Chapter Eighteen

Anger radiated from her as he unlocked the passenger door and waited for her to get in. He wanted to laugh at her but knew it would only make her madder. Wisely, he choked it back and shut the door. All-righty then, this should be a fun morning, he thought as he rounded the hood.

Settling in the plush seat, the new vehicle scent wafted around her. The truck was big and roomy with a hard-shell top on the back. That would be good to put Katy’s present in to keep it dry. Okay. Maybe taking his truck would prove useful after all. Jess turned the key and immediately loud music blasted from the speakers.

“Sorry.” He turned the volume down.

Well, that was something else in his favor—he liked country music, and he liked it loud when by himself, so did she. Not that it mattered since this was the only time she’d ride in it.

“Nice truck,” she commented, keeping her tone neutral. “It still has that showroom-floor smell.”

“It’s fairly new. I got it just before you moved in. It was time. I kept the old one for emergencies and working around the place. The old one’s more than served its purpose.” A man-and-his-truck affection filled his voice. Looking both ways, he pulled onto the blacktopped road. There were still icy patches scattered here and there from their last snowfall and skidding on one of those patches was not in his plan. As the old saying goes, he’d been there, done that. He certainly did not want to crash with this passenger.

Raine observed his strong, capable hands controlling the large truck with practiced competence. She might itch to kick him to kingdom come but she felt safe with him behind the wheel. She could trust him with her life, but not her feelings, not after last night. But that didn’t stop her fantasizing having those hands touching her all over and the wanton images heated her so thoroughly she unbuttoned her coat. Cheeks burning, she averted her face. Glancing over, Jess caught the red creeping into her face and wondered what had caused it.

The silence remained thick until she spotted a trio of deer at the far edge of a field. “Oh . . . look!” she exclaimed, her aggravation momentarily forgotten. “Katy would love them.”

“She’d want one for a pet,” he laughed.

“You’re probably right. She already wants a baby cow, as she calls it.” Her throaty chuckle stirred a curl of longing within him that had him shifting in the seat and his own face reddening.

They entered the tiny village of Vail. Loving legends of old towns, Raine figured this one was fairly steeped to the waist in it. Even its name had her wondering who, or what, it had been named after—an early settler, the town in Colorado? She’d have to find the library and brush up on the local lore. On one side of the road sat the dilapidated remnants of the town’s former hotel. She bet it had been quite grand back in the day and her fertile imagination conjured up all sorts of ghostly people passing through its ornate doors. Presidents, public figures, even famous stage actors in all their glittery finery catching the attention of the local residents. And there’d have been out-laws, riverboat gamblers, maybe even mobsters. Off the beaten path, it would have made an excellent outlaw haven. Then the truck slid on an icy patch and reality returned in the form of the rundown building. What a shame it had fallen into such disrepair and left to ghosts. She sighed heavily, knowing she’d take the ghost of Jess with her when she left.

The melancholy sound drew his attention. Her pensive reflection had him wondering why she looked sad. Was she thinking of yesterday? He was. His shabby treatment at the stables and then of last night was constantly in his head. “Something wrong?”

“No, just thinking of ghosts.” She nodded at the vacant buildings they were passing, “Of letting go.” Her cryptic words sent an icy chill through him, making him consider his feelings for her. He didn’t want to let them go. If he did she’d forever haunt him.

When they eased into another sharp curve Raine was positive a cranky rattlesnake cut the path for this road, given its winding, twisting curves. As though reading her mind, he said. “Sometimes I wonder what it was like back in the days when this was probably nothing more than a rutted path. It must have been pretty rough going. Can you imagine riding a horse all the time or driving a wagon, or stage-coaches running through here carrying passengers, even payrolls, to the miners working in the lead mines.”

“Lead mines?” Raine looked at him, her curiosity piqued.

He looked at her, noting she looked tired, as though she’d spent a sleepless night. Was he the reason for it? She sure as hell was the reason for his.

“Mining’s been a mainstay for folks around here for years. It was a dirty job and in the past life expectancy was pretty short given how dangerous the mining conditions were. I’ve heard tales about more than one cave-in burying miners alive. I guess the methods have improved but no matter how it shakes, it’s still mining—it comes out of the earth in one way or another.”

At an intersection, they stopped in front of a rustic log cabin. Three stories high, it sprawled in ragamuffin grace across a snow-covered lawn. This morning plumes of smoke curled into the overcast sky from two chimneys and lights cast a cheery yellow glow behind lace curtains hanging in the paned windows. Several snowmen stood in various areas of the yard and two little boys bundled up against the cold were rolling in the snow. Even from inside the truck their shrieks of laughter could be heard. How wonderful it would be to raise a family in a sprawling old home like that with Jess.

The idea set her pulse racing as though she’d run the Boston Marathon and won. Then, a picture of him with the dark-haired woman flashed before her eyes and the fantasy crashed and burned. She was surprised he didn’t hear the explosion. Silly girl, you’re not the kind of woman he prefers. Give it up; accept you have no place in his life. Another woman stands with him behind that wall and three people don’t fit. Facing that reality made her decision to leave easier.

Attuned to her moods, something had just changed. Was it last night? He’d seen her reaction—betrayal, hurt, jealousy, then anger. The jealousy really got him. If she was still in love with her husband, why be jealous? And this chilly politeness was getting to him, too. He’d rather she tear into him than be coldly quiet. When he’d insisted on driving her, he’d expected her to fuss at him every mile of the trip. And, what would he have done if she’d called his bluff? Followed along behind her, that’s what he’d have done.

He marveled at his own change of heart. His vow to steer clear of her had lasted about as long as ice in hell. At first physical attraction had drawn him, then his heart had gotten involved and his no-ties motto bit the dust when the pesky little blond sitting beside him stormed his defenses, ruining all his best laid plans. But he’d done something stupid he had to fix. Sometimes he was his own worst enemy, he thought wryly.

Then his mind turned to another enemy—her husband. Maybe Belle was right. Maybe Raine was blowing smoke. Hadn’t he asked himself a thousand times how she could kiss him with so much passion if she loved another man? A sharp stab of anger ripped through him. Dammit! If she was jealous then she had to care for him. If not, she needed to hightail it back to her husband. But the seeds of doubt Belle had planted said she didn’t want her husband, especially after last night’s reaction to Belle. This possibility strengthened his determination to do whatever it took to make Raine his. This was a high-stakes game and he had no intention of losing, even if he had to play dirty and use whatever tactics it took. This game was his. Glancing at her left hand, his jaw clenched. The enemy’s gold wedding band was still on it. No way! There was no way in hell she could still be in love with the S.O.B. Taking a cleansing breath, he decided it was time to turn on the charm and get back in her good graces.

Making a pretense of looking at something on his side of the road, Raine saw the half-smile on his face. He’s thinking about the pretty brunette, she thought grumpily. Just then he looked her way and winked. Her eyes narrowed suspiciously; certain he was up to no good again. He was up to no good; she could feel it in the marrow of her bones.

Gazing out the windshield, she noted flurries speckling it. As long as it stayed light they could pick up Katy’s present and be back before the heavier snow set in. As long as Katy had that dollhouse on Christmas morning nothing else mattered. Not Jess, not her feelings for him, nothing. She sighed heavily.

Lost in thought, the betrayal on her face from last night remained in his head making him feel like a cheater. But he wasn’t and it was time to concentrate on winning over the love of his life. Happy in his decision, he relaxed—for about ten seconds then a new seed of doubt sprouted and once again he was tensing up. If he succeeded would he be her rebound? That idea made him ill. Great! Just great! The woman had him so twisted up if he wasn’t careful he’d be selling the farm and renting a room from Cooper and Belle. That idea made Jess shudder, not in revulsion, but in fear—of Belle. The woman was a force to be reckoned with. No doubt she’d be after her pound of flesh for last night.

Okay he decided, until she was free there’d be no more hot kisses and no more tantalizing caresses that left him yearning for more. Unbidden, the scene at the stable flashed through his mind. She’d been in his arms before he’d realized it and he’d shot straight to heaven but then reality broke through and he’d had to act fast. Despite his all-consuming need, he had to get her out. As far as he was concerned, if and when she came to him again, there would be no guilty shackles attached. If and when she was divorced from her husband, he’d be willing take all she offered; however no way in hell would he be a stand-in for that low-life wife-beater. No way was he a rebound for any woman, especially the one sitting beside him. He rather she be gone!

Glancing at her again, images of her hair fanned out in all its golden glory on his pillow made him shift again. This new resolve was already getting slipperier than a greased eel. Damn! Thank God for the length of his coat. That was all he needed—to have his hormones raging out of control. Clamping down on his wayward desire, a trace of humor surfaced; if he touched her she might bite him.

What were the odds they’d end up in the same restaurant, at the same time, and on the same night? And lord-a-mighty! That black dress had set his pulse racing. It’d clung in all the right places, hinting of the delicious curves beneath. A quick glance around the room had confirmed what Belle had astutely pointed out—he wasn’t the only male admiring the alluring beauty of Raine Andrews.

Overwhelming possessiveness shot through him. She was his woman and she was coming to him on his terms, she just didn’t realize it yet. And he was going to turn the charm on so high that soon he’d be charming those jeans off of her lovely body. He smiled when the southern part of his body throbbed in agreement.

Raine watched his sexy mouth tilt in a smile again. Nice to know someone’s happy, she groused before taking herself to task, just enjoy the few hours together and stick to safe subjects like the kids and Christmas. “How did you come up with the idea of using your home for the camp for kids?”

At least she’s not freezing me out anymore, he thought. “It was easy. I grew up in the system. I know first-hand what it’s like not to have anyone or anything. The rest of the year you can slide through but the holidays are the pits when there’s nothing special about them.” He glanced at her then back at the highway. “It’s especially hard for the older kids. The younger ones are the first to get placed but the older you get, well, there aren’t many families willing to take on older children. I suspect folks figure they’ve already picked up bad habits and don’t want to deal with them, especially if there are other children already in the home, leastways that was always my take on it.”

A lump lodged in her throat. Jess had been one of those older kids no one wanted? She’d just assumed he’d come from a loving home with brothers and sisters. It proved you should never assume anything. Uncannily his experiences mirrored hers. She also understood for she’d had her share of foster homes.

“If you’re lucky you get a family that’s willing to go through the whole rigamarole of adoption. Sometimes it takes years before it’s finally through the system. Then there are the foster families who’ll take in a whole passel of kids and treat them like second-rate citizens just for the money.” Slowing, he exited to the mall parking lot and found a parking space close to entrance.

“What about you?” She made no attempt to get out of the warm cab. She’d learned more about Jess in the last fifteen minutes than she had in the last eight weeks.

“No adoption.” He shook his head. “A few foster families, some good, some not so good. I probably gave them my fair share of fits. I stayed around the last one for about a month, until I turned sixteen,” that young, wet behind the ears kid seemed a long time ago, “then one night I got what few belongings I had together and the money I’d been saving from a part-time job and split in the middle of the night. I guess you could say I’ve pretty much been on my own since that night.”

It was said so matter-of-factly, as though an ordinary part of life. Her heart ached for that long gone little boy trapped in the system. “Where did you go when you left? What did you do?”

“I knocked around here and there then fell in with a group of pretty unsavory kids. We crashed wherever we could find a place to stay, did a few questionable things to put food in our bellies, change in our pockets, petty stuff.” He made a scoffing sound. “Then they did something really stupid. They robbed a gas station one night and got caught, and even though I wasn’t part of it I still got my ass arrested and hauled off to jail.” This was a subject he usually kept locked firmly away yet here he was telling her details about himself that only Cooper, Belle, and Cory knew. He stared out the windshield at the big fluffy flakes hitting it. When had the flurries changed to bigger flakes?

“What happened after you were arrested? Surely the police cleared you, let you go when they found out you didn’t rob the station?” Her blue eyes stared intently at him. Not for a second did she believe him capable of any crime.

“Eventually they did but they kept me locked up overnight. It was quite a wake-up call and the best thing that could have happened. It scared the hell out of me all right, made me realize I wanted more than to knock about life like I’d been doing for a year. Fortunately, when the police reviewed the surveillance tapes, there wasn’t a sign of me anywhere so they couldn’t charge me with anything.”

Raine continued studying him, unable to picture him robbing a gas station, or doing anything illegal, for that matter, but she wanted to hear him say again that he’d been innocent. “So, you really had nothing to do with the robbery?”

Meeting her steady gaze head-on, the silence thickened in the truck as he held her eyes. “What do you think?” The challenge was thrown out like a gauntlet. He wanted, no, needed to hear her say she believed in his innocence.

The honesty in her vivid blue eyes took his breath away. “I don’t believe you were involved. I don’t believe you’d ever do anything against the law.”

His pent-up breath hissed out. “Good, because I wasn’t anywhere near that gas station. While those idiots were hanging out getting into mischief I’d found a job slinging burgers. I was working when they robbed the station and didn’t have a clue what they’d done until later. It took a couple of days for the police to track the guys to our hang-out then they bided their time watching us come and go. When they made their move they arrested everyone, including me.” Jess recalled with great clarity how much he’d protested his innocence at the top of his lungs but the cops hadn’t believed him. In their eyes he’d been judged guilty simply by association.

“That was too close a call for me. I talked my boss into letting me live above the café and never saw that crew again. Of course, they ended up behind bars. I stayed there until just after my eighteenth birthday then one day I found myself standing in front of a recruiting office staring at a poster for the Marines. One minute I’m outside and the next I’m in joining up. I finished high school, got my engineering degree, and the rest is history. The Marines became my life. Now I have a good retirement, my own business, and I’d saved practically all my pay since I lived on base most of the time, except for the short I was married. And when I retired I had the property to come home to.”

He didn’t have to say it for her to know he was very proud of his accomplishments. And she was proud of him, too, wanted to tell him so but having no place in his life, didn’t. He had the dark-haired beauty to praise him.

The myriad of emotions flitting across her face were like butterflies fluttering over a field of wildflowers. Was she thinking of her own parents and how fortunate to have them? And why hadn’t she turned to them for help? Or was she thinking about her incarcerated scumbag of a husband? He had no idea how far off base he was.

“You know about my lack of family. What about you? Why aren’t your folks helping you through this mess with your husband?” Since they weren’t divorced he refused to say ex-husband.

Shadows turned her blue eyes even darker. This subject had molded her ideals for being a good mother. There was the slightest hesitation before she answered. “I . . . don’t know who my folks are, or where they live, or if they’re even alive. They left me on the steps of a church. Like you, I grew up in foster care and as soon as I could, I hit the road. Even though I didn’t have any bad experiences, I needed to prove to myself that I could make it on my own.”

Learning she hadn’t come from a loving family and that her experiences mirrored his own surprised him. He understood about making it on your own. Being his own man had been the driving force that had him enlisting in the Marines. The service had made him grow up, made a man out of him. And though he’d had some close calls, he’d survived and never once regretted his decision. He’d joined up a wet behind the ears kid and left it a man. The day he’d stepped out of that jail cell he’d vowed to make something of his life, to make a difference and he accomplished that with his years of service, his education, his security designs, and his camp for kids.

“No clue at all who they are?” He asked.

Raine shook her head. “I know I was left there along with one little suitcase filled with a few articles of baby clothes, a rag doll, and a birth certificate with the name Raine Elizabeth Danvers on it. The hospital where I was born was listed on it but nothing else. Actually, the birth certificate looks like a copy someone made up. I’m not even sure if it’s real, for that matter.” There was a pained look in her eyes. “The nuns figured I was about two days old. A night watchman making rounds found me.” Raine gave half a laugh, “I guess you’d say I was born that day. That’s the date I use for my birthday, anyway.”

Jess ached to comfort her. He couldn’t ever fathom abandoning his child. “Did you ever check hospitals’ birth records around the time you were born?”

“I did, but the place had been turned into medical offices. No records remained from when it was a hospital. Even after Addison and I got together, we tried. We went to other hospitals in the area but no one could tell us where the records were. I even went to the county courthouse but that didn’t help, either. Eventually I just gave up, told myself it was for the best. I figured if they didn’t want me then I didn’t want them.”

“Maybe they had good reasons for leaving you at the church. Maybe they couldn’t take care of themselves, let alone you.”

“Possibly, but that’s something I’ll never know.” And that was enough about her since he had that other woman. She turned the subject back on him. “I assume you don’t know why you ended up in foster care, either?”

“Oh, I know.” As whenever he thought of it, his heart turned sad. “My folks were killed in a car crash. I was with them but I survived. I was four, an only child with no relatives to take me in. I was literally left all alone.”

“I’m so sorry, Jess.” Impulsively, she touched his arm. They both had survived the hard knocks life had given them.

“Don’t be sorry for me, Raine. It’s not something I’d have ever dreamed of happening but I survived it just fine. It made me tougher.” He sounded tough, too.

There was no arguing about that, she thought, shaking her head. “I’m not sorry for you, the man you’ve become. I’m sorry for that little boy who had his whole world ripped to pieces. I can’t imagine Katy going through something like that.” Growing up in the foster system had instilled the greatest need to give her own child a stable, nurturing environment and she was doing just that despite Addison.

Something occurred to him, something so sickening his stomach curled painfully. Given the condition she’d been in when he’d first met her, she’d been in one hellacious fight for her life. So why still love the man? There was definitely more to her story and one of these days he’d get it out of her.

Feeling the intensity of his stare, she looked at him and saw the brooding look on his face. Obviously, something was seriously eating at him. She opened her mouth to inquire then thought better of it. He’s thinking of his girlfriend and comparing us and no way could she ever compete with her. Quit thinking those torturing thoughts or you’ll never get through today without totally breaking down.

Meeting her blue-eyed gaze, Jess saw the exact moment she shut down. Had she been reading his mind? Unconsciously, he shook his head. Raine misinterpreted that he preferred the other woman to her and her heart wilted. Opening the door, she slid into the blowing flurries. He didn’t see the tears she quickly blinked away.