11

Late in the afternoon of August 10, 1983, the phone in Sandra Yerks’s office rang. Ed Murphy was on the line. “Sandy,” he said, “would you get up to Norwalk Hospital right away? Karin tried to commit suicide.”

There were those, Jeff Sands and Michael Zaccaro among them, who, when they heard about the suicide attempt, were sure the reason was the Murphy boys. “Everybody,” Sands says, “who knew the situation assumed it was just because of the unbelievable torture she was getting from those kids. I had just constantly heard these stories about Ed and the drinking and the kids and one of Ed’s sons threatening Karin with a knife. It was just an awful, awful situation that was going on.”

Zaccaro agrees. “Being aware of that situation and knowing what was going on, I’d be willing to bet anything that the attempted suicide was not because of abuse by Joyce as much as that Karin hated, absolutely hated what was happening to her down there, with those kids of Ed’s.”

They, and the others who thought that way, were wrong.

Earlier on that Wednesday afternoon Karin, alone in the house, had canceled a dentist appointment. Joyce called a little later to find out what the dentist had said and done. When Karin told her she hadn’t gone, Joyce railed at her, screamed over the phone, threatened dire punishment when she got home. Terrified, Karin went into the bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet, took out a bottle of Tranxene, an antidepressant Joyce sometimes took for anxiety attacks, and swallowed four tablets. If it was not enough to kill her, it was certainly a cry for help, perhaps the first she had uttered in her life.

A few minutes after taking the pills, she called a friend who lived nearby and told her what she had done. The friend’s mother called Poison Control and then got in touch with Ed Murphy to tell him. An emergency medical service ambulance sped to the Murphy home and rushed Karin to the Norwalk Hospital emergency room, where she was treated with ipecac. It was not long before Karin had been calmed, her system cleared. The hospital proceeded to call Murphy, Joyce and Michael Aparo.

Sandy Yerks arrived a few minutes later, while Karin was still in the emergency room. Karin was, naturally, pale and shaken. Yerks went to her and held her. Karin held on tightly, kept saying over and over, “Please don’t leave me, please don’t leave me. Mom’s on her way. If she comes, please don’t leave me.” She was, Yerks says, “scared to death.”

Soon Murphy, then Aparo and finally Joyce arrived. “You could hear her through the door,” Yerks says. “She was coming down the hall, and she was an absolute maniac, screaming and yelling. She was going off at me, at the doctors, at everyone. If she could have gotten her hands on that child, she would have done bodily harm to her. They had to hold her back so she couldn’t get at Karin.” Sandy Yerks did not exaggerate.

Once in the room Joyce started toward Karin. “Her hands were out,” Karin says, “like she would grab me by the neck and strangle me.” Aparo tried to restrain Joyce. She began shouting at him. He grabbed her right arm and tried to pull her away, out of the room. She struggled, and as she broke free from his grip, she fell against a counter in the hospital corridor and bruised her forearm. She screamed in pain, accused him of hitting her deliberately, of breaking her arm, and demanded that her arm be X-rayed. It was. Only bruises and a small contusion were found.

The hospital staff was watching the whole thing, watching Joyce and Aparo, watching Karin and her reactions. What they saw they noted on their reports.

“Had occasion,” reads the first report filed later that evening, “to witness Mrs. Aparo interacting with her daughter in the E.D. [Emergency Department]. She appeared vindictive, aggressive, hostile and totally domineering of her daughter. Prior to the arrival of the mother, Karin was animated and conversant; she is an intelligent and responsive young lady in the absence of her mother. After her mother arrived, she became quiet and withdrawn. She appeared to be very intimidated and afraid of her mother.”

The hospital psychiatrist added that Karin was “an anxious, compulsive 12 year old who was intimidated by her mother’s anger.… child is at risk of emotional abuse/neglect. Verbal abuse is reportedly severe.” Joyce was described as “a rigid, angry, paranoid personality under stress.… close to falling apart.”

It was enough that the hospital decided to follow up, to refer the matter to Child and Youth Services and let it look into it and talk further with Karin, with Joyce, with both Ed Murphy and Michael Aparo. Although Karin attempted to make light of the episode, telling an agency interviewer that her relationship with her mother was generally good and that what she had done was stupid, there was a feeling that she might well be covering up for her mother. The agency dug deeper.

A DCYS report, written a few months later and based on that digging and interviews and other investigations, reads in part:

8/11/83: … Mother called the floor early this morning, sounded bitter, refuses to see Karin until she straightens up her act. Karin’s relationship [sic] with father and stepfather are good. Karin says mother and stepfather are on verge of a divorce.

… She is a petite, pert 12 yr. old, who appears quite sophisticated. She did not seem at all depressed. She wants to go home, said things are OK between her and mother, she has called twice today. Karin explained what led to her attempted suicide. Her mother was angry with her on Tuesday 8/9 because she had not bought Kitty [L]itter and taken books back to the library. On Wednesday mother was upset because Karin misunderstood instructions and changed her dental appointment. She called her annoying and irresponsible, said she never listens. Karin was afraid mother would yell at her when she got home. Mother does not hit her, only did so once this summer at the beach. Karin views her relationship with mother as good, better than average. She did not express any negative feelings about her. She did say mother does not yell at her when stepfather is around. Karin expressed understanding that mother is under stress and very tired when she gets home, as she works in Hartford. Sometimes mother stays in Glastonbury where they own a condo. When mother is home, she makes dinner, they eat and then mother falls asleep, so Karin said she really does not see her a lot. Karin is not sure why she took the pills, said she has never done anything like that before and will never do so again. Karin said she is not eating in the hospital and “that’s good, I’ll lose weight.” She is not at all overweight.

I told Karin that DCYS would remain involved with her and mother for a while because we are concerned. I mentioned counseling, but she is not sure what that would accomplish.

8/12/83: … Mother tried to call Kay [hospital social worker] yesterday about 4:30 P.M. and was very agitated when she was unable to reach her. Kay offered to call her at home about 9:00 P.M., but mother said no, she’d be exhausted and asleep. However, she complained to the Social Services Department this morning that Kay did not call her at home. Mother also complained that the hospital staff told everyone in her office about Karin’s suicide attempt.…

P.C. [phone call] from mother. She talked in circles, I had difficulty following the conversation. Much of what she said concerned herself, not Karin, about whom she expressed little concern. Mother identified herself as “Joyce Aparo.” She is making arrangement for her and Karin to move to Glastonbury within a few days, which will bring stability to their lives, something they have not had for 1½ years (the length of the marriage). Her attorney is making arrangements with Mr. Murphy re: the move. She is filing for divorce, which was “on hold” because he keeps changing his mind. Mother described herself as a “raving tired lady,” said both she and Karin were drained, used up emotionally, with no resources to build on. She said Karin deserves more than a mother who is tired all the time and that the move to Glastonbury will cut her commuting time down considerably.…

Hospital is preparing to discharge Karin. Dr. Cuello saw her, said she is well put-together, not suicidal. She is, however, afraid of her mother’s anger. Psychotherapy is being recommended for mother and Karin, to which both agreed. They also know DCYS will follow-up. Dr. Cuello described mother as “at the ragged edge.” She recommends using softest touch possible with her. Kay met with mother, step-father this afternoon. The couple has decided to have a gradual divorce, to be finalized in 3–6 months, rather than a sudden move. The mother does not want the marriage to end, is using Karin as a pawn as step-father is very fond of her. He describes Karin as “pure gold, a solid rock.” Throughout Kay’s interview, Karin looked at step-father, not mother, and was somewhat seductive with him. He told Kay mother’s verbal abuse of Karin is as sharp as a knife and he is a buffer between them. Karin was guarded during the interview.

Mother admitted to Kay she is close to falling apart. She has a demanding job at the State Health Department in charge of distribution of health funds for the elderly and disabled. For four years she was director of the State-Department of Mental Health. Mother’s first husband killed himself when she was 22, then her elderly father committed suicide.

Step-father wants a divorce and at the end of the interview asked mother when she would be moving out.

Kay talked to Karin alone. She is aware that the next few years will be anxious ones, but after that she believes she will manage very nicely. Both Kay and I are unsettled by the level of her maturity. She is obviously a very bright child. She is delighted that they are not moving to Glastonbury right away.…

8/16/83: … Step-father called Kay yesterday, wished to share some information. He said mother is a pathological liar.… She is “diabolical,” fakes injuries and fainting. She once wrote a letter to a mortgage holder that Mr. Murphy had died and he did not know of this letter for months. He is “scared to death” for Karin because of mother’s mood swings. She is either euphoric or depressed, there is no middle ground. She is using Karin to prolong the marriage. By taking the pills, Karin brought everything to a head and he is hopeful that things will change.… Mother claimed that father used to abuse her and Karin. However, Mr. Murphy does not believe that and suspects she may have assaulted the child herself.

Step-father said Karin is a terrific kid with lots of potential. He thinks sending her to a boarding school would be a good idea.

Step-father has told mother to be out of the house by 11/16/83, exactly three months from now.

Kay called mother today. She was very sweet and appreciative. She indicated they had a wonderful weekend with Karin home and noted what a compatible family they are. Mr. Murphy’s children were there and helped move some of her things out of the house already.

The agency recommended, indeed insisted, that both Joyce and Karin see a psychiatrist for therapy. For a few months they saw one on a few occasions and then simply stopped.

Those sessions did nothing to reconcile Joyce and Ed Murphy. The divisions, the disagreements, the incompatibility were simply too great for anything to help. So the marriage came to an end. In November 1983 Joyce and Karin left the Murphy house in Darien for the last time and returned to Glastonbury. “I did the best I could,” Murphy says. “I hung in there longer than I should have. Finally I told her, ‘You’re out of here.’ I put her stuff in a truck and drove it up to Glastonbury and dropped it off and told her, ‘You’re not coming back.’ I felt sorry for Karin, but I had no choice.”

Much later Murphy was asked how long he had been married to Joyce Aparo. “I can’t remember,” he said, “and I don’t want to remember.”

They were married for a year and a half.

Joyce, of course, had another story about the reasons for the split. Murphy hadn’t thrown her out, as he claimed. She couldn’t stand what she saw as his weaknesses and his attempts to tell her how to bring up her daughter. And she couldn’t stand his kids a minute longer. So she told him it was over, and she and Karin left.

As least they were back in the town where Karin had spent most of her life, where she had friends. There was that. But she could not forget what her mother had said to her when she left the hospital and what she repeated time and again thereafter: “The next time you’d better take the whole bottle or I’ll shove it down your throat myself.”