Epilogue: Letter to My Daughters

Dear Kinsley and Charlie,

One day you’ll be ready to take on the world of dating, and when that time comes, I want you to go into it prepared with a few pearls of wisdom I’ve gathered along the way.

While romance can be fun and fleeting, it is never more important than your relationships with your sister, your parents, your friends, or yourself. It’s true that boyfriends come and go, but friendships last forever. Surround yourself with a tribe of positive, honest, loyal girlfriends. Lift each other up, cheer each other on, and come together when things aren’t going so great. Sometimes people make their romantic relationships their whole world. When it doesn’t work out, they feel empty and alone. With a tribe of incredible friends, you’ll never feel alone.

When you’re young, dating is all about figuring out what qualities you do and don’t like. Always keep tabs on both so you can make choices that work best for you. Behaviors like selfishness, hot tempers, and impatience are qualities that don’t work for me. I used to accept these behaviors in my past partners. I’d sweep things under the rug, but ultimately those relationships made me uncomfortable and unhappy, so I don’t allow room in my life for them anymore. Instead I seek people who are kind to strangers, stay calm in stressful conditions, and always treat me with love. If someone ever makes you feel insecure in any way, if they make you feel unhappy, scared, or nervous, that is not okay. Those are not feelings of love. Feelings of love are stability, safety, happiness, and never being afraid of them or what they might do.

One day, you will have your heart broken to pieces. Actually, this will likely happen more than once. Heartbreak is the absolute hardest. The most important thing to remember is the intense pain you’re experiencing is only temporary. And believe it or not, you’re going to come out of it better and stronger, I promise. When your heart is hurting, lean on your friendships. Talk it out with them instead of holding it in. Let them get you out of the house. Go on walks, hikes, swims. Go shopping. Buy yourself a new pair of shoes (hopefully by this time these won’t be light-up Skechers). Do whatever you can to shake it off. Know in your heart there is another relationship coming your way. Each time you start over with someone new it has a better chance to work out because you’ll have learned something from your past.

When you decide to move in with a boyfriend or agree to get married, be 100 percent sure it is right for you. If you have even the slightest of doubts, hold off. Your instincts are always going to be right. Listen to them. If he loves you and you tell him you’re not quite ready, he will wait. Each time I’ve been pressured into making a decision, it has never been the right one. The best way to know is to pay attention to how you feel. When you’re alone in a quiet space, ask yourself about what you’re considering. If you feel knots in your stomach or tightness in your chest, those anxious feelings are not good ones. It might be best to hold off. If you feel elated, excited, or butterflies in your stomach, this might be the right move for you. Remember, you’re always supposed to feel good and happy about your decisions.

The honest truth is that you’re going to make mistakes. That’s part of living! Rather than kicking yourself for going left when you should have gone right, skip the regrets and see the silver lining of every situation. There is always something to learn from every mistake.

You’re both super loving, considerate, generous, fun girls. Kins, I love your sassy, big personality. If anyone ever tries to dull your sparkle, they’re not your person. Char, I love how much you love to be loved. Cuddles are your thing—make sure you find someone who wants to snuggle as much as you do. Never compromise who you are for anyone or anything.

I promise to follow my own advice, and I hope you will too.

Love forever,

Your Mom