I BECAME A SINGLE MOM when my oldest, Kinsley, was two and her sister, Charlie, had just been born into the world. Being a new parent was even more difficult with my parents living halfway across the country. My friends were still riding the party train, and I was at home potty training my toddler. I was struggling to lose the forty-plus pounds I had gained during pregnancy and struggling to maintain my sanity, let alone a sunny disposition. Let’s just say my pity party was all pity and no party. This was not at all how I imagined my life at twenty-five.
Meanwhile, my ex was swiping his way through Tinder dates, becoming a regular at any bar that would have him, and flaunting frequent trips to Vegas on social media. It felt so unfair that he could continue living his life like the last bachelor on Earth while I remained chained within a two-mile radius and a curfew that ended at night-night time. Yet this devastation paled in comparison to the immense guilt I carried for my girls. I thought I’d failed in giving them an ideal household, with two parents to treasure them—the type of home I grew up in. I wanted them to grow up with the picture-perfect life I had conjured up in my head. Would they grow up to make the same mistakes I made? Did I doom them for divorce one day? When they are old enough to understand our past, would they blame me for breaking us up or not trying hard enough to save my marriage to their father?
For years, I felt ashamed and defeated by my situation. This sense of hopelessness continued until, one day, something inside me clicked. It was as if the dark divorce clouds parted and a beam of sunshine reached down to bop my blonde head. It was then I realized that, to move on, I’d have to accept that all the worries and stresses in my life were completely beyond my control. I decided that rather than hide from my position, I would own it. Okay, so I am a single mom. Well, I’ll be the best single mom ever! My kids don’t have the life I expected to offer them. Then it’s up to me to give them the best life imaginable! I don’t have a husband to have and to hold. Then it’s time to get back out there! I dusted off my skinny jeans, got my first manicure in years, and did what I was finally ready to do: move on.
I feel like I’ve lived nine crazy lives since turning twenty, even though I have yet to turn thirty. In the following chapters I’ll tell you about it all, from becoming a mom to riding out my previous marriage. From looking for love on national TV to getting engaged—and then getting unengaged—in the public eye. From preparing to throw in the towel to learning to find myself again. I will share with you the honest truth of what it’s like to be on the Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise—twice! So many of you have asked me how and why I made some of the decisions I did on and off the shows. It feels good to finally share the answers and explain what happened when cameras weren’t rolling.
Throughout the book, I will also share with you my top tips for dating, relationships, and how to navigate the field as a modern woman. I’ll cover beauty, style, travel, entrepreneurship, and how to prop up other women and lean on your sisterhood for support. There’s helpful information for other single moms too—I know how hard it is. Through my failed relationships I’ve definitely faced my darkest moments. But it was those trying times that have also given me the opportunity to dig myself out of that place—and to come out happier and stronger.
I believe through everything we experience, there is both a rose and a thorn. The rose is an overall positive message, something to take away from the experience. The thorns are the hard truths and lessons learned. As we collect the roses and the thorns, we become better, smarter, and stronger versions of ourselves. In this book, I also share with you the roses and thorns that came from every breakup, divorce, or change of heart. I encourage you to accept and embrace the roses life will hand you along your journey.