A handy reference guide for runners, including charts, lists, measures, an A-to-Z glossary of running and racing terms, and a little something we call the Pee Matrix.
THE 14 TYPES OF RUNNERS NAME
| NAME | DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS |
|---|---|
| The Speed Freak | Buzzed hair. Supershort shorts. Racing flats. Twitch in one eye. |
| The Weekend Warrior | Tube socks. Midsection paunch. Grin. Headphones. |
| The Penguin | Plodding determination. Fanny pack. |
| The Charity Runner | Selflessness. Tears. Matching outfits |
| The Ultra Guy | Lean and tan to the nth degree. Quiet. Hard as nails. |
| The Baggy Shorts Kid | Youth. Awkwardness. Baggy, possibly knee-length shorts. |
| The Moaner | Random, intermittent, loud moaning. |
| The Kicker | None whatsoever … until he or she unleashes a stiff, tight-lipped, arm-pumping sprint in the final 100 meters of the race. |
| The Old-Timer | Faded cotton T-shirt from the 1981 Peachtree 10-K. Scar on neck from melanoma. Twinkle in eye. Conspicuous lack of gadgets. Advanced age. |
| The Triathlete | Ironman tattoo. Skin-tight unitard, possibly emblazoned with sponsors’ names. Comparatively large upper body. Vague smell of chlorine. |
| The Matching Guy | Every piece of apparel and gear he’s wearing is made by the same manufacturer. Every piece. |
| The Guy You Saw at the Expo | Hey! You totally saw that guy at the expo yesterday! |
| Hey! You totally saw that guy at the expo yesterday! | “Antennas” headband, oversize novelty sunglasses, cowboy hat, kilt, superhero costume, etc. A grim determination to “have fun with it.” |
| Joe Average | None. |
| DANGEROUS? |
|---|
| Only if you get in his way |
| Only if you make fun of his socks. |
| Only if you make fun of John Bingham. |
| No … unless you are anti-”awareness.” |
| Only if you are an all-you-can-eat brunch buffet. |
| No, but he will probably beat your sorry butt without breaking a sweat. |
| Do you really want to get close enough to find out? |
| Lord help you if you get in the way of those pumping arms. |
| Heck, no. These guys are great. |
| Only if you call him a unitard. |
| No. Just mildly … odd. |
| No. Unless he also happens to be a Kicker. |
| Probably not, although you’re always slightly worried that this guy might snap. |
| Almost certainly. |
THE BAGGY SHORTS KID