Chapter Twenty-Three

Night crept into Erik’s apartment, a gust of air that whipped through the open window. It tickled the back of his neck, sending him under the covers and closer to River’s bare skin. Darkness suspended the inches between them, a sliver of space carved out where their noses didn’t quite touch. River bridged the insignificant distance and kissed him.

“I almost lit candles,” Erik joked. “Wore a suit, covered the apartment in rose petals, got you a heart-shaped box of chocolates.”

River laughed against Erik’s smile. “You’re hilarious.”

“Oh, come on.”

“I would’ve appreciated the candles, but that’s it. Dinner was fine.”

“Fine,” Erik repeated, brows raised. “Just fine, huh?”

“We got pizza,” River said matter-of-factly, a laugh clinging to the tail end of pizza.

“We sat down and ate pizza at a restaurant. And we got dessert. Totally different.” Erik dragged his fingertips along River’s arm. “Why only the candles? Not a fan of cheesy Valentine’s Day traditions?”

“No, not a fan,” River mumbled. His smile hadn’t waned, but it quieted. He stroked Erik’s side and shoulder, traced the line of his cheekbone with his thumb. “You’d look good in candlelight.” He touched the bridge of Erik’s nose, the Cupid’s bow of his lips. “That’s why I’d like them.”

Erik thought of River bathed in candlelight. How flames would deepen the shadows on him and turn his bronze skin gold. He imagined River on his stomach, hot wax dripping down his spine. Yeah, he should’ve lit some candles.

“Maybe the suit, too,” River whispered.

“Yeah?” Erik bumped his nose against River’s cheek. “Want me to put one on?”

“You own a suit?”

Erik barked a laugh. “Of-fucking-course I don’t, c’mon.”

Laughter sprung from River—messy, warm, affectionate laughter. It was in the crinkle of his nose and full cheeks, in his heaving chest and bright grin. He wrapped his arm around Erik’s middle and pulled until the space between them disappeared. Erik kissed the smile from River’s lips and inhaled the lingering chuckles that bubbled in his mouth.

“It’s been a while since I’ve done this,” River said. He traced the Svara’s tail on Erik’s rib cage. “Been with someone on Valentine’s Day.”

It’s been a while since I’ve done this, Erik thought. Collided with someone so effortlessly, so quickly. “I’m demiromantic,” he blurted. It came out rough, and he closed his eyes as soon as he said it.

“And I’m bisexual…?” River quirked a brow. “Why are we—”

“That was weird, sorry. I mean—I just… It usually takes me a long time to get there.”

“Get there?”

“Here,” Erik corrected.

River’s brown eyes picked Erik apart, darting from his mouth to his brows and back again. His smile came easy, but it was questioning.

Erik wished he could rewind the conversation. He pushed River onto his back instead, and crawled over him. “I didn’t actually think it would happen. Me. You. Us.”

River tilted his head. “Is there an us?”

“Yeah.” Erik leaned back. River chased him, craning up until their lips brushed. “There’s an us.”

“What did you think would happen?” River’s hands were never still. They ran along Erik’s shoulders, his nape, into his hair and over his cheeks.

“I thought I might get lucky and you’d kiss me back,” Erik whispered. Honesty was a strange, heavy thing.

“I did.”

“You did.” Erik laced their fingers, pressing River’s hand into the bed above his head. He pried at River’s lips with his own, a long, deep kiss that went on and on. “And now it’s Valentine’s Day, and you’re in my bed, and…”

The darkness thickened. Cold dripped into the room, but Erik could barely feel it. Nothing moved. Silence held its breath, and Erik wondered if this was what it was like—the part people wrote poetry about. He wondered if nights like these made fools out of men like him, nights when love showed its teeth, and men like him got bitten.

River flipped them over and sat comfortably in Erik’s lap. “Of course I’m here. Best fuck of your life and all.”

“River,” Erik sighed. He rolled his eyes and snorted. River, poised and smug, wore a thin smile. “You’re never gonna let that go, are you? It wasn’t a lie, but it’s not…”

“I don’t need your sentiment.” River rubbed his thumb over Erik’s mouth. “I’m just giving you shit.”

“And if I told you I cared about you? If I wanted to give you sentiment?” Erik sat upright. He curled his arms around River and held him there, but it didn’t last. River wrestled him back down, pinned Erik’s hands to the bed, knees bracketing Erik’s hips. Erik searched River’s face and asked, “If I told you this meant something to me?”

River swallowed. He rested his forehead against Erik’s. “I’d believe you.”

“Good.” Erik pulled one hand loose, cupped the back of River’s head and drew him into another kiss.

I’d believe you. Erik fit those words into the private part of his heart that he pretended didn’t exist. The part where Lee and Beverly and River’s laughter were tucked away. He sighed, pressing into River’s body above him. Lips feathered over Erik’s nose. River paused to kiss the healing bruise below his left eye.

“You fighting this week?” River almost masked his uncertainty, but not quite.

“Yeah, at Gem. Shouldn’t be too bad this time.” He followed River’s movements, adjusting to fit against River comfortably.

River’s chin settled on Erik’s shoulder. “At least let yourself heal, asshole.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“What’s with the different venues? And the…” River chose his next words carefully. “I knew you didn’t wear gloves…” He paused to take Erik’s scarred hand and bring it to his mouth, lips warm on each letter of W O L F. “But there aren’t any mats?”

“It’s not about the sport,” Erik said. He dragged his knuckles over River’s cheek. “It’s about the blood. The ruthlessness. Gem and Virgo aren’t as bad as the Warehouse.”

“I didn’t even know Gem had a cage.”

“There’s a back room with a ring, not a cage. Pete switches the location every other week to kill any leads.” Erik shrugged. “Cops wouldn’t be too worried about the fights, but they’d bust him for gambling and money laundering. The liquor at the Warehouse, too. Gem is the cleanest venue, Virgo is flashy and dramatic. He keeps security tight at the Warehouse because that’s where shit gets broken.”

“Yeah, I saw,” River growled. “Shit like your ribs.”

“Just bruised,” he said softly, “not broken.”

The yet hung heavy in the air. It was inevitable, and Erik knew that. One day he’d fight, and he’d lose, and he’d come out of it broken. But that day hadn’t arrived.

Erik hummed, body stirring pleasantly into the tickle of River’s index finger, tracing line after line on the praying hands that stained Erik’s hip. “If I win this fight, I’ll get another dragon.”

River glanced at him.

“A Knucker,” Erik said. “A water dragon from England that wreaked havoc on a small town. No one could defeat it. It ate their livestock, destroyed their houses, stole their virgins.” River chuckled and rolled his eyes. “Story has it, after years of the town being tortured, a farm boy baked a poison pie, put it in a cart with his horse, and sent it to the dragon. The dragon ate the whole thing—pie, horse, cart, everything—and it died. The boy cut off its head to claim the reward, but before he could get to the king, he got sick. The Knucker’s blood was on his hands and the same poison he used to kill the dragon ended up killing him, too.”

River’s brows knit. A grin twitched on his mouth, and he said, “That’s a terrible story.”

“It’s about someone unknowingly sacrificing themself for the greater good,” Erik countered.

“It’s about someone unwillingly sacrificing themself for the greater good,” River said matter-of-factly. “Don’t huff at me. It’s true.”

“Whatever.” Erik touched River’s still-healing back, brushing over flaky, inked skin. “It’s a cool dragon. Really long and bright-red with wings. Where would it look good?”

“Right here,” River teased, sliding his palm along the inside of Erik’s thigh. They both laughed, and Erik shook his head. “What about here.” River touched the outside of Erik’s leg, his hip and side. “It’ll hurt, but it’ll fit well.”

“All right.”

River closed his eyes. Erik did the same. They were stitched together, River’s arm around Erik’s middle, Erik’s foot tucked between River’s ankles. Erik listened to the shush of rain outside and the lull of River’s breathing beside him. He wanted to understand this. What was happening to him, what River was doing to him. He was at ease, comfortable and completely enraptured, and he didn’t recognize himself.

“Will you tell me about them?” River whispered.

Erik cracked his eyes open and found River watching him, half asleep, gentled by midnight. He didn’t have to ask. He’d seen River pick up the photographs hidden around his apartment countless times, watched River pause as he dug through the nightstand for the remote or a condom or something else, and knew it was the old picture that stopped him.

“Beverly wanted to be a therapist,” Erik said. “That was her plan. Finish high school, go to college, get the degree. She has this… I don’t know, this way about her. She always knew when something was wrong. But then everything got fucked up. I don’t know what she’s up to now.”

“And Lee?”

Hearing Lee’s name in someone else’s mouth made Erik’s heart seize and flutter. A jagged, ice-cold lump formed in his throat. He swallowed it. “Lee loved everyone way too much. Never did anything for himself, always went above and beyond for his friends. He used to tell people that life was too short to spend it surviving.” Erik closed his eyes. His voice was brittle and sharp. “Ironic.”

River’s head was on his shoulder. He sighed, a patient, coaxing sound, and didn’t press for more information. They fell asleep sometime after that, still wrapped around each other.

…

Rain streaked the bedroom window. Morning lit the room, the too-early kind that turned the sky from navy to ghostly green. Erik opened his eyes, and River looked back at him. They were barely awake. Limbs were still heavy and pliant. River kissed him, the kind of kissing that had a purpose.

The sun started to rise. Night clung to the edges of the city.

River climbed on top of Erik and looked down at him. “I…”

“What?” Erik whispered.

River rolled his bottom lip between his teeth. They stayed there, staring at each other, bare and haunted. Say it, Erik urged. His breath caught when River pressed him into the bed. Say something.

Their breathing bent the silence. River licked into Erik’s mouth instead of answering. He kissed Erik like they hadn’t seen each other in weeks, like they’d been lost.

Maybe they had been. Maybe they still were.

Erik would stay lost as long as River kept finding him.