“Here,” Kahili said, handing Michelle the corn. “Take it over there for me dear.” Michelle took the basket of fresh corn, went to the table and began husking it. The ranch had several crops of vegetables and fruit, and Kahili took full advantage of them when they were in season. The sweet corn was one of Michelle’s favorites and Kahili knew it. In fact, Kahili had taken the liberty to make all of Michelle’s favorites tonight. Ever since Daniel had left two weeks before, Michelle had been moping around like a child who lost her best friend. And Kahili and Elizabeth both knew that in a way, she had.
Elizabeth walked over to Michelle and patted her on the shoulder. “Are you alright?” she asked, knowing that Michelle’s heart was broken again.
Michelle shrugged her shoulders and tried to pretend nothing was wrong. “Just feeling a little tired,” she said, sharing only half of the truth. The pregnancy was wearing her out, there was no denying that. And now that everyone in the house knew her condition, she didn’t have to hide it. But it was more than that. Michelle’s emotions were raging inside her. She tried not to think about Daniel the first few days he was gone. She kept herself busy with the colt and Bella and had spent several afternoons with Kaiko. Elizabeth had taken Michelle to the hospital to visit Lilo almost daily. And even though she wasn’t getting any better, Lilo wasn’t getting any worse either. Michelle found the time with her grandmother to be soothing. Lilo always knew just what to say to make Michelle feel better about things.
But today had been hard. Thoughts of Daniel had been bombarding her all day, and Michelle couldn’t shake them. Her feelings for him had gotten stronger since he left and she was missing him more than ever. She had thought about going back to California, but with Lilo’s condition unpredictable, she had called her boss and requested a leave of absence. Considering her less than stellar performance at work lately, Stan had no problem granting her wish. And he made sure to remind her that unless she intended on picking up her numbers when she returned, she might want to start looking for a job in Hawaii. After she let Stan know, Michelle had contacted Tracy who willingly agreed to keep Mene for another few weeks. With all of those things taken care of, Michelle had nothing else to do but wait and think.
Elizabeth sat down next to Michelle and grabbed an ear of corn. She started shucking onto the table as she spoke. “Michelle, I can see you miss Daniel,” said Elizabeth. Michelle stopped and put the corn down. “Tell me what’s going on,” her mother coaxed.
Michelle’s eyes filled with tears. Her hormones were getting the best of her today. “It has been hard since he left. It’s like a part of my heart left with him.” Michelle sniffled as she picked up the corn and continued shucking. “I just feel so frustrated. I mean, why would God allow my heart to get so close to someone only to have them leave?” Michelle ignored the tears as they spilled onto the table.
She went on. “It’s not like I didn’t already feel abandoned. First it was Justin, then Luke. And now,” she paused, taking in a long ragged breath. “Now I feel abandoned all over again. I know Daniel is a good person, and he didn’t leave me. We didn’t have a relationship or anything like that. But I can’t help but feel like he dumped me the same way Luke did.”
Elizabeth peeled the husk off an ear of corn in silence, letting Michelle get it all out. “Mother,” said Michelle, talking absently as she pulled aimlessly at strands of silk from the bright yellow and white corn. “I would rather have no feelings at all than have to go through this again. I just don’t think my heart can take any more disappointment.”
“Well, that would definitely be an ideal situation,” said Elizabeth. “But God didn’t make us that way.” Elizabeth finished shucking and then went to Michelle. She stood behind her, bent down and kissed her tenderly on the top of her head. “I love you my sweet daughter,” said Elizabeth, knowing there were no words that could heal her daughter’s heart right now.
Elizabeth left Michelle to continue shucking while Kahili sang quietly in the background. When the corn was done, Michelle brought the pot over to the counter. “Here you go,” she said to Kahili. “I’m gonna go lie down for a while. Will you call me when dinner is ready?”
“Of course, my dear, go get some rest now.” Kahili smiled and shooed Michelle off.
When she got to her room, Michelle laid down on her bed and closed her eyes. She let the cool afternoon air swirl around her and tickle her senses. The smell of hibiscus and honeysuckle filled her nose, and she let her thoughts wander. Her mind filled with memories of the festival and all of the delicious smells. She remembered dancing with Daniel and then falling into his arms after he rescued her from the bridge on their hike. She felt his strong arms around her and could almost taste his fresh scent.
Michelle’s hands slid down to her belly, and she thought about the little life inside her, and Luke. How could he dump her like that? Would he change his mind if he knew about their baby? Should she tell him? Did she even want him back? Michelle rolled to her side and looked out over the pasture to the mountains in the distance. She knew her heart held the answer. She didn’t want Luke back. She might have never really wanted him to begin with. She knew who she wanted. But that wasn’t to be.
She felt the frustration rising in her. She closed her eyes and cried softly. “Why? she asked. “Why God, why would you let this happen to me?” The tears fell freely as she let it all out. “I am so confused, so angry and so frustrated. If you want good things for me, why would you let me experience such intense feelings for Daniel and then just take him away? I don’t understand why you are letting me suffer so much? First the pregnancy, then Luke, then Daniel.”
Michelle buried her head in her pillow and cried until she had no more tears. After several minutes, she rolled onto her back and looked up at the ceiling. And then she heard it.
“Trust me,” the voice said. Michelle turned her head toward the door to see who had spoken, but the door was closed. She was alone in her room. “Trust me, and I will make your paths straight,” the voice said. Michelle snapped her head toward the window, but no one was there. And then she realized what it was. It was the still, small voice inside her. It was God.
Michelle sat up and wiped the last of her tears from her cheeks. She looked at the Bible on her nightstand and felt a wave of peace come over her. Propping herself up, she opened the Bible and began reading.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6
The verse was just what Michelle needed to read. Her heart softened and she felt the anxiety of all her worries and anger dissipate. She closed the Bible on her lap and shut her eyes. Within minutes, she was overtaken by the most peaceful sleep she’d had in weeks.