the performance. I realize it might be difficult or impossible for you to get away so quickly, but we’re hoping for a miracle here.”
A miracle? Certainly, she couldn’t produce a miracle of any kind, but the more she thought about it, the more sense it began to make. She didn’t want to disappoint the kids at her school for one. She didn’t want to let down the staff at Lincoln Elementary, either, they’d been so generous in offering her the position, basically sight unseen. And mostly, it would solve her dilemma about Dan. She would have to leave Texas eventually and going to work earlier than expected was one kind of solution. She’d be heartbroken, but it might be smarter to leave now, than after another month of seeing him. It had to be better all around to make a swift, clean break. What reason did she have to stay in Texas anyway when she was so sorely needed in Seattle?
She didn’t have a rational reason to refuse. At least this way she’d go, knowing she was needed and wanted. She couldn’t disappoint the kids. “Miracles happen. At least this one will. I’ll come as soon as I can get a flight out. I’ll contact you when I arrive back in Seattle.”
“Really?” Immense joy sounded in the older woman’s voice. “You’ll come to work a month early? Oh, I can’t tell you what this means to me, the school and the kids. And don’t be surprised if we roll out the red carpet for you, you’re our hero. I can’t thank you enough.”
“No red carpet necessary. I’m only too glad to help. I had no real plans for the holiday anyway.”
“And now you do.”
“Yes,” she said. It was a bittersweet situation. “Now I do.”
* * *
The next day, Erin jogged past the guest cabins on the Flying E, the main house and the livestock that had become a regular sight to her on her morning runs. This was her last full day here, the last time she’d run these paths, the last time she’d breathe in crisp Texas air as she worked her body to the max, feeling the strain of her muscles, the pull of her limbs. She was exhausting herself deliberately, so she’d think about the pain racking her body rather than the pain tormenting her heart.
It was working too, and she slowed her pace to catch her breath. The sky overhead was crystal clear today, not a cloud to be found. The golden sun was shining but the air had a bite to it and she relished the cooler temps calming her revved up body.
Last night, she said her goodbyes to Amberley, Will and Faye. They vowed to keep in touch no matter what, and made her promise to come to their wedding. She was swarmed with hugs and good wishes at her new position in Seattle, one Will had a hand in helping her attain, and she left them feeling better about her decision, feeling loved.
By the time she got to her cabin, she was walking at a snail’s pace, feeling drained of energy. “You are ridiculous, Erin.” Running until she was ready to drop didn’t solve anything. She still had to muster up her courage and tell Dan her news when he stopped over tonight. She was not looking forward to it, not looking forward to the demise of the most wonderful month she’d ever spent in her life.
She shed her clothes and showered. The hard beads of hot water revitalized her somewhat, and she toweled off and stepped into fresh clothes. She combed through her hair and padded to the closet to pull out her suitcases. Just the sight of them on her bed made her breath catch. Robotically, she began to fill them up, and with each garment she placed inside the darkly lined interior, memories flooded her mind. She folded her now-infamous outfit she wore for the bucking bull night at the Dark Horse Saloon and placed it inside. It was where she’d met Dan and they’d saved Lucky. She fingered the blouse she’d worn, smiling sadly.
Next, her horseback-riding-with-Dan pants were placed on top. Beside it she put in her luncheon-with-Chelsea outfit and then added her sexy lingerie. She didn’t even want to think about those heated nights with her Texan, her heart was aching enough. Her memories would be locked inside her head for eternity. Boots and other accessories filled another small suitcase and, except for the last-minute things she’d need tomorrow morning for the flight home, she was fully packed.
Thanking Clay and Sophie Everett for letting her stay at his beautiful ranch was next on her list, but the Everetts were still out of town, so she sat down on the sofa, pen and paper in hand, crossed her legs and put a thick Cowboys and Indians magazine underneath the paper to compose her thank-you note.
She was very grateful to everyone associated with the Flying E Ranch. They’d welcomed her with open arms, making sure she was comfortable in the cottage/cabin she’d called home for this month. A girl could get used to...
Tears filled her eyes as she penned her letter of thanks and when she was through, she realized how very much this place meant to her. In a sense she’d become a different woman here, someone who took stock in her own capabilities, someone who’d ventured out to take risks and had grown into a stronger person for it. She’d learned to love again too, the real kind of love, not just some whimsical fascination with a man, but to feel deeply inside and know what beamed brightly inside her was true and honest.
Yes, she could look at Dan and say this time with him had been eye-popping. She’d fallen in love and also helped with an investigation. Both had given her joy, but right now, both were ending in disappointment. At least for her.
She sealed the letter to Clay, closing one more door to Texas.
She spent the rest of the afternoon, straightening out the place, putting things back in order. Her mother always told her to leave a place better than when she’d arrived. Well, the cabin was perfect in her estimation, but she did find some wildflowers growing outside and filled a vase and placed it on top of the mantel.
She lit candles in cinnamon and apple fragrances that filled the entire cabin with the spirit of the holiday season. And she baked a quick batch of ready-made cookies. The mingling of scents wafted in the air. The only thing missing was a crackling fire in the fireplace, but she didn’t have the heart to go that far.
By five o’clock, the sun was falling into the sky, leaving a dim, murky coolness behind. She was dressed in her favorite outfit, a bulky cream sweater and long black skirt. She wore boots and bustled around the kitchen, until the knock came at the door.
She heard the rumblings of Lucky, his tail swishing against the door, his whimpers in anticipation of being let inside. It made her smile. In that moment, quickly and without regret, she made a decision. It was probably the hardest decision of her life, but if she’d learned one thing by being there in Texas, it was to be strong, and do what you deemed was right. She’d been hiding behind her recent bad relationship too long.
It wasn’t going to be easy and if the moment wasn’t right, she may very well back out, but at least she had determination on her side. And a sense of clearing the air.
She opened the door and Lucky immediately lunged for her, nearly knocking her down. She stepped back and found her balance, the dog’s front paws on her tummy.
“Lucky, down,” Dan commanded.
“No, it’s okay, Dan. I missed him too.”
She hugged Lucky, kissing the very top of his head and ruffling his fur. “You’re a good, good boy,” she cooed, in her baby Faye voice.
Dan entered the house, his arms loaded with covered dishes of food, and walked into the kitchen to set everything down. “Dinner,” he announced.
“Thanks,” Erin said, the dog underfoot as she closed the front door. “Smells wonderful.” Not that she had an appetite. She really didn’t. She had a lot to say to Dan and her throat was ready to close up any second.
“It’s brisket and corn soufflé and creamed spinach. From Hunt and Company Steakhouses. It’s one of our signature meals. It was time you tried it.”
She sidled up next to him and he turned to give her a kiss on the cheek.
She gave him a small smile, her heart heavy. “I guess it is.”
“One of these days, we’ll go to my best restaurant in Dallas and enjoy a quiet candlelit meal.”
She was going into Dallas tomorrow. Dallas Fort Worth Airport, to be exact. Will had given her an open-ended ticket when they’d first arrived. She never thought she’d be leaving without him and Faye but fate had been on his side.
Unlike with her.
Dan began opening the covered dishes. “Are you ready to eat, sweetness? I’m kinda starving. Missed lunch today.”
“Sure, we can sit down and eat.”
She was rescued, given a bit of a respite from having to tell Dan she was leaving. They went about putting plates on the table, filling glasses of iced tea and dishing up the food. It was uncanny how efficiently they worked together in the kitchen. And it was hard to think this was going to be the last time.
Once everything was set out, Dan pulled the chair out for her, always the gentleman. She took her seat and glanced at the food.
“You first,” he said.
She put a sparse amount of food on her plate. Everything truly did smell delicious and to be polite, she would eat some of it. Dan filled his plate, growled about digging in and he began eating. Every so often, he would give Lucky a taste and the happy boy’s tail swished back and forth like an out of control metronome. It was such a simple thing, but so sweet to see Lucky at Dan’s heels.
She nibbled on her meal and sipped her iced tea.
“I made cookies,” she said after the meal was finished. “Would you like dessert now?”
He leaned way back in the chair and patted his firm-as-granite belly. “Can we wait a bit? I practically inhaled the meal and can’t think about eating another bite.”
“Sure.”
“Want a fire?” he asked.
“Uh, no.” She didn’t think she could sit by the fire with him tonight.
“What’s up? You’re pretty quiet tonight.”
“Actually, can we go sit in the parlor? I have something to tell you.”
His eyes pinned to hers, and he gave her a nod. “Sure thing.”
He waited for her to rise and took her hand. She squeezed her eyes closed, absorbing his touch, the way he took control and led her to the sofa. Lucky wasn’t far behind. She sat and Dan sat beside her. Lucky roamed the room and then after circling an area a few times, found a comfy spot on the rug and nestled down.
In typical Dan style, he didn’t say a thing. He simply waited for her to speak. So this had to be it. She couldn’t procrastinate, she couldn’t stall any longer. All the words she’d practiced in her head didn’t come when she finally opened her mouth. “I, uh, I’ve been called in to work earlier than expected. The woman I was replacing at the school went into premature labor. I don’t have much choice. They really need me.”
Dan began nodding his head, watching her carefully. “How soon?”
“My flight leaves tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? Oh man,” he said, running his hands down his face. “That soon?”
“Yeah, that soon.” She spoke quietly. “I didn’t expect this.”
“No, I didn’t, either. They can’t do without you for a few more weeks?”
“No, they have no one else to fill in. And since they hired me, I’m sort of obligated to go. There’s this winter concert the children have been working on all semester. I can’t disappoint the students.”
“But you can disappoint me?” He gave her a look, his eyes pinning her down.
“I don’t want to disappoint anyone, Dan. We both knew this day would eventually come. I’m just...leaving sooner than we expected. I really don’t want to go.”
At all. But she couldn’t tell him that. She couldn’t reveal how breaking up with him, was also killing her inside. That she still held a shred of hope that there’d be a Hollywood ending, where he took her by the hand, kissed her senseless and told her not to leave him. Ever.
“So this is it.” It wasn’t a question, but a declaration. To his credit, he hung his head and sat immobilized in his seat. The air was still, Lucky’s breathing the only sound in the room.
She hated to say the words that would end it, so she held her tongue and waited.
After a few moments, he spoke. “Erin, it’s a rare thing to be able to work in a field you love. And it’s a great opportunity for you. Once I heard you play, I realized music has to be in your life.”
She nodded, hiding her grief. She could argue that music was always in her life. And that she could teach music anywhere, not just in Seattle.
She had to lay her cards on the line. Dan had to know her feelings, even if she didn’t come right out and say those three little words. “Dan, this past month has been wonderful. I want you to know, I don’t look at my time with you as a casual fling. Being w-with you, meant s-something special to me. You mean something special to me.”
“You mean something special to me too, sweetness.” Dan covered her hand and tugged her close. His lips came down on hers and his kiss drew her into a mix of mind-blowing pleasure and unfair torture. She loved him. She didn’t have the courage to tell him, but he had to know, to see how she gave him everything she had to give, to feel the way she responded to him.
Unable to stand it another second, she pulled away from him. “Sorry,” she said, holding back tears. “This is hard.”
“For me too.”
Dan pushed his hands through his hair. “Let me take you to the airport tomorrow.”
“No.” She didn’t have to think twice about it. A tearful public goodbye at the airport would be too difficult and quite possibly humiliating. “But thank you for offering.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes. I’m sure.” She gulped air.
“Okay.”
And they sat there on the sofa for long moments quietly, Dan taking her back in his arms and holding her tight. It felt so right, but obviously Dan didn’t seem to think it right enough.
“I can stay a little longer, if you’d like,” he whispered. “Unless you have packing to do.”
She took half a second to think about it. She never wanted him to leave, but she mustered her courage, aware that the longer he stayed, the harder it would be. “I have some things to do,” she said diplomatically. It was a bold-faced lie, but necessary for her sanity.
“Then I’d better go.”
She gave a slight nod. Staring into his handsome face, she committed it to memory and tried not to tear up. She would probably never see Dan again. Once they parted, they would walk separate paths, as if they’d never met. As if this short time was merely a blip in their lifetimes. How terribly sad.
He rose from the sofa, a deep sigh pushing out of his chest. The sound resonated and her sorrow was almost tangible. He reached for her and arm in arm they walked to the door. “I’ll miss you, sweetness,” he said, turning to face her as he put his jacket on.
“Dan,” she began, but the words choked in her throat.
He enveloped her into his arms, giving her a big bear hug. Her beast of a man was leaving, exiting her life. Even though, she was the one going, it felt the other way around. He hadn’t asked her to stay. He hadn’t declared his love. He wouldn’t and it was a hard pill to swallow.
As he bent his head and claimed her mouth in another tantalizing kiss, she gripped the lapels of his jacket and gave him a kiss back that he would hopefully never forget. When they finally broke apart, she felt the loss down to her toes.
“Call me if you change your mind about the airport,” he whispered.
She wouldn’t. “Okay, but I don’t think so.”
“Safe travels, sweetness,” he said.
And then with Lucky by his side, he stepped out into the cold evening and walked down the path that led to his car. Halfway there, he stopped dead in his tracks, dipping his head as if eyeballing the ground. A few seconds passed. Her heart pounded, wondering what he was thinking, what he was doing.
And then he sighed heavily, lifted his head and resumed walking to his car. It was painful seeing him go, ending it this way. Her hopes died then and as he opened the car door, he looked her way and waved, his beautiful face partly hidden in the shadows of night.
She waved back, giving him a last smile.
It was over.
She closed the door and amazingly didn’t fall apart watching Dan drive away. No, she’d save that for later tonight. Right now, she had something else to do.
She picked up her cell and called her new friend. The call went straight to voice mail and Erin was once again disappointed. Maybe she shouldn’t have waited to tell Chelsea her plans, but she had to tell Dan first before she told his sister about her departure. “Chelsea, hi. It’s me, Erin. I’m sorry I didn’t reach you. Please call me when you get in. I have something important to tell you.”
She’d stop by Chelsea’s first thing in the morning to say her goodbyes.
It would be her last heartbreaking order of Texas business, before she boarded the plane headed for Seattle.