TWENTY-TWO

It's Ada's voice, it really is Ada's voice. It's coming out of the tape she made especially for Rose. It's Ada all right. She's explained the tape is not a copy of the one she made with Sam Porohiwi, that she did this one for Rose alone. 'But I know you,' Ada says, and there's such a wealth of love and concern and understanding in that taped voice that tears threaten again. 'You won't want to listen to it but whenever you first hear this tape, whatever the situation, it will be exactly the right time. I've got something to tell you, something I should have told you years ago. Something I'm too much of a coward to tell you now while I'm still with you in person. The best thing and the worst thing I ever did.'

Rose is on her own, in Claude and Elena's sitting room. Ada's trunk is on the floor, its silvery tin top with the wavy wooden braces flipped open to expose papers, more tapes, other stuff that Rose has still to sort through. Now Rose stops the tape. 'Claude,' she calls, 'Claude.' He comes on the run.

'Sit with me,' Rose says. 'I can't do this on my own.'

Claude touches her on the shoulder and sits down on the other bed. 'OK Rosie,' he says, 'OK. We'll do it together.'

Rose turns the tape back on.

Ada says, 'I have to go back to when I married Sim. I fell in love. I didn't see till after that I fell in love seriously and he didn't. He loved me in the way you might love a puppy or a small child. I wanted marriage and he gave it to me. Sim only ever loved one person and no, that wasn't himself. It was Thelma. She loved him too. Their love was the sort of thing you read about but never quite believe. The sort of love the poets write about. Obsessive, addictive, unstoppable. I realise that now, didn't at the time. But Thelma was married. Her husband had been badly disabled by an accident on the wharf, which is how Sim got to know her because he was on the welfare committee. They'd known each for two years or so when I came along. He'd wanted her to leave her husband, but she made it clear divorce was out of the question. Thelma was terribly torn, but she wouldn't leave her husband when nothing that had happened was his fault. Sim was very angry and refused to see her until she changed her mind. I think he thought this would change her mind. But it didn't. And then I came along. I think, at least for a while, he genuinely thought marrying me would make him forget her. I don't think even he realised just how strong their feelings were.

'Anyway, we married and were happy for a while. Yes, we were. Then, inevitably, he went and saw Thelma, couldn't stay away really, and the whole thing started up again. I had two miscarriages and I was so miserable, and then I noticed he was often home later than Claude, and that he was out a lot. He always had an excuse. He was at one of those interminable welfare committee meetings, or taking his turn at one of the clubs, or at the pub. In those days, Rose, there were all sorts of clubs, just about every port had its brass band, many even had drama groups, all of them had sports teams. Those were the days eh? For a while I went along with that.

'Then I found out. In the oldest way. Perfume on his clothes, lipstick on his collar. The Skeleton Woman had, no doubt, decided it was time for me to open my eyes, time to grow up. I was hurt, so hurt, and as if that wasn't enough he told me Thelma was pregnant. With twins, and that they weren't her husband's. He said her husband thought the babies were his and was ecstatic. He'd always wanted kids and thought his accident might have put paid to that dream. He'd just never believed one would come along. I'd just been told I would never carry a baby to full term. What a mess. I was so angry, so angry. Sim and Thelma would pay, I decided. He'd married me under false pretences and he would pay. There was a lot more of my father in me than I'd realised. So I told Sim I would keep my mouth shut, I wouldn't tell her husband, if Thelma gave me one of the babies. Course she said no at first. So I said I'd be over to tell her husband the full story that night. She said go ahead then. There were some things she wouldn't do even for Sim. If she and Sim had to become public knowledge, then so be it. Sim talked her round. He said no sons of his were going to start off like that. I think also he had a bit of a worry about Claude, what he'd say, how he'd react. Claude was his Achilles heel. He didn't want Claude to know. I didn't think Thelma would wear it, even then, but she finally said yes. Maybe she felt guilty about me. She told me later she hoped her husband would die before she had the babies and she could tell me to forget it.

'She had the babies and they were girls. I would have laughed if I hadn't been so busy. Thelma was young and strong and had a relatively easy labour, but I'd never seen a baby born before, let alone two. I remember thinking good, at least one of Sim's dreams had gone askew. Daughters, what a laugh.

'I'd organised that when Thelma went into labour she'd send a message and Sim and I would go around, ostensibly for me to help. The plan was we wouldn't let anyone know, not even her husband, until she'd had both babies. I was there in the room when they were born. Sim couldn't face it and the husband was too worried. He was convinced the babies would be born deformed we found out later. The twins weren't identical, and one of them was born just before midnight and the other one just after so they even had different birthdays. We only called the midwife after Thelma had the second one. If she knew it wasn't a single birth she kept her mouth shut. As far as the husband knew the doctor must have been mistaken and she'd had just the one perfectly healthy little girl. Thelma nursed both babies for the first fortnight. She insisted. Said they must both have a good start. I was so happy I didn't care. I had my baby. I had made Thelma suffer. And if she was unhappy so was Sim.

'I came back home with my baby and left Thelma with hers. No one asked any questions, why would they? I'd carefully got myself fatter as time went on, prided myself I looked pregnant. The story was I'd gone to help Thelma, gone into labour myself and we'd had babies a day apart. You might think you couldn't get away with it today but you'd be wrong.

'Three months later Thelma's husband died. To my fury she then insisted on buying the house next door. If I objected she'd call the whole deal off. She said the kids must get to know each other. Sim agreed. I made it as difficult as possible. I had nothing to do with her and I didn't allow you to play with Jo, but you used to talk to her through the fence and sometimes I saw Thelma watching and I would think good, I hope you're suffering.

'Once you went to school I couldn't do much about it and you and Jo became really good friends. You didn't look alike. You took after Sim and Jo took after Thelma.

'Sim and I slept in separate rooms. The story was that I had trouble sleeping and my tossing and turning disturbed him. Oh sometimes he tried to get things on a better footing, but I wasn't having any. He had this other life with Thelma. I didn't want to be the spare part. I thought Claude must know. I thought he wasn't saying anything because he wanted to spare my feelings. After Sim died I realised Claude knew nothing. But the Skeleton Woman had one last card for me. On the night that Maisy Beacon belted Harry Oliver with my shovel, I had to ask Thelma for help. Even though I hated her I knew she was the only one I could trust. Because Maisy had killed Harry and neither of us could see that poor girl dragged through the courts or incarcerated in one of those homes just because a drunken yobbo had tried it on with her. And I couldn't help thinking Rose, what if it had been you. Also it seemed like a just penance.

'We dragged his body off our section and put it in a place where we hoped it would never be found. They were putting new pipes along Regent Crescent at the time and there were huge open ditches all over waiting for the pipes to be put in. We found a place where they'd put some of the pipes in but hadn't closed them over. Somehow Thelma and I moved a big pipe. Then we dug the ditch a bit deeper, put Harry there, and put the pipe on top. We put as much soil and shingle down the sides as we could. It was the best we could do.

'On the way back, Thelma started talking. I'd been feeling very sorry for myself, drinking myself silly, and suddenly I was listening to her tell me what a bloody fool I was making of myself. She said if I didn't pull myself together she'd take you back. She said she didn't want to, that it would be devastating for you, and for Jo, but she would do it. She'd had to bear all the hard looks, all the sniggering asides, all the gossip, as well as the grief and loss of the one she loved best in the whole world, but she was buggered if she was going to stand by and see me ruin her daughter's life as well. She said we'd both suffered and now it was time to give it away. 'We might never become close friends but we can be friendly neighbours,' was how she put it. She turned out to be a very good friend, the best I've ever had. Neither of us wanted you girls to know. Both too ashamed, I think. When I look back now and think of what I did it seems like another person did it. Not me, but someone else. Someone quite different. Which, in a way, it was.

'Thelma and I both held our breath until the pipes in that particular part were filled. Those few days were tough. I'd never have got through it without Thelma. And Maisy had a good two and a half years with us. The doctor told me she'd never make old bones but I thought if I looked after her, she'd have a bit longer than she did. Poor Maisy. Makes you wonder doesn't it.

'I know what I did was wrong, but try as I might, I can't be sorry. Not when it brought me you, Rose. I loved you the first moment I saw you and I love you still. I regret not having the guts to tell you, but, otherwise, I'm selfish enough to say I regret nothing and that if I was faced with the same situation I'd do it all again. I know you'll be upset and not just because the friendship you had with Jo is no longer there. As far as that's concerned I just want to say that if Thelma and I could do it, there's no reason why you two can't do the same. But I'm old enough to know there's nothing I can do about it. It's up to you two. I think you'll be upset Rose and I know when you hear this tape I'll be dead so you won't be able to tell me off. I'm not sorry, so no good pretending I am.

'I'd like Claude to know that I forgave Sim long ago. How could I not when, if it wasn't for him, I'd never have had my daughter. And I was lucky. I got a second go at it. I met Peter. But that's another story. I hope you'll both forgive me for keeping the secret, but I know you'll understand why. I'm going to stop talking for a while now. Been a bit of a marathon. Don't be too upset Rose.'

The tape clicks off. Rose and Claude stare into space.

Then Rose says to Claude, 'I'm not as surprised as I should be.'

Claude looks at Rose.

Rose says, 'It's like there's been a jigsaw in front of me with a piece missing, but I was so used to seeing it I didn't even realise it was incomplete. Until now. So many things fall into place. I've never known why I persevered with Jo. Now I do. And I always thought Thelma had a real soft spot for me. Simple really.'

'Anything else in the trunk?'

'Some photos, clippings. The best thing as far as Bridget's concerned is Peter's unfinished novel.'

Claude laughs. 'So that's what she's got. She's absolutely glued to it. Be lucky if she surfaces for meals.'

'She says it's about a woman who loves a man so much she gives up one of her babies.'

Claude stares at Rose.

'It's called The Cross of Stars.'

'Oh,' says Claude. He frowns, 'And what does that mean for God's sake?'

'You'll have to ask Bridget. I'm going to go and see Jo.'