Guilt should plague me. I recognize that as the response an honorable man would have after claiming a piece of a female’s soul without her permission. Remorse doesn’t grip me, however. Satisfaction does. The few seconds surrounded by Sara’s goodness confirmed my mentor’s words.
A true mate is powerful.
Once Sara and I are soul bonded and I can draw on her strength whenever I need it, I’ll be unstoppable. Strength is the right word for what Sara will give me too. Calling it anything else is for romantic fools. Yet I can’t deny the consequences of my actions. There’s no escaping them.
My gaze strays to the female who is now a part of my soul. Sara’s confusion radiates through me as if I’m the one uncertain of what just happened. The compulsion to go to her, hold her, and explain my reasoning for not completing our soul bond is stronger than I anticipated. The gazes boring into my back remind me this isn’t the right time or place for such a talk.
Even knowing we have an audience, my feet take me into the living room as if I have no control over my body. With the baby’s chest resting against hers, Sara pats his back, rhythmic thumps meant to dislodge gas. I know what she’s doing. And why. I’ve seen females with young. Have taken some of their lives too. The mothers, not the children. I’ve never killed a child. For that, I’m grateful.
The mothers, though? If the Host warranted their death, I delivered it. No questions asked. Such is the life of an assassin. We trust in the verdict of the Host. We’re only the instruments, not the judges. But each mother’s life I took left a child orphaned. Exactly like my nephew. I can’t help but wonder what happened to those abandoned kids. Did anyone claim them? Protect and nurture them?
My throat tightens around a sudden lump. I swallow, but can’t dislodge the uncomfortable sensation. It’s making my eyes burn.
Sara steps in front of me. Warmth spreads through me, outward from my heart. From where the piece of her soul resides within me. The squeezing sensation in my throat eases, saving my eyes from watering, but the thought that caused the reactions doesn’t. Not surprising. Even a true mate can’t erase the sins of my past.
“Here.” She turns my nephew and lifts him to my shoulder. My arms automatically wrap around him, my hand at his upper back. “Keep trying to burp him while I get a bottle warming and grab a fresh diaper. Once he gets that gas up, he’ll want to eat again. Mira said since he was born early, it’s important we feed him as much as he’ll take.”
With my palm holding the baby securely to my chest, I snag Sara’s hand before she can walk away. She glances at me with the gray eyes that have haunted my dreams. No longer. Soon I’ll never have to face the nightmares of losing my heaven. “Born early?”
“Mira said newborn shifters are generally big babies. Nine, ten pounds. Sometimes more. Even with multiples. She said having such big babies makes delivery hard. Dangerous, even.” Sara caresses the back of the baby’s head. “This little guy is maybe six pounds. Could even be a little less. It’s hard to tell.”
I allow my wolves closer to my psyche to study the child I’m holding. Their assessment of his health matches mine. “He seems healthy. Strong.”
“I agree.” Sara looks at me from under her lashes. “He was just born a couple of weeks early. Those last few weeks are when babies put on the most weight.”
“Ella ran the identity of those humans through the system.” Uri walks into the living room. “They were commissioned by Shifter Affairs to hand-deliver the baby to you.”
Sara slips from the room, her steps quickening as if she needs a moment alone. I can’t blame her. Besides, it’s not like she can’t hear everything from the kitchen. Sara’s home is small.
Patting the newborn’s back as Sara had, I meet Uri’s gaze. “Any details on which of my brothers created this child and left it without protection?”
“He has protection.” Dante claims the recliner Sara sat in not long ago. “Better than what he would’ve had with either Brock or Gabriel.”
That’s not a statement I can argue with. Brock wasn’t a fighter, and unless Gabriel somehow freed himself from wherever he’s been held for the past several decades, he’s in no position to safeguard a newborn. “Which is why neither of them should’ve created this kid.”
“Should’ve is irrelevant.” Dante motions to my nephew. “The deed is done.”
I can’t argue that either. Or ignore Sara’s statement about this baby’s size. “If my twin broke Council law and took a mate, it might explain why my nephew is small. His mate would’ve died when he did. Someone would’ve had to deliver this baby early if she was still pregnant at her death.”
“If Brock soul-bonded to her.” Dante supplies the necessary detail for my guess to hold true. Only soul-bonded mates live and die together. If something happens to either Sara or me before I complete our bond, we won’t enter the heavens together. We’ll suffer alone.
“Hypothesizing is a waste of energy.” Uri moves to the end table by the couch and picks up a picture of Mya and her daughters, then another of older humans I know little about other than that they’re related to Sara, before studying the rest of the framed photos on display. “Ella is looking into it. Once she’s granted the necessary clearance, she’ll have all the available information on that kid.”
“She doesn’t have clearance to view the report?” That’s concerning, especially considering Ella’s been granted the ability to decide who dies and who lives in her jurisdiction.
“Nope.” Uri sets down the picture he’s holding and faces me. “The file has the highest level of restrictions on it.”
“Really?” Dante props a leg on his knee and leans forward. “Then she likely won’t get to see it. They might release some details, but files like that won’t ever be opened fully.”
“Why?” I rub circles on the baby’s back between thumps while his body stiffens and his cry grows more intense. My wolves tense, the baby’s discomfort causing theirs. “That’s the important question, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” Uri lifts my nephew higher on my shoulder. “But knowing Shifter Affairs was involved with this case from the start answers part of that question.”
With the baby’s cheek resting against my shoulder, I repeat the pat and rub. A long burp rewards me. I chuckle. He sighs as if relieved too. I glance at Uri, giving the other shifter my full attention. His words spark my curiosity. “Which part?”
“Why the kid’s here and not with his mother. If she was still alive, she’d be with her pack and this child would grow up with them, being assimilated into their family’s spirit, not yours.”
Uri’s right, of course. Assuming the mother had a say in where her child went. “Unless she’s locked in a cell somewhere too. Gabriel might’ve been forced into a bond.”
Uri’s expression darkens. He steps back, his gaze flicking to Dante before settling on the floor.
Instincts flare. A dominant male such as Uri would never display such submissive reactions to an offhanded comment that doesn’t involve him.
With my nephew’s drool soaking into my shirt, I turn so I can see both males, letting my intent focus scrutinize Uri before landing on my protégé. “Do you know something about my alpha I don’t?”
“Not conclusively or I would’ve said something. Rumors aren’t enough to go on.”
In any other circumstance, I’d agree with Dante. Not in this one. It’s personal. “When I might be holding my alpha’s son, rumors need to be explored.”
“Talk to Xander.” Dante drops his booted foot to the ground. “He might have some information about Gabriel’s fate.”
“What would the alpha of the Winchester pack know about the fate of my alpha?” I move closer to Dante. “But if it’s knowledge that might’ve helped locate Gabriel, I’m going to have a serious problem with being kept in the dark.”
“As much as I respect Xander, I won’t share details with you even I don’t believe.” Dante props his elbows on his knees and links his hands. “There’s got to be another explanation for it.”
“For what?” I growl the question.
The baby I’m holding stills. He holds his breath.
He’s reacting to my frustration and anger. Another wave of rage pulses through me. This one is focused on me. I should know better.
Eyes closed, I work on calming my body, employing those techniques that allow me to function after I complete an assignment. My nephew wriggles against me after a minute or so, and gnaws on my shoulder. I let out a relieved sigh. “Sara, how’s that bottle coming? The baby’s hungry.”
The sound of Sara’s clothes and her heartbeat announces her arrival a few seconds later. She takes my nephew from my arms. “Ready just in time.”
She settles on the recliner Dante must’ve vacated while I’d turned my attention to clearing my mind of the anger our conversation spurred. Once the baby latches on to the bottle’s nipple, she raises her gaze to mine. “If you don’t mind going into the kitchen or outside and lowering your voices, I’d appreciate it. He doesn’t like when we raise our voices.”
His reaction moments ago proved that. Our scents and voices cue him in on the dangers of the world around him. Even at this age, he’d be hyperaware of his surroundings. Still, I can’t help think Sara’s trying to get rid of me. I don’t want to go. “Aren’t you worried you might miss out on some vital piece of information?”
She flicks her gaze to Dante before focusing on me. “Since I’m yours, I have no doubt you’ll share the important details with me. I have no desire to hear everything else.”
I stare at my true mate. She’s telling me the truth. I feel the certainty of her statement. Such is the benefit of holding a piece of her soul. Her emotions are mine to experience and safeguard.
On a sharp nod, I head to the kitchen, then step out on to the porch. Dante and Uri follow me. My wolves rise and assess our surroundings. There are no humans close. We have privacy to continue this talk. Without my nephew in my arms, I can get my answers too.
“Talk, Dante.” I lower my voice. Just because we have privacy doesn’t mean we should test it. “An explanation for what? What did Xander tell you about my alpha?”
“Ella has a joint case open on Gabriel Kane.” Uri speaks for the first time since he cast his gaze to the floor. “And a male named Hunter. He’s a cage fighter Ella spent a lot of time searching for late last year.”
“And how does Xander fit into this?” The fact that they won’t tell me the details without making me drag them out mirrors the conversation I had with Dante only hours ago. I didn’t like the conclusion I came to afterward. Something tells me I won’t like this one either.
“Xander visited this cage fighter.” Dante moves to an unbroken section of railing and rests his elbows on it. “Then started asking me about Gabriel. Specific things that people who didn’t know your brother wouldn’t be able to guess at. He was looking for confirmation about their accuracy.”
I join Dante at the railing. “Did you give him the answers he sought?”
“No.” He glances at me. “I wouldn’t until he told me why he wanted to know. So he went to Uri.”
“I shared what I knew, which wasn’t much.” Uri responds before I can ask how he handled Xander’s questions. “The Winchester pack and the Alexander pride are close. There is no reason to suspect Xander wanted the information for anything sinister.”
“I agree, but I have the right to know if there’re any new leads in Gabriel’s case. I’m next in line to be alpha.” And it’s a role I don’t want to assume. Doing so means I’ve lost my pack. My gaze strays to the house. Except for one innocent member.
“Then talk to Xander.” Uri crosses his arms over his chest. “We have nothing else to add to your quest.”
“Set up a meeting.” I turn my head and stare at Dante. “Immediately.”
“After you meet with Eli.”
The hard expression acts as a line in the sand. Dante won’t back down from this point. I know why too. He’s afraid for Eli. I want to push my own demands on Dante, but brute force isn’t the only way to win. Holding the life of Xander’s beloved younger brother and Dante’s friend in my hands might be the best motive to secure information for saving my only brother.
“Agreed. Set it up.” I glance at where Uri’s watching us with a contemplative glare. “You need to get me into the Shifter Affairs building. I want to know everything Ella does about those humans who died in my kitchen.”
Uri dips his chin. “Ezra will stay and guard Sara and your nephew until you return, and I’ll call for a human agent to watch from the street.”
Although I’d rather stay, I can’t and still eliminate the threats to the innocents relying on me for their well-being. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Uri pulls out his cell and taps the screen. He walks toward the stairs. “But you can break the news to my twin. I’m not going back in there to deal with his wrath.”
It’s not something I want to deal with either, but neither is adjusting my life to fit a true mate and a baby into it. Because the only way I see it working is if I turn my back on the life I’ve lived for thousands of years. While I can, I don’t know how to live any other life.
Eyes closed, I let the concern slip away on my exhaled breath. Sara will lead me out of the darkness. Of that I have no doubt.