BY THE TIME Satnam had safely deposited the two girls with a Muslim family in Lahore and returned to Amritsar, it was late in the afternoon. He hadn’t seen Krishna since that night almost forty-eight hours ago when the city had descended into an unprecedented vortex of violence. He was worried sick about her as he hurried back to the Queens Road house, concerned about the devastating effect that the surge in violence might have had on her sensitive mind.
He found Rukman bhabhi waiting for him in the doorway as he entered the house. She took his hand and broke down, tears flowing down her eyes as she sobbed, ‘Bhaji! Please do something to stop her.’
‘Stop whom, Bharjai?’ Satnam asked with a worried look on his face.
‘Krishna is leaving, Bhaji. For God’s sake, stop her from leaving.’
Satnam stared blankly at her, unable to comprehend Rukman’s words. Placing his hand on her shoulder to comfort her, he asked, ‘Where is Krishna going? And where is she right now?’
‘She is in the other room, packing her clothes,’ Rukman cried as her tears continued to flow unabated.
Satnam nodded and quietly went towards the adjacent room, his sigh audible as he peered inside.
That same small trunk was open, the one that Satnam had brought from Yusuf’s place along with the Baba’s larger trunk. Krishna had taken out all her clothes and was stuffing them into the trunk.
As soon as she looked up and saw Satnam standing in the doorway, she dropped the clothes and ran towards him. Wrapping her arms around him, she exclaimed, ‘You’re back, Bhaji? Thank God!’
Satnam didn’t utter a word in response. He stood frozen at the same spot, his eyes fixed on the wall in front. Krishna felt that it was a stone statue that she was holding in her embrace.
‘Bhaji! Bhaji! What’s wrong with you, Bhaji. Why don’t you speak?’
Satnam’s lips finally moved. ‘Where are you going, Krishna?’
Instead of replying, she walked across to a shelf and picked up a few carefully folded sheets of paper. ‘Here! Read this first. We can discuss the rest later. You can go across to the other room and find a quiet spot to read it carefully. I’ll join you there,’ she said as she handed the papers to him and gently pushed him out of the room.
Satnam sat on a chair and started to read the letter.
My dear, sweet brother!
Ah! I can only imagine your state once you have read this letter and understood that you won’t see me. It breaks my heart each time I think about it but what can I do? I am being compelled by the prevailing circumstances to take these steps.
You left abruptly the night before last. Do you have any idea about the imprint that events in the city have left on my heart? Neither my pen, nor my lips have the power to describe my feelings. Or the tragic fact that I am still around, alive as this miserable portrait of helplessness. How I wish that a bullet or a bomb had also finished me off.
I spent the night of the 13th and all day on the 14th wrestling with this strange thought. What kind of person have I become? I see this carnage unfolding before my eyes and I, so shamelessly, am still alive. I thought long and hard and eventually came up with a pathway out of this dilemma. I now have no option but to walk on this path that I have chosen for myself.
The cycle of violence that has brought this dance of death to our doorstep is precisely the cycle that I’ve discussed with you on a number of occasions—this burning desire for revenge that is still aflame in the hearts of so many of our people. The atrocities committed by the Muslims of West Punjab on Hindus and Sikhs are being avenged in East Punjab today with the slaughter of Muslims. But will this cycle end here? My hair stands on edge as I think of the horrors that Muslims of West Punjab will wreak on Hindus and Sikhs after what’s happened here.
And so, here’s what I have decided and told myself. That I will go across to West Punjab. I will tour Pothohar, Hazara and other Muslim areas and impress upon those brutes that the flames of revenge are equally damaging for both sides, that they will destroy both sides if they are left unchecked.
I can see, my dear brother, that there is very little that I can do in this city to alleviate the pain and suffering of the people. But once I go back to my own land, when I am amid my own people, those from my own religion, I can try to change their attitude. My heart cries out loud and clear that I will definitely succeed in this mission.
I really wanted to see you before leaving and have been waiting for you since the day before yesterday. But you didn’t return. I am sure that you must be tied up in something really important at a time when your city needs you so badly. And perhaps it’s just as well that I haven’t been able to see you before leaving. The look on your face and the sight of tears in your eyes might have sent a tremor through my own heart and weakened my resolve. That’s one reason that I’ve only revealed my plans to Rukman bhabhi. I haven’t shared this with Bapu ji because I am fully aware of the frailty of my own heart when it comes to him.
And so I am leaving, my dear brother. I am handing over to you the responsibility of Bapu ji and Rukman bhabhi and of Yusuf, too. I did want to see him once in the hospital before I left, but I was afraid that his love for me might end up becoming an obstacle in the path that I have chosen.
The highway is full of trucks and other vehicles packed with refugees heading for Pakistan. I am sure I’ll be able to board one of those. And please don’t think about the plight of a young girl travelling alone in these circumstances. Right now, I feel the strength of a hundred men within me and a time will come soon when I can show what I am capable of. Rest assured, I’ll be fine.
I haven’t been able to take Bapu ji’s permission for my departure, nor will I meet him before leaving. I know that I won’t be able to maintain my composure or see his condition once he’s learned about my plans. Can you please read this letter out to him and also comfort him, console him to the extent possible? I promise that I’ll send you detailed letters about the places I visit, the activities that I undertake. God willing, we will meet again.
My dear sweet brother
Your little sister,
Krishna
Satnam raised his head after reading the letter and found Krishna standing behind him. He lifted his eyes to look at her, parted his lips to speak but no words emerged.
Krishna stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his head. Satnam broke down, crying like a helpless child. Krishna wiped his eyes with her dupatta even as her own eyes—always the ones to shed a tear at the slightest provocation—remained bone dry. She had already travelled to a place that was beyond the reach of emotions. Her clear eyes were focused unwaveringly on a lofty goal and there was simply no room for tears.
Rukman was standing in the doorway with the demeanour of one who wants to stop anyone from barging in and saw Satnam sobbing like a child as Krishna cradled his head in her arms.
‘Krishna!’ Satnam croaked as he tried to get a grip on himself. ‘This ambition of yours to reach for the skies and gather the stars … I can only call it childishness or foolishness. I won’t stop you, Krishna. But I beseech you to think once again about your decision.’
‘I’ve thought about it, Bhaji,’ she replied firmly. ‘I’ve thought about it from every aspect. I don’t know if I am right or wrong, but please don’t try to change my decision. And if my destiny has determined that I must face failure, that’s fine too. It will only prove that my life is worthless. That’s all!’
‘For God’s sake, Krishna,’ Satnam pleaded. ‘Please don’t rush into this. Don’t I have some claim on you? How can you break my heart and just walk away like this…’ His voice choked again amid a surge of tears. But Krishna’s eyes remained dry—unmoved and impervious, even as her hands pulled Satnam’s head closer to her midriff.
Satnam lifted his eyes again, hoping to see if his tears had managed to melt her stony resolve. Her face still had the same determined expression.
‘All right, Krishna!’ he spoke with a note of resignation. ‘Go! And may God help you succeed in your mission. But please do your brother a couple of favours before you leave. First, I really do want you to meet Yusuf before leaving. And second, do allow me to facilitate your journey if you must go. I can’t think of very much right now, but I’d suggest that I take you in my jeep and drop you in Lahore. I have a few close Muslim friends there and I’ll feel better if I can connect you with them. I am sure that you will find them extremely helpful in your mission.’
Krishna was in no mood to brook any interference in her plans, but Satnam’s suggestions appealed to her. After thinking for a minute or two, she responded, ‘Agreed! But I also have a request for you. No one in the family should get the slightest clue about my departure.’
‘As you say,’ he replied dolefully.
Rukman saw Kesar Kaur and Munni walk towards their room and quietly signalled for them to stop. Krishna moved away from Satnam and quickly changed the subject.