Chapter Three

Cullen Graber wiped the sweat pouring from his face with the tail of his untucked shirt. This had to be the hottest autumn he could remember ever to hit Walnut Ridge. He was ready for winter already. At least in the chill of a frosty morn, the forge was more welcoming.

Gripping the hammer again, he pounded the steel locked securely in the vise, willing a slight angle into the thick metal. Behind as he was, finishing all the rails ordered for the local buggy shop, he needed to simply muster through to catch up. No stranger to enduring heat, he continued on just as he always had.

If there was one thing Cullen Graber did well, it was to keep on keeping on.

Humming an old familiar tune, he maneuvered the steel in the vise, the sound made him miss his mother’s humming, the sweet lull of her voice and rich accent. He missed a lot of things, none of which could be returned. But settling to be nothing more than the local smithy was safe. This world was peaceful, respectful of a working man, and there was nothing that could be taken from him any longer that he couldn’t easily replace. If a thing broke, he fixed it, or simply bought a replacement. It was as simple as that.

It wasn’t like that with people. So he kept them at arm’s length. A hard task for one born Amish, when everything screamed family, but after this many years, no one thought to remind him he should be married by now. They simply stopped pestering on that account, since he had stood his ground so long. Only downside to that was no more young maedels trying to catch his eye with their baking skills as they once had. Good thing Elli and Betty pitied him or he would have starved relying on his own.

Still, there were moments. Days when loneliness crept in and reminded him how life once was, what was lost. He liked the solitude of the farm, but there were only so many conversations a man could have with himself before it wavered on crazy. That was why he never missed a church Sunday, never missed a wedding, and even made a point to ride into town each Monday for supplies and to say hello to a few friends. Balance, he liked to call it.

But sometimes, he wasn’t so sure this lonely contentment was good enough to carry a man all his days. Lucas never missed a chance to remind him Gott did not intend for us to live alone, that it was time to move beyond the losses he had endured. Cullen would offer that same advice to another who faced loss, but for him, it was different. Marty was gone. His parents were gone. And grief could not be measured by clocks and suns and moons. It sure couldn’t be measured by others’ opinions.

Besides, he had nothing left to offer a woman anyway. Any love he had been born with was gone. He had given away all he had. Yes, alone was safe.

Being the only blacksmith in Pleasants was good for the pocket—not so for humid days. Surely a good rain would pronounce itself soon enough. Loosening the vise, he released his creation, dunked it into the quenching bucket, and reached for the next piece to bend to his will. Both had to be a perfect mirror of the other for the buggy shop to buy them, and the Hiltys were his best customers. The sizzle of hot steel and water colliding ceased, just as laughter rang over the valley. He stepped out of the forge and glanced up the hill.

A couple of days ago he spotted Elis and Caleb Schwartz and two women driving up the lane toward his humble home. A brilliant red and orange horizon framed the work wagon into a pictorial scene of late day. Neither woman riding in the back with bedding and a trunk looked anything like Emma or Mirim, the two women who were to wed the Schwartz cousins next month, but Cullen tended to mind his own business.

His small parcel of only eight acres was secluded enough, but as the wagon passed by his drive, he couldn’t help but wonder where they could possibly be heading so late. His was the last house on Walnut Ridge. There was really nowhere else to go from there.

Elmo Hilty owned a bit of land up the hill, but that old road wasn’t even visible any longer. Caleb had urged the horse up the long hill that led to the old cabin. It was an old Englisch getaway that rested on an open flat, midway up the mountain. Elmo had bought it when he was young. For what reason, Cullen hadn’t a clue.

It had no value, no tillable land worth working, and no fences for animals. Cullen had watched the cabin’s decline since he and his best friend Lucas’s rumschpringe days of reading books they weren’t supposed to and smoking cigarettes they weren’t supposed to, either, all the way up to recently, when quail or rabbit season gave him a reason to walk the hill.

The trunk and bed Caleb was hauling implied that someone was spending a few days in a run-down cabin not fit for mouse or bird and now that two more buggies had traveled up there again this morning, Cullen suspected that might be true.

Minding his own was a noble habit he’d learned early on by his father’s instruction, but the old structure wasn’t safe. He growled, hating to be disturbed, and set his tools aside. It was time to see what all the fuss was about.

The large shadow burst into color once the man came into full light. Betty quickly waved the stranger over. Now why did she have to do that? Grace wondered.

A large hand waved back and the man aimed the buggy straight for Grace’s door. A pearly smile that could be seen at a distance caught her attention. The dark gelding had already built up a heavy lather on his coat and muzzle, and Grace pitied the poor animal for being made to pull a wagon with a full-grown man up the steep hill. The driver tugged on the reins effortlessly. His rolled-up sleeves displayed arms chiseled and strong—capable, Grace imagined, for all the early morning and late night banging.

“Cullen. Good to see ya today.” Elli patted the horse, frothing from his work, and stepped to the side of the buggy. Grace sneaked a glance from the safety of the only steady post she had.

Cullen was quite tall—even sitting down, one could see that. Under the brim of his straw hat, dark hair peeked out, but the length was fairly acceptable. He swiped away a bit of perspiration trickling down the side of his face with the sleeve of his shirt.

“A lot of comings and goings of late, had to see for myself what would bring anyone up here to the middle of nowhere.” Grace nearly nodded, agreeing with his point. Up here was nowhere. He stepped down from the buggy with the ease of a much smaller, limber man and peered at the cabin. “By the looks of it, I see you all have been tidying up the place. I should warn you that it is not safe. Even that roof looks to be untrustworthy.”

Adjusting his hat, Cullen turned his attention to the group of women perched on Grace’s lopsided porch.

“If you all are eager to clean something, I will never turn you away.” He winked at Betty, and she shook her head at his playfulness. Was he hoping those handsome looks would get him free labor?

Grace growled inwardly. If the man was unwed—which she couldn’t fathom he was by his clean-shaven face and surprising good looks—then he was most certainly one of those who liked having no family to take care of but would grin for a free meal and clean laundry. Charity had told her about such men, the forever bachelors, even before Grace had gained firsthand experience herself.

“You want a tidy haus, then I reckon you get to picking out a gut maedel and get married,” Betty bantered, her tone equally as teasing. The banter here was strange, unlike any Grace had heard at home, women teasing men and everyone laughing about it.

“And yet I found a chicken casserole and corn pudding in my oven two nights ago.” Grace appreciated a man with humor and stifled a grin. Cullen apparently had the upper hand, and Betty waved him off. So he’s not married, and a smile does earn him free meals. Grace mused.

Scanning the lot, he nodded to Hannah and Rachel but stopped short when his eyes rested on Aenti Tess. Tessie had a way about her that could peel a smile away from the happiest of hearts, and his gathered expression was proof of it.

“I guess it was you with Caleb and Elis who came to see the condition of the old place.” She nodded, and his dark eyes took in the delicate state of the place. A strange look washed over his strong features, like he was trying to find a missing piece to a puzzle, and Grace felt her account for being here would be aired out like the morning’s laundry. Must all strangers be wise to her sins? Faith told her living so far from home would be a clean slate, a new start. But Grace was old enough to know one couldn’t outrun their sins; they followed you everywhere and rarely died a full death. Her stomach tightened knowing that smile he was flaunting so freely would soon drop into a scowl.

“Well, I don’t seem to recall a thank-you given for my venison stew or that full plate of peanut butter cookies,” Elli quickly added.

“Best I ever tasted.” Suddenly, his eyes locked onto hers, and Grace wanted to retreat inside, no matter that the bleach was pungent and the doors didn’t close properly. How could one look see so deeply, beyond the outer shell?

“Cullen Graber, this here is Grace Miller. She is from Indiana, where I was born,” Betty announced.

“Hello Grace Miller,” his voice grew deep, causing her already frayed nerves to unravel.

“She is Tessie’s bruder Ben Miller’s daughter and will be staying a spell in our community.”

That was putting it mildly. She was forced to live here. His frowning expression came as expected and she immediately missed the playful smile. Grace lifted her chin. She shouldn’t care what this handsome stranger thought. Had she not learned already that a nice smile was a dangerous thing.

“Here?” Cullen’s voice hitched an octave. His eyes traveled to the cabin again before settling back on her. Couldn’t he have just said nice to meet ya and gone on his way? Grace tightened her grip on her teacup.

“Cullen is your neighbor, just over the hill there,” Tessie added.

“Tess, this is not the most livable place for a woman.” His brows gathered just as Daed’s did before delivering a lecture.

“For a woman?” Grace hadn’t meant to say the words out loud, but she obviously had by his taken-aback expression.

“I…I didn’t mean it like that.” He removed his hat displaying a wide ring where it fit snuggly on his damp head. He ran his long fingers through the thick shock of dark hair, his first sign of any nervousness. He wasn’t smiling all willy-nilly now, was he? It somehow made him even more handsome. Drat the man. “I meant, the place hasn’t been fit to live in for quite some time. For anyone.”

“I will make do,” she said, scrunching her lips to one side defiantly.

“Just being neighborly,” he added, a hint of surrender in his tone.

“It’s nice to have gut neighbors, jah? You will feel right at home in no time,” Betty added. She clearly meant well, but Grace certainly didn’t like thinking of the sinner’s shack as a real home.

When he looked to her again, the depths of his gaze caught her off guard. Those dark eyes matched the deep walnut color that had stained her and her sisters’ hands each fall when they gathered walnuts for hulling. Without the shield of his straw hat, she had missed that brilliant detail. His head tilted, taking her in, then snapped back into place. “I hope your mann is handy with a hammer. If he could use the help, I am glad to offer it.”

She clenched her teeth at the comment, biting a little bit of her tongue as she did so. Her mann was more than five hundred miles away in Missouri and had not replied to one letter she had written him so far, but she appreciated the assuming observation. In truth, Jared had made it clear he was not her mann and not concerning himself with her current state. Defending his country was his calling, not raising his child and wedding its mutter.

Grace half expected her aenti to speak up at this point, revealing her reason for being here and without a mann to accompany her, but surprisingly, Tess remained quiet. None of the woman spoke, not even Rachel.

“When will you have Abram’s sign finished?” Elli interrupted, saving Grace from any further attention. The woman had a gift, and Grace was glad to be a recipient.

She stepped closer toward Betty to continue hiding her ever-growing midsection, but Cullen’s hawklike eyes searched out her slightest movements. She could tell his suspicious gawking had been rewarded when his eyes widened slowly in realization of her sin. Maybe if she had taken the time to let out her dresses before coming, she could have spared herself for a few more weeks.

There was no hiding her middle now. Her petite frame only enhanced the seven months she had conquered so far.

“I just finished my last order for Ben Hilty, so it will be my first duty kumm morgen,” he assured Elli, but those suspicious dark eyes never left Grace.

A heavy bead of perspiration slid from the base of her hair line and disappeared under her dress. She fought the urge to smash it or wiggle at the sensation tingling between her shoulder blades. He had questions, she was sure of it. Good thing such questions weren’t proper.

Rachel snickered, drawing his attention away long enough for Grace to catch a breath she had not even realized she was holding. She had done this a dozen times back home, practiced even more for what she expected to face here. Why was this one man making her so uncomfortable?

“Tess, I really feel you should consider this. Your haus has plenty of room for a couple until something more suitable can be found. One good storm and this old cabin might cave in on their heads. That would not be right.” Cullen’s warnings were kind, but Jared used to pretend he cared about her well-being, too. And who was this man to talk about her as if she wasn’t standing right here? Well, back between a post and Betty, but that wasn’t the point. He needed to keep his thoughts to himself.

“Grace will stay here as she has been told. It is not of your concern, Cullen Graber.” Grace wanted to float her aenti a smile until one thick brow arched on Cullen’s face. Surely that big head of his had a brain in it.

Cullen shook his head. She lifted her chin, along with a knowing brow, to send him a firm message. Do not judge, less ye be judged.

“I will leave ya to do your cleaning, ladies. Please be mindful.” Cullen placed his straw hat back on his head with a little more force than needed and gave Grace a curt nod. “It was nice to meet you, Grace. You may tell your ehemann I have a few leftover things in my barn he is welcome to for repairs. And if you need anything, just ask. I always have plenty.” There wasn’t a husband to tell, but his offer was kind enough.

Grace watched him climb back into the buggy and gather the reins in his hands. With a firm click of his tongue, the horse responded, taking them back over the hill where they belonged.

“Are you all right, dear?” Betty rested her hand on Grace’s arm. It was a foreign comfort, but she needed it.

“I don’t think I will ever get used to the stares, even if I earned them.” The teacup in her hand felt as heavy as her heart. And suddenly going back into the gloom of the sinner’s shack didn’t seem like such a bad idea. She could close the door, close out the world, and no one could ever again look at her.

Cullen Graber may have tried to look concerned, but once he knew there was no mann living here, she was certain that would be the last she would be seeing of him.

“Oh dear, you are not being judged. That is only for Gott to do. What kind of community would we be if we only helped the perfect? It is our duty to support one another. You are not the first to ever make a mistake in this world. We all have sinned in one way or another,” Elli said, but Grace didn’t think any of these women capable of sinning as she had. “I tend to gossip and still cannot embrace speaking your German words like the bishop or Tess over here likes.” Elli grinned. So Elli wasn’t born Amish? That made more sense now.

“I let my mamm keep Noah anytime I go anywhere,” Hannah added. Grace had been curious about that, since it seemed all Hannah could talk about was her sohn.

Ach, Hannah, everyone knows you do it because Marie is lonely after raising so many kinner,” Rachel interrupted. All eyes trained on her. After a very impressive eye roll, Rachel let out a very unladylike sigh and said, “Fine. I tend to try too hard to make things perfect.”

Hannah snickered and quickly covered her mouth with her hand.

“She does,” Elli said with two raised brows and a shake of her head. Grace looked to her in utter surprise, then turned to each woman one by one, seeing them with fresh eyes. These women were nothing like any Grace had ever known. No matter how many times she had the thought, they would go further and shock her simpleminded self once more.

“And no sin is greater than another, you remember that. We all fall short at some time. None is perfect but Gott. It is what we learn from our mistakes, what we do to right our wrongs, that matters.” Betty squeezed her shoulder. If they were referring to repentance and confession, Grace had done both—the whole heartfelt and painful ritual that all sinners went through to get back into the good graces of the church and community. And yet, Grace had still been pushed away from the community and family she loved to be abandoned in the middle of nowhere.

These women were being too kind, offering compassion to Grace so freely. Amish were taught to have a forgiving heart above all, and here in Walnut Ridge, it appeared they took it very seriously. Even her best friend, Claire, who had known her since their first days of school, had refused to acknowledge her once her condition was made known.

At least she wouldn’t need to worry what her neighbor thought once the rumor mill began. Grace was certain that even in communities as different as Walnut Ridge, gossip still pumped endlessly.

“It still hurts when strangers stare at you like that,” she muttered. “I have asked forgiveness and confessed, but that has not freed me from others’ judgments.”

“Nothing frees us from others’ judgments. All are human,” Tessie added.

Elli nudged her. “No judgment would ever come from our handsome Cullen on your condition, just so you know. Of that I can assure you,” she added with a warm confidence.

Another tear threatened. Grace squared her shoulders, faked a smile, and went back inside her sinner’s shack, where only she belonged.