CALLIE
My drive to my parents’ house is less eventful this year. I gather myself for a second in my car before pulling out my phone and sending a text to Huxlee.
Me
Huxlee
Me
Huxlee
Me
I get my suitcase settled in my room. Jen comes in and wraps her arms around me. “How are you doing, Callie?”
Even though my story with the beast is fantastical, my entire family hasn’t treated me like a crazy person. “It’s almost been a year,” I choke out.
“I know, sweetie, I know.” She pulls me into her arms and rubs my back as I cry on her shoulder.
“Group hug?” Stacy suggests, coming into the room. She wraps herself around my back and the tears flow more.
When the tears finally stop falling, I say, “I love you guys.” And with one last, big squeeze, we make our way out the door.
As soon as we leave my room, it’s time to put on a fake smile and pretend like my heart hasn’t been slowly dying over the last year. I join the kids in a new game Mom bought them this year. I watch as everyone opens their Christmas jammies. I listen as Mom reads the new Christmas book. I give all the kids hugs when they are ready for bed.
Once it’s just the adults awake, I wrap myself in my coat and go onto the back porch. The snow falls around me and I inhale deeply the smell of winter. I tilt my head back and let the frozen flakes fall on my upturned face, opening my mouth to catch some on my tongue.
Walking down the steps, I hold my arms out to my sides and spin around. It’s the most free I’ve felt in months. The further from the house I move, the more it feels like I’m back in the prison world.
I walk among the trees surrounding my parents’ house and pretend I’m back with the beast, and he’s giving me a tour of his world.
I imagine him standing next to me, holding my hand in his as we talk about our future together.
I smile as I imagine him kissing me, fingers entwined in my hair.
“Callie,” my mom shouts from the porch. I heave a sigh as my apparition falls away. Turning back to the house, I make my way back up onto the porch. “Are you okay, sweetie?”
She moves to one of the chairs and sits down, patting the chair next to her for me to sit as well. “How would you feel if dad was suddenly gone?” The question falls out of my mouth before I can stop it. But once it’s out there, I can’t help but hold my breath, anticipating the response.
My mom takes my hand in hers before responding, “I imagine I would feel a lot like you do right now.” She clutches my hands in both of hers and brings them up to her mouth, blowing warm air across my chilled fingers. “Why don’t we get you inside by the fire? Everyone else has already gone to sleep. I’ll make cocoa.” She bats her eyelashes at me, which makes me smile, and we both stand to go inside.
I watch her flutter around the kitchen, pulling out the ingredients and pans she’ll need. The noise brings Jen and Stacy both into the kitchen. “Girls’ night?” Jen asks.
“I’ll pop the popcorn,” Stacy says.
Jen picks the most ridiculous chick flick from our high school days, and we laugh and let the world slip away for a few hours. In the wee hours of the morning, they make their way back to their rooms. I sit in front of the fire, staring into the dancing flames.