Ilan’s voice draws me from sleep. My eyes open, and my gaze zeroes in on the baby monitor. The newborn’s murmurs greet me as the light flashes on the small box. I fling the blanket off my naked body and turn to Ilan. Wrinkled sheets mark the spot where he’d slept.
The baby’s annoyed cry pierces the room along with Ilan’s shushing sound and his whispered complaint that they were going to wake me.
My cheeks ache from my huge smile. I get out of bed and grab the short robe off the hook on the closet door, then make my way to the darkened living room. The splash of light from the kitchen illuminates part of the room, enough for me to see the dangerous predator who claimed me, body and soul, covered in baby powder and kneeling next to the sofa.
Ilan’s hand stills midair with a diaper clutched in his fingers. He glances over his shoulder. Then grins. “Hey, little mate. Go back to bed. I’ve got this.”
My heart turns over, and my shaky exhale leaves me gripping the doorframe to support my weakened legs. I’ve never seen a more beautiful and sexy man. The dusting of baby powder in the stubble of his beard and over his bare chest adds to his raw masculinity. I want to worship him as he did for me. Every inch of my body aches for his touch and the wicked things he can do with his mouth. A punch of desire hits, warming my body and leaving me eager for our next round of loving. Now’s not the time for indulging in such things. Reality looms over us, along with a heaping number of unanswered questions.
Pushing the lustful thoughts away, I step into the room and turn on the small table light. With the room brightened, the full scene of what I slept through is clear. The dirty diaper, half a pack of used wipes in a pile, an upturned bottle amidst a pile of baby powder, and dozens of clean, folded diapers spilling from the tossed package in the middle of the floor paint the battle scene Ilan waded through so I could sleep.
“Are you sure?” I sweep my gaze across the room before looking into Ilan’s face. “It looks like a bomb went off in here.”
“I never changed a diaper before.” Ilan shrugs, then turns his attention to the newborn on the cushion in front of him. Wriggling arms and legs, along with the baby’s happy sounds over being naked, let me know at least one of them is enjoying the new experience.
“Really?” My teasing tone matches the smile I can’t hide. My assassin lover is adorable. Seeing Ilan like this makes me question the stark picture Ezra painted of Ilan and reinforces the image I’ve conjured of him, a gruff hero who’d be decorated if he’d been in the human military. And I really hope my version is correct. “I never would’ve guessed.”
“My mate’s a comedian. Wonderful.” Ilan’s dry tone widens my smile.
“Do you want me to take over?”
“No. I’ve got this.” Ilan captures the baby’s wiggling legs and slides the front side of the diaper under his bottom.
“Okay, then.” With my hand over my mouth to hide my amusement, I wait for Ilan’s diaper failure to play out.
He draws the backside of the diaper between the baby’s legs, then stills with his fingers at the top edge of the diaper. A muttered curse marks the moment I’ve been waiting for. I bite my lip to stop my laugh as Ilan yanks the diaper from under the baby’s bottom. The newborn makes another happy sound and smacks his arms and legs against the cushion.
Chuckling, Ilan leans close to the newborn’s face. “You know, kid, you don’t have to laugh at me too.”
I move behind Ilan and skim my hand over his wide shoulders. “Getting a baby to laugh is a good skill to have once he starts teething.”
Ilan looks up at me, locking his orange-eyed gaze to mine. I’m not sure when he lost those contacts, but I’m glad. This wildness he holds inside defines my lover…my mate. I want to experience this side of him whenever we’re alone. “Must be my face, then. Peyton and Rey always laughed when they saw me too.”
“Oh.” I lean over Ilan’s shoulder and slip the diaper under the baby’s bottom, freeing the flaps so they’ll attach to the front. “I didn’t realize you spent time over at Mya’s place. I never saw you there, and I spent a lot of time babysitting them.”
Ilan grasps my hand, stopping me from attaching the diaper. He rubs his thumb over my wrist. “Yes, I spent a lot of time with Mya’s girls. I just made sure to do so when you weren’t around. Shifter kids need to be around strong males at this age. It calms them, letting them develop more quickly and honing their instincts. Since Mya’s breeding partner didn’t fill that role, I did.”
Todd. I know that’s who Ilan’s referring to even if the term “breeding partner” isn’t one I understand. The loser who’d knocked up Mya, then kept messing with her head and her emotions is one man I was happy to see leave this world. “I’m not one to talk ill of the dead, but Todd dying was the best thing that ever happened to Mya and her girls.”
Ilan releases me and finishes putting on the diaper. He drags his finger down the baby’s arm to his hand. The little boy grips Ilan’s finger and stares into his face, transfixed by whatever is there in Ilan’s eyes. Standing behind him, I can’t see his expression.
“If it wasn’t specifically forbidden in the agreement I signed, Todd Silverman would’ve died by my hands long before his daughters ever saw the light of day.” Although Ilan’s voice is low and devoid of emotion, a chill runs down my spine.
“What agreement?” I know without being told I’m not going to like Ilan’s answer. My gut is churning already.
“The one that allowed death to pass over Mya, saving not only her life but those of Peyton, Rey, and the unborn babies she’s carrying now.”
The baby draws Ilan’s finger to his mouth and sucks on his knuckle. I recognize the sign. Ilan’s nephew is hungry. I should get a bottle warming. Instead, I push against Ilan’s shoulder until he turns slightly and meets my gaze. Nothing shows in his expression. The warmth he’d held moments ago, gone. “By death you mean you spared Mya’s life, don’t you?”
Ilan lifts his nephew into his arms, cradling him against his chest, and faces me. “I am death.”
Standing in front of my kneeling lover, I focus on my breathing. My flaring nostrils betray the wealth of emotions choking me. I push the negative ones away and focus on the man before me. Protector, lover, the other half of my soul, and… “Assassin. You’re an assassin, an angel of death. Ezra told me.”
Ilan glances toward the door to the first floor. “Did he now? What else did he say?”
“That angels of death are revered, treated as royalty.”
“At one point, we were revered.” Ilan caresses the baby’s cheek. “Not so much anymore. We’re considered aberrations, something that should be eliminated and never spoken of again.”
I stare at Ilan for a long time before my shoulders slump. The question I don’t want to ask but can’t ignore needs to be voiced. “You were sent here to kill Mya, weren’t you?”
Ilan pushes to his feet in a lithe move, the muscles in his chest and calves showcasing the strength he holds within him. Without answering me, he makes his way to the kitchen and pulls one of the prepared bottles from the refrigerator, then turns on the hot water. Steamy water flows from the tap after a moment.
I take the bottle from him, drop it in a cup of hot water, then face Ilan. Both man and baby are watching me with an intensity I want to wither under. I square my shoulders and focus on Ilan’s face. “Well? Aren’t you going to answer me?”
“Yes.” Ilan motions to me. “But you saved her.”
“Me?” While I’m glad I saved my friend’s life, I can’t imagine what it was I did. “What did I do?”
“Do you remember when we met?”
“Yes.” I swallow hard. “You came in looking for an application. One look at you and I knew you’d be applying for one of the bouncer positions.”
Brow raised, he studies me. “Did you?”
A smile tugs at my lips despite the reason we’re revisiting this memory. “You fit the image of a tough guy with your dark clothes, sunglasses, and confident stance. I felt at ease the moment your gaze landed on me, as if your very presence was enough to bring me peace.” Mya, on the other hand, had slunk behind me. If I hadn’t been holding her hand, she might’ve run.
Ilan’s hungry gaze maps the length of my body before meeting my eyes. “You were wearing a tight half shirt and shorts that barely covered your bottom.”
I smirk. “The old dress code at the Black Widow was a lot different from the one in place today.”
“Josh changed many things that first year he owned the bar.”
All for the better too. “Including hiring bouncers.”
“I’m lucky there was an opening. I needed a reason to stay close to Mya.” Ilan dips his chin and focuses on me from behind his lashes. “Part of the agreement, not because I wanted to spend time with her.”
I never got any vibe from either of them they were attracted to one another. “You became friends.”
Ilan shrugs and glances at the little boy in his arms. “She needed one, and her girls needed a shifter male in their lives. I filled both roles while guaranteeing another angel of death wouldn’t be sent out to end Mya’s life.”
“Why?” I leave the question open-ended. There are many things I’d like to ask. I’d rather hear the answers Ilan’s willing to share. On one hand, this conversation is disturbing knowing my lover…my mate…had been sent here to kill my friend. On the other hand, Ilan’s confession that he remained in this town, a part of Mya’s life, in order to protect her upholds the picture I’ve painted of Ilan. He’s a hero, if not a slightly wicked and dark one.
“Because of you.”
He already implied this but never finished telling me why. “Because of me?”
Ilan steps closer to me while the baby he’s holding turns his head and slobbers on Ilan’s chest. “My wolves recognized you as our true mate the moment I saw you. I didn’t believe them. That’s why I disturbed the two of you. It wasn’t to get an application, though the open bouncer position did come in handy. I wanted to talk to you. Look into your eyes. Confirm what my wolves insisted. That we’d found our heaven.”
The anger returns. I tamp it down, refusing to allow bitterness to ruin this moment. Ilan’s talking to me, sharing intimate details about his motives and leading me to only one conclusion. “I’m the reason you didn’t kill Mya.”
Ilan dips his chin once. “You were crying. Mya was crying. There was no way I’d be able to complete my task. The two of you triggered my protective instincts.”
“I stopped crying after you left and was able to get through to Mya. She was talking about killing herself, saying Todd dirtied her. That he ruined her and stole her future. Made it so she’d never be happy.”
“And I collected the evidence from her parents’ house proving Mya didn’t deserve the death sentence handed out to her. The only condition was I remain close to her, ensuring she didn’t betray our species’ secret.”
The baby lets out a wail, his patience gone. I grab the bottle from the lukewarm water and mix the formula, then shake several droplets on my wrist, testing the temperature.
Ilan’s holding the crying baby out to me when I turn. Shaking my head, I point to the living room with the bottle. “You’re feeding the baby. I need to clean up the mess you made.”
“I don’t know how to feed a baby.”
“You didn’t know how to change a diaper either, but you managed just fine.” Even if he left disaster in his wake. “You got this too.”
With a smile on my face, I pat Ilan’s arm, then turn my back on him and head to the living room. Ilan follows me. I don’t need to turn around to see. I feel him, like a familiar shadow, my own personal guardian angel.
He snags my hand as I set the bottle on the end table. “I didn’t expect to like you, Sara, but I do. I like you.” The intensity in his gaze deepens. “As a person. You understand?”
I roll my eyes to hide how much his surprised and somewhat shocked tone warms me. The assassin who’s claimed me, who believes love is a lie, likes me. If he wasn’t looking at me so intently, I’d fist pump the air and do a happy dance. As it is, I can’t stop my smile.
“Considering I’m your true mate and will be spending eternity with you, I’m glad.” I tense as another thought surfaces. “I am going to spend eternity with you, right? Because that would really suck if I learn I have an immortal true mate and I only get to enjoy you for a few decades.”
Ilan traces my cheek with the back of his hand. “We don’t have forever yet, but we will. Soon, my little mate. Soon.”
I touch my cheek as he settles on the recliner. My skin tingles, and the craving for his touch builds. This isn’t the time for it, though. There’s one more question left to ask.
Once Ilan’s seated, I adjust the baby in his arms, test the formula temperature one more time, then brush the nipple against the newborn’s lips. He latches on, and I motion to the bottle with a jerk of my chin. “Hold the bottle, just like this. Don’t push the nipple into his mouth and don’t let him suck on air. Tip the bottle so formula fills the nipple. Got it?”
Ilan nods, then grips the bottle, holding it more firmly than necessary, but I don’t correct him. Seeing this strong man—this deadly assassin—caring for his nephew is a beautiful sight. I sneak covetous glances at the man I’ve always felt belonged to me and set to work cleaning the room.
After the last folded diaper is stacked in the corner of the couch for easy access, I turn to Ilan. “See? You’re a natural. If I didn’t know better, I’d assume you’ve taken care of lots of babies.”
Ilan studies the newborn he’s holding. “I never thought I’d be holding my twin’s son or raising him as mine, but that’s this child’s fate. He’s stuck with me. My alpha is locked away somewhere, probably awaiting his death. When it comes, the fate of my pack will rest on my shoulders.”
Although Ilan delivers his statement without any hint of emotion, I ache for him. “You don’t have anyone else in your…your family?”
“My pack is my family. And no, none I know about. This kid’s it.”
No mention of Jarah. He might not be blood related, but the way Ezra spoke of him, Jarah is important to Ilan.
I hunch down in front of Ilan and study the nameless newborn, his eyes closed and formula dribbling from the corner of his mouth. “Then you should probably give your nephew a name so he knows he belongs here with us.”
“Soren.” Ilan eases the bottle from the baby’s mouth. “Soren Kane.”
“Soren is a beautiful name.” I raise my gaze to Ilan’s. “I bet your father will think so too. Jarah called here yesterday asking if you’d picked one yet.”