POLLY FOUND IT impossible to put what had happened out of her mind as she drove home It wasn’t only that near-miss kiss that troubled her, although that had been disturbing enough. It was what Joseph had said about his mother. It was hard to believe that the woman didn’t want any contact with him because of his disability, yet Polly had seen the anguish on Elliot’s face and knew it was true. It made her realise what a difficult time Elliot must have had, caring for Joseph without any support from his mother. It was the ultimate betrayal and she could understand why he was so determined not to let anyone get close to him again. Having been let down so badly, why would he want to risk it happening again?
The thought stayed with her so that she felt tired and drained when she went to work the following morning. Her first appointment was at Applethwaite Farm, where she was going to see Lauren. Lauren and Sam had taken over one of the old farmworkers’ cottages and turned it into a comfortable home, independent of Sam’s parents, who lived in the main farmhouse. Lauren greeted Polly with a smile when she knocked on the door. She had completely recovered from the operation to remove her appendix and was now fifteen weeks pregnant. She had put on quite a lot of weight and her baby bump was already very noticeable, much to her delight. However, Polly wanted to make sure that Lauren understood it was better not to gain too much weight so soon.
‘You’ve gained another pound since I last weighed you,’ she observed, making a note on Lauren’s chart. ‘Ideally, you should put on between four to six pounds in the first trimester and about a pound per week during the following two trimesters. I want you to be a bit more careful about what you eat, Lauren.’
‘I’ll try, but my mother-in-law keeps popping over with all sorts of delicious food.’ Lauren grimaced. ‘It’s hard to resist when it’s sitting there in front of you, especially as Diane is such a wonderful cook.’
‘It must be.’ Polly laughed ruefully. ‘I just wish someone would pop over with something delicious for me. It’s no fun cooking for one.’
‘I’m sure it isn’t,’ Lauren said sympathetically. ‘I was so sorry about you and Martin, Polly. I always thought you made a lovely couple but I suppose these things happen. And if you’ve met someone else—’ Lauren broke off, looking embarrassed at having said too much.
Polly sighed. ‘So you’ve heard the rumours then? All I can say is they’re a load of nonsense because there is no one else.’
‘But Maureen is going round telling everyone that she saw you with him!’ Lauren exclaimed. ‘Has she been making it up? Because if she has then that’s an awful thing to do.’
‘I’m sure it wasn’t deliberate,’ Polly said hastily, not wanting to cause any trouble. The last thing she needed was people taking sides. ‘Maureen just read more into what she saw than there actually was. Remember that man who ran into the back of your van? Well, she saw me with him.’
‘He’s the one you’ve been seeing?’ Lauren said in surprise.
‘Yes. No. What I mean is that he’s the one I’m supposed to have been seeing,’ Polly said, stumbling over her words as she tried to explain.
‘But Maureen said you two were holding hands,’ Lauren pointed out.
‘I was checking his pulse,’ Polly corrected her. ‘I was worried in case he’d injured himself when he ran into you…’ She tailed off, realising how unlikely it sounded even though it was true.
‘Oh. Right. Well, I can see how people might have got the wrong idea,’ Lauren said gamely, although it was obvious that she was finding it hard to believe the story.
Polly decided to leave it there. She had a nasty feeling that she might end up digging herself an even deeper hole if she said anything else. She finished examining Lauren and left, refusing the cup of coffee she was offered as she didn’t want to have to answer any more awkward questions. She did two more home visits and it was clear that the rumours had reached even the furthest corners of Beesdale. Polly did her best to pass them off as nothing more than idle speculation, but she could tell that nobody really believed her. What made it worse was that there was a mother-and-baby clinic that afternoon at the surgery which she was taking and she knew that she would have to run the gauntlet all over again. Everyone was curious and who could blame them? Calling off a wedding at the very last moment wasn’t something that most couples did and folk were bound to want to know the ins and outs of why she and Martin had taken such a drastic step. She sighed, knowing there was very little she could do to stop the gossip. She would just have to put up with it until she left.
The thought of leaving the place where she had grown up was a painful one. As she drove into the surgery car park, Polly realised that she would miss living here, miss the people too, even if they did gossip a lot! She turned off the engine then paused as another thought struck her: she was going to miss Elliot and Joseph too. They had become an important part of her life, even though she wasn’t sure why. It was going to be hard to move away and not know what happened to them in the future. Although she could probably find out if she kept in touch with her friends at the surgery, what would be the point? Elliot didn’t want her in his life and in a way she couldn’t blame him. After everything he had been through, it was little wonder that he wasn’t interested in having another relationship. He had turned his back on love and she doubted if anyone could change his mind.
It was hard to shake off that thought as she got ready for the afternoon’s clinic. Beth Andrews was first through the door. Beth was one of the doctors at The Larches. She was currently on maternity leave and wasn’t due to return to work until later in the year. Now she grimaced as she carried baby Beatrix over to the table to be weighed.
‘This little madam has been awake since four a.m. I’m shattered even if she’s not!’
‘The joys of motherhood,’ Polly replied, drumming up a laugh. It obviously wasn’t convincing because Beth looked at her in concern.
‘What’s up? It isn’t all those stupid rumours, is it? Marie told me about the latest. You wonder how people come up with such rubbish, don’t you?’ Beth rolled her eyes as she started to undress Beatrix. ‘I mean, you’re supposed to have been seen holding hands with some guy and that’s why you ditched Martin, because you’re having an affair. As if!’
‘I know. It’s crazy, isn’t it?’ Polly sighed. ‘People see something and get the completely wrong idea.’
‘So you were holding hands with someone!’ Beth exclaimed.
‘Not exactly. I was checking his pulse, to be precise.’ She quickly explained about the accident and what had happened later.
Beth chuckled. ‘It’s typical that Maureen should add two and two and come up with a hundred. Not that it will worry her, mind you. She’s having far too much fun telling everyone what she thought she saw!’
‘Don’t I know it? It’s amazing how fast news travels. I was at a couple of the outlying farms this morning and even they had heard all about my supposed exploits. I tell you, Beth, I’m sick and tired of being seen as some sort of scarlet woman!’
‘You must be,’ Beth said sympathetically. ‘I know how hard it is when folk start gossiping about you. I’ve had my share, I can tell you, since Beatrix was born.’
‘Really!’ Polly exclaimed in surprise.
‘Oh, yes. There’s been speculation about who’s this little one’s daddy.’ Beth shrugged. ‘I suppose it’s understandable in a way because Callum’s not been seen around here for such a long time. I’ve just ignored it as there is no way I’m telling everyone that Beatrix was conceived the night he went away. That’s my business and nobody else’s.’
‘I wish I could do the same but it isn’t that simple.’ Polly sighed when Beth looked at her. ‘The man I’m supposed to be having an affair with is none too happy about what’s being said. He has a son, you see, and he’s worried that Joseph will hear the gossip and get the wrong idea.’
‘Hmm, tricky. I don’t know what to suggest, to be honest. If you kick up a fuss then people will only think there’s some truth to the rumours. The old “the lady doth protest too much” scenario,’ Beth added wryly, making quotation marks with her fingers.
‘Exactly. I tried explaining that to Elliot but he wouldn’t have it. He’s not at all happy about being dragged into this.’
‘You don’t mean Elliot Grey, do you?’ Beth whistled when Polly nodded. ‘That must be awkward. Oh, I know you don’t have a lot of contact with the hospital but you’re in the same field so you’re bound to come across him from time to time.’
‘And he isn’t happy about that either. If Elliot had his way then he would ban all community midwives, it seems,’ Polly declared hotly. She took a deep breath when she saw the surprise on Beth’s face. She didn’t want her friend to guess how much it hurt to know how determined Elliot was to keep her out of every aspect of his life. ‘Anyway, I’m sure it will all work out in the end once people find something else to talk about.’
‘I’m sure it will. I just wish you didn’t have to put up with this on top of everything else,’ Beth said sympathetically. ‘Calling off the wedding couldn’t have been an easy decision for you and Martin. It took guts, in my opinion.’
‘It wasn’t easy but it was the right thing to do in the circumstances.’ Polly sighed. ‘I only wish that it hadn’t happened at the very last moment and upset so many people.’
‘Had you been having doubts for a while then?’ Beth asked quietly.
‘No, not at all.’ Polly sighed. ‘Marrying Martin was what I’d wanted for a long time.’
‘Because being married to Martin would give you a sense of security,’ Beth suggested astutely. ‘You’d officially become part of his family.’
‘I suppose so.’ Polly frowned. Had that been a major factor in her decision to marry Martin? Although his parents had been appointed by the courts as their guardians, they had never adopted her and Peter. However, once she and Martin were married there would have been a proper family link. With the benefit of hindsight, Polly could see how appealing that idea had been and it was a shock to realise it.
‘Losing your parents at such a young age must have been very difficult for you,’ Beth continued quietly. ‘After living with Martin’s parents for all those years, it’s understandable if you wanted to make sure that you would always be part of their family.’
‘You’re right, although I’ve never actually thought about it before,’ Polly admitted. ‘It just seemed the natural thing to do when Martin and I started dating after I came back from university.’
‘I can understand why you felt that way,’ Beth assured her. ‘But was it really enough to base a lifetime’s commitment on? Are you sure you really loved him?’
‘I thought I did,’ Polly said slowly, her head reeling. Had she loved Martin, really loved him as the man she wanted to spend her life with? Or had her feelings been based on familiarity and a desire for security?
‘I think that’s your answer.’ Beth smiled wryly when Polly looked at her. ‘Oh, I know it didn’t work out for me and Callum but we were in love at one time. I remember how it felt and you’d have known if you felt like that. You and Martin made the right decision when you called off your wedding.’
‘It appears that we did, although it wasn’t a joint decision as we’ve told everyone. It was Martin who called it off.’ She grimaced. ‘He’s met someone else and wants to be with her. That’s why he didn’t want to marry me.’
‘What?’ Beth gaped at her. ‘Martin’s been having an affair?’
‘Yes. He left me a letter, explaining that he couldn’t marry me as he’s in love with someone else. He suggested it might make it easier if I told everyone it was a mutual decision to cancel the wedding, although I’m starting to wonder if it was a mistake. The gossip couldn’t be any worse if everyone knew I’d been jilted!’
‘I don’t know what to say!’ Beth exclaimed. ‘However, it seems a bit rich that the whole of Beesdale thinks you’re the one who’s been having a fling when it was Martin.’
‘It’s over and done with now, so it’s probably best to leave things how they are. It will only start folk gossiping even more if they find out the truth at this stage and that’s the last thing I want, quite frankly.’
‘I suppose so, although I still don’t think it’s fair that you’re being blamed for something you didn’t do,’ Beth declared.
‘Maybe not, but I don’t think I can claim to be totally blameless.’ She sighed. ‘Martin must have sensed that my reasons for marrying him weren’t purely out of love, so it’s understandable if he met someone else and fell for her. Anyway, enough about me. How’s this little lady doing, apart from waking her poor mum at such an unearthly hour?’
Beth took the hint and changed the subject, although Polly could tell that her friend was still upset about her carrying all the blame. It was good to have someone else on her side apart from Elliot, if he really was on her side and there was no guarantee of that after the way they had parted. She sighed softly as she saw Beth out. Elliot had been so gentle and caring as he had consoled her and it made the sudden switch back to his normal self all the more difficult to accept. He was so wary of showing his true feelings and she couldn’t see that changing in the foreseeable future. The thought of him choosing to live such a lonely life hurt, especially after the glimpse she’d had of the real man beneath the veneer of aloofness. Elliot deserved so much more; he deserved to be loved and to love too. However, she doubted if he would agree with her. He preferred his lonely life to taking risks and there was little she could do to convince him otherwise.
Polly called in her next mum, determined not to think about him any more. Once she left Beesdale, Elliot would be just a memory. The trouble was that deep down she knew it wasn’t that simple. Even if she never saw him again, it didn’t mean that she would forget him.
* * *
The week came to an end and the weekend rolled around. Elliot wasn’t on call so he decided to take Joseph out for the day. He put together a picnic and stowed it in the car then loaded the lightweight wheelchair Joseph used for outings. The chair he used the rest of the time was too heavy to lift in and out of the car, so he had to make do with this pared-down version. Although he could walk short distances, he soon tired, and Elliot always took the chair along in case he needed it. It was second nature to cover all the bases, but he found himself wondering all of a sudden how anyone else would cope. Would they be happy to make all these preparations or would they find it became tedious after a while? How would Polly fare, for instance?
Elliot sighed as he went to fetch Joseph. It didn’t matter how many times he told himself that Polly wasn’t going to feature in his life because he still kept thinking about her. She had infiltrated his mind, the same as she had infiltrated his senses the other night. The minute he had touched her, he had been overwhelmed by feelings he couldn’t control and he found it hard to accept that he was so weak-willed. He had to find a way to get back to normal, but so far he had failed to do so. It was as though Polly had taken him over, lock, stock and barrel, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it.
* * *
Saturday turned out to be a beautiful day with only a few fluffy white clouds drifting across the azure blue sky. Polly had a list of jobs that needed doing but she felt too restless to spend the day indoors. She ate her breakfast outside, seated at the tiny metal table on the equally tiny patio. Primrose Cottage was one of four which were used as holiday lets during the summer season and stood empty the rest of the year. They all looked neglected and in need of sprucing up. Polly knew that if she’d been planning to stay she would have had to make a lot of improvements, but it wasn’t worth it for the length of time she hoped to be there. She had already received a letter inviting her for an interview in Cumbria at the end of the month and, although there was no guarantee she would be offered the post, she knew she stood a very good chance with her experience.
She sighed as she spread honey on a slice of toast. Although she would miss Beesdale, it was becoming increasingly difficult as the rumours about her spread. She was tired of being blamed for something she hadn’t done. The only thing that kept her going was the thought that in a few weeks’ time she would be able to put it all behind her. Just for a moment an image of Elliot came to mind before she blanked it out. She wasn’t going to change her mind about leaving for any reason. Or anyone.
* * *
Elliot drove to Beesdale Falls and parked in the car park. There were several other cars already there so he chose a space that gave him room to lift Joseph’s chair out of the boot. Joseph was bubbling over with excitement at the thought of the outing and Elliot realised all of a sudden how long it had been since they had done anything fun like this together. Between the move from London and starting a new job, his time had been eaten up, and he resolved not to let it happen again. Spending time with Joseph was his number one priority from now on.
Joseph insisted on walking part of the way, only using his chair when the path became too rough for him to negotiate it safely. Elliot was breathing heavily by the time they reached the waterfall because it was tough pushing the chair over all the ruts, but it was worth it. Joseph was enthralled by the sight of the water tumbling into the gorge. He had brought his sketch pad along and wanted to draw a picture so Elliot sat down on the grass while he got his breath back.
The noise of the water rushing over the rocks was deafening so he didn’t hear anyone approaching. It was only when a shadow fell over them that he looked up and felt his heart lurch when he saw Polly standing behind him. It was obvious from the surprise on her face that she’d had no idea he would be there. He also had the distinct impression that she wasn’t pleased to see him either and the thought stung. He’d wasted hours thinking about her yet she didn’t give a damn about him or the effect she’d had on his life!
* * *
Polly’s heart sank to somewhere around the level of her feet. If she’d had any idea that Elliot would be there then she would never have come. She half turned to leave but just at that moment Joseph spotted her.
‘Polly! Dad didn’t tell me you were coming as well.’
‘I…um…he didn’t know,’ she explained, avoiding looking at Elliot. That he wouldn’t want her there was a given and she didn’t need it ramming home to her. The thought was incredibly painful and she hurried on. ‘I only decided this morning after breakfast that I felt like a day out.’
‘So did Dad.’ Joseph beamed at her. ‘We’ve brought a picnic with us so you can share it now—can’t she, Dad?’
‘Oh, no,’ Polly began at the same moment as Elliot spoke.
‘I’m sure Polly has more important things to do than spend the day with us, Joseph.’
Polly felt annoyance run through her when she heard the warning in his voice. Did he honestly think that she hadn’t worked it out for herself that he didn’t want her spending time with them? Maybe it was the result of the week she’d had, all the whispered remarks, the sidelong glances, but she was tired of being treated like a pariah when she had done nothing to deserve it.
‘Actually, I don’t have anything more important to do, as it happens.’ She smiled sweetly, seeing the annoyance in Elliot’s eyes, but it was hard luck. He should never have started this if he wasn’t prepared to face the consequences. ‘I’d love to share your picnic, Joseph. Thank you.’
Elliot spread the rug on the ground, trying not to think about the last time he had used it, the day he had met Polly. It was only a few weeks ago yet it felt much longer than that. It was as though his life had been divided into two halves, before and after meeting Polly, and he didn’t like the idea one little bit. He had been perfectly happy before he had met her… Hadn’t he?
He frowned as he got up and headed back down the path to collect the cool box from the car. It was unsettling to find himself questioning what he had taken for granted before. Maybe he had decided to relocate to a different part of the country but his reasons for doing so had had nothing to do with him. He had made the decision so he could give Joseph a better quality of life—or so he had thought.
Was it true? he wondered suddenly. Had his decision to leave London been based solely on Joseph’s needs? Or had there been another reason, one he hadn’t examined too closely? Although he had enjoyed his job there, he had to admit that the constant pressure of dealing with the most vulnerable patients had started to get to him. Working in such a busy city as London had meant that his workload had been unrelenting, one tiny scrap of humanity after another requiring his skills. Although he had saved so many babies, far more than his peers if the statistics were to be believed, there had been many others he hadn’t been able to help. Not even the most skilful surgeon could save every single patient he treated and each time he had failed, it had left its mark on him. Although he had buried his feelings beneath a veneer of professional detachment, he had felt for them, he realised, felt a deep sense of sorrow for all those children who would never grow up to be adults, for all the parents whose dreams had been shattered.
He had been there himself, been through the agony of wondering if his child would survive, but he’d been one of the lucky ones—his son had lived. However, each time he had lost one of those precious children, it had left a scar on his soul even if he had refused to admit it before. He might have pretended not to care but deep down he had, although it was only now that he was prepared to acknowledge it, now when his emotions had been unleashed since he had met Polly. She had been the catalyst even though he had no idea why. Hell and damnation, if he’d been told to choose a woman who would turn his life upside down then he couldn’t have found anyone better than Polly. She had been jilted on her wedding day—she must have even more emotional baggage than him!