HUGO slowly came to wakefulness. With each passing minute, he realized he wasn’t at home in his own bed. The sheets smelled different, and they were buttery soft. It wasn’t until he heard the gentle sounds of waves behind him that he remembered.
Kevin. He’d gone home with Kevin last night and then fell asleep. He was at the lake with Summer. There were fireworks last night. Fireworks while they fucked.
Hugo shifted, and the sharp pain of hair being pulled out on his stomach made him take in a sharp breath. Dried come.
What had he done? Sure, it was Kevin, but Hugo just didn’t drop trou anymore. He’d had enough of that early in college to know it was dissatisfying and just left him wanting for something more, for a more meaningful connection with another guy.
He and Kevin had hardly talked. He knew nothing about the guy’s modern life after seventeen years of no contact, well, aside from what Kevin did for a living, sort of.
Soft steps could be heard coming up the hardwood stairs. “Oh hey. You’re awake,” Kevin said in a gentle tone. “Do you drink coffee?”
Hugo sat up, making sure his naked skin remained covered from the waist down. “Yeah.”
“Cream or sugar?”
“Just cream.”
Hugo watched as Kevin set a sturdy wooden tray on top of the rumpled comforter and then poured from a shiny carafe. He handed Hugo a mug and then pushed a small ceramic Holstein cow closer. Hugo picked it up by the tail and watched as the cream poured out the cow’s mouth into his mug. The cream swam around in a cloud, slowly blending with the coffee.
“Here,” Kevin said, handing Hugo a spoon, which he used to stir. “Are you going to be around Green Lake for long?” Kevin asked in a slightly nervous way.
“Uhm,” Hugo fought through his morning fog and took a sip of the coffee. “Summer thought we’d just be here through the holiday weekend. I think we’ll go back fairly early on Sunday.”
“Maybe… maybe we could grill, or we can go out on the boat on Saturday. I have to drive up to Fargo today, so I won’t be back until later tonight.”
Kevin was acting odd, almost as if he were worried about something. It wasn’t a good combination with Hugo’s regret over how easily he’d ended up in Kevin’s bed, but Hugo tried to shake off his own feelings for now. He’d deal with them once he got back over to Summer’s cabin.
“I’m not really sure what Summer has in mind, but we might be able to get together. The whole reason I’m up here is because of her. Her engagement was just broken off, and she wanted some time away from the city.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that.”
“How would you?”
“I suppose I wouldn’t. I’m sorry I took you away from her last night.”
Hugo shrugged, not wanting Kevin to feel bad about that. “She wanted to spend some time with her aunt, but I should probably be getting back over there actually. Uh….” Hugo gestured toward his stomach and took another sip of coffee.
“Take a shower. Make yourself at home.”
HUGO’S shower was quick, and he took minimal time finger-combing his hair and putting his wrinkled clothes back on. As he studied his face in the mirror, he remembered his dreams. But they really weren’t dreams. They had been more like buried memories of his past with Kevin.
He watched in the mirror as his mouth curved into a smile at the thought of how last night they had basically relived one of his most exciting memories of being with Kevin in high school. Once he’d fallen asleep, he’d stayed asleep, but he noticed how tired his eyes looked. His gaze ran down his face and stopped at his scruff, which had transformed into full-on dark stubble, making him well past due for a shave.
They had really been good together, Kevin and Hugo. Not just back in high school, but also last night. It was as if their bodies knew exactly where to pick up, like they had only left each other a day or two before rather than years ago.
Their kisses alone….
Hugo pressed his fingers against his mouth, remembering how chapped their lips had been after their first night together in Kevin’s childhood bed. The next morning, Kevin kissed Hugo awake and admitted to not being able to get their first kiss in the woods out of his head, telling Hugo he liked him, wondering if they could keep on kissing. They both had to use lip balm multiple times a day for a week to recover from their morning make-out session. Hugo laughed low in his chest. It hadn’t been the last time that had happened either. Both boys learned they loved to kiss each other back then. And they kissed a lot.
A knock at the door startled Hugo.
“Do you need a toothbrush?”
“If you have a spare, sure,” he said as he opened the door.
“This is the only one I could find, but it’s new.”
“Thanks,” Hugo said as he tore into the packaging, never taking his eyes off Kevin. He looked more well rested than Hugo. Kevin smiled.
“Toothpaste is in….” Kevin gestured toward the sink area, but then walked in and retrieved it from a drawer. “Here.”
Hugo took it and blindly loaded the bristles, nodded, and then turned to brush his teeth. Kevin stood in the doorway for a few extra seconds but then slipped away.
He spent a few minutes brushing, lost again in thoughts of the previous night before spitting and turning on the faucet to rinse his mouth and the toothbrush. When he looked down, he saw a redheaded princess on the handle of the brush.
No wonder it felt so small in my mouth. It’s a kid’s toothbrush.
Hugo turned off the sink and looked around, not knowing where he should put the toothbrush.
“Kevin,” he called out, “where should I put this? Maybe take it with me?”
“No, you can just leave it on the counter.” Kevin appeared in the doorway with a teasing smile on his face. “It can be yours. I’ll label it so you can use it the next time you come to the lake.”
Hugo gave a small snort of laughter, liking the sound of a next time and turned to face Kevin.
“Do you have kids?” he asked warily.
Kevin looked down at his bare feet and then quickly back up into Hugo’s eyes.
“Yep. Two. Brooke and Finn. Brooke, she’s ten and just finished fourth grade, and Finn is five. He’ll start kindergarten this fall.”
“Oh.” That’s all Hugo managed, not sure what the hell happened to his tongue, let alone his brain. It was as if his brain flipped to a television station with only static.
“That’s why I’m going to Fargo. They’ve been spending time with my ex at her parents’ house.”
“So you’re a dad?” Hugo’s brain was just barely able to take in a few images beyond the static.
“Yep,” Kevin said with a cocky smile. “That’s generally the title you take on when you’ve fathered children. Does it surprise you that I’m a dad?”
Hugo blinked several times, looking into the familiar midnight-ringed gray of Kevin’s eyes as if that would bring back feeling in his fingers and clarify things in his head. Did it surprise Hugo that Kevin was a father?
“No. No, I suppose not. You always had your life pretty well laid out. Or your parents did.”
“And I pretty much did everything they wanted. I went to the college they wanted me to, got the degree Dad said was worth something, found a job in a field he approved of, married a smart, beautiful woman who was my best friend, and had a couple of great kids with her. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t last, but I got two amazing children out of the deal. I’d like for you to meet them. My kids, that is.”
“Me? Why me?” Hugo stammered.
Kevin laughed. “Why not? They’d love you. Not to mention, I think I’d like them to meet the man who changed my life.”
Hugo took a step back. “What are you talking about? I didn’t change your life.”
“The hell you didn’t. Before I met you, I was my dad’s pawn in everything. It wasn’t until I moved to Austin and started telling you how angry I was that I was finally brave enough to stand up to him. I only challenged him on little things right away, like refusing to cut my hair, but still. For the big things, it didn’t do me a bit of good and I ended up making the moves he deemed correct anyway, but I rebelled in my own way, at least when I really believed in something. I wouldn’t have done that without you. After he died, after I no longer felt that immense pressure to please him, I finally made the changes I needed to make.”
Kevin stepped closer and bent low enough to press a tender kiss to the wrinkles between Hugo’s brows, causing the creases to melt away. Kevin continued to talk in a low voice, almost a whisper as his hands warmed Hugo’s back. “You were so much more significant in my life than I ever let you know. Probably more than I even knew at the time. I took you for granted, but you changed me. When I was with you, I was just Kevin. I wasn’t Kevin Magnus, son of the great Peder and Linda Magnus. I was just plain old Kevin, and you liked me for who I was.”
“Of course I did,” Hugo said before placing a kiss in the slight cleft of Kevin’s chin. It felt completely natural to kiss him like this, uninhibited. “You were very easy to like, most of the time.”
“That was different for me, you realize, someone liking just me.”
Hugo nodded, liking the sensation of Kevin’s freshly shaved skin smoothing over his lips. He knew that’s how Kevin felt, often discounting how likable he truly was back in high school. Kevin’s father made every good thing in Kevin’s life into Peder’s own success, and every failure was squarely placed on Kevin’s shoulders for him to feel the full weight along with Peder’s overwhelming disapproval.
“If it weren’t for you, I would’ve never known I was bisexual. Or I would’ve never been brave enough to see what those feelings I had were even about.”
“You probably would’ve experimented in college.”
Kevin shook his head and drew Hugo closer, pressing a kiss in front of his ear. “No. No, Hugo. Don’t you see? I already knew I was bisexual in college, and not once, not once was I with another guy. You were it. You were the only one who made me feel brave enough to go against my father and his plan for my life. No one else in my life even knows about this. Not even my ex.”
Hugo pulled back to meet Kevin’s eyes, feeling his look turn very serious as he asked, “Then why on earth would you want your kids to meet me? If this is still such a secret, why risk that? And these are your kids. Fuck. I don’t get it. I haven’t seen you since we were eighteen years old. We barely know each other.”
With a quick hand, Kevin reached for Hugo’s and held his fingers tight. “I didn’t say I wanted to introduce you as my ex-boyfriend… as anything more than my friend. Geez. Wow. That really sounded bad, didn’t it?”
Hugo laughed nervously. “A bit rushed. Yeah.”
“God,” Kevin chuckled, seemingly flustered. “No. I guess what I really meant to say is that I’d like to spend more time with you, but I have my kids for the rest of the weekend. So if we do get together again, they’ll be there. I’d like to see you, but we have to be hands-off in front of them. Okay?”
“Well that’s a relief. You scared me there. I know we were close ages ago, but I wasn’t ready to be like… like your boyfriend or whatever. Actually, I can’t believe I let things get away from me so quickly last night. I don’t usually hook up like that.”
Kevin gave a short nod and a noncommittal noise.
“It’s not a bad thing… what happened, I mean. It’s just that I’m more of a relationship guy.”
“So am I,” Kevin said, a frown marring his face. “I guess I got carried away. I’ve never done anything like that before, but it was you. It was Hugo Thorson.” Kevin smiled and ran a thumb down from Hugo’s temple, tracing his jaw until his fingers pressed below Hugo’s chin. Kevin stepped closer, directing Hugo’s mouth to his own and whispered, “Hugo Thorson,” again.
They kissed slow and sweet, velvet tongues easily licking into open mouths and sliding against each other, but it didn’t deepen or turn desperate.
“I can’t believe I ever walked away from this,” Kevin said as he rested his forehead against Hugo’s and closed his eyes.
WHEN Hugo arrived back at Summer’s cabin, he walked in with a hangdog expression. Summer was nowhere to be found inside though, so he headed out toward the water. She lay on the dock atop an oversized, striped towel, sunning her back and reading a paperback novel. The smell of coconut sunscreen was strong as Hugo got closer, his steps making the dock wobble slightly, alerting Summer to his approach.
“So he arrives,” she said with a smile as she rolled to her side, sliding her overly large sunglasses down her nose.
“So I arrive.” Hugo gave her a guilty look and sat cross-legged beside her. “I’m sorry I totally abandoned you last night. That was really shitty of me.”
“Yeah. It kinda was, but at least you sent me a text so I knew what was happening. Besides, I hung with my friends and Aunt Karla. She helped me home because I got a little bit trashed while we watched the fireworks out on the boat.”
“I’m sorry.”
Summer put a bookmark in her book and closed it, revealing a cover with two naked male torsos. When she sat up, she took a long, slow drink from her water bottle before pulling her knees toward her chest and resting her arms over her long golden legs.
“Who is he?” she asked with a look on her face that told Hugo she demanded to know everything, even if it took weeks to tell.
“Let’s not talk about that,” he attempted. “We’re here this week for you to deal with your stuff, and here I’ve brought my own drama into this.”
“Shut it,” she teased. “I’m fine. Last night was really good for me because I was reminded about who I used to be. How strong I was. And I still am. I’m feeling quite good right now, so don’t worry about me. So, who is he?”
“My first boyfriend. Kevin Magnus.”
“I’m not sure you’ve ever mentioned a Kevin before. How come?”
Hugo sighed, weary and a bit mournful.
“Probably because in my flawed hindsight I thought the relationship was a bit one-sided because when we left for college, we lost track of each other. But I guess it wasn’t. He said I changed his life. Right before I left this morning, he told me he couldn’t believe he ever walked away from me.”
Summer tilted her head and rested a cheek on her knee, all the while looking at Hugo, studying his face.
“You slept together,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone. Hugo could only shrug a shoulder. Summer was silent for many minutes, looking at the shore where the waves broke against the sandy beach. “Okay, you fucked him, so now you have to tell me about him.”
There were many ways the people in their lives tried to describe Summer and Hugo’s relationship. They called Summer Hugo’s fag hag, which they both hated. All that did was stick a quick label onto their complex relationship and turned it into something so much less than it was. She was more than a simplistic label to Hugo. She was like a best friend and a sister wrapped up in one, but that didn’t even describe their relationship adequately enough. So, when Summer said simple things like “Tell me about him,” she didn’t just want to know where they met. She really wanted to know everything.
Hugo started telling her about the summer they met, how Kevin had initiated their first kiss, and the hot hand job in Kevin’s childhood bed, which had led to more hand jobs over the summer and eventually to tentative blow jobs and more.
But there was more than new sexual experiences, and Summer could easily see that as Hugo talked. It was most likely written all over his face. He took a deep breath and admitted they’d been in a two-year relationship.
“You loved him,” she stated with a knowing smile after a few short minutes. “I think you still love him, or at least the idea of him.”
Hugo pulled his shirt off and lay down on the extra towel Summer had been resting her head on earlier. Without asking, Summer started slathering sunscreen on his pale back, arms, and shoulders. He sighed at the feel of her warm hands on his skin and made himself comfortable on his pretzeled arms.
“You know, I’ve been looking to replace him for years. I thought I’d find someone like him, someone who made me feel like he did when we were together. Not that it was perfect. It was far from perfect at times, especially when we were in public. He’s bisexual, but he lived the life of a straight man. He told me no one in his life, still to this day, knows he’s bisexual, and I’m the only guy he’s ever been with.”
“Closet case,” she said with a definitive tone.
“For good reason, I suppose. His dad was a tyrant, and Kevin barely told me anything about how his dad treated him, but I could see it. They’d spend their father-son time together, and Kevin would come back looking broken, but with a shiny façade in place. I saw through it, though. He pretty much had to live the life his dad wanted or any and all financial assistance would’ve been cut off or worse. I know we both know a lot of people who lived that life and chose to give up the money for the freedom of no longer living a lie, but Kevin couldn’t. It was more than the money for him. He was afraid of his dad but still desperately wanted his approval and love, but it doesn’t sound like he ever really got what he wanted. I think his dad instilled things in Kevin he just couldn’t outrun.”
“Don’t all parents do that?”
“What? Unwittingly give us shit we work the rest of our lives to try to fix?” Summer agreed with a hummed response. “Yeah,” Hugo acquiesced. “I suppose so, but I can’t imagine growing up with a dad like his. He was a control freak and nothing was ever good enough, even perfection. I rarely saw the man, but each time I did, I felt like I was going through some sort of interrogation even for some menial thing like my choice between water and lemonade—as if my choice about what I wanted to drink when I was there had some sort of bearing on his life, even if he’d been the one to offer the two choices. I felt I had to justify everything I did. Kevin always told me his dad was actually harder on me than on a lot of other friends, and his interactions with me were like a cakewalk compared to what he did to Kevin. He avoided inviting people over to his house unless his dad was out of town. It was weird,” Hugo said with a shake of his head.
A water skier grabbed their attention, so they stood and headed toward the end of the dock to watch the young woman doing tricks and poses that seemed impossible to do with such grace on the water. She waved to them on one of her passes, and Summer shared that she used to water ski as a kid as she sat down and urged Hugo to join her. “Nothing quite like that, but I was decent. She’s on the water-ski team in New London. We should go there tonight.” They continued to watch until the boat and skiing woman headed back toward their own dock and she let go of the towrope, slowly sinking into the water.
“He has kids,” Hugo finally shared.
Summer was silent next to him. The only sound she made was the gentle splashing of her feet in the water. Hugo knew she was thinking, trying to process everything he’d told her over the last hour. They were both fiercely protective of each other. He could feel her reticence.
“He wants to spend more time with me this weekend, on Saturday, but his kids will be there, so I’d have to meet them if I decide to go.”
Hugo felt Summer stiffen next to him, her arms going straight as they rested on the lip of the dock.
“Not like that,” Hugo soothed. “He just wants to spend some more time with me. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to meet him. I’d like you to really meet him, and you’d be a good buffer for our obvious attraction to each other. Just a few hours tomorrow. Nothing else.”
Summer took in a huge breath then slowly let it out of her nose as she leaned back, drawing her wet feet to the dock and wrapping her arms protectively around her knees.
“Be careful,” she warned. “I can see how vulnerable you are right now. I know that look you’ve got on your face.”
“What look is that?”
“It’s… it’s the one you have when you’re already falling in love.”
Hugo buried his face in his palms, feeling the scruff he still needed to shave away. When he met Summer’s blue eyes, he gave her a sad half smile.
“I’ve been in love with Kevin since I was sixteen years old, babe. There’s no falling when I’ve never been able to get back up from it.”