30

“Tom, please understand, there was nothing I could do. She had me trapped. And it was live TV...” Madeleine pleaded as she sat on the couch at home with clasped hands against the skirt of her favorite Kate Spade shirtdress.

She felt like a petulant child who had misbehaved at school and, unfortunately, her husband was treating her like one, too. And she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to wear that dress again, at least not without being reminded of this morning’s abject mortification.

Across the room, Tom paced back and forth, continually running his hands through his hair. Usually possessing a calm exterior, he looked positively unglued these days. His shirt was untucked from his pants, his tie was loose and his face an unattractive shade of tomato. And there was a hell of a lot more gray in his hair.

“I just got off the phone with Matt; he’s furious. What in the hell—I mean—how did this...?”

Madeleine looked at the floor and then returned her gaze to her husband. She was mortified and ashamed that she might have messed things up for them—again. But there was no way for her to have prevented what had happened on the show that morning.

Because of Gemma Moore, she had been made to defend herself—and her decision not to vaccinate her children—on live TV.

She had been in the middle of a run-of-the-mill segment as planned, talking about things to do with kids during the upcoming summer holidays. It had all been so normal and decidedly innocuous: amusing ways to keep the kids entertained before resorting to iPads or other electronics.

And then, when she’d finished her piece, Gemma had wasted no time in having her say.

“Some great ideas there, Madeleine,” she had chirped in pleasantly, with glittering eyes. “Of course, we all know how much thought you put into being a mum, raising your kids, looking out for them...”

Her voice trailed off and, sensing an ambush, Madeleine was hesitant to respond. Despite the fact that Louise, the main presenter, would surely intervene if anything got nasty, she had never felt more on her guard.

Not to mention the mere fact that she was being watched by an audience across the nation made her cheeks flush and she wondered what that looked like on the other side of the camera.

Gemma smiled slightly. “Hmm. Interesting. Really, it is.”

Madeleine opened her mouth to speak, to try to head off a potential issue with something—anything, really—but Gemma beat her to it.

“Considering Madeleine’s parenting choices are actually embroiled in hugely controversial legal proceedings at the moment.” The journalist let her words hang in the air as she met Madeleine’s gaze. Feeling herself freeze in place, she suddenly realized just how hot the studio lights were. She shifted her gaze uncomfortably to the producers, one of whom was shaking her head at Gemma vociferously.

“Now, Gemma, I’m not sure if—” Louise cut in.

“I was just wondering how Madeleine was,” she persisted, all innocence. “It must be a terrible time.”

Now the woman was actually pretending to be concerned, all the while putting her on the spot about the case—live on the air!

But reminding herself she was a professional and she could handle this, Madeleine opened her mouth to speak. “As you said yourself, Gemma, this is an ongoing legal situation and I’m afraid I’m not at liberty to discuss it.”

“It’s provoked a lot of public discussion, though, hasn’t it? Lots of people are angry about you and your husband’s anti-vaccination stance, and how it has affected another family.”

Madeleine knew she really was caught between a rock and a hard place now. She couldn’t discuss the case, but she couldn’t appear unsympathetic, either, not when the eyes of the nation were upon her. And what had she got to lose, given that right from the get-go everyone was so eager to paint her as the villain?

Stuttering a little, she spoke again. “Absolutely. And it goes without saying that my thoughts and prayers are with little Rosie and her mum—”

Louise interjected quickly then, her eyes widening at this wholly unanticipated turn in what up to then had been a typically lighthearted panel discussion. “Yes, I’m sure we’re all very sympathetic to the little girl, but I really don’t think this is the right place to—”

“I would think your thoughts and prayers should be with her, Madeleine, given that she’s still very ill and facing disability due to your irresponsible decision-making,” Gemma persisted, ignoring the presenter.

Madeleine glanced at the ground and felt her head start to spin. “That’s not it,” she replied, spluttering a little, all the while trying to remain calm and collected.

She couldn’t mess this up—for more reasons than one. Discussing the case in anything other than general terms would be disastrous legally, but if she said nothing, she would be ruined personally. “That was a family choice, a personal choice. My husband and I have always had our reasons and—”

Gemma snorted. “Conspiracy theories, you mean,” she muttered.

“But such theories must be a consideration for any parent, mustn’t they?” Louise jumped in gamely, obviously trying to deflect attention away from specifics and speak in more general terms. “There’s been multiple controversies surrounding vaccines that we’ve discussed numerous times on this very program. Like the widely reported side effects of the HPV vaccine and narcolepsy from the swine-flu...”

Madeleine took a breath, grateful that Louise had stepped in not just to protect her honor, but more likely to head off the possibility of another lawsuit aimed at the station.

Mercifully, Gemma seemed to take the bait and chattered at length about the proven life-saving abilities of vaccines and how the so-called Big Bad pharmaceutical companies had eradicated so many diseases and saved lives. She was obviously satisfied to have made her point and got what she wanted in skewering Madeleine live on air and was now carrying on as if nothing at all had happened.

Madeleine, for her part, had said little throughout the remainder of the conversation and indeed the rest of the segment, and while she’d tried to smile and participate in a follow-up discussion about the benefits of coffee over tea, by the end of the show she felt hollowed out and drained.

So much so that she barely heard the producer’s profuse apologies, or Gemma Moore’s cheery goodbye when they all left the studio.

And, after all that, she had to face Tom’s disappointment, too.

“What were you thinking? Didn’t Matt tell you not to discuss things publicly? Didn’t he tell you to keep your mouth closed?” he bellowed, making Madeleine flinch.

“Tom, please, don’t yell at me. Gemma Moore ambushed me. Completely trapped me! What was I supposed to do?”

Her husband looked incredulous. “Pull your mic out and walk off the set! That’s what I would have done.”

She shook her head. “From a PR point of view, that would have been a disaster. Gemma behaved like a bully and I was right to stand my ground. I think the public will—”

“For the love of God, Madeleine, who cares what the public thinks? When will you get it into your head that this is not some marketing campaign, this is our life! And God only knows what could come out if someone really decides to dig their heels in—personal, private family things that need to remain that way.”

She knew what he meant, and even though it had been so difficult on many occasions not to just get it over with and bare her soul about their experience, she had gone out of her way to ensure that she kept the focus away from the personal. “I know that, of course I know that, but Tom, for the last week our family has been vilified! Surely we’re entitled to defend ourselves—”

“We are paying solicitors to defend us. We are trusting legal professionals with putting together a logical and well-thought-out case to protect our interests. But in the meantime, you persist in taking to the internet and going on live television at every opportunity and basically tearing every part of our strategy to complete shit!” He threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “Madeleine—this media thing—it has to stop,” he said softly. “I don’t want you anywhere near a radio or TV studio from now on. Agreed?”

Madeleine had been studying the floor, but now her head flew up. “But I can’t. I’ve been offered a publishing contract, and my profile is obviously a huge part of that. I can’t break it.”

“Seriously, what are they going to do? Sue you? Well, bring it on. What’s another lawsuit at this point? And, you said it yourself, since this whole thing came out, people have essentially vilified us, ridiculed you, complete strangers on the internet reducing you to tears. Don’t think I haven’t seen what’s being written and what it must be doing to you...”

Seeing fresh tears form in his wife’s eyes now, Tom went to her and bent down on one knee. “Honey, I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have shouted like that earlier. And OK, maybe before now I did discount how important all of this stuff is to you. But don’t you think our future as a family is more important to protect just now? And why would you want to make yourself a target and risk being put on the spot again by some shit-stirring journo who obviously has some sort of vendetta against you...us. Hasn’t this family been through enough already with all this...this goddamn vaccination thing?”

Madeleine felt tears begin to fall down her cheeks. He was right. They’d already been put through the ringer enough in the past. And now people were being openly horrible: making fun of her, being vicious toward her and her family.

She had already seen a few internet jokes that had done the rounds recently—images of her wearing a tinfoil hat and looking conspiracy-theory crazy.

Tom was right. It was over. She was no longer Mad Mum; she was now Stone-Crazy Mum. People were laughing at her, criticizing her, vilifying her, and the alter-ego moniker that had once been such a good idea was now the butt of a terrible, unfunny joke.

“We’re going to get through this, honey,” said Tom softly, pulling her close. “But for now, we need to circle the wagons and put on a united front. And we have to trust our solicitors. No more public stuff, OK?”

“OK.” Moving into his embrace, Madeleine silently agreed to his request. Tom was right: he, Jake and Clara—all her family—were the most important thing just now.

And she couldn’t run the risk of losing them, too.

* * *