THE DOC WAS LATE. It was nearing six and Jessica still hadn’t shown up. Cal fed Scout and let him out in the back, watching him from the deck. Hardly the exercise he needed, but at least he was able to perform his basic bodily functions. Cal was confident she would show—reasonably confident, anyway. He trusted the doc, even if she hadn’t called. But he was the one who’d told her not to bother.
What was it about her that seemed to reduce his IQ to that of a Neanderthal?
Scout might’ve had dinner already, but Cal hadn’t and the grumbling of his stomach reminded him. He thought about calling Jessica at the hospital, just to make sure she hadn’t changed her mind or forgotten, but lack of trust wasn’t a good way to begin whatever kind of relationship they were going to have over the next couple of weeks. He might as well eat, he decided, since he had no idea when she’d show up.
Cal had just marinated a steak and already had potatoes on his barbecue when he heard a car pull into his driveway. Looking out the window, he saw Jessica’s yellow Miata. He glanced at his watch. Almost seven.
He opened the door before she could knock.
“Smells wonderful,” she said as she bent down to greet Scout. “I’m sorry I’m late. We had an emergency surgery. Occupational hazard.”
“Not a problem. I lost track of time, too. So much to occupy me,” he joked, making her smile. He motioned for her to follow him into the kitchen. “I was just starting dinner. If you don’t have plans, why don’t you stay and we can discuss Scout while we eat. Hopefully it’ll taste as good as it smells.”
Jessica’s cheeks turned pink. “I really shouldn’t. I’m sure you have things to do and I should get home. Get Scout settled. I don’t want to put you to any trouble.”
“It’s no trouble.” Cal couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen a grown woman blush. Anna certainly never had. He found it unreasonably sweet. There was something vulnerable and shy about her right then that appealed to him. “I’d like you to stay,” he added to his own amazement. He wondered if he’d hoped for it all along, since the steak he was marinating was large enough for two healthy appetites. “All I have on my agenda is cooking dinner. We do need to discuss Scout. And in the meantime, you might as well experience my world-famous Jack Daniels–marinated steak.”
Jessica’s color remained high and she gave him a timid smile. “If you’re sure...”
“Absolutely. I’m barbecuing, anyway. This steak is too large for me to finish in one meal. Since you’re here, you can help with some of the preparation, which will make it easier for me with my bad leg.”
“Ah, the sympathy ploy!” she teased, and glanced down as Scout sat next to her. She rested her hand on his head in what appeared to be a reflexive action. “All right,” she said as she walked toward the kitchen counter. “What can I do to help?”
“You can pour us some wine.” He gestured toward the bottle of red he’d left breathing on the counter. “The glasses are in the cupboard beside the fridge.”
She stepped over, walking with an easy grace, and reached up to get the glasses.
He was startled by how much he liked seeing her move around his kitchen...his space. After she handed him a glass filled with the rich red cabernet, she tasted the wine in her own glass. “Very nice. What next?”
“Tell me how you like your steak, then take a seat and enjoy the wine.”
“Medium rare,” she said as she settled on one of the stools by his kitchen counter.
“Okay. I’ll be right back.”
She put her glass down and rushed over when she saw him trying to juggle the plate with the steak on it. “Here, let me take that out for you.”
He handed her the plate gratefully. “I said you’d be a help.” He grinned as they went out on the back deck and he placed the steak next to the foil-wrapped potatoes already on the grill.
“As I said when I got here, the aroma’s delicious. But world-famous?”
“Well, at least in my own mind. Seriously, I’ve had lots of favorable comments about my marinade.” He smiled again. “And it’s one of the few meals I know how to make.”
By the time he brought the steak back in—medium rare—she’d made a salad and set his kitchen table.
Cal instructed Scout to lie on his bed as they sat down to eat.
“Tell me about Scout and how this is going to work,” Jessica said as she took her first bite of the steak. “Mmm...this is delicious!”
“Didn’t I tell you? As for Scout, whatever works best for you. I’ll need to spend some time with him on his training. We can do that anywhere. At the division, here on the beach or at your place. Training in different environments helps the dogs. When you go to work, if it’s not inconvenient, you can drop him off here. Leave him for the occasional night, if you have plans. My biggest challenge is giving him the exercise he needs. Running with him, playing with him or just taking him to a park would be very much appreciated.”
Cal went over all the basic commands with her. She took another bite of her steak, closed her eyes and made a satisfied face. That gave Cal a moment to observe her, and he took full advantage. He liked what he saw. Yes, he thought she was beautiful, but her beauty wasn’t traditional. And it wasn’t skin-deep. She was smart and generous, and she liked dogs and sports cars. Neither of which had found favor with his ex-wife.
Jessica was tall and Anna had been short. Jessica was sinewy and Anna curvy. Jessica... What was he doing making comparisons to his ex-wife? But that got him thinking of Anna and why he’d had no interest in women since his marriage ended. It was a good reminder, because he could see himself falling for the beautiful doctor. But that was definitely not in the cards. He needed a lot more time to get over what had happened.
When Jessica opened her eyes and stared straight into his, he felt an uncomfortable sensation in his chest, and wondered if all his assertions about not being ready for a relationship had just fallen by the wayside. He turned the conversation back to Scout, to keep things impersonal.
Scout, as if sensing that they were discussing him, sauntered over and sat down between them. Cal reached down to stroke Scout an instant after Jessica did. His hand landed on the back of hers.
His immediate impulse was to draw his hand back, but he made himself keep it there a moment longer. He liked the feel of her hand beneath his. Then he thought of Anna again...
When they’d finished their meal, he rose to clear the plates.
Jessica stood, too. “Please let me do that. You’ve been on your leg too long already.”
“I can do it.” He could tell that his voice sounded churlish, and he knew it wasn’t Jessica who’d caused his change in attitude. Thinking of Anna and how things had ended between them still upset him, despite the intervening time and distance.
“Doctor’s orders,” she said. The humor in her voice helped lighten his mood again.
“Okay, but I’ll get the coffee. Would you like some?”
“That’d be nice,” she replied, loading the dishwasher.
As Cal prepared the coffee, he thought back to what a colleague of Jessica’s had said while he was at the hospital. “When we spoke earlier, you said you didn’t start out specializing in trauma medicine, and that doctor said you were the best pediatric surgeon in the city...state,” he corrected himself. “Is that true? That you were in pediatrics?”
Jessica hesitated as she was about to turn on the machine. “Well...yes.” She straightened and faced him.
“How did the change come about?”
Jessica shifted her gaze away from him. “A personal choice,” she said after a while.
Cal shook his head, not understanding. “You’re marvelous with Kayla. So natural. Working with children must be one of the most rewarding areas of medicine. You must’ve made a huge difference to the kids. I’d think that would be very gratifying. Why did you leave it?”
Jessica was suddenly preoccupied with stirring sugar and milk into her coffee. Lines furrowed her brow, and she was silent for so long Cal was about to interject. Then she murmured, “I needed a change. It was the best thing for me to do,” she added.
“But was it the best thing for the kids? I bet you were doing a lot of good.”
“No,” she whispered. “I really wasn’t.”
Cal didn’t know what to say, but the question was there, circling around in his mind. He decided to approach it indirectly. “You’re taking care of Kayla, though.”
“Yes,” was Jessica’s barely audible answer.
She looked as though she was going to say something more, but didn’t. This was obviously not something she wanted to talk about.
“Okay.” He let it slide. He didn’t want to pry or make her feel uncomfortable. Not any more than he already had. “Still no luck finding Kayla’s family?”
“No. At this point we’ve resigned ourselves to the fact that she doesn’t have any. At least not in the state. Social Services is looking for a foster home for the time being, but they’re having trouble. The earthquake’s made everything more difficult. Some families who would’ve fostered are trying to rebuild and can’t take in any more children until they do. Health issues have also arisen in some cases.”
“Then what’ll happen to her?”
Jessica exhaled. “They’re trying to find a family as fast as they can. In the meantime, as I said, I’m keeping her at Ocean Crest for observation.”
“If there’s no risk and no complications, you can’t do that indefinitely, can you?”
“No. It would be a stretch, keeping her once her lung has cleared.” She raised her eyes, now dark and stormy gray. “If we discharge her before a foster family is found, she’ll have to go into a group home. I wish that wasn’t the case.”
“The people who run those group homes do the best they can for the children,” he said, trying to reassure her, but he lacked sincerity. He knew that cops from his division had been called out to homes like that too many times—for drug-related issues, or drunk and disorderlies. He thought of his daughter, Haley, and the prospect of her ever having to live in a facility like that, and a cold chill snaked up his spine. And if he wouldn’t want Haley to endure a place like that, how could he wish it on Kayla? He didn’t want to think about it. “Why don’t you take our coffee into the living room?” he said abruptly. “I’ll get Scout’s things together and join you in a minute.”
* * *
JESSICA PUT THEIR mugs of coffee on the table in front of the sofa and wandered around the room. She took a silver-framed photograph from the mantel, and examined the picture of the beautiful blonde child, maybe a year younger than Kayla.
When Cal entered the room, she turned, picture in hand.
The look on his face had her hurriedly replacing the frame. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, not sure why she was apologizing.
Cal rubbed his hands across his hair. “You have nothing to apologize for.” He moved over to stand beside her and straightened the frame.
“I just thought... You seemed so...”
“I need to apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Curiosity was getting the better of her. “Do you mind if I ask who she is?”
He shrugged. “If I don’t want people to ask, I shouldn’t have the picture out. That’s Haley.” He straightened the frame a touch further, stared at the photograph. “My daughter.”
“Oh...” Why hadn’t it occurred to her that he had a child? Or that he’d been married? She supposed that because he spoke so readily about Kayla, she would’ve assumed he’d speak just as freely about a daughter, if he had one. “She’s very beautiful.” Jessica took a closer look. She could see the resemblance now. In the eyes, the shape of the mouth. “She’s about four?”
Cal glanced at the photograph again before limping over to the sofa to take the weight off his leg. “Yeah. In that picture she’d just turned four. That was taken over a year ago.”
Jessica had a horrible thought that would’ve explained his reaction to seeing her holding his daughter’s photograph. She couldn’t imagine losing a child. She believed in the old saying that parents should never outlive their children. She didn’t even know how to broach such a terrible subject. “Is she...” she started hesitantly.
“She’s five now.”
Jessica felt relief, both because the little girl was alive and because Cal hadn’t picked up on what she’d been thinking. “The same age as Kayla,” Jessica murmured, for no reason other than to move away from what had been on her mind.
“Yes, she is.”
Jessica joined Cal on the sofa and took a sip of her coffee. She could see that there was something very painful here. His body language, his curt speech and the tormented look on his face all attested to it. She brushed a hand soothingly over his good knee. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Cal took a drink of his coffee and stared at the spot her hand had touched. “It’s...” He hesitated. “I’d rather not.”
His demeanor was polite but impersonal as they finished their coffee—a distinct contrast to the friendly banter they’d enjoyed over dinner—but Jessica had glimpsed the hurt beneath the veneer, and wondered about it. It had to do with his daughter, and she sensed that it cut deep.
Jessica thought about Cal all the way home. Spending a lot of time in the emergency department, with cops coming and going, she’d become accustomed to their habitual flirtatious behavior. But Cal showed no such tendency. Just the opposite. He seemed to be detached and disinterested, especially after they’d spoken about his daughter. Yet, along with the pain, there was a depth of emotion he’d tried to conceal. She might not have known the cause, but her heart went out to him.
Scout adjusted his position in the passenger’s seat, drawing Jessica’s eyes to him.
Thanks to Scout, she’d certainly have more occasions to see Cal...which could give her a chance to figure out exactly how she felt about him.
* * *
CAL SAT BACK on the sofa after Jessica had left with Scout. His leg throbbed unbearably, but he didn’t want to succumb to taking a painkiller. He hated what they did to his mind and spirits; he’d rather deal with the pain. He rested his head on the cushion and closed his eyes. He was a mess, and he wasn’t just referring to his physical state.
He let the evening replay in his mind. He’d enjoyed Jessica’s company. She was warm, intelligent, and he was undeniably attracted to her. He’d liked seeing her in his home, moving around in his space, making herself comfortable. It made him feel a...a what? A yearning? For a relationship? To be able to share his home with someone again? Do something as basic as preparing dinner together?
He’d been thinking of asking her out. Not because of Scout or because she was helping him. But because he liked her and wanted to spend more time with her to see if there could be something...personal between them. He wasn’t sure what he would’ve suggested with his limited mobility—maybe dinner and a movie—and he’d been mulling that over in his mind before he’d entered the living room and found her holding the picture of Haley.
He’d had two immediate and conflicting reactions to seeing her looking at Haley’s photograph. The first was a sense of how terrific she’d be with his little girl. The second and more dominant was the usual amalgam of hurt, anger, betrayal and grief that he’d been living with since Anna had torn Haley away from him. He’d thought those feelings had dulled over the past year, that he’d learned to live with them. But tonight they’d returned with a vengeance, prompted by the simple fact that he’d seen a woman he was attracted to looking at a picture of the daughter he had no contact with.
If those emotions could still consume him, he wasn’t ready for dating, let alone anything more serious.