In Gratitude

FIRST AND FOREMOST, to the monks of St. Benedict’s Monastery, Snowmass, Colorado, and especially to their remarkable abbot, Father Joseph Boyle, who made space for Rafe and me to walk out the last leg of Rafe’s human journey together, and who after his death supported me in my grief to the very best of their understanding and compassion.

To those special friends who held my story close to their hearts and encouraged me to keep following wherever love led: Michael Boudreaux, Barbara and Bill Howell, Jessa Watkins, Father Dan Kelliher, Sarah Barton, Margaret Haines, and my two daughters and sons-in-law, Gwen and Rod Rehnborg and Lucy and Alby King.

To those who helped out financially during the writing of this book: Kathy and Bill Bauer, Ellen and Bill Hunt, Tony Burkart, and many other wonderful people in the Episcopal Diocese of Colorado and the Contemplative Society of British Columbia.

To Richard Smoley, who published my first attempt to tell this story as an article in the winter 1997 issue of Gnosis magazine; and to Toinette Lippe of Bell Tower, who recognized it as a book and brought it to its final form. To Charles Upton and Jennifer Doane, who generously shared with me their own work-in-progress on courtly love; and to Brother David Steindl-Rast and Andrew Harvey, whose willingness to go to bat for a risky manuscript by an unknown author made a crucial difference to its seeing the light of day.

To Sarah B. Wheeler of Sounds True in Boulder, Colorado, for so many fruitful connections.

And finally, to members of Rafe’s immediate family—Tommy, Helen, and Sister Helene Robin; Brother Laurin Hartzog; and Shirley Powell—who welcomed me into their homes and shared many intimate pieces of their family history that have helped me to understand so much better the man I am privileged to call friend, teacher, and beloved.