Finley
I lean over and watch Eddie working on my laptop, rewording my words. He definitely took my mission statement to a whole new level. “You’re really good at this.”
“Groomed from birth, remember.” He keeps his gaze on the screen, forehead scrunched like he’s thinking hard. “And my school really stressed writing.”
He is terrible at accepting compliments. Maybe he resents the way he acquired skills like good writing so much that he can’t be proud of anything he’s learned. I sit up on my bed and rub my sore calf muscles. “Was it all bad?”
“What?” He looks at me. “My school? Or my grooming from birth?”
“Both. Either.”
I wait for him to make a few tiny adjustments to paragraph five of my business plan, and then he answers. “When it comes down to it, I’m a privileged kid. So no, it wasn’t all bad.”
I know there’s much more to it than that, but I decide to leave the subject alone for now. Especially with all the stress he’s been under. He met this morning with a lawyer who is going to represent him in his paternity case. We’re going to my house this weekend so Eddie can look at apartments and “demonstrate his independence.”
“So the lawyer doesn’t mind waiting to get paid?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Not sure. I kind of withheld those details. I figure by the time he bills me, I’ll have money.” He sighs. “Basically, paying the lawyer is the least of my worries.”
I lean back against my chair, watching Eddie type. After several seconds, his hands freeze on the keys, and I figure he’s about to call me out for staring at him, but then I see the chat box pop up on my laptop.
EVE NOWAKOWSKI: Your nude photos look great!
Heat rushes to my face. Eddie turns to me, his eyebrow lifted, a grin on his face. Then, before I can stop him, he types: Send one!
I slam the computer shut and pull it off his lap. I have his full attention now.
“Nude photos?”
“Shh.” I hope Summer isn’t outside my door, eavesdropping. She’d love this—for tormenting me. “It wasn’t like nude nude, just…you know, artistically nude.”
“You’re really not going to let me look?” Eddie asks. “I’ve already seen all of you.”
“Totally not the same.”
The shoot with Eve had been much easier than I expected. Really not a big deal at all. It’s hard to explain why it felt different than taking “nude” photos, but it did. I wasn’t posing for anyone in a metaphorical sense. It was more about being stripped down, being alone with yourself. It was raw, real, showing every single aspect of a dancer’s moving muscles.
Eddie tugs me down beside him, causing my sweatpants to shift upward and reveal a bruise below my knee. He brushes his fingertips over it. “What happened here?”
“Street jazz.” I glance down, surprised by how big and purple it’s turned. “We did a lot of chair work last night. I didn’t get along with my chair.”
“Obviously.” Eddie slides down and touches his lips to my knee. Then his gaze travels to my feet. “Jesus. Is this the chair’s fault too?”
My feet are pretty blistered and unattractive at the moment. “That would be the pointe shoes’ fault. And Eve’s, because she keeps asking me to do more shoots.”
“Guess I failed to meet her expectations,” Eddie says, faking disappointment. “She hasn’t called me with more work.”
I’m about to reply with a smart-ass comment about all the work he is getting, but then Eddie picks up one of my feet and rubs it. I lean my head back and groan. “That feels amazing.”
He’s quiet for a while, working on my feet and then moving on to the calf muscle I’d been rubbing earlier. I can tell he’s retreated back inside his head where everything is complicated and heavy. I’m feeling a little bit of that weight myself, knowing I’ve put something in motion my dad won’t approve of. If I get the green light from the bank, then I’ll have to tell him.
“I have to talk to my parents,” Eddie blurts out.
I lift my head so I can see him. “We knew that already.” And he still hasn’t done it.
“I mean, I really need to. The lawyer…he said I need to make sure I’ve expressed my desire to be a parent to enough people. And my petition for paternity and custody will go to a judge tomorrow, and it won’t take long to get back to my dad’s lawyer.”
I sit up again. “Great. Let’s go now. I’m ready.”
He smiles, working hard to hide his nerves. “I already scheduled dinner with them tomorrow night. My sister is in town.”
I avoid asking him why he has to schedule dinner with his own family. “Does your sister know any—”
“I don’t think so.” He shakes his head.
“What do you think she’ll think of everything? Will she side with your parents?” I ask. I’m really curious about this sister of Eddie’s.
“Hard to say.” He thinks for a minute, running a hand through his hair and making it stick up in all directions. “She wouldn’t agree with all my dad’s bribery and blackmailing but with letting Caroline do things her way, letting it be her decision—I think that will probably be Ruby’s opinion. My parents’ plan allowed for that.”
I wait for him to say more, but all he does is flash this fake grin and say, “We’ll find out, I guess.” Then he nudges me onto my back again. “So when do you think you’d open the studio? Assuming everything goes through.”
“Not until next fall.” I exhale and stare at the ceiling. It’s hard to wait that long. “Maybe summer as a trial program.”
“Remember,” Eddie says, planting a kiss on my collarbone, “I’m up for playing piano.”
“Guess that means I need to add a studio day care to my business plan.” I’m only joking, but he tenses.
“I didn’t think about that,” he says, concern in his voice. “I have to start thinking about those things, planning for all of them.” He scrubs a hand over his face. “Clearly, I suck at this.”
“Hey, that’s not what I meant.” I tug his hand away from his face and kiss him. “You’ll figure it all out.”
“Hopefully.” He distracts himself by kissing me again.
My stomach flutters every time he’s within my vicinity. I’m waiting for that feeling to stop—I mean, I see him all the time—but it doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon. I don’t remember ever being this hot for Jason. We were friends first, hanging out with our mutual friends, and then we went to a dance together and decided to experiment with making out. It didn’t go terribly, so yeah. I loved calling him my boyfriend. I loved having someone to hold hands with. I loved seeing other girls envy us. Then last fall…that was all gone. And all I could think about was how to get it back.
With Eddie, I just feel hooked on him. Him talking, smiling at me. Him stretched out across my bed. Watching him play the piano—something he obviously enjoys when he allows himself to. Seeing him make plans to be a father to his kid. Making room for him in my life. I’m hooked on that more than anything else. I love making decisions for me and then watching him mold himself into those plans, like he was part of them all along. Which is the opposite of what my relationship with Eddie was supposed to be that first night I met him.
But some of the essence of that night still lingers, I think that’s why he does fit in with my life. Neither of us want to change the other. We’ve taken each other at face value and ran with it. Which is interesting, because it’s kind of the opposite of what Summer claimed I was trying to do with Eddie—change him, save him from himself. He doesn’t need any of that. Neither do I.
“I feel like I’m always taking off your clothes,” Eddie whispers in my ear between kisses. “It doesn’t have to be like that. We can…we can just hang out too.”
I slide his shirt off and toss it on the floor. “You don’t like taking my clothes off?”
“No,” he says, then lifts his head. “I mean yes. I love it. But I’m capable of not doing this. Just so you know.”
He’s pretty cute when he tries to be gentlemanly. Fortunately for both of us, we are on the same page when it comes to preferred free time activities.
“Noted,” I say. “I can take my own bra off.”
Eddie laughs and unhooks the clasp himself. “You’re pretty cool, you know that, right?”
“Cool enough to come to your scheduled dinner? I’m an excellent dinner guest.”
His face darkens. “Look, I really think I should go alone—”
“You might think that, but it’s not happening.” I press both my hands to his shoulders, forcing him onto his back. “You’re just gonna have to take a leap of faith and trust me. I’m not gonna change my mind about you because of how your family acts.”
Eddie reaches up and rests a hand on my cheek. He doesn’t argue further with me, which is a good sign. “Do you think—I mean…” He releases a breath and turns the full force of his very intense eyes on me. My stomach flips over. He strokes a hand over my hair. “You would know better than me, since you’ve done this before…”
“Done what?” I ask.
“Relationships. The longer kind. The kind that are actually a relationship.” He slides my bra strap carefully down my shoulder. “Do think we’re doing okay?”
I look down at him, waiting for him to make a joke or tell me he was only kidding. But he doesn’t. “I—well, yeah. I think we’re doing okay.”
“Good.” He nods, relieved. “That’s really good to know.”
And right then, in those seconds after seeing him so relieved by this response, I almost say, I know we’re doing okay because I’m in love with you.
But it feels too soon, too new.